Lurverlurver
@Lurverlurver
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 57 · Topics: 8
Should I risk getting hurt again?
We have now been together 8 months in total
What kind of major problems can a couple have in an 8 month time frame? You're supposed to be having fun not major problems.
Is this major problem about you or about him?
For example, lack of trust issue, feelings of neediness/desperation issue, mental/emotional/physical abuse issue, dependency issue, anger issue, lying & cheating issue, personality disorder issue, poor mental issue, sexual addiction issue, not working & pulling weight issue, health issue. Some or none of the above?
Basically more details have to be provided or you're most likely going to get a generic answer in return.
Is this major problem about you or about him?
For example, lack of trust issue, feelings of neediness/desperation issue, mental/emotional/physical abuse issue, dependency issue, anger issue, lying & cheating issue, personality disorder issue, poor mental issue, sexual addiction issue, not working & pulling weight issue, health issue. Some or none of the above?
Basically more details have to be provided or you're most likely going to get a generic answer in return.
First it was great, but I have two kids and he has two kids. He relocated to my house, but struggled being with my kids all the time when his were only around some. His kids do come a lot probably 3 times a week?
When the kids argued it was like his camp and my camp. We have different parental views. I think kids should go to bed early he likes his 7 year old son up till nearly ten at night.
His affection got less, I felt like I didn't know where I was with him. I could call myself a good communicator but he is a taurus and didn't really talk about stuff.
I started to resent him sitting on his arse after work when I had been working too. The more I nagged the further apart we became until we just stopped talking. I tried to talk and say we never make time for each other, with 4kids it's hard but we need to make time for us!
It got to an all time low, when we were eating tea he would sit on iPad eating and not speaking. On our 'date nights' he couldn't be arsed and when he did it felt so forced!
I basically think we lost each other......two passing ships in the night. I tried to communicate but the way I was doing it pushed him further away 😢
When the kids argued it was like his camp and my camp. We have different parental views. I think kids should go to bed early he likes his 7 year old son up till nearly ten at night.
His affection got less, I felt like I didn't know where I was with him. I could call myself a good communicator but he is a taurus and didn't really talk about stuff.
I started to resent him sitting on his arse after work when I had been working too. The more I nagged the further apart we became until we just stopped talking. I tried to talk and say we never make time for each other, with 4kids it's hard but we need to make time for us!
It got to an all time low, when we were eating tea he would sit on iPad eating and not speaking. On our 'date nights' he couldn't be arsed and when he did it felt so forced!
I basically think we lost each other......two passing ships in the night. I tried to communicate but the way I was doing it pushed him further away 😢
That may be the case tiziani, but we did. That was 6months ago, I can't change that now 😢
Well I wouldn't make that same mistake with someone again! Saying that I did fast forward and see things I wouldn't of seen.
There is a possibility of saving the relationship, just the withdrawal and silence hurt me SO much, I am not sure I can risk it.
Since he has been gone, there is a little trust issue as well so as much as I want to be with him, how much can you actually salvage?
There is a possibility of saving the relationship, just the withdrawal and silence hurt me SO much, I am not sure I can risk it.
Since he has been gone, there is a little trust issue as well so as much as I want to be with him, how much can you actually salvage?
There's always hope!!
Talk to him Saturday night and perhaps yall can kind of start over. You know start fresh. Let the past problems be the past.
Just date, have fun and build the friendship and the trust. Spend time without the kids just getting to know each other again.
If the relationship is right for both of you, it will work out. Have faith.
Talk to him Saturday night and perhaps yall can kind of start over. You know start fresh. Let the past problems be the past.
Just date, have fun and build the friendship and the trust. Spend time without the kids just getting to know each other again.
If the relationship is right for both of you, it will work out. Have faith.
Didn't he know your kids are a package deal? Why move in if he only wanted to be a part-time dad?
I agree that knowing this man for only 3 months then moving him into you and your kids sacred safe space--the home was a bad idea and not healthy for the kids to experience someone coming in and out of their lives.
For the most part the kids ruled the roust and basically ended things before it got started. So either you both get to a place were you set up rules for all 4 kids and be in agreement and align yourselves as ONE unit together no matter what so the kids won't run your relationship into the ground.
You're trying to salvage something with a stranger which is very hard to do. To salvage the relationship it would mean he'd have to change, change his parenting views, change his absent behavior and that's not easy for a Taurus b/c they can be beyond stubborn.
I'm not sure what's going in in your life that you'd move a complete stranger into the home, I dunno, having a stranger around the kids seems like more of a problem to me.
I agree that knowing this man for only 3 months then moving him into you and your kids sacred safe space--the home was a bad idea and not healthy for the kids to experience someone coming in and out of their lives.
For the most part the kids ruled the roust and basically ended things before it got started. So either you both get to a place were you set up rules for all 4 kids and be in agreement and align yourselves as ONE unit together no matter what so the kids won't run your relationship into the ground.
You're trying to salvage something with a stranger which is very hard to do. To salvage the relationship it would mean he'd have to change, change his parenting views, change his absent behavior and that's not easy for a Taurus b/c they can be beyond stubborn.
I'm not sure what's going in in your life that you'd move a complete stranger into the home, I dunno, having a stranger around the kids seems like more of a problem to me.
It's the first time he moved in with someone since his marriage broke down a couple of years ago. I am presuming he knew my kids were a package deal but it was difficult when it became reality.
It was a strange set up so to speak. He knew my kids before me, his children spent time with my kids through his brother and my best mate being together. They are the ones who hooked up up! It just all went so fast, he wanted to see me all the time, I didn't say no as I wanted to see him too. There was this massive connection between us. I was constantly smiling and happy and so was he. He was here every night anyway and I couldn't afford to pay for all the food and petrol going back and forth.
We just ultimately at that time anted to spend all our time with each other 😢 and yes if I knew then what I knew now it would of been different but I was in love and blinded
It was a strange set up so to speak. He knew my kids before me, his children spent time with my kids through his brother and my best mate being together. They are the ones who hooked up up! It just all went so fast, he wanted to see me all the time, I didn't say no as I wanted to see him too. There was this massive connection between us. I was constantly smiling and happy and so was he. He was here every night anyway and I couldn't afford to pay for all the food and petrol going back and forth.
We just ultimately at that time anted to spend all our time with each other 😢 and yes if I knew then what I knew now it would of been different but I was in love and blinded
You guys moved in with each other too soon
Had you guys not rushed & tried to skip the "getting to know you" process, the things you're noticing about him now would've been the things you would've had the chance to see before things even got to the serious point of moving in together.
And when you short-cut the "getting to know you" process, the relationship suffers. It suffers b/c w/o a foundation, there's no way to get through tough times. Had you guys went through these tough times a year or 2 down the road, perhaps you guys wouldn't be so quick to throw in the towel. But you have because there's no foundation or incentive to stay together.
Move on
Sounds like you guys are both too immature for the kind of passionate, fast-moving relationship that you signed up for
It doesn't matter whether or not he really likes you or not. The BIG PICTURE is that if he DOES truly like you, he's petty, immature, mean-spirited & isn't genuine for even trying to hurt you by telling you he doesn't.
And if he doesn't like you as much as he thought he would, it makes this situation even WORSE b/c then he'd become the kind of person that stays in a situation that he doesn't truly want to be in, thus just wasting your time AND his own.
The only chance of saving this is to downgrade to "friends." Probably won't happen b/c there are feelings & resentment involved, BUT if you guys can pull it off, then it may be worth starting over from scratch & not short-cutting things next time around =)
Had you guys not rushed & tried to skip the "getting to know you" process, the things you're noticing about him now would've been the things you would've had the chance to see before things even got to the serious point of moving in together.
And when you short-cut the "getting to know you" process, the relationship suffers. It suffers b/c w/o a foundation, there's no way to get through tough times. Had you guys went through these tough times a year or 2 down the road, perhaps you guys wouldn't be so quick to throw in the towel. But you have because there's no foundation or incentive to stay together.
Move on
Sounds like you guys are both too immature for the kind of passionate, fast-moving relationship that you signed up for
It doesn't matter whether or not he really likes you or not. The BIG PICTURE is that if he DOES truly like you, he's petty, immature, mean-spirited & isn't genuine for even trying to hurt you by telling you he doesn't.
And if he doesn't like you as much as he thought he would, it makes this situation even WORSE b/c then he'd become the kind of person that stays in a situation that he doesn't truly want to be in, thus just wasting your time AND his own.
The only chance of saving this is to downgrade to "friends." Probably won't happen b/c there are feelings & resentment involved, BUT if you guys can pull it off, then it may be worth starting over from scratch & not short-cutting things next time around =)
I completely get where your all coming from.
Since he left I have been so devastated and upset, I can't even think straight. It's been 9 days and I am just crying all day every day 😢
I have never felt like this about anyone before, but I have made my mistakes. It's going to be too hard to sort this out and I guess I just have to go through all this pain......
It will get better right? Lol It can't get much worse x
Since he left I have been so devastated and upset, I can't even think straight. It's been 9 days and I am just crying all day every day 😢
I have never felt like this about anyone before, but I have made my mistakes. It's going to be too hard to sort this out and I guess I just have to go through all this pain......
It will get better right? Lol It can't get much worse x
But you have to learn that if a man is rushing he's most likely NOT going to stay.
How old are you? 20's early 30's. You seem young and a bit naive to be honest but you can learn from this and avoid it with the next relationship.
Take your time. Don't hurry up to get it wrong. Be patient. Love takes patience. These kind of rapid romances never last, there are exceptions but most women are not the exception.
I've seen plenty of women do what you're doing and it takes her years to get over it.
It's a waste of life to be in relationship for a few months and stay stuck on a man way longer than you have to be. Some women stay attached to a man longer than the relationship lasted..
I agree 100% with what Krys said. There was no foundation laid to begin with b/c he was more in love with a fantasy/idea than he was in love with you so it was easy for him to turn neglectful and run.
You are better off without him. You have kids so you truly do have a reason to take your time. Don't be so desperate for love or you'll fall for any ole guy that appears to love you and the bad guys are good at pretending and mimicking love/in love type behavior.
9 days is enough! It's enough grieving. Don't allow yourself to be strung along. Don't do that to yourself. Love yourself MORE. Love yourself more than you love him and you'll be able to move on much quicker.
You don't realize this now but you dodged a bullet. This man has no boundaries for himself or his kids and he's shown you he can turn emotionally neglectful and verbally neglectful when pushed into a corner.
You can't allow your daughters to see you behave like a 14 year old over a man by falling apart over a man. What are they learning from you when you do that?
Stop being a sniveling little girl. Square up. Square them shoulders up. Get your ass up out of your pathetic needy state, hold your head high and get on with life.
Life keeps on turning with or without you so be thankful for what you have. You have your babies, good health and the possibilities are endless when it comes love & to creating a better life for yourself and your kids.
How old are you? 20's early 30's. You seem young and a bit naive to be honest but you can learn from this and avoid it with the next relationship.
Take your time. Don't hurry up to get it wrong. Be patient. Love takes patience. These kind of rapid romances never last, there are exceptions but most women are not the exception.
I've seen plenty of women do what you're doing and it takes her years to get over it.
It's a waste of life to be in relationship for a few months and stay stuck on a man way longer than you have to be. Some women stay attached to a man longer than the relationship lasted..
I agree 100% with what Krys said. There was no foundation laid to begin with b/c he was more in love with a fantasy/idea than he was in love with you so it was easy for him to turn neglectful and run.
You are better off without him. You have kids so you truly do have a reason to take your time. Don't be so desperate for love or you'll fall for any ole guy that appears to love you and the bad guys are good at pretending and mimicking love/in love type behavior.
9 days is enough! It's enough grieving. Don't allow yourself to be strung along. Don't do that to yourself. Love yourself MORE. Love yourself more than you love him and you'll be able to move on much quicker.
You don't realize this now but you dodged a bullet. This man has no boundaries for himself or his kids and he's shown you he can turn emotionally neglectful and verbally neglectful when pushed into a corner.
You can't allow your daughters to see you behave like a 14 year old over a man by falling apart over a man. What are they learning from you when you do that?
Stop being a sniveling little girl. Square up. Square them shoulders up. Get your ass up out of your pathetic needy state, hold your head high and get on with life.
Life keeps on turning with or without you so be thankful for what you have. You have your babies, good health and the possibilities are endless when it comes love & to creating a better life for yourself and your kids.
Posted by feby16aquaPosted by truecap
There's always hope!!
Talk to him Saturday night and perhaps yall can kind of start over. You know start fresh. Let the past problems be the past.
Just date, have fun and build the friendship and the trust. Spend time without the kids just getting to know each other again.
If the relationship is right for both of you, it will work out. Have faith.
yes!click to expand
This ^ 🙂
But please-- don't move in together for a long time.
The kids don't need to endure all of that, which I'm sure you know-- the grownups have to be a united front. 😉
Posted by Lurverlurver
I completely get where your all coming from.
Since he left I have been so devastated and upset, I can't even think straight. It's been 9 days and I am just crying all day every day 😢
I have never felt like this about anyone before, but I have made my mistakes. It's going to be too hard to sort this out and I guess I just have to go through all this pain......
It will get better right? Lol It can't get much worse x
Oh it's gonna hurt!! Breakups always do! So in that regard, you are not alone honey.
I know it's hard but yes try to endure all of the emotions you are experiencing. Why? B/c you need to in order to properly heal (as opposed to running/suppressing your feelings & just prolonging the process) & 2. B/c all this devastation you're feeling now will be a reminder of why NOT to go back!
When you feel yourself slipping & wanting to go back, remember all that you're going through now. I'm sure you wouldn't wish this feeling on your worst enemy, let alone yourself in the future!
You will def. go through this all over again though if you take him back & prematurely jump back into the relationship
Posted by Lurverlurver
My fella and I had been together 3 months (obviously the lust stage) when we moved in together. We have been bickering a lot and recently he mo ed out last Thursday?
The pain we had got to was an all time low and in the last week I have been devastated.
He said originally he didn't like me anymore. I wasn't a person he liked. He ignored me. Then he spoke to me and said he would ring back. Then he ignored me again. Then a few days I texted him and he responded but wasn't positive.
Yesterday I had an emergency leak, I tried everyone I knew and no one could come. So I texted and asked if he knew anyone. He offered to fix it-so he called and he did.he needs to replace a part. He mentioned getting together on sat to talk about us. (Oh and he mentioned he still likes me?)
Any how, today I feel different. I feel like we have some major problems we have no hope of sorting them out 😢 I do still really like him and fancy him like mad but deep down he has really hurt me and I am scared to possibly go through all that again?
Please help!
You kept trying to contact him after he moved out and told you he was a person he did not like you? And just because he wants to have the talk and says he likes you again, doesn't mean he wants to get back together.
*he told you you were a person he did not like
Aww I would just like to thank everyone for being so nice and supportive.
I have taken on board what everyone has said, and have and still continuing to learn.
We had the talk, and he wants to get back together and date and take it slowly. In fact he has pointed out he wouldn't be ale to make any commitment for the next 5 years due to him feeling like he needs to be near his kids every day, even on the days he doesn't see them. He is a taurus and he admitted to withdrawing and being unhappy due to moving away from them.
I don't want him to move back in, but after the way he has treated me and made me feel, I can't pretend that none of this has happened, stipulating 5 years is a bit extreme. I would be more than happy to date and see where it went but to make this point to me, makes me feel as though I would have to accept.
I do feel peace now, due to every ones support on here. No man is worth the amount of tears and destruction he has caused and if he truly loved me he would of shown some remorse. Everything came out, including admitting texting his ex and deleting them, and I am so glad we actually talked about the issues.
But I feel in a better place mentally and have even started eating!
You guys are the best!
I have taken on board what everyone has said, and have and still continuing to learn.
We had the talk, and he wants to get back together and date and take it slowly. In fact he has pointed out he wouldn't be ale to make any commitment for the next 5 years due to him feeling like he needs to be near his kids every day, even on the days he doesn't see them. He is a taurus and he admitted to withdrawing and being unhappy due to moving away from them.
I don't want him to move back in, but after the way he has treated me and made me feel, I can't pretend that none of this has happened, stipulating 5 years is a bit extreme. I would be more than happy to date and see where it went but to make this point to me, makes me feel as though I would have to accept.
I do feel peace now, due to every ones support on here. No man is worth the amount of tears and destruction he has caused and if he truly loved me he would of shown some remorse. Everything came out, including admitting texting his ex and deleting them, and I am so glad we actually talked about the issues.
But I feel in a better place mentally and have even started eating!
You guys are the best!
Oh wow
If a man can't juggle having a family with having a partner, you're right, he's not good enough for you nor is he really ever going to commit
This guy has said n so many words that it'd be best if you ran like hell!!
If you stay & continue sleeping with him, giving him your feelings, giving him your time & draining/killing yourself trying to make something toxic work, trust me, he WON'T turn those benefits down. It's like expecting a criminal not to take $ 200,000 that's within his access. Only a fool would believe that he wouldn't take it
Just b/c someone takes something from you doesn't mean they've earned it or deserve it. Doesn't mean the love you. Just means that they are a "taker."
There's nothing wrong with being a "taker" as long as you're balanced enough to be just as much a "giver." And this guy has already told AND shown you that he will not "give" you anything that you need, deserve & want.
That's why it's up to YOU to put a stop to this.
This kind of situation is why they say, "You teach people how to treat you."
If you accept his crap now, don't be somewhere looking sad & feeling used when it all crumbles down. You've gotta take responsibility in this too. It's YOUR job to run from something toxic the second you realize it's toxic. And from the sound of things, running is exactly what you're gonna do! So I say good for you!!!
Good luck honey
If a man can't juggle having a family with having a partner, you're right, he's not good enough for you nor is he really ever going to commit
This guy has said n so many words that it'd be best if you ran like hell!!
If you stay & continue sleeping with him, giving him your feelings, giving him your time & draining/killing yourself trying to make something toxic work, trust me, he WON'T turn those benefits down. It's like expecting a criminal not to take $ 200,000 that's within his access. Only a fool would believe that he wouldn't take it
Just b/c someone takes something from you doesn't mean they've earned it or deserve it. Doesn't mean the love you. Just means that they are a "taker."
There's nothing wrong with being a "taker" as long as you're balanced enough to be just as much a "giver." And this guy has already told AND shown you that he will not "give" you anything that you need, deserve & want.
That's why it's up to YOU to put a stop to this.
This kind of situation is why they say, "You teach people how to treat you."
If you accept his crap now, don't be somewhere looking sad & feeling used when it all crumbles down. You've gotta take responsibility in this too. It's YOUR job to run from something toxic the second you realize it's toxic. And from the sound of things, running is exactly what you're gonna do! So I say good for you!!!
Good luck honey
Posted by krysrenee7
Oh wow
If a man can't juggle having a family with having a partner, you're right, he's not good enough for you nor is he really ever going to commit
This guy has said n so many words that it'd be best if you ran like hell!!
If you stay & continue sleeping with him, giving him your feelings, giving him your time & draining/killing yourself trying to make something toxic work, trust me, he WON'T turn those benefits down. It's like expecting a criminal not to take $ 200,000 that's within his access. Only a fool would believe that he wouldn't take it
Just b/c someone takes something from you doesn't mean they've earned it or deserve it. Doesn't mean the love you. Just means that they are a "taker."
There's nothing wrong with being a "taker" as long as you're balanced enough to be just as much a "giver." And this guy has already told AND shown you that he will not "give" you anything that you need, deserve & want.
That's why it's up to YOU to put a stop to this.
This kind of situation is why they say, "You teach people how to treat you."
If you accept his crap now, don't be somewhere looking sad & feeling used when it all crumbles down. You've gotta take responsibility in this too. It's YOUR job to run from something toxic the second you realize it's toxic. And from the sound of things, running is exactly what you're gonna do! So I say good for you!!!
Good luck honey
Krysrenee7
You are so right!
I have been in a complete mess since this all kicked off. Crying so hard I have been sick and unable to breathe. Being ignored and not being replied to.
If he can't deal with having kids and a relationship together I know I do deserve so much better as when I love, I love with ALL my heart, and that's why I am so broken.
My worlds just crumbled around me 😢
Thanks for being so supportive during this sad time!
Posted by truecap
There's always hope!!
Talk to him Saturday night and perhaps yall can kind of start over. You know start fresh. Let the past problems be the past.
Just date, have fun and build the friendship and the trust. Spend time without the kids just getting to know each other again.
If the relationship is right for both of you, it will work out. Have faith.
I don't believe this is possible. People try, but, it never works before there is no starting over .... once bad history has been established.
there is no such thing as .. The Way We Were ... there will always be that voice in the back of your mind warning you.
You are what you think.
You must be constantly thinking about it, because here you are in a forum with strangers talking about it, wanting people to talk about it, so you can relish in it.
Why women love to suffer is beyond me, and I thank my lucky stars every fucking day for being a Pisces, which inherently gives me the strength and wisdom to know that I am what I think.
Your suffering is by choice ... you are choosing to carry it, to hold it, so you can rejoice in the pain of it .... because if you really didn't want to hurt, you'd let it go.
The problem that 99% of females face is that they are focused on time, rather than quality.
It doesn't matter if two people love for 5 hours, 5 years or 5 decades ... what matters is that you take to heart the quality of this love that was shared ... then step the fuck away when it's finished to let it pass. And you're suppose to do this so that when you part, your memories are of fondness for each other rather than resentment.
Seriously, people are so fucked up and they don't even know it .... they really have no clue what energy is all about. They think that if they love to a bitter end, then it's positive and beauty.
It's not ..... to a bitter end, is fucked .. not good.
Put in your mind, cement in your memory the good times, the love shared .... then step the fuck away and let it pass.
Posted by Lurverlurver
..... I know I do deserve so much better as when I love, I love with ALL my heart, and that's why I am so broken.
My worlds just crumbled around me 😢
Thanks for being so supportive during this sad time!
You're so twisted ... but, you're not alone, there are millions of you out there.
1. You had love, so there is no better if you took into consider what you had. There is no loss of that, you still fucking had it. You CHOOSE to not think about how much love you had, rather you are CHOOSING to think about you not having it, when you did have it.
You twist your mind up ..... because you want quantity rather than quality.
2. You're not broken because you love with all your heart .. you're broken because you have no clue that you're taking positive energy and twisting it into negative energy due to resentments. Loving with all your heart doesn't cause a person to be broken .... forgetting this love, and only THINKING about pain is what broke you.
You are what you think .... always. And here's a perfect example. You had such a love that you two couldn't get enough of each other, your hearts were entangled the love was so present. But, instead of thinking about that so that you have amazing memories to look back on when you view your life .... you're holding not only holding onto pain .. you've come here so you can enjoy it with other people as they talk about it for you.
3. your world crumbling is due to you seeking pity rather than emotional and mental fortitude. There is a whole world out there .... but, here you are soaking up woe for yourself.
4. I'd rather clean a dirty toilet then support a person during a sad time, when this sadness is self inflicted.
You don't have to be sad .. you choose to be. And I won't support that, ever. Others will, they will come in by the droves to enable a person .. I won't.
You had love, it's finished .... so step the fuck away, and let everyone involved live.
+1 Krys!
I'm so happy to hear you are doing so much better.
It's up to you continue dating this man but as Krys said if he can't juggle a relationship and his own kids then he's not ready and I believe he's not ready because he desires to get back with his ex.
Don't believe the excuses he's laid before you. If he was communicating with his ex and hiding it then what else can he be hiding from you? Clearly he is still in love with his ex, open to fixing it with his ex and that's not fair to you.
It's down right disrespect for him share a home with you and communicate with his ex intimately.
That 5 years stipulation is bullshit. Don't allow him to string you along. As Krys pointed out, you too have to take responsibility for what you accept from a man.
At the end of the day it truly is your choice but if I were you (I'm not you but if I were you) I'd pass on dating him b/c I can do better.
Why wait 5 years when you most likely can meet a man that is not going to string you along that long.
Only YOU KNOW what YOU DESERVE. If you accept this man in your life under those crappy terms you are saying to yourself that you are not worth it. You are not worth having a man that will support and love you now not 5 years from now.
Think about what you are accepting carefully because if you take so little from him the outcome will be loss of respect for you and once that happens neglect ensues be it emotional and/or mental or both.
He know you deserve more than what he's offering but he's like a lot of men out there. They will not put there best offer on the table if they think they can get away with giving you less.
That's a crappy deal and unless he can do better you'd better think about passing on that pitiful 5 year offer.
I'm so happy to hear you are doing so much better.
It's up to you continue dating this man but as Krys said if he can't juggle a relationship and his own kids then he's not ready and I believe he's not ready because he desires to get back with his ex.
Don't believe the excuses he's laid before you. If he was communicating with his ex and hiding it then what else can he be hiding from you? Clearly he is still in love with his ex, open to fixing it with his ex and that's not fair to you.
It's down right disrespect for him share a home with you and communicate with his ex intimately.
That 5 years stipulation is bullshit. Don't allow him to string you along. As Krys pointed out, you too have to take responsibility for what you accept from a man.
At the end of the day it truly is your choice but if I were you (I'm not you but if I were you) I'd pass on dating him b/c I can do better.
Why wait 5 years when you most likely can meet a man that is not going to string you along that long.
Only YOU KNOW what YOU DESERVE. If you accept this man in your life under those crappy terms you are saying to yourself that you are not worth it. You are not worth having a man that will support and love you now not 5 years from now.
Think about what you are accepting carefully because if you take so little from him the outcome will be loss of respect for you and once that happens neglect ensues be it emotional and/or mental or both.
He know you deserve more than what he's offering but he's like a lot of men out there. They will not put there best offer on the table if they think they can get away with giving you less.
That's a crappy deal and unless he can do better you'd better think about passing on that pitiful 5 year offer.
+ 1 +1 +1 +1 LOL
Even had she done everything right, or was his perception of the "perfect woman," it wouldn't matter. The results would still be the same
Why? B/c he has an emotional attachment to someone else. When someone else has their heart, there is nothing you can do. That's not a competition you'll ever win, nor should fighting for someone who won't fight for you, even a fight/competition you should sign up for in the 1st place.
And although I doubt him & his ex will work, I think that as a woman you oughta respect another woman enough to step out of her territory once you realize his heart was her home from the beginning.
You'd want the same if you were his girlfriend or ex; you'd expect him to cut off ties with women he has no true respect or love for. And you'd expect other women to stop knocking on the door & trying to get access to a man who is taken, even if he's technically and only taken emotionally.
If you were on the other side of this situation, you'd want that respect, so give his ex that. Let their relationship fail b/c 1 of THEM messed it up. As for you, don't ever ignorantly allow yourself to be a piece of the bomb that makes someone else's home/foundation collapse
Don't tell this man that you deserve better. He already knows that. SHOW him that you deserve better. If you believe you can do better, let your actions speak louder than your words. Let your actions of moving on overcome your hurt feelings in the moment
I don't think you realize that this guy just did you a huge FAVOR!
This man isn't rejecting you b/c you're not beautiful or not worth it. He's rejecting you b/c of his OWN short-comings. That's why it's important that you not take this situation so personal that it ends up affecting your self-esteem. NEVER lose sleep over someone else's problems/flaws.
Come on ladies, we have got to do better!
Even had she done everything right, or was his perception of the "perfect woman," it wouldn't matter. The results would still be the same
Why? B/c he has an emotional attachment to someone else. When someone else has their heart, there is nothing you can do. That's not a competition you'll ever win, nor should fighting for someone who won't fight for you, even a fight/competition you should sign up for in the 1st place.
And although I doubt him & his ex will work, I think that as a woman you oughta respect another woman enough to step out of her territory once you realize his heart was her home from the beginning.
You'd want the same if you were his girlfriend or ex; you'd expect him to cut off ties with women he has no true respect or love for. And you'd expect other women to stop knocking on the door & trying to get access to a man who is taken, even if he's technically and only taken emotionally.
If you were on the other side of this situation, you'd want that respect, so give his ex that. Let their relationship fail b/c 1 of THEM messed it up. As for you, don't ever ignorantly allow yourself to be a piece of the bomb that makes someone else's home/foundation collapse
Don't tell this man that you deserve better. He already knows that. SHOW him that you deserve better. If you believe you can do better, let your actions speak louder than your words. Let your actions of moving on overcome your hurt feelings in the moment
I don't think you realize that this guy just did you a huge FAVOR!
This man isn't rejecting you b/c you're not beautiful or not worth it. He's rejecting you b/c of his OWN short-comings. That's why it's important that you not take this situation so personal that it ends up affecting your self-esteem. NEVER lose sleep over someone else's problems/flaws.
Come on ladies, we have got to do better!
He kind of said that she text him to see if he would do a job as a foreigner. He texted back saying no sorry I'm not doing them. But he deleted all texts on purpose, and he freely admitted that. The lady in question was only dating a month or two and she blanked him-which is why the ended. Who knows if there's still feelings there or what gone on as they work at the same place.
Then he met me and moved in, and the rest is history.
I have texted him before stating I was fine until I saw him and that when we made out it obviously didn't mean a thing, and that I was sorry but I was done with this, and I am moving on and not going to let him fuck my head up. All I wanted was for him to show me something, anything and to flight for what we had as it meant so much to me. But this morning you were shut down-like a different person all over again and I just can't do this when I am putting myself on line for you. I love u, a part of me will always love u, and I wish u all the best for your future. All I want is your happiness genuinely. Goodbye
I don't feel as upset or angry anymore I just letting go. Whatever it was, it was but its not there anymore.
He has hurt me so much with actions and words its not healthy for me and I realise that-it helps to talk ladies!
I ain't perfect my any means but I can and will do so much better!
Then he met me and moved in, and the rest is history.
I have texted him before stating I was fine until I saw him and that when we made out it obviously didn't mean a thing, and that I was sorry but I was done with this, and I am moving on and not going to let him fuck my head up. All I wanted was for him to show me something, anything and to flight for what we had as it meant so much to me. But this morning you were shut down-like a different person all over again and I just can't do this when I am putting myself on line for you. I love u, a part of me will always love u, and I wish u all the best for your future. All I want is your happiness genuinely. Goodbye
I don't feel as upset or angry anymore I just letting go. Whatever it was, it was but its not there anymore.
He has hurt me so much with actions and words its not healthy for me and I realise that-it helps to talk ladies!
I ain't perfect my any means but I can and will do so much better!
I gotta wonder what kind of issues that you have going on with that esteem that you were willing to be one of those moms and let the man of the week move in so fast and not think about how it would affect her children? To top it off, you're THIS upset despite some major red flags early on?
Sounds like two very emotionally needy individuals jumped in with no regard to anyone or anything and now are both suffering the consequences of behaving like two horny teenagers. ...except you're adults and have kids and should know better.
I will never understand women who put their kids' well being on a balance for the sake of some dick. It's pretty selfish.
Sounds like two very emotionally needy individuals jumped in with no regard to anyone or anything and now are both suffering the consequences of behaving like two horny teenagers. ...except you're adults and have kids and should know better.
I will never understand women who put their kids' well being on a balance for the sake of some dick. It's pretty selfish.
+1 Krys & Rocky
"He kind of said that she text him to see if he would do a job as a foreigner. He texted back saying no sorry I'm not doing them. But he deleted all texts on purpose, and he freely admitted that. The lady in question was only dating a month or two and she blanked him-which is why the ended. Who knows if there's still feelings there or what gone on as they work at the same place."
Yeah and I'm Andy Warhol. Lies all lies. He said more than some mess about a job or he would have not covered his ass by deleting the text messages.
I don't believe for one minute she fucked him over. Nope. He's proven with his track record with you that he's just not available and he has no boundaries, he rushes in and quickly rushes out of a womans life.
I definitely feel there is some INNER WORK on your part that must be done. You have to fill up your own empty voids be it feeling feelings of loneliness, desperation, anxiety about your worth, anxiety over your future. You are responsible for healing those scary voids not a man nor a relationship....you.
Never rush again. If it's right it'll be right in 1 to 2 years as well. There is no reason to expose your girls to a man that won't stay.
The girls learn from you! They see you getting dumped and they see men leave and that effects them.
Your behavior can create toxic patterns of there own in your kids who will some day be adults and seeing you pick the wrong man/bad men will become a pattern for your girls as well.
They must see a healthy dynamic between you and a man or they're going to develop some of those same unhealthy relationship patterns they've learned from you.
You're the mom! You're responsible for being a healthy example and if you're moving in with a man on the fly and breaking up on the fly well your kids will MIMIC that pattern. Is that what you want?
Never put your girls at risk for some dick. The children come first. The kids are your main priority in life not a man.
I don't know how many times you've done this but I hope this is your last time, you owe it not only to yourself but to your kids as well.
"He kind of said that she text him to see if he would do a job as a foreigner. He texted back saying no sorry I'm not doing them. But he deleted all texts on purpose, and he freely admitted that. The lady in question was only dating a month or two and she blanked him-which is why the ended. Who knows if there's still feelings there or what gone on as they work at the same place."
Yeah and I'm Andy Warhol. Lies all lies. He said more than some mess about a job or he would have not covered his ass by deleting the text messages.
I don't believe for one minute she fucked him over. Nope. He's proven with his track record with you that he's just not available and he has no boundaries, he rushes in and quickly rushes out of a womans life.
I definitely feel there is some INNER WORK on your part that must be done. You have to fill up your own empty voids be it feeling feelings of loneliness, desperation, anxiety about your worth, anxiety over your future. You are responsible for healing those scary voids not a man nor a relationship....you.
Never rush again. If it's right it'll be right in 1 to 2 years as well. There is no reason to expose your girls to a man that won't stay.
The girls learn from you! They see you getting dumped and they see men leave and that effects them.
Your behavior can create toxic patterns of there own in your kids who will some day be adults and seeing you pick the wrong man/bad men will become a pattern for your girls as well.
They must see a healthy dynamic between you and a man or they're going to develop some of those same unhealthy relationship patterns they've learned from you.
You're the mom! You're responsible for being a healthy example and if you're moving in with a man on the fly and breaking up on the fly well your kids will MIMIC that pattern. Is that what you want?
Never put your girls at risk for some dick. The children come first. The kids are your main priority in life not a man.
I don't know how many times you've done this but I hope this is your last time, you owe it not only to yourself but to your kids as well.
+ 1
When you become a parent, you lose your right to willingly make bad relationships decision b/c your love life no longer affects just you
When you have kids, your love life should reflect what's in the baby's and mother's best interest. And if you are too busy chasing after a man or engaging in a toxic relationship, that is time/energy that you're using that should be going to your kids.
There is NO possible advantage (not even 1) to your children when you're in a toxic relationship. They don't benefit from a toxic relationship at all.
When you become a parent, you lose your right to willingly make bad relationships decision b/c your love life no longer affects just you
When you have kids, your love life should reflect what's in the baby's and mother's best interest. And if you are too busy chasing after a man or engaging in a toxic relationship, that is time/energy that you're using that should be going to your kids.
There is NO possible advantage (not even 1) to your children when you're in a toxic relationship. They don't benefit from a toxic relationship at all.
Yeah I can totally get what your saying.
Before I met him, I had been single for 4 years out of choice as I didn't want to be in a relationship, I didn't feel like the time was right for me and the kids.
Maybe I met him and my feelings and emotions took over and I was blinded. Maybe I need to look at myself, and yes this is the first and last time this has ever happened in my life. This isn't a regular thing for me or my life, which is why I was/am struggled with it so much and for so long.
I just fell for him, big style like I haven't fell for anyone and I got pushed along in the moment. I trusted him in everything he said and did. Maybe I let my guard down for the first time in a long time and I let it down too much. To the point where something like this was always going to happen.
I have ended all contact now and I see how I have contributed to this. I have learned from my behaviour and emotions.
Before I met him I was in a good place, and its like he fucked with my head and played mind games with me, almost like he knew what he was doing? I am just starting to see things from a different perspective. But god have I learnt!
Before I met him, I had been single for 4 years out of choice as I didn't want to be in a relationship, I didn't feel like the time was right for me and the kids.
Maybe I met him and my feelings and emotions took over and I was blinded. Maybe I need to look at myself, and yes this is the first and last time this has ever happened in my life. This isn't a regular thing for me or my life, which is why I was/am struggled with it so much and for so long.
I just fell for him, big style like I haven't fell for anyone and I got pushed along in the moment. I trusted him in everything he said and did. Maybe I let my guard down for the first time in a long time and I let it down too much. To the point where something like this was always going to happen.
I have ended all contact now and I see how I have contributed to this. I have learned from my behaviour and emotions.
Before I met him I was in a good place, and its like he fucked with my head and played mind games with me, almost like he knew what he was doing? I am just starting to see things from a different perspective. But god have I learnt!
And that's ok as long as you acknowledge and recognize how toxic that was to you & your children NOW
You can't change what happened but you can control what WILL happen. And poison will always be poison. Meaning, if you go back you'll just get the same bad poisonous results. And if you're willing to go back all just b/c you're feeling "lonely" or for whatever reason even after knowing that it'll hurt you & your kids, that would mean that you'd poison your kids/family at the expense of a man. NO BEUNO!
Don't beat up on yourself too bad though
EVERYONE has had that 1 person/experience that completely rocked their world in a bad way before they even seen it coming!
It's not what you go through that defines who you are or measures your ability to be a good parents. It's how you react/respond/navigate those experiences that tells all!
I'm happy for you that you've finally reached a place of logic even if being logical means that you're still hurting or had to lose someone you cared about. Your kids AND your sanity/well-being come 1st!
Now the key is: Can you keep your courage?! Will you still remember just how toxic things are when you start to miss him, feel alone, etc.?! Hopefully, you will remember that poison, b/c remembering how it almost drained/killed you should/will be enough of an incentive to ensure that you'll never go back!
Good luck girlie!
You can't change what happened but you can control what WILL happen. And poison will always be poison. Meaning, if you go back you'll just get the same bad poisonous results. And if you're willing to go back all just b/c you're feeling "lonely" or for whatever reason even after knowing that it'll hurt you & your kids, that would mean that you'd poison your kids/family at the expense of a man. NO BEUNO!
Don't beat up on yourself too bad though
EVERYONE has had that 1 person/experience that completely rocked their world in a bad way before they even seen it coming!
It's not what you go through that defines who you are or measures your ability to be a good parents. It's how you react/respond/navigate those experiences that tells all!
I'm happy for you that you've finally reached a place of logic even if being logical means that you're still hurting or had to lose someone you cared about. Your kids AND your sanity/well-being come 1st!
Now the key is: Can you keep your courage?! Will you still remember just how toxic things are when you start to miss him, feel alone, etc.?! Hopefully, you will remember that poison, b/c remembering how it almost drained/killed you should/will be enough of an incentive to ensure that you'll never go back!
Good luck girlie!
Posted by krysrenee7
Now the key is: Can you keep your courage?! Will you still remember just how toxic things are when you start to miss him, feel alone, etc.?! Hopefully, you will remember that poison, b/c remembering how it almost drained/killed you should/will be enough of an incentive to ensure that you'll never go back!
Good luck girlie!
Then.....he tries to ring me! Argh! I didn't answer.
I mean it when I say it's over, I don't actually want him no more. Way to toxic!
Good for you!
Of course he's gonna try calling you. Just shows you that he didn't think you loved or respected yourself enough to remove yourself from a toxic situation
Don't be surprised when he still reaches out to you on occasion. No, it's NOT b/c he cares about you. NO, it's NOT b/c he changed his mind & wants to commit to you. No, it's NOT b/c he has your best interest at heart.
He does it b/c there ARE benefits that come with being around you. No toxic man will ever turn down sex that's good, money he didn't earn, time/conversation he doesn't deserve. Toxic men will continue sucking the life out of you until YOU get enough self-esteem to stop it. And sadly, once you get a backbone, he'll just move on to some other poor girl. BUT at least he won't be a thorn in your side anymore.
Of course he's gonna try calling you. Just shows you that he didn't think you loved or respected yourself enough to remove yourself from a toxic situation
Don't be surprised when he still reaches out to you on occasion. No, it's NOT b/c he cares about you. NO, it's NOT b/c he changed his mind & wants to commit to you. No, it's NOT b/c he has your best interest at heart.
He does it b/c there ARE benefits that come with being around you. No toxic man will ever turn down sex that's good, money he didn't earn, time/conversation he doesn't deserve. Toxic men will continue sucking the life out of you until YOU get enough self-esteem to stop it. And sadly, once you get a backbone, he'll just move on to some other poor girl. BUT at least he won't be a thorn in your side anymore.
LMAO!!@
"He does it b/c there ARE benefits that come with being around you. No toxic man will ever turn down sex that's good, money he didn't earn, time/conversation he doesn't deserve. Toxic men will continue sucking the life out of you until YOU get enough self-esteem to stop it. And sadly, once you get a backbone, he'll just move on to some other poor girl. BUT at least he won't be a thorn in your side anymore. "
+1 and 1 million
And that is the truth.
It's going to be hard to shake this toxic man off but you must. Think about your girls. Think about what kind of an example and what story you want to convey to them as a child that will some day be an adult woman.
He's the typical rapid romance her type, get her deeply emotionally involved and then unleash and display all his demons after she's fell in love. Think about it. What woman wants to leave a man she's in love with, not many. Toxic men KNOW this.
You won't regret leaving him alone. Every day you stay away is one day closer to getting over him and becoming emotionally stronger.
"He does it b/c there ARE benefits that come with being around you. No toxic man will ever turn down sex that's good, money he didn't earn, time/conversation he doesn't deserve. Toxic men will continue sucking the life out of you until YOU get enough self-esteem to stop it. And sadly, once you get a backbone, he'll just move on to some other poor girl. BUT at least he won't be a thorn in your side anymore. "
+1 and 1 million
And that is the truth.
It's going to be hard to shake this toxic man off but you must. Think about your girls. Think about what kind of an example and what story you want to convey to them as a child that will some day be an adult woman.
He's the typical rapid romance her type, get her deeply emotionally involved and then unleash and display all his demons after she's fell in love. Think about it. What woman wants to leave a man she's in love with, not many. Toxic men KNOW this.
You won't regret leaving him alone. Every day you stay away is one day closer to getting over him and becoming emotionally stronger.
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