Signs of a controlling relationship

I have been dating a Gemini man and have been questioning some actions. Trying to figure out some things.

What signs have you experienced when dealing with controlling relationships?

Posted by christinelovessnickers
I have been dating a Gemini man and have been questioning some actions. Trying to figure out some things.

What signs have you experienced when dealing with controlling relationships?

As far as Gems are concerned, you need look no further than Kanye West. Not even a week after cementing their nuptials, he tells Kim that she's not doing any more reality shows.

Here's the deeper point. In truth, control is subjective. It may appear on the surface that the "controlling" party is dominating...but are they really? One receives according to the energy they put out. We have the power to create our reality. Weakness becomes strength and vice versa in given situations. The abusive partner. They "control" based on the fact that the other person lives in fear...creating that reality. They send the energy out and it is returned in the form of that abusive(physical, verbal, subtle, or overt) partner. Its the same with any energy. Lust, greed, etc. wanting a "mysterious lover." Hence, control is an illusion. It only goes as far as what the other person wants and allows.

To your question, the easiest sign is imposing of the will...manipulation. This is done directly in most cases, but can be subtle...behind the suggestion of "I know what's best for you." Truth is, its always present. The not returning of phone calls after an argument, silent treatment, etc. All of it behind the guise of fairness and justice. But that's because we stealthily approach any type of relationship from and adversarial viewpoint. More signs? Not letting someone get a word in, closing you off from other people, constantly checking in...as in the text to call to see how you're doing but really they are investigating your movements.

Right now it is all just small things that made me wonder if I am paranoid or if he is.

Beautifulsoul. He does text me a lot and claims that he just likes to keep in contact to see how the day is going. I told him he can text all he wants, but he might not always get a response right away. He seems to put a lot of value on texting, which i find annoying. I don't want to talk to anyone all day everyday. He has gotten to the point where he claims he is mirroring me when he texts less. However,He gets upset and will make comments like "I haven't heard from you in 5 hours" or "last text I got was 1pm yesterday. Hmmmm....".

He says stuff like "make time for us" when I tell him the one day off I have I am going to take to myself and hang out with my daughter. I spend alot of my days off with him. It annoys the shit out of me and makes me not want to spend time. Found out he had taken the same day off as I had to hang out, but never even mentioned it and then tries to pull some bs for our lunch tomorrow. Claiming to be giving me an opportunity to hang out with other friends or family. First off, he doesn't give me opportunities... Second, it felt like he was trying to play a mind game. I just told him lunch another time and he quickly turned atound abd said he would be there. I don't know if I am reading into things wrong, but I smell issues.

Other little things like asking me to take pictures of my room since he has never seen it (didn't do) or suggesting we drive around town and show each other where we hang out or used to crap like that. He asked me for my school schedule and I thought it was so off. Plus, things like when he walks his dog. Doesn't really let his dog sniff, wants him to walk facing forward a and not looking around too much, walks long enough just to use the bathroom. Some of that could be legit for a behaved dog, but I am seeing different.

I just dogged a HUGE bullet with dating with a Gemini!!!

He was very controlling and always using cuss words to explain to me how he felt. Didnt like the speed I was taking things and the VERY 1st day I met him, he wanted to be my boyfriend. LOL

Wow, I thought I was the only one that thought Gemini's are controlling. I think Sags are too...and I'm just going by sun signs.

They have to know everything, to have a hand in everything it seems.

Just based on the above responses Geminis sound controlling. Do any Geminis agree with that?

Posted by tiziani
That sounds like neuroticism.

Maybe. My mom met him and she told me she got a controlling vibe too. He is super sweet and thoughtful though.

My gemini ex husband was very controlling. He even tried to control me after we split up. Finally, over three years later, he leaves me alone.

I was with the Aqua one day when the ex called me upset about some issue and trying to tell me what I should be doing. I told him it wasn't his business and it didn't matter to me what he thought. This was two years after our divorce. When I got off the phone, aqua goes "is he controlling or what?" Yep! And it pissed the Gem off he couldn't phase me with it.

He's tried it before but once he realized I was with the aqua, he became all nice and sweet. He won't treat a man that way and he won't treat a woman that way when she's with her man.

I thought I was the only one who thought that way as well.

My Scorp DH definitely has controlling tendencies, but I make it clear that while I want him to be happy, he can't be going overboard.

For example, he asks that I don't go skydiving. Even though I've shown him stats proving that it's usually safe, he's seriously uncomfortable with me doing it. I don't want him to worry, so I promised him I wouldn't, even though I really really want to try it!

I once went for a walk at 2 in the morning to clear my head about a work issue I was awake worrying about. When I got back, he FREAKED out on me, saying I could've been raped or kidnapped. He's from a country where there are (outside of cities) groups of skinheads roaming around at night just to attack strangers unprovoked though, so I was understanding with that, too.

But then at times he gets really silly about things, like trying to give me 9pm curfews, hiding my makeup so I can't wear it, trying to ban me from drinking more than 1 cup coffee on weekends, and going APESHIT on me because I forgot my rings at home one day.

Things like that, I tell him to simmer the f down.

But some things, like the skydiving and 2am walks, are out of genuine concern, and I don't think that should be vilified.

Posted by munchkin
My Scorp DH definitely has controlling tendencies, but I make it clear that while I want him to be happy, he can't be going overboard.

For example, he asks that I don't go skydiving. Even though I've shown him stats proving that it's usually safe, he's seriously uncomfortable with me doing it. I don't want him to worry, so I promised him I wouldn't, even though I really really want to try it!

I once went for a walk at 2 in the morning to clear my head about a work issue I was awake worrying about. When I got back, he FREAKED out on me, saying I could've been raped or kidnapped. He's from a country where there are (outside of cities) groups of skinheads roaming around at night just to attack strangers unprovoked though, so I was understanding with that, too.

But then at times he gets really silly about things, like trying to give me 9pm curfews, hiding my makeup so I can't wear it, trying to ban me from drinking more than 1 cup coffee on weekends, and going APESHIT on me because I forgot my rings at home one day.

Things like that, I tell him to simmer the f down.

But some things, like the skydiving and 2am walks, are out of genuine concern, and I don't think that should be vilified.

I wouldn't vilify those things. Was just curious about signs people have noticed. I wonder the Gemini perspective...

Posted by christinelovessnickers
Beautifulsoul. He does text me a lot and claims that he just likes to keep in contact to see how the day is going. I told him he can text all he wants, but he might not always get a response right away. He seems to put a lot of value on texting, which i find annoying. I don't want to talk to anyone all day everyday. He has gotten to the point where he claims he is mirroring me when he texts less. However,He gets upset and will make comments like "I haven't heard from you in 5 hours" or "last text I got was 1pm yesterday. Hmmmm....".

He says stuff like "make time for us" when I tell him the one day off I have I am going to take to myself and hang out with my daughter. I spend alot of my days off with him. It annoys the shit out of me and makes me not want to spend time. Found out he had taken the same day off as I had to hang out, but never even mentioned it and then tries to pull some bs for our lunch tomorrow. Claiming to be giving me an opportunity to hang out with other friends or family. First off, he doesn't give me opportunities... Second, it felt like he was trying to play a mind game. I just told him lunch another time and he quickly turned atound abd said he would be there. I don't know if I am reading into things wrong, but I smell issues.

Other little things like asking me to take pictures of my room since he has never seen it (didn't do) or suggesting we drive around town and show each other where we hang out or used to crap like that. He asked me for my school schedule and I thought it was so off. Plus, things like when he walks his dog. Doesn't really let his dog sniff, wants him to walk facing forward a and not looking around too much, walks long enough just to use the bathroom. Some of that could be legit for a behaved dog, but I am seeing different.

Seems there's a severe lack of communication on both parts here. Your title says dating. He's acting like it's more than that, and nowhere in your post do you tell us that you've set those boundries with him. In fact it's like he's fishing to see what exactly you two are. You even mention the day off you get is intended for your daughter but now it's a problem because he wants that time. Yet you are being passive. Why not set the boundries, since you are just dating and take control of your life and time.

Once you communicate what YOU want, it's up to him to either abide, or walk. Until you communicate, you will continue to go in circles accusing him of being controlling when all you have to do is stop the nonsense.

Posted by LetltB
Once you communicate what YOU want, it's up to him to either abide, or walk. Until you communicate, you will continue to go in circles accusing him of being controlling when all you have to do is stop the nonsense.

I have been honest that family is first. Even been straight up that he won't always hear from me due to various reasons.

I think you are right about the fishing thing, though I didn't notice the subtlety of it. We had a convoy where he asked how he should introduce me, but he said some girls get pissed off depending on how he did it.

I am not necessarily trying to accuse him of being that way, I have just had instances where I think that. I am trying to figure out if those moments were true or if I am so used to only worrying about myself/ family only that I forgot what it was like to actually date someone.

@Christine,

Yeah, definitely controlling. Even though you haven't dated in a while, he hasn't given you a reason to trust him based on what you've told us. You said in the beginning that your family comes first. Yes, he has to earn that right to be in your life and he comes across as entitled. Essentially, he tries to make you feel guilty and acts like you're married. As was suggested above, set boundaries. Let him know in no uncertain terms that his behavior won't be tolerated. Just because you haven't dated in while, don't let him make you feel guilty for doing what you're supposed to do. If anything, he should simply ask how he can help or compromise on schedules to see and talk to you. But barking at you because you haven't communicated in a certain timeframe comes across as controlling...and needy.