Their RELIGION..Deal breaker?

So we all look for partners whom we feel we have a lot IN COMMON with. We all hope that our partners (current/future) will like alot of the SAME things we do, in some cases think the way we do & hope that the other person has/will have a similar moral value system.

MY QUESTION though is: Is RELIGION a deal breaker?
-This question applies to people who are 1st meeting someone (dating) & also to those who are ALREADY IN in relationship/marriage with someone who EITHER HAS: 1. A completely DIFFERENT religion than them OR 2. Isn't religious at all (Atheist, agnostic, etc.)

(Example): Would you even consider dating/walking away from someone who wasn't in the SAME religion as you OR someone who does NOT belong to a religion at all? If so, why? If not, why not?

I'm asking this question b/c people often place a HIGH PRIORITY on religion within their OWN lives (b/c it often plays a big part/role in WHO they are and/or their decision making), thus I'm only assuming that it can be a MAJOR factor & perhaps even DEAL BREAKER, when it comes to someone else's religious views or lack thereof.

Religion would only be an issue if they made it an issue. If they expected me to convert or adhere to their religion, it would be unacceptable. If they want me to accept them and their beliefs, they must accept that I may not wish to follow their beliefs myself.

@Wings: Great point! Of course, I'd PREFER my partner have the SAME religious background that I have, but moreso b/c with anything, the more 2 people have in COMMON, the less they have to worry about differences being what comes b/w them and/or ultimately leads to the end of the relationship.

I wouldn't necessarily turn away/walk away from someone who was Catholic even though I am Christian (Baptist) BUT I would AT LEAST reconsider my options persay I met someone who was atheist.

True enough, someone doesn't have to belong to a religion to be a good person with good values, BUT b/c it's VERY important to me that my kids adopt the same religion I do, I wouldn't want to have to deal with that "CLASH" of opinions once it's time to actually start teaching the children about God. I'd hate to tell my children God is good, with my husband going behind my back & stressing to them that God doesn't even exist at all.

Of course someone being a good person with good morals is what matters most & the fact of them belonging to the same faith I belong to is just the ICING on the cake (a plus), BUT I'm not gonna lie...religion is a VERY important factor in my life & it'd be a lot easier if I was committed to someone who at least shared SOME of my religious views.

For example, we'd have a bit of a problem if my religion geers me more towards getting married in a church under God when yet my partner hates the idea & won't settle/agree to form such a union under a "god" he doesn't even believe in.

Another example: Certain religions stress CERTAIN principles more/harder than others & when it comes to certain things/ideals that I feel very STRONGLY about (deal breakers), I'd feel more comfort in knowing that my partner at LEAST shared some of the same strong principles that I share. If you're dating a Muslim who believes in prayer 5+ times a day w/o interruption, that might be an ISSUE to someone who can't relate/doesn't believe in that. I'm not saying it couldn't ever work out, BUT us having certain things in common would certainly SPARE us from certain problems

Posted by Wings
Religion would only be an issue if they made it an issue. If they expected me to convert or adhere to their religion, it would be unacceptable. If they want me to accept them and their beliefs, they must accept that I may not wish to follow their beliefs myself.

Cosign.

@Lovely: True. And I guess 1 person trying to persuade another person to join their faith IS something that alot of religious leaders (IN ALL ASPECT OF RELIGION) encourage their followers to do. PLUS, most people who actually do take religion very seriously often incorporate religion into their daily lives, in which their religion plays a HUGE part in who they are & even their choice of life style . AND for that reason, it's almost always necessary for 2 people to atleast AGREE on OR have a similar taste in life style s in order for the partnership to work.

Only 1 problem: 2 people with 2 completely DIFFERENT or OPPOSITE religious views..the constant "persuading" from 1 person to another to join a religion & it's individual principles can be frustrating & can even lead to pressure from OUTSIDERS. (Example, The catholic girl's mother wants her princess to end up marrying a Catholic boy, in which she'd be devestated if her daughter didn't follow that family tradition)

I wouldn't date an atheist. Because they're arrogant cockbags and prod you for your beliefs and then put you down and mock you.

🙂

Agnostics are okay, because at least they admit they don't know.

Unitarian Universalist here.

There were some good points brought up about children and family. If the parents are divided, the children suffer. If both want their children to live according to their beliefs, then the children would be caught in an opposition of beliefs. This is unacceptable to the children. In such cases, it would be best to either have unity in beliefs and values - which is preferable, or for one partner to be more passive and allowing the other to decide which religious beliefs will be taught to the children, which I do not see as preferable.

When it comes to marriage and family, I think unity is above all else important, because a house divided against itself can not stand.

Everyone has some GREAT points!

I especially agree with CAPP about not necessarily/specifically seeking a man/woman with a specific religion. After all, ANYONE can proclaim to belong to a certain religion, BUT them claiming they are Christian, Catholic, Muslim, etc. does NOT in any way guarantee that they live by those principles. The only way to know if 1 is true to their religion is to get to know them, watch their actions...in which hopefully afterwards you'd end up naturally liking them simply for WHO they are moreso than for WHOSE church they belong to.

That is so true. Just b/c someone claims they are Christian doesn't mean they are any better of a person than the person who claims they are atheist. I'd rather marry an honest & good-spirited agnostic vs. marry a hypocritical Christian/Catholic!

I take religion very seriously & I want any children of mine who will probably go onto adapt to my religion to KNOW that I take religion seriously too. I'd rather my children grow up seeing their parents set good examples anyways BUT yet just so happen to belong to a certain religion VS. Us trying to force a religion whose rules we barely follow, down their throats only for them to learn how hypocritical we both are. I don't want to expose my children to faulty examples & ESPECIALLY since religion is so important. I want them to prioritize seeking a GOOD & integral person 1st! And if that person JUST SO HAPPENS to belong to the same faith, that's just the ICING on the cake! BUT, there has to be a CAKE 1st! Thus that person must 1st be sought out for the goodness in their heart! And ANYONE can have those traits, religious or not

I'm an atheist which makes it much harder to find someone with the same beliefs. It's highly unlikely that anyone that practices frequently in organized religion would make it to a relationship with me. It wouldn't make either of us happy, believe me. Really it's a personal choice and I respect that. I just do everything I can to stay away from the religious zealots. They really freak me out and I want to tell them to get a life and learn how to think. Oops, sorry, I should stop.

In my opinion, John said it best and is what I life to:

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Posted by Dynamite Parfait

Posted by brianafay
I wouldn't date an atheist. Because they're arrogant cockbags and prod you for your beliefs and then put you down and mock you.

🙂

It's funny- I'm pretty neutral on the theistic religion front (guess I would call myself agnostic when it comes to religions with deities), and I've noticed the exact same thing! Athiests can be some harsh mofos sometimes.


What kills me is how they just KNOW they are right! It's like- um, even atheism requires FAITH (which is quite contrary to the logic you pretend to embrace), dingus.

click to expand

Hmmm ... I find that closed-mindedness to be prevelant in people who believe in their religion.

I would think that people who are telling you, you are wrong .... are probably trying to tell you that it is a belief, not a fact .. so, an openess to interpretation is necessary to understand different viewpoints.

People who have a religion ... are totally closed to anything other than what they believe.

And the fact of the matter is .... there is no proof of any diety, only hope that one will be there in the end so you won't burn in hell.

I would tell a christian they are wrong .. however, not wrong for believing in their god, rather wrong for not realizing that they may be wrong, and that another may be right.


Look at how many religions there are out there ... and only yours is right? And meanwhile, the others think they are right, and yet another thinks they are right, and all of them are right and the others are wrong.

And then you would get upset if an agnostic is open enough to consider the possibilities?

One side of me would think that it's ok for two people to have opposing views, and they should be able to discuss it, maybe even heatedly without relationship interference .... but ...


I know that people spend their whole lives in search of finding a connection, a place of belonging .. and this search is prompted by spirit. I know that our feelings are being nurtured by our spirit ... and for two people to try and have completeness in their bond, to have opposing spiritual viewpoints would create a love/hate relationship, rather than a love/love one.

In fact, not just this ... all controversial topics .. if two people are at oppostion, then so will their regard for each other.

I don't think one person in a relationship can truly mean .. "I love you" to the other, if the other believes in abortion and you don't .. if the other believes Bush was right to start war and you think it's wrong.


When you two embrace each other and claim to love each other .. I think you really don't love each other .. there is something else, like good sex, money, kids together, security .. something, but, not love.


If you think abortion is murder ... do you really believe yourself when you tell your man you love him .. knowing that if yu got pregnant that he would want you to abort?

Do you really believe yourself that you love a man to whom thinks it's ok to sin, if you are christian?

If you cannot believe yourself ... then how can you possibly have faith in a religion? Isn't the religion suppose to be about your journey, your path to truth?

Posted by Dynamite Parfait
P-Angel: I'm an agnostic, and to be perfectly honest, I couldn't care less what other people choose to believe/disbelieve, PROVIDED they refrain from trying to forcefully shove their beliefs down my throat.

Agnosticism implies the belief that it is impossible to prove there is a god. In all likelihood, there very well could be a god.

BUT....

There might NOT be one, too.

People with blind, optimistic faith from both sides of the spectrum (believers- athiests) kinda freak me out, tbh.

Staunch closed-mindedness = never a good thing.

I'm an atheist which I believe there is no god. That doesn't mean that if someone gave me proof I'd be too closed minded to consider so the possibility. I'm confused on how you equate being an atheist as being on one side of the spectrum and consider that being closed minded. Unless I just misread your the intent of the above.

DP ... I was merely using what you said to drive my point across and not meaning to reference you specifically.


And I also believe that Athiem is as closed minded as the Christians, or any religious sect for that matter because they all, by their very belief system in itself, proclaim that the existence of god is fact, or not, appropriately.

Posted by Dynamite Parfait
Athiesm is the belief that a god or gods does NOT exist.

It would seem that you're an open-minded athiest then, crzydiam63. Many athiests I have met staunchly refuse to even entertain the notion that a god might exist.

On a side note- how could someone give you proof of the existence of god?

I guess it depends on which definition you use. Nothing implies that Atheist are closed minded. I would not emphatically deny the existence because that implies there in not one - but I certainly don't believe in the existence of one. The key word below is the word "or". Maybe I'm misinterpreting the definition here. Bottom line, I don't believe and feel I'm very very open minded.


a??the??ist
— —/??e—?i??st/ Show Spelled[ey-thee-ist] Show IPA
—noun
a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.
Use atheist in a Sentence
See images of atheist
Search atheist on the Web
Origin:
1565—75; < Gk ??the ( os ) godless + -ist

—Related forms
an'ti??a??the??ist, noun, adjective
pro??a??the??ist, noun, adjective

—Can be confused: —agnostic, atheist, deist, theist (see synonym note at this entry ).

—Synonyms
Atheist, agnostic, infidel, skeptic refer to persons not inclined toward religious belief or a particular form of religious belief. An atheist is one who denies the existence of a deity or of divine beings. An agnostic is one who believes it impossible to know anything about God or about the creation of the universe and refrains from commitment to any religious doctrine. Infidel means an unbeliever, especially a nonbeliever in Islam or Christianity. A skeptic doubts and is critical of all accepted doctrines and creeds.

And for the record, I had to look it up to make sure I didn't need to correct myself 🙂 That's pretty open minded I must say 🙂

Posted by Dynamite Parfait
Athiesm is the belief that a god or gods does NOT exist.

It would seem that you're an open-minded athiest then, crzydiam63. Many athiests I have met staunchly refuse to even entertain the notion that a god might exist.

On a side note- how could someone give you proof of the existence of god?

Oh, DP, I forgot to answer your question which is a good one - How could someone give you proof? I have no earthly idea but I remain open minded to the possibility that it could happen 🙂

And the only think I am staunch believe is the fact that just about anything is possible.......hahahahahah, get it? that's a joke.

Thanks for bringing this up DP, it made me question my profession to being an Atheist. If I needed to rearrange my thinking I was open to it. I found the attached which really supports both sides to our point. Who knew! Thanks for the education!

According to allaboutphilosophy.org -

What is an Atheist?

Richard Watson states in his 1831 book, A Biblical and Theological Dictionary: —Atheist, in the strict and proper sense of the word, is one who does not believe in the existence of a god, or who owns no being superior to nature.??

Robert Flint, in his 1885 book Anti-Theistic Theories states: —Every man is an atheist who does not believe that there is a God.??

Strong Atheism
The strong atheist, also known as an explicit atheist or a positive atheist, denies the existence of God or any other deities. This person??s views are based solely on what can be found to be true using the scientific method. Since the existence of God cannot be proven using science, the strong atheist concludes that God doesn't exist.

Weak Atheism
The second type of atheist is the weak atheist, also known as an implicit atheist or a negative atheist. This person does not deny the existence of God outright, but rather claims a religious relativism. That is, she would claim that anyone's belief can be true for that person, but she doesn't believe in God herself.

An Atheistic Worldview What are the implications for a religious atheist? Without God, he arrives at the necessary philosophies of moral relativism and naturalism. But does his view line up with objective reality? And is there any evidence for a God?

You are very confused if you believe you are an Athiest believing in the possibility of dieties, if someone proves it to you.

Posted by P-Angel
You are very confused if you believe you are an Athiest believing in the possibility of dieties, if someone proves it to you.

You have me confused. I don't believe but should someone present proof that one exist then I would reevaluate.

I think some people confuse the faults of the people practicing a certain religion with the actual religion itself. There will be hypocrites, frauds & fakes in ANY profession/organization. And religion is no different, considering it enrolls HUMANS (who are prone to mistakes & faults) just like other organizations.

(Example): Just b/c 100 million people who claim to be Christian may not actually FOLLOW the "rules" of their religion does NOT make the religion/Christianity itself faulty! The same goes when talking about race, gender, etc. Just b/c 1 person ruined it doesn't mean that the GREATER CAUSE they were claiming to be a part of is spoiled/soured.

And I say that b/c I get the sense that people are no longer pre-screening for someone whose of the same religion as them. Nowadays, a person is LUCKY if they can just find a good man/woman whose actually a GOOD PERSON! The mindset now seems to be, "Screw what religion they claim b/c there's no chance they're actually faithful/real followers of that religion anyways." And to an extent, that's understandable b/c hey finding someone who claims to share the same religion you do does NOT guarantee that the relationship will flow any smoother than persay you ended up with someone with opposing faiths (or lack thereof).

My "Ideal Dream man" list used to consist of finding a man who was Christian. And there used to be a "NO EXCEPTIONS" checkmark right by this b/c in my mind, I figured that any man claiming to be a Christian (And especially Baptist like me) was even MORE of a good man. BUT, it's no secret that some of the most evil people use "religion" as their primary cover b/c they know claiming certain religions makes them somewhat MORE DESIRABLE to anyone they are seeking with the same exact religion.

NOW, my "Ideal dream man" list contains finding a man who has good integrity & has a good moral/values system. And hey, if he just HAPPENS to ALSO be a Bapstist Christian, GOOD FOR ME/HIM. However, I don't feel bad for having a "preference" either. I WOULD prefer a man who is not only Christian BUT whom also practices the faith the way he should. It's never a bad thing for 2 people to agree or share similarities when it comes to certain things, ESPECIALLY when people tend to have VERY strong opinions about certain things. It's no diff. than me "prefering" not to date a man who doesn't want children. Guess what? I want children so up front, that lack in "being on the same page" about family life wo

...that lack in "being on the same page" about family life would be a bit of a problem!

There are certain things I believe 2 people should STRIVE to be on the same page about! And those things are:
-Religion
-Desires/expectations on/of family structure/children
-Morals/value systems.

It's 1 thing for 2 people to disagree on politics, BUT it's another thing to disagree on things that can make/break a relationship. It'd be kind of hard for me as a mom to teach my kids the value of praying every night to Jesus Christ/God when yet I have a husband who refuses to help me teach those same values to our children. And hey, if he didn't believe in God, I wouldn't be able to blaim him for not "faking the funk" in front of our children, no differently than I wouldn't want him to fault me for not pretending to be Muslim (or any other religion) in front of certain people. So...in this case, it'd be 1 less hassle on the relationship if we both agreed or atleast shared similar beliefs.

1 thing/credit I will give to those who are AGNOSTIC is atleast they can admit that they are not yet 100% sure of their beliefs.

My ex claimed he was CATHOLIC when we 1st met. Later on in the relationship, we started discussing religion & when I asked him questions about the Catholic church, he didin't really know much. He only claimed to be Catholic b/c his parents told him he was vs. him actually CHOOSING to be Catholic b/c he admired the religion's principles. So in this case, he wasn't really Catholic at heart b/c he didn't even understand what it meant to be Catholic, NOR did he even know the differences b/w being Catholic & other religions. He was literally going around claiming to belong to a faith he truly knew nothing about; and since he knew nothing about the Catholic faith, there was NO way possible for him to be able to know that what he thought he was was even real.

BUT I've noticed that there are TWICE as many Atheists & agnostic folks who read the bible more than the folks who are actually Christian/Catholic. Do I wish others believed in the same faith that I do? Well of course. I wouldn't believe in something if I didn't feel that me educating others about my religion would actually pay off.

BUT, at least some atheists & agnostics take out the time to study & read the bibles. At least they take the initiave in trying to figure out what the truth is vs. some people who only claim to be religious b/c their parents made them/told them to be. In some cases, a Catholic who doesn't even know what it means to be Catholic is no more religious than the person who doesn't believe in God at all

@Wog..makes total sense. I agree that it's not necessarily a BAD thing for someone to be passionate about their religion. People love to conversate and/or debate about religion the same way they do other things. I'd actually be concerned if someone never talked about their religion, especially if they were the type of person claiming they were very passionate about it.

People who are passionate about ANYTHING make it known, and OFTEN. That's not the bad thing. It's the people who try to force it down your throat; and hey, sometimes they might make good points all day long BUT it's the "Forcing" that not only turns me off when it comes to religon but ALSO with ANYTHING someone is trying to FORCE me to believe.

And if someone felt the need to "force" anything down my throat, it'd be a BIG indication that that specific difference b/w us could become a major problem in the long run. Anytime I've ever been adament about making sure someone agrees with me on certain things I'm passionate about, I can't lie & say I don't get annoyed when my "forcing" doesn't actually work. So I'm sure the "forcer" & the person being "forced" are BOTH annoyed. It's almost easier to just start out seeking someone whose already on the same page & ESPECIALLy when it comes to religion--something MOST people have passionate beliefs about, whether they strongly BELIEVE something or strongly DON'T believe in it at all

@Cappy: Totally understandable. And hey, there's NOTHING wrong with searching for OR hoping to find someone who shares your religion in common no different than there's nothing wrong with only "preferring" to date someone who lives in the same city. It's all about seeking someone who shares as MANY similarities as possible! And hoping someone sames a similarity from a religious aspect isn't necessarily a bad thing no different than preferring to be with someone who likes the same music, food or hobbies.

And although I PREFER someone who shares the same religious believes that I do, that doesn't necessarily mean that anyone seeking to meet me won't have a chance. I won't automatically turn someone away all b/c we don't agree to the same religion & here's why: For all I know, he may not be a "Christian" persay BUT he may share similar morals/values that I have. And I'm a preacher's daughter so I know 1st hand that there are JUST AS MANY folks out here "claiming" to belong to a certain faith, who don't even live by what that particular faith teaches.

I'd rather end up with an atheist who believes in the same principles/morals/values that I do vs. ending up with a supposed "Christian" whom I have to call a "hypocrite" every 5 minutes. Another person's religous believes (or lack thereof) won't enhance MY life or make me any better of a person for being with someone of the same faith. Sometimes those differences in belief can hinder/make-or-break a relationship BUT, even then it all comes down to who that person is on the inside.

Plus, not all people joined a religion when they were young children. Some people finally decide to believe in God or join a specific religion much later in life. I can't tell you HOW many times I've seen 30-60 year olds storming through the church doors, surrendering & finally deciding to believe. And when I see this, I NEVER assume that they were any LESS of a GOOD person BEFORE they joined.

Even from a religious point of view, faith without works is dead. For someone to just claim to be a Christian is NOT enough. Unless they actually LIVE OUT those principles, them strictly claiming "Christian" doesn't do me any good. Plus, some people who don't claim any religion actually live their life by "Christian principles" w/o even realizing it. I'd take the man who actually ACTS like a Christian even if he really isn't over the man whom I only know is a Christian b/c he says so

It would not matter a jot if they went to church, faced Mecca or twisted themselves up into pretzels while holding a candle outstretched in their palm. And it shouldn't matter a jot to them that I enjoy communing with the outdoors, dig thunderstorms and walk in the forest for some good soul time.

I

@ I question people who don't care. It make me think that they don't have depth or a backbone. Which makes them essentially weak with no substance in my eyes. And that doesn't agree with my stomach in the slightest.




It's understandable that you'd prefer someone who shares the same core beliefs that you do BUT it's honestly UNFAIR to cast someone whom doesn't believe in what you believe in to be "weak" or without a backbone. There are 100 million reasons why someone else may not share the same beliefs you do; A young boy whose parents & environment raised him to be catholic is no less of a man than you are.

There's nothing wrong with standing firm/solid in your beliefs BUT once we start to degrade or judge another person b/c they don't agree with what we believe in, that's when the line is being crossed. Trust me, people in EVERY religion swear THEIR religion is the only right & worthy religion. And hey that's fine, especially since what someone else might believe doesn't affect your life in any way.

But using religion as a way to cast seperation & using religion to measure the strength/weakness in another human being is NOT right & I say that b/c in almost EVERY religion, there are principles taught to each follower about accepting & loving others w/o judgement regardless of differences. The word may teach you to firmly follow your God BUT it does NOT teach you to belittle or judge those who don't.

I'm not a highly religious person. Like many, spiritual is a better description for me. I don't abide by many religious beliefs and/or practices; however, I do consider myself Jewish (I'm actually converting to Judaism and have been doing so for almost two years) and I live a Jewish life style (not a strict one though). For the most part, I really don't mind what religious affiliation the person I'm dating is under; I tend to date (and not by choice) a lot of catholics. As long as the person is okay with me converting to Judaism and Jewish culture, I don't care. However, I don't think I could date someone who is very active in his religion. I'm just someone who is very open-minded and not into things like that (the most I do is participate in Jewish holidays and attend enough services on Friday). Not to say I'm going to be forced to do the same thing, but I just feel like we wouldn't mesh under those circumstances. I'd be willing to attend whatever service he goes to as long as he would appreciate mine, but the religious aspect wouldn't be my first priority. So, I don't think it would be fair to my SO (or myself) whose religion would be a top priority to him.

To me religion is a deal breaker. A lot of people state they are christian but are they actually practicing? I know many "catholics" who had sex before marriage, whipped out a condom, and wanted to make sure the girl was on the pill. I personally could only be with someone of christian faith, who wasnt practicing. I am not religious, i have religious views but they are a mixture of most of the major religions.

I would NEVER date a muslim, seikh, hindu or jew (religious not ethnicity). I may consider dating a buddist but only because they might be able to convert me 🙂