Waiting On A Girl...

Usually I come on here once in a while to vent. Do my verbal diarherea here, and move on. This situation is different entirely. Im dealing with feelings of uncertainty this time around.

Here's the situation - girl Ive known for a long time (BTW Its not the Leo, that fell through due to me not taking action soon enough. Shes with a different guy now) But anyway, this girl is my age worked at a coffeehouse forever. We got to know each other slowly over time. I got the strong vibe she liked me. Was working toward asking her out when she disappeared abruptly.

Found out from her co-worker she moved up to a different state to finish college. I was really bummed out but moved on. This all happened 3 years ago.

Flash forward to 2 weeks ago. I walk in the place for the first time in a long one. And who do I see, but her! I was speechless. I sit down and 10 minutes later catch her attention. FYI - place is busy and shes behind the counter taking orders.

Anyway shes excited to see me and we talk and catch up. Asked her how long shes been back. She returned in july of last year which is the month of me getting run over. She asks about my cane (I 've upgraded from my walker) Tell her about my near death experience and going back to surgery in a few months to get rods and metal plates taken out of my body.

Talk another minute. Sensing how packed the place is, I cut the conversation short so she can get back to work. A week passes afterward. I go in sit down at a table and mind my business while shes taking orders. She comes over and opens me. We have a good conversation. But she has to cut it short, because of delivering the orders. Thats cool. So another week passes before going in there again.

I go in there yesterday due to my bus breaking down in the area. It was rainy and cold, the only reason I went out was to pick up my dads meds. Go in there, she notices me immediately. Very happy to see me. Im talking to her at the front this time as its slow business wise. We talk for a few minutes. I tell her "I know how busy you get in here. I dont want get you in trouble for talking to me. So let me do something." I pull a pen and paper out, write my name and number on it. Tell her if she ever wants to talk or chat sometime contact me at the number. And I go.

I realize giving a girl my number is a major no-no usually. Finished next post...

Anyhow but due to her line of work she must get approached all the time with men. And probably is cagey about giving her number.

So I felt giving mine would be the best move. My question is this for you ladies. If there is attraction to a guy and he gives his number would you call?

Im currently finishing day 1 of this waiting game. Based on past experience going there on the weekends I know she works fridays and saturdays. So sunday and maybe monday is her day off. Im giving her a 3 day window in contacting me. Basically meaning if she doesnt call/text after 3 days its a brush-off. At that point, Ill just move on.

How long do you girls wait to call a guy if there's interest? I realize every girl's different. But I do appreciate a summary of women's perspectives. BTW yes, I know her sign, but its not important. As every girl has their own dating style even if they share the same sun sign or chart.

Just curious what you girls think.

Hmm, interesting.

Well, my friend I must say that it all depends on whether or not I really like the guy who gave me his number. If I like him enough, I'd not only take his number but I'd also slip him mine too, just to let him know that the admiration/feeling is mutual.

However, if I'm not really feeling a guy like that & yet he gives me his number, I won't waste his time in calling him. I'll be glad that I didn't give him my number & slowly but surely find a trashcan to throw his number away in, OR I'll save it for a rainy day, which is still not a good thing considering I'm sure you'd want someone who wants you NOW & not "whenever."

If I'm really into a guy though & he gives me his number, I'm not gonna lie..I'll probably hesistate to call him right away. I wouldn't want to appear desperate or give away my crush, so I'd probably wait a day or two before calling/texting him.

But I think things are a little different for you b/c you actually knew this girl before. It's not like you're a complete stranger who randomly came into the restaurant 1 day & asked for her number. Sure, she may not know you entirely, BUT atleast she's seen you before & has had the chance to get to know you/observe you a little bit. I'm willing to guess that she's already made up her mind about you; she already knows whether or not she can see you as someone she'd date or just brush off.

Even if she doesn't contact you in a few days, don't be so quick to rush to judgement/assumptions. The true test will be in how she reacts when you see her again. If she's not really digging you, she won't be as talkative/excited when she sees you b/c she'll know deep down that her azs was supposed to call you! If anything, I'd pay more attention to her body language the next time you see her, especially if you haven't heard from her by then

I wouldnt expect her to call today since she is working. The real test will be tommorow. If I dont hear a peep, then monday will be the last day of waiting.

If a person likes someone, general rule of thumb says they'll call by the 3rd day. Ill pretty much move on at that juncture if no contact is made by day 4.

I'll have to wait two, maybe three weeks at least before going in to gauge her reaction towards me. Any time sooner might look creepy or strange. Ive been very careful about doing this whole thing. From my experience with women in the service industry, you have to slowly build rapport with them.

And also only go there on the timeframe of a customer which is once a week. Even going to their venue be it bar or coffeehouse just two times a week can look weird. Ill usually ask for a bartender/barista's number on the 3rd or 4th visit if they're not surrounded by co-workers or people. Again, the reason I gave her my number was she had been in close proximity to co-workers. I figured she would be self-conscious about giving her number out being so close to them.

My game plan is staying away about two weeks then go in acting non-reactive. Basically if her body language shows tension/uncomfortableness, I'll wave, smile and go to my table. If she comes over and gives an obvious BS excuse, Ill joke about it. Then tell her its not a issue and no hard feelings. Then cut the conversation and go back to reading for 5 -7 minutes. Then leave.

Which pretty sends the message I was going in there per my usual routine regardless of outcome. I normally wouldnt invest this much time/work trying to get a girl's interest. But in my town, attractive single 30ish women with no kids are a rarity. Itll suck being rejected, but I move on quickly.

I wish I could live somewhere like LA or San Diego. There is a much larger amount of single 30-somethings without kids there. Beginining to think it will be my fate to be stuck dating 20 somethings forever. When I would rather not. Am I the only guy left in this world that is not a Hugh Hefner type and prefers women his own age? Sorry for the moaning and groaning. I would just like to be in a mature, adult relationship. Rather than one which is immature and has no hopes for a future.

Posted by FlyingBurritos80
.... I would just like to be in a mature, adult relationship. Rather than one which is immature and has no hopes for a future.

Bravo, FlyingB. 🙂

I don't know if I agree with the 3 day response plan. I never followed it. I would call when I wanted to. If I liked the guy, it wouldn't take a week, though. So I say, give it a week. Not that you are waiting by the phone. Have a life. If no call after a week, there's no wishy-washyness. I'd say you would be right to think she wasn't ready to take her acquaintance with you outside the coffee shop. Go back in your three week timeframe of your regular visits and keep it platonic.

This just happened to me the other day, kinda. I bumped into an old friend i hadnt seen in a kazillion years. He told me he worked at a bar and to stop by. I did a few weeks later and as i was leaving he tried to give me his number (he couldnt remember it for whatever reason) so i grabbed his pen and gave him mine instead. Truthfully, had he given me his, i would not have called. I was semi interested, but i was not comfortable with the ball being in my court.

It sounds like worse case scenario is she really likes you as a friend. Thats still a good scenario to me...a nice place to start. Id toss your three day rule out the window though. Three days is NOTHING especially seeing as your contact so far sounds like once a week. If she doesnt call i think you should definitely go back in there in a couple of weeks and continue to be open. Dont bring up the phone number, in fact try not to think about it all. Just be low pressure, breezy and try to pick up on her vibe to gauge how she feels. If shes interested she'll be more likely to show it somehow since youve given her your number.

I wouldn't call. Go back and get her number if she doesn't call because it sounds like she likes you.

Thanks Pathfinder.

Well day 2 has ended and no call. To be honest, the only reason Ive been thinking about this so much is being stuck inside due to bad weather. Im just getting over a cold and didnt think it would be a good idea getting out in misty fog weather. I thought it might make my throat go to hell again.

Cause usually when I am out and about, my mind turns off thoughts like these. I may go out today, not sure yet. Definately tuesday though Im getting out of the house running errands which is a good thing.

My two day cold made me think she may or will soon be sick as well. I know a few friends of mine coming down with colds out of nowhere. Im willing to do the 5 day wait period. But if she doesnt call by tommorow night, Im going to start moving on.

Im a little reticient to be honest with you, about going back to the coffeehouse in 2 weeks. I feel really embarrassed. Shadows, Piranha, and Virgo, I understand what you guys are saying. But let me ask you this. Say you built up rapport/attraction with a guy over time working at a bar or coffeehouse. Are you honestly going to not feel self-conscious and comfortable about giving your number out when co workers are in close proximity?

I figured she might get self-conscious and not give her number if I asked due to coworkers being around. Women do get scared of being judged by others. I thought me giving my number was helping her if that makes sense. I normally never put myself out there like that. Even though I can hide it going in there with a smile and what me worry vibe, inside I feel really humiliated.

Im 50% ready to cut my losses. And then just have the other 50% verified going back in two weeks. Unless some miracle happens and I run into her at some place sooner. But I doubt that will happen. What's funny is I was perfectly fine being single. Till the leo who's my age (thats now taken) came into the picture. That event got me started to thinking about how time is running out. And in a town like this, single 30 somethings without kids are becoming an endangered species.

So I do feel the pressure to find someone my age. Which is why I put so much work into trying to get something going with coffeehouse girl. Maybe it is my destiny to be Hank Moody 2.0 and have meaningless casual relationships with 20 somethings. Cause it sure as hell aint gonna be serious ones with that age group. Finished next post...

To paraphrase something John Lennon once said, I cant be a punk kid anymore. Im an adult for better or worse. And want to be with someone to grow with. Rather than waiting for them to catch up while Im already there. So I hope that explains my aversion to relationships with younger women.

A lot of men my age get distracted by younger women's beauty and youth. But I dont, its an illusion. In reality. 20 something girls are still figuring out themselves and what they want out of a relationship all the way to 29. Sure a lot of early 30's girls have extreme immaturity. But that immaturity and doubt is much higher with 20 somethings.

So I'd rather take my chances with the 30 somethings. Cause nothing beats coming home to someone who not only gives a crap about you, but has their stuff together so to speak.

I begin contact almost immediately if I really am interested in getting to know the person. I would probably call the following day. I don't really care if someone thinks it looks desperate or not... because it's not like that at all! I get excited if I am into someone, be it in a romantic or platonic sense, and I love making new friends.

There's no game playing on my end. If you gave me your number, and I am truly interested in knowing who you are, then I will call in a relatively short amount of time. I don't see the point in wasting time and trying to have the upper hand. You either want to get to know me or you don't. I figure if you're handing over your digits then it's safe to assume that the feeling is mutual.

To be honest, FB, co-workers being around when you asked for my number wouldn't even enter my mind. While I appreciate the fact that you care about how she would feel in that situation, I think you made too much of the co-workers.

Kinda makes me wonder if the real reason you didn't ask for her number was because you were afraid of possible rejection, which is more understandable to me than the co-workers being around. 🙂

Day 3 has ended and no call. So its time to just focus on other things at the moment. Ill wait two weeks then come in there to get closure. I pretty much know its a brush off, but its good to be verified.

Ninja, I wish there were more women out there who thought like you. Contrary to popular belief, not all men like hard to get. I like women who show interest rather then ones that do mental chess games.

Shadows, you may be in the minority. Cause I know a ton of women here who are majorly self-conscious. I know ones who wont even give out their number to a man they've been eyeing all night who approaches just because their friends dont think he's attractive enough even though that person does.

I have no issue asking for her number. But I want to make sure if I get rejected, it isnt due to their co-workers or friends but rather one on one. If I ask one on one, and she makes some excuse saying "give me yours, or let's facebook" Ill genuinely know there's no interest. But at the time, there was no opportunity to talk away from her co-workers.

She is kind of an introvert homebody type based on the stuff she does outside of work from our conversation. I dont know if its shyness or genuine disinterest. Im going to put this stuff to the side for 2 weeks then get back to it then.

Thus is pretty much why I dont think you can use astrology to assess her/the situation. She is a Gemini Sun with a Moon in Taurus, Mars in Virgo. But regardless of signs or chart, women are going to be women when it comes to the dating game 😉