What do we really want?

So some of the board members will know that I have very long standing bouts with a very special individual in my life. It has been a roller coaster but I would swap it for nothing in this world.

More recently she has been letting me closer to who she really is. It is hard for her and hard for me to for numerous reasons. The discussions that we share in and the connection we make with each other is amazing although sometimes scary, but we are building on this. One our recent conversations brought up some sensitive but crucial insights and questions which brings me to this particular forum and question. It is for each's own accord but I still think it would be nice to share.

Going in to a relationship, what do you expect? What do you want and what is it really about?

I am sure that there are a lot of people on here lurking around who haven't been in relationships, really wishing they knew what it was about or what they want. Some might have been close to people and have told the world they are 'dating' this person while not really feeling something since they don't know how they should feel. And others that might have had a few relationships under their belts and yet also don't get what this is about.

With that, I open this thread and welcome all to join in. Let's keep it clean and to the point cause after my recent chat with the most important and probably only woman I will ever need I really realised what a problem most people face with this seemingly simple train of thought.

What I think is this;

A true relationship is really the comming together of 2 mature enough individuals who are so happy with who and what each really is. For me it means that we can face any trial and celebration and be mature enough to sort it out in commune without having unrealistic expectations of one another but enough respect and love to compromise or mutually sacrifice or even resolve with a common goal what needs to be done.

For me it is about being myself, being silly and sometimes stupid and sometimes even weak without fear that I will be judged or prosecuted and also respecting my significant other enough to also not do this to her.

The real love is then cultivated over time and is not some kind of monkey based jungle justice love style but a growth with someone in such a way that you can function without them but choose not to, rather have them in your life because they really do have value and do respect you and do accept you as you are with no terms and conditions.

Lastly, I feel that it is really love when despite everything both really do feel that the other is to good for them but still make a conscious decission and concerted effort to be there and have that person in their life.

Way to complex I guess 😛

Agreed and very well said!

To add:

What is want is simple but complex...peace in love with another person. Knowing that I can't fight with her(taking on life's challenges) and not fight with her(arguing). I know that we will disagree on some things but that doesn't hinder or take away from our bond. Some one who actually look at problems as a way to strengthen us and run. I need to teach and be taught. To lead and be led. Someone who know that we're both are not perfect and that is what's perfect and beautiful. Because we won't be complacent and will take it one day at a time and each day together is special...make it count.

That I can fight lol. Starting to hate Apple products._—

@OmagaIII: dude, you're BACK _?_?_?__ lol im guessing things are getting better b/w you and your scorp

@Geminlove Haha sure is yes. Little bit shaky the past month but in a good way. 😄

Depends on the kind of relationship + the original incentive for why each person wanted to be in a relationship in the 1st place.

Some people don't feel that commitment (and all that comes with it + all that's required for it to last) is the ultimate fulfillment. They think that there are certain aspects of a relationship that they like & can sign up for, while secretly knowing that they may not want, need or be ready for ALL that a genuine healthy relationship entails (may want an emotional consistent sex buddy & someone to validate that they're at least not alone anymore, but not necessarily someone they have to answer to, or give their undivided loyalty to)

For example, if someone is looking for a void filler, your concept for what a real relationship is about won't apply to this kind of person. They'll read your description & consciously agree, but subconsciously, it'll go in 1 ear & out the other.

Pessimistic answers:
1. A relationship is nothing more than 2 people getting together, to pass the time, in hopes of some kind of fulfillment, while secretly or subconsciously waiting on something better to come along

2. A relationship is about who's crap & baggage you're willing to put up with & help unpack. It's about choosing the person whose occasional crap you're willing to put up with. It's about who's "goods" are so good that it cancels out the "bads" that they may not have tolerated had the goods not been so "good."

Optimistic answer:

1. A relationship is exactly what you described LOL

Hahaha ok. Very interesting view. Thank you very much.

I felt a bit of a cold shudder when I read Pessimistic 1... I know too many of those 😢

lol

Yeah, I just don't see that as love or the foundation for a true and solid relationship... That is more like satisfying a selfish primal instinct. Like you friends dog humping your leg just for shits and giggles.

Every one can have sex... No brainier. Hence the state of the world and 'relationships', few people have a real connection.