krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
What do you need to know?
I'm the kind of person that doesn't have a list full of "traits" I want a companion to have. Yes, I do keep those delightful qualities/traits in mind, BUT I'm more of an action person. I need to see the person in ACTION.
If he tells me he's a Christian, that's great & all, but I need to be around him long enough to actually see him going to church OR atleast showing me exactly how/why he considers himself a Christian.
He can tell me that he's got a job. That's great & all, but before I completely give him the benefit of the doubt, I need to see that he does get up every day & go to work; that he actually does have income coming in; that he actually cuts me off & tells me he'll call me later b/c he has to get back to work; that he actually wakes up at the time he swears he goes into work
He can tell me that he's got an awesome family. That's great & all, but I need to see for myself by being around them & getting to gage for myself.
He can tell me that he's a good listener or great communicator. That's great & all, BUT I will be the judge of that when the right situations arise. I want to know what he's like when we disagree. I want to know what he's like when I really need him (to see if he'll be there for me when I call or need him to be). I need to see that when I'm venting to him, he's actually listening.
HE can tell me that he's only into me & that I'm all that he wants. That's great & all, BUT I want to know how he reacts when there's other beautiful women around. Does he have a huge wandering eye? When that hot chick came up to him, did he really point to me as if he was already taken or fall for the bait? I can't believe that he's got the hots for me if when out in public, I can't tell. I need to be able to tell.
In other words, I TOO want to be able to say that he/she is this or that, vs. that person trying to convince me that they are. When you see it for yourself, it makes things that much more real. It's easier to trust & grow comfortable with that person if you have witnessed yourself that yes, they are truthful, Christian, patient, hard working, etc.
Anyone can give you a long list of what/who they are. But it's up to YOU to see for yourself before 100% fully giving them the benefit of the doubt. Actions MUST match up with the words they're saying
If you're wondering if I have the "I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT" attitude, YES you're right! I absolutely do!
If he tells me he's a Christian, that's great & all, but I need to be around him long enough to actually see him going to church OR atleast showing me exactly how/why he considers himself a Christian.
He can tell me that he's got a job. That's great & all, but before I completely give him the benefit of the doubt, I need to see that he does get up every day & go to work; that he actually does have income coming in; that he actually cuts me off & tells me he'll call me later b/c he has to get back to work; that he actually wakes up at the time he swears he goes into work
He can tell me that he's got an awesome family. That's great & all, but I need to see for myself by being around them & getting to gage for myself.
He can tell me that he's a good listener or great communicator. That's great & all, BUT I will be the judge of that when the right situations arise. I want to know what he's like when we disagree. I want to know what he's like when I really need him (to see if he'll be there for me when I call or need him to be). I need to see that when I'm venting to him, he's actually listening.
HE can tell me that he's only into me & that I'm all that he wants. That's great & all, BUT I want to know how he reacts when there's other beautiful women around. Does he have a huge wandering eye? When that hot chick came up to him, did he really point to me as if he was already taken or fall for the bait? I can't believe that he's got the hots for me if when out in public, I can't tell. I need to be able to tell.
In other words, I TOO want to be able to say that he/she is this or that, vs. that person trying to convince me that they are. When you see it for yourself, it makes things that much more real. It's easier to trust & grow comfortable with that person if you have witnessed yourself that yes, they are truthful, Christian, patient, hard working, etc.
Anyone can give you a long list of what/who they are. But it's up to YOU to see for yourself before 100% fully giving them the benefit of the doubt. Actions MUST match up with the words they're saying
If you're wondering if I have the "I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT" attitude, YES you're right! I absolutely do!
Point being: Sometimes certain situations/circumstances bring out the REAL traits within a person. And sometimes who/what they TOLD you they were does NOT match up with their actions/what they're doing.
Everyone claims they're this or that, & it's not to say that everyone who considers themself a "good" thing/catch is lying. BUT the other person MUST be able to clearly see those traits within you too & the only way sometimes for the other person to see those traits is if they catch you in action OR during a time when certain traits are most likely to come out
I get that there are just some things you won't get to see/know/open up about until later on, BUT for the most part, I think more people should be focused on what a person is DOING moreso than all the sweet things they're saying!
You can't swear he's consistent or a good communicator OR believe it when HE considers himself consistent & a good communicator if he's NOT showing up when he said he would, if he's NOT calling you when he said he would, if he's always late, if he does NOT make good on his word etc.
You can't assume he's a "fun person" OR believe it when he considers himself a fun person if every time you're around him he's moping, or if he's never actually doing anything that either him or you consider to be "fun."
You can't assume he's respectful or believe it when he considers himself respectful if he's constantly flirting with other women, constantly has a wandering eye, if he calls you names, or if his actions don't reflect that of a respectful person.
Everyone claims they're this or that, & it's not to say that everyone who considers themself a "good" thing/catch is lying. BUT the other person MUST be able to clearly see those traits within you too & the only way sometimes for the other person to see those traits is if they catch you in action OR during a time when certain traits are most likely to come out
I get that there are just some things you won't get to see/know/open up about until later on, BUT for the most part, I think more people should be focused on what a person is DOING moreso than all the sweet things they're saying!
You can't swear he's consistent or a good communicator OR believe it when HE considers himself consistent & a good communicator if he's NOT showing up when he said he would, if he's NOT calling you when he said he would, if he's always late, if he does NOT make good on his word etc.
You can't assume he's a "fun person" OR believe it when he considers himself a fun person if every time you're around him he's moping, or if he's never actually doing anything that either him or you consider to be "fun."
You can't assume he's respectful or believe it when he considers himself respectful if he's constantly flirting with other women, constantly has a wandering eye, if he calls you names, or if his actions don't reflect that of a respectful person.
Great topic. But this is really long. Unnecessarily long.
Posted by krysrenee7
what types of things would you say you absolutely need to know OR atleast see before you make an informed decision to enter into an official relationship OR atleast get serious with someone?
That we are both free and available and want to pursue something more than the friendship we've been working on. We have fun together, we get along, we're attracted to each other, and we want to test the waters.
Posted by PiscesQueen
Great topic. But this is really long. Unnecessarily long.
Have we met yet or? =P
True.
Well I created this topic b/c people are always saying that they need to "get to know" the other person before they agree to get serious. So my question is literally, "What is it that you need to know?" =P
Well I created this topic b/c people are always saying that they need to "get to know" the other person before they agree to get serious. So my question is literally, "What is it that you need to know?" =P
Posted by LibraSidPosted by krysrenee7
what types of things would you say you absolutely need to know OR atleast see before you make an informed decision to enter into an official relationship OR atleast get serious with someone?
That we are both free and available and want to pursue something more than the friendship we've been working on. We have fun together, we get along, we're attracted to each other, and we want to test the waters.click to expand
Yep. And that he doesn't have a violent criminal history.
Posted by Claire
I never really had any kind of list, it's usually been a case of jumping in if the feelings are strong enough and worrying about the rest of it later. It's only natural afterall. Although, having been on dxp for a while, I have to say I would consider some things .. mainly due to reasons why past relationships have failed .. i'd try to avoid the same mistakes.
Exactly. This is how I used to go about relationships. It was only about how I "felt" about someone. There's nothing wrong with trusting your gut intuition but at the same time, some things you just have to see for yourself. I never wanted there to come a time when my answer to someone's question of "Why do you like him?" be so simple as "Oh the way he makes me feel!" That's not really a valid answer sometimes; sometimes you have to get your head out of the clouds & yes, acknowledge how he/she makes you feel, BUT ALSO acknowledge the facts & the reality that even if they make you "feel good" that doesn't mean/guarantee that their character is in a good place.
Hell a con artist can technically make you "feel good." And I'd hate to have gone all the way with him only to find out that since my head was so far into the clouds that I missed out on the qualities/traits he was clearly showing me, even if those qualities completely contradicted the things coming out of his mouth OR the way he made me "feel."
My philosophy now is this: There's 1. How you feel 2. What he tells you 3. What you see for yourself & THEN there's 4. a combination of ALL 3 (How you feel should match up to the reality of his actions). If there's even anything that's slightly off, that's an indication that your head might've been a little TOO into the clouds
Posted by QLIbraMale
@krysrenee7 Just 2 things I need to know bout my future girlfriend/wife 1st Respect. 2nd her being her True Self. Nothing else matters to me i'm pretty simple.
Understandable. If you can see that the person has a high level of respect & integrity with self & with others, I guess all other good traits will naturally follow, huh?! =)
I want to know if:
They have children.
They are currently seeing anyone at all.
When they broke up from their last serious relationship - and how it ended.
Whether they suffer from mental illness - this is in no way a deal breaker for me. I just like to know what I'm dealing with, be it depression or OCD, for example.
What their greatest achievement in life is to date.
How they get on with their family.
What their personal boundaries are.
What their views on independence are.
I don't want a "bad boy" with an addiction to pussy who feels it okay to sponge off other people and not respect family values, friendships and the fact he can't bully a woman into doing things she's not interested in doing.
Basically.
They have children.
They are currently seeing anyone at all.
When they broke up from their last serious relationship - and how it ended.
Whether they suffer from mental illness - this is in no way a deal breaker for me. I just like to know what I'm dealing with, be it depression or OCD, for example.
What their greatest achievement in life is to date.
How they get on with their family.
What their personal boundaries are.
What their views on independence are.
I don't want a "bad boy" with an addiction to pussy who feels it okay to sponge off other people and not respect family values, friendships and the fact he can't bully a woman into doing things she's not interested in doing.
Basically.
Posted by LibraSidPosted by krysrenee7
what types of things would you say you absolutely need to know OR atleast see before you make an informed decision to enter into an official relationship OR atleast get serious with someone?
That we are both free and available and want to pursue something more than the friendship we've been working on. We have fun together, we get along, we're attracted to each other, and we want to test the waters.click to expand
This.
And can you show me you're there for me, make me laugh. So important laughter. The thought of one makes you smile. That in their sphere you feel happy. Desired, wanted. That what you are meshes seamlessly with the other. That the safest and best place is in their arms. That to me is quite serious, something not to be missed out on.
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