Who can you REALLY listen to?

For every 500 relationship books/articles that advise women/men to do 1 thing, there are another 1,000 books/articles that advise the exact opposite! Even more interesting? BOTH sides of the coin have statistical data to back up their claims!

So who do we really listen to?

The author that says having sex too early on can/will ruin things VS. another author who says the opposite)?

The author that says playing "hard to get" actually works vs. the author who says playing NO games is the best route?

The author that says you should walk away if someone isn't giving you what you want VS. the author that says you should think before you flee, b/c relationships are about accepting someone for their flaws & being patient.

The author that says you should give a man an ultimatum (and threaten to leave) when he won't commit VS. the author who says doing so ruins everything & is the worst thing you can do

The author that gives us hints on "Signs he/she's cheating" vs. the authors who say those signs mean nothing!

The author that says forgive cheating, lying, & other deal breakers VS. the authors that tell you to fly the coop the min. something "isn't right."

The author that says it's possible to love a person that you severely hurt VS. the authors that claim it's not possible to love someone you've continually hurt.

The author that says open relationships never work VS. the author that gives us statistics that prove alot of them do

The author that says "Never discuss certain things on the 1st date," VS. the author that tells you to get EVERYTHING out in the open!

The author that tells you to be open about your past, all ex's, etc. VS. the author that tells you to zip it!

The author that says moving in before marriage can/will ruin things VS. the author that has statistical data that proves otherwise

You guys get my point!

My point is...Sometimes we put entirely TOO much focus on everything BUT our own hearts, common sense, intuition & judgement.

We can't go about everything "By the book"

For every 2 couples that couldn't survive an open relationship, there are another 5 who did

For every 2 couples that broke up b/c they "rushed things," there's another 5 couples who are doing just fine & living happily ever after even though they rushed things

For every 2 guy that kept on cheating after the 1st time, there's another 5 guys that actually learned their lesson the 1st time & never did it again!

For every 2 guys that ruined things b/c they kept their ex's as friends, there are another 5 guys that did the same but yet never cheated, never went back to them, and/or still went on to have long, happy & fulfilling relationships.

For every 2 women that ruined their chances with a guy b/c she slept with him too soon, there are another 5 women who ran off into the sunset with the guy(s) she slept with on the 1st night!

For every 2 couples that had kids too early & b/c so, they're relationship went sour, there's another 5 couples that didn't let those extra setbacks ruin or sour things.

For every 2 couples that allow the inlaws not liking the relationship, to ruin things, there's another 5 couples that prove that only THEIR opinion of eachother is what matters (even if everybody else is against their relationship)

No matter WHAT kind of advice we can give to our friends on any kind of subject, there are always 2 sides to every coin. Sometimes we forget to give our OWN sense of judgement, intuition & common sense some credit!

Posted by ellessque
you listen to yourself.

listening to others clouds judgement.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ the whole point of the thread, narrowed down to two concise sentences.



You see Krys ... it's that easy .. you don't have to write a novel.

In fact, for those who cannot read that much ... you lost

Oh I can def. understand where you're coming from.

I think even with dating, everything now in society is about everybody ELSE'S judgement moreso over their own. Even on this site, some people will literally base their entire course of decision making & action on what we've had to say. I'm not saying that advice is irrelevant, BUT we all need to remember that sometimes our OWN minds, intuition & common sense knew the answer 1st!

Sometimes I think people fish for certain kinds of advice simply b/c they are not yet ready to face the truth. They already know the truth, but they'll word their threads in certain ways and/or leave certain things out on purpose so that the people responding will automatically take their side OR encourage their naive/pessimistic thinking.

That's why I take all advice with a grain of salt. It's not b/c I don't want to hear it or that I'm above any body else's judgment, but moreso that I have to constantly remind myself that if I'm going to make a decision, I have to make such from my OWN mind & thoughts at the end of the day. It's really easy to slip up & let others think for you. And when they start thinking for you, you start living your life as if you were them & not your original self.

When I was dating my ex, I always made the mistake of going by the book or listening to everyone else's judgement except my own. I wasn't even the 1 dating him! My FRIEND'S minds/judgement were dating him! And THAT within itself could be why relationships these days aren't working out moreso than the original problem we all thought we had.

Your head, your intuition, your feelings, but most importantly your HEART. Basically YOURSELF.

I have seen so many potential relationships fall apart or NOT happen simply because they chose to listen to the opinions of others rather than trusting their OWN thoughts/opinions/feelings...etc. They second guess everything they ALREADY KNEW to be true/real and THAT is when everything turnes sour.

This reminds me of some bullshit I saw on The Bachelor the other night. The women were saying, "I love you. But if my family doesn't like you, you're out."

And they look so proud of themselves for saying it.

?!?!?

Maybe you need a balance of both

Maybe you need a balance of both

Posted by Sagittarius89
Maybe you need a balance of both

I agree. You shouldn't necessarily ignore advice from others. After all, there'd be no use for parents, friends, family, etc. You can't be so self-taught all the time b/c it's ultimately others that guide you through life & give you wisdom & them doing so accounts for 50% of your common sense. In other words, we got our common sense from somebody!

However, we can't forget about our own emotions or how things make us genuienly feel. Your mother's mind shouldn't be dating your partner or breaking up with your partner. Your best friend's mind shouldn't be either.

I agree that if there is a balance, things should be fine. Idk, I've just noticed that people nowadays have the hardest time trusting themselves & their OWN judgement. Even people with trust/insecurity issues actually lack trust within themselves 1st before they do with another person