Why does it really matter?

Ok, so let's say he cheats on you. I know, I know it sucks...

BUT

Ladies, what's up with wanting to know all the details!?

Would it really matter if his mistress was better looking than you (or not)?
Does it really matter when, where, how, why, who & what?
Does it really matter exactly what time he slept with her, whose house it happened at, what he/she was wearing, and/or whether or not the sex was actually good?

Knowing all the details is just torture. I can understand wanting to know WHY your partner cheated, but even then, 9 times out of 10, it's almost ALWAYS NOT your fault, so those extra details actually do more harm than good.

All it does is creates a distraction when really, you should be looking at the bigger picture: He cheated with ANYONE, therefore he's dead wrong.

Does it really make you ladies feel better when his mistress is NOT as cute/attractive as you?

Why are women so quick to say, "Oh honey, his mistress isn't even cute! She doesn't have half of what I have! I look way better than her!" It's like seriously! If your man compared you with his mistress he probably did so in the personality department, NOT the looks department.

I believed Oprah when she did that show about men who cheat & when she said that only 4% of men purposely choose a mistress that's better looking than their original partner. I don't think men are as caught up in looks when they're finally ready to cheat. But for some reason, women are when they find out they've been cheated on. They turn it into a battle of "Who looks better" instead of facing/dealing with the REAL issue at hand.

1 of my great friends is always comparing herself to her ex's new girlfriends. She's always saying, "Eww, why is he with her? I look waaaaay better than her!" And I baffles me that she almost feels BETTER simply by knowing that his next girl isn't as attractive as her.

Instead of her trying to make him feel like shxt for cheating on her PERIOD, she tries to make him feel guilty for cheating on her with someone whose not as cute as she is! Ha, I'm sure this guy looks at her like wtf!

If the goal is truly to have him back, then doesn't it make it WORSE that he still choose to move on to someone less attractive than you are? Doesn't that prove that obviously looks wasn't the deciding factor in his decision to move on to someone else?

Seriously, if a woman wants to get an ex/a man back so bad, she has to know exactly WHY he left in the 1st place. If he left b/c you nag too much but yet you're still stuck somewhere thinking that it's a competition on looks, you won't have the right tools to get him back! You'll instead be in the mirror trying to better your appearance when REALLY your ex would give you a chance if you fixed/changed the traits that you possess on the INSIDE (not outside).

Why would you want him back— (Refer thread re women too scared and gutless to go it alone..)

Who cares what she looks like? Get on with the impoartant stuff like changing the locks!!
He can be her problem now.

A girl only needs one azshole...the one that came with your birthday suit!

Ugh, I didn't want to know. As soon as I found out about it the guillotine slammed down. I would have to say to give themselves an insane sort of closure. As goofy as that sounds.
But for me the very act itself ( and I didn't care if she was Queen of America or a slattern/bar fly type..turns out it was the latter.. ) was enough.

And ^5 ReallyNiceAries, exactly.

That's one unsolved mystery I wouldn't bother investigating.

la guillotine est le meilleur!!

what got guillotined? her head or his willy?

I guess if you time it right you could get both at once🙂

Should have been both actually. One was highly unattractive and the other while quite delightful proved to be a wanderer. A tainted weenie could make you sick. 😉 🙂

Whoa! No slinger-cutting ladies! It's not ladylike!

I agree. I personally think it's extra funny when the next girl looks just as good as me. I may hate the SOB but hey, I'd have more respect for him in the long run if he "upgraded!"

I always tell my guys, hey, if you're gonna cheat on me, it better be with someone you can actually ride off into the sunset with! Don't leave a 10 for a 2, & think that you're gonna come back in my damn life after you've finally realized how much of an idiot you were! Whether he downgraded though or not doesn't really matter if he cheats. Cheating is grounds for IMMEDIATE TERMINATION

^ YUP! HOMIE DON'T PLAY DAT!

tell that to Lorena Bobbitt!

Cheating on your spouse is not ladylike nor very gentlemanly. Punishment should fit crime.
If he loved you he wouldn't have cheated on you or done anything else to hurt you. Therefore it wasn't love.

Chop away. Physical activity good for releasing tension.

I most strongly agree with kyrsrenee7's "No slinger-cutting ladies! It's not ladylike!" position here.

Some folks have a real morbid desire to know the most awful details. Graphics, you got graphics, lets have 'em. Why, I don't know. Of course, I don't like scary movies, either.

LOL I'd never do that to a man. Entertain it, oh yeh. Laugh about it? Yep. Do it? Nope. Every man is safe from a knife wielding me. *crossing heart*

we're just toying with you dofacc.

No one loves a good slinger more than us!

Having said that, no one hurts more than an Aries who has been treetrunked over for no good reason, so no telling what I might be capable of given extreme circumstances. But I am sure no guy would do that to me so we probably never need worry about it.

I do know someone who was threatened with the "chop" by a crazy Scorpio. But she is too gutless to actually do it.
Scorps talk a big game but no action.

An Aries would never threaten you, they would just hack it off and feed it to the dog.

As I say,I don't like scary movies, nor am I into self-flagellation. I would have to say that the only explanation is that this is a form of self abuse. Really, call the person your SO was cheating on you with and ask for details—? This is beyond sad, and into the realm of self destruction.

Unless you were calling to confirm the address for dropping off all his clothes...
or would you throw them out the window into the garden?
or maybe you could get together with her for a mutual dumping of his sorry azs?


j/k - Your S/O (SOB?) is the one at fault, you don't need to know what B/s they have told the other person.
She will soon figure out what a dirty dog he is.

Posted by EmotionalMoon
I know this is off topic... but I have a really bad habit of obessessing over my partners ex's. I wish I could stop it.

ICK - this sounds like something we need to cure you of...

What do you obsess about exactly?

If your partner is with you, who cares if the ex is 900 pounds and bathes only every other week.
Let them obsess about YOU!!

My short and simple answer Krys,is I think some women...and men for that matter...want to know details because they are trying to grasp why.if you loved me...then why did you do it? is she prettier...smarter...funnier? WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THE BITCH—?

and some of us just shoot...and let God ask the questions. 😉

^ Oh yeh.

Posted by CappyyLuv30
Or worse yet than knowing the details is calling up the OTHER woman. Ew. Who does that? I sure didn't. My problem wasn't her, it was HIM. I never understood that - like what would calling HER up and talking to her or trying to fish for information FROM her or get details FROM her do for my situation? Nothing.

I actually did call, but its not how you think. I wanted to hear from her what happened, but she wouldnt talk until i reiterated over and over again that my problem was not with her. She wasnt in a relationship with me, he was. I just wanted to know if they did have sex which she confirmed. Thats all i wanted to know.

Posted by EmotionalMoon
I know this is off topic... but I have a really bad habit of obessessing over my partners ex's. I wish I could stop it.

Ahhh! I used to have this problem. It was literally an obsession which damaged my relationships. I know for me, it was due to insecurity.

Not all women.

Mostly, my problem would be with him, not her. If I didn't know her, I wouldn't want to...or know anything about her.

In some cases I might even feel bad for her...like maybe she didn't know about me either...maybe she's getting her heartbroken too. :/ Then I say we join forces and take that motherfucker down. 🙂


I would want to know if I knew her/if she was a friend or acquaintance....cause in that case, bitch is going down too.

Posted by CappyyLuv30

Posted by Shadows

Posted by CappyyLuv30
Or worse yet than knowing the details is calling up the OTHER woman. Ew. Who does that? I sure didn't. My problem wasn't her, it was HIM. I never understood that - like what would calling HER up and talking to her or trying to fish for information FROM her or get details FROM her do for my situation? Nothing.

I actually did call, but its not how you think. I wanted to hear from her what happened, but she wouldnt talk until i reiterated over and over again that my problem was not with her. She wasnt in a relationship with me, he was. I just wanted to know if they did have sex which she confirmed. Thats all i wanted to know.

The phone bill and he stuttering all retarded when confronted was enough for me. Now I kinda wanna throw her a party for doing me the favor. LOL

click to expand

NICE work turning that around! 😄
(I also found out from a phone bill...which is how I got her number.)

Hell there's NO point in talking to the "other woman" b/c hell, she might PURPOSELY lie or exaggerate the details anyways!

If the other woman actually knows about you (his girlfriend), she may try to exaggerate details, lie about things, or make you feel even worse. Hell, she might even be rude to you & make you feel worse!

In essence, if you want information from anyone period it oughta be from your man, not his mistress or his ex or anyone else. And hey, if your own man will lie to you, the chances of someone else, who didn't promise to be faithful/loyal to you, being honest with you are slim to none!

Based on evolutionary psychology, woman look for men who can provide for them and their offspring...and it's funny how you can actually see that men compete with each other when it comes to money or success. It's very rare you see a man threatened by another man because he's more attractive than him, it's usually always because the other guy has more money or rolling around in a nice car, etc.

They also say that men look for woman who are more youthful and fertile looking. I guess because this leads to higher chances of producing children. So it explains why women are more threatened by other women's looks. You don't really see woman concerned with how much money the other woman is making....especially in comparison to her looks. Woman are more prone to compete/compare with each other when it comes to physical appearance.

When it comes to details of cheating...no thank you. The fact that you cheated is enough detail for me to base my decision on what I need to do.

Interesting comments about men, there candyapple88. One of the "jokes" I like to shoot at people is "He is younger, richer, taller, and has more hair than I do, of course I hate him?" So, you thoughts on men being seen as a higher quality mate because of their earning levels certainly seems to have hit a cord with me, at least at some level.

I agree with CandyApples

The same even applies with how men/women view different levels of cheating differently. Men seem to be 10Xs more upset if you physically cheat with someone when women tend to be the most upset when their men have emotionally cheated on them. Women know that emotional attachments are harder to break/get a man away from. And with men, they can get jealous of another man physically if he sleeps with his girl! I think this is 1 of the ONLY times men actually compare themselves physically with another man

to turn this around for a moment, would you want the Other Person to tell you about your cheating spouse?

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
to turn this around for a moment, would you want the Other Person to tell you about your cheating spouse?

Um it depends. If the other woman knew about me the whole time & yet still choose to sleep with him, no I wouldn't want her to tell me--she can save her words--word that I probably wouldn't believe all the way anyways...It's hard to trust and/or give credibility to a complete stranger whose already shown you that they don't have morals or have low self worth.

BUT, if another woman came to me out of utter disappointment b/c she didn't know about me & the relationship the whole time, I'd want her to tell me. I wouldn't want all the extra details though. I'd want her to tell me her side. I wouldn't even care to hear her begging me or trying to convince me that she's really done with my man or anything like that. I'd just want proof that the affair actually happend. The extra details would be irrelevant the min. I found out he cheated period.

At the end of the day, I'd want my man to come to me & confess to me. It's so embarrassing when a complete stranger can come to you & tell you what your partner should've been the 1 to tell you

when a man cheats on you ladies, its usually because YOU were lacking somewhere in the relationship department..so with that being said, i think you SHOULD talk to/see the other woman, and find out what made her so special..

because a lot of you woman assume for some insane reason that your such a great catch and you deserve to get the best treatment..but the fact of the matter is..you're NOT that special and probably is just a bit above average..maybe you don't look that hot, maybe you suck in bed, or maybe you have the conversation skills of a 8 year old with ADD,idk, but if you got cheated on, then 9 times out of 10,it was YOUR fault..

Actually DAMEN VI cheating is ALWAYS the cheater's fault.

The cheater knows he/she is married.

Cheating is also a pretty simple thing to avoid.
Instead of cheating one goes to their spouse and says "I don't love you" (they may not have loved them all along - who knows?) "and because I have too much respect for myself to become a lying cheating piece of shit I would rather we end this like adults and both get on with our lives."

You can give a list of your complaints - suck in bed (or don't - whichever the case may be!), weight gain, hair loss, impotence etc etc but always know it is the cheater's decision to cheat.

Instead of cheating one goes to their spouse and says "I don't love you" (they may not have loved them all along - who knows?) "and because I have too much respect for myself to become a lying cheating piece of shit I would rather we end this like adults and both get on with our lives."

so just because a person cheats, it means that they don't love their partner anymore?? NO..what im saying is maybe you started slacking in certain areas in the relationship, so he may unconsciously (or consciously) start looking elsewhere to get what he wasn't getting at home..like for example: you got comfortable, and started gaining a lil weight..ok fine,he may still love you, but you may not be turnin him on like you use to..so now he's at the bar,drinkin,and he see's this nice and slim bimbo thats dumber then a bag of rocks, but looks great and basically beggin for a good old fashioned drill session..

what do we do??!! it's a tuff call, but the liquor always help make the decision a lil easier..

Posted by DAMEN VI
when a man cheats on you ladies, its usually because YOU were lacking somewhere in the relationship department..so with that being said, i think you SHOULD talk to/see the other woman, and find out what made her so special..

No, here's where you're wrong. If a person cheats, there's obviously SOMETHING lacking in the relationship. The question is, WHO is the 1 whose lacking? And if the relationship is just THAT bad & oh so miserable, then he can take his miserable azs, break up with me and THEN go sleep with some hooker. But to stay with someone you can't stand makes YOU look more like an azs & the one whose lacking moreso than the person your cheating on.

Why should a woman look up to her man's mistress? Why should I look up to some girl that gave up the booty to a man who was already taken? Looking up to someone with no self respect/worth is NOT such a hot idea. Why should I look up to some woman whom my man probably barely knows? Since when is getting "schooled" from a complete stranger, the best advice?! Even worse, why should I take the advice from some other woman that my man probably won't even end up with even if I leave his azs? 9 times out of 10, the other woman doesn't have a real chance with the man she's sleeping with on the side anyways. Very rarely, do you see the mistress walking off into the sunset with the man she cheated with.

Plus, the 1 of the main reasons mistresses end up having to sleep with a married/taken man in the FIRST place is b/c she doesn't know how to get OR keep her OWN man!

Hey, if a man isn't happy with his woman, that's fine. We're all entitled to acknowleding when we're just not as happy anymore. BUT, at some point you've gotta take responsibility & be man enough to remove yourself from any situation that is no longer fulfilling to you. But to stay & blame the other person for why YOU betrayed them is just bullshxt to me.

All the effort men put into finding the next pair of open legs could be effort/energy they're putting into communicating their issues with their partners OR breaking up with them. Cheating is the easy way out. It shows that you're not man enough to leave someone.

Men tend to forget that THEY TOO will eventually start NOT to look as good as they used to. They'll eventually gain a little weight, get a stretch mark or too, grow a beer belly, start balding, get a few wrinkles, lose those lovely muscles & maybe even their sex drive!

Men walk around here acting like women are the only ones on earth that eventually change or "age." Men age, get wrinkles, gain weight, get sick and/or "lose" some of their spunk too.

The whole point of a long-term relationship/marriage is to end up with that person in the long run. And the other person changing physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, etc. comes with the territory of relationships. And if someone isn't willing to communicate and/or accept the territory that comes with relationships, they should NOT be in one. There's no getting around that.

In life, people change, body parts stop working or start going south. But we're supposed to deal with it & get past that! That's why they say "for better or for worse" during a marriage cerimony. If you can't handle the aspect of some things changing as time goes on, then relationships aren't for you. But to sign up for something that is GUARANTEED to eventually change over time, yet only to punish the other person for that is just bull. That's why it's important to find OTHER things to really admire/love your partner for.

And half the men who have all these "complaints" about their partners, are usually the FIRST ONES who don't have it all together themselves! Some men will cheat even if their partners are doing everything right! A man not knowing how to keep it in his pants is HIS fault, not anyone else's fault. HE controls his own zipper, not his girlfriend or wife.

Half the men who cheat probably have unsatisfied wives/girlfriends at home too. But you don't see them cheating with the mail man or with some guy she barely knows. When you have a family & get older/mature, you learn how to better communicate & problem solve...not find the easiest way out or find cop outs

"Half the men who cheat probably have unsatisfied wives/girlfriends at home too. But you don't see them cheating with the mail man or with some guy she barely knows."

are you sure about that—?

its an older woman at my job, who's been married 20+ years, and she been cheating on him with a younger guy for over 6 years..he works a lot, but he pays all the bills at home too,smh..

which brings me to another point: women are just as fickle as men..you know its plenty of married dudes out here that have a woman they love, will do anything for them, but yet, she still cheats on him..why??..maybe she really does love him, but he just can't satisfy her how she wants to be satisfied in bed..or he works too much,etc..

it definetly goes both ways..

Oh no doubt. There are plenty of women who are just as shady & ungrateful like men. BUT we were talking about men & using men as an example, but even then everything I had to said applies to BOTH men & women.

Women can be some shady creatures too. They say men are dogs! HA! Women are worse, we just don't get caught as often!

My point was that regardless of the reason a man OR woman would have to cheat, there's NEVER a good enough excuse/justification to cheat on someone. It's simple, if you're THAT unhappy, leave the relationship OR atleast keep some dignity & keep your pants up until you're finally out of the relationship marriage. If you're unhappy, communicate your unhappiness to your partner instead of allowing your 1st resort to be to go fall into someone else's arms that probably are just as unfulling as your partner. And even then, if after you've communicated your concerns & yet your partner refuses to change or sacrifice, it still all comes back to leaving the relationship.

Being unhappy is fine, but cheating is a cop out. A man may wish that his girlfriend wasn't fat but I'd be willing to bed $ 1 million bucks that his woman WISHES he was faithful, loyal & committed. Once you break the trust, you are NO longer fulfilling your partner, therefore you no longer have a right to complain about someone not fulfilling your needs b/c at that point, you're BOTH coming up short!