You knew this was coming!

What I've learned about relationships Pt. 3

1. Just like everyone who crosses your path may NOT be your type, good enough or what you're looking for, understand that others have the right to feel the same about you. Everyone will NOT consider you to be a "good thing."

2. Love is moreso an action, NOT an emotion. Faith w/o works is dead. Same goes for love.

3. You can't withdrawal what someone didn't deposit.

4. It's rare that some things are accidents. If someone chooses to betray you in any way, it's b/c they made the CHOICE/DECISION to. No, some chick didn't "accidentally" fall into your man's lap.

5. If he/she will cheat WITH you, they'll cheat ON you.

6. All cheaters are OK to some extent with dishonesty. Are you sure that you're "married/taken" man is all that golden? What's so attractive about someone who makes a living out of betraying/lying to his own choosen loved ones?

7. Love IS absolutely conditional, unless it's love b/w you & God OR love b/w you & your child. All other people must absolutely meet certain "conditions" (emotionally, sexually, physically, psychologically, spiritually etc.,). That's why most of us enforce our standards BEFORE we even walk up to someone to approach them & DURING the time we're initially dating them. That doesn't change just b/c you fall in love & start a relationship.

8. Some women tend to forget that some of the same rules apply to them. Make sure you're taking your OWN advice when you go around telling men how they oughta be faithful, treat their women like queens & be grateful for what they've got. Ladies, you've gotta put in some work too.

9. If others don't respect your relationship, it's probably b/c 1 or both people IN it, don't.

10. Never cuss out the mistress/other woman. She was NOT the person who promised to be faithful, honest & loyal to you. HE was. Take your anger out on the person who actually broke their promise & that person is your partner, not your partner's other partner.

11. If you're going to engage in online dating, remember that dating shouldn't be about picking a person like you would clothing out of a catologue. It's great & all that you want someone whose 6'4, blue eyes, brown hair, no chest hair, & hispanic, BUT remember not to put a cap on love, no different than it's wrong to put 1 on race. You're entitled to having "your type" BUT remember that people are people, not custom clothing you'd pick out of a catologue

12. Flirting is NOT "who you are." It's WHAT YOU DO. There's a difference

13. No you're NOT doing your partner a favor by lying to them or keeping something from them all b/c you fear that the truth will hurt them. Yes, the truth may hurt, but them finding out the truth later from someone ELSE other than you AND them finding out that you had no plans on telling them hurts even MORE.

14. What you see is what you get. When a person SHOWS you who they are, believe them the 1st time. Most people are NOT joking when they warn you of certain flaws/negative traits they possess.

15. If your standards ever offend/insult the person/people you're dating, RUN RUN RUN! And never turn back! Don't entertain anyone who can't stand you all b/c you have a backbone. It should be the other way around.

16. There's NO such thing as someone else completing you or being your "other half." 2 people in a relationship oughta compliment eachother, not complete 1 another. Why? B/c if your relationship with your "other half" ends, you're screwed!? The goal is to go in as 1 complete person AND walk away as 1 complete person, regardless of what went wrong

17. If you're friends are investigating your man & purposely trying to look for trouble even though you did NOT ask them to play detective, they're either jealous, wanna screw your partner OR don't want you to be happy. Your friends shouldn't be going out of their way to bring down your partner if they've never been given a reason to dislike/investigate him.

18. If he says "I love you" before, during AND after sex, you're probably with the right guy. However, if you only hear the L word before OR during sex, you might be dealing with a heartbreaker & man whose just using you & saying sweet nothings in your ear all just to get the benefits. Sorry

"2. Love is moreso an action, NOT an emotion. Faith w/o works is dead. Same goes for love."

Could not have said it better myself.


"7. Love IS absolutely conditional, unless it's love b/w you & God OR love b/w you & your child. All other people must absolutely meet certain "conditions" (emotionally, sexually, physically, psychologically, spiritually etc.,). That's why most of us enforce our standards BEFORE we even walk up to someone to approach them & DURING the time we're initially dating them. That doesn't change just b/c you fall in love & start a relationship."

Um...I don't necessarily agree with this statement. I believe that love IS unconditional....no "unlesses, buts, and, if only"...etc. Limiting ourselves by applying "conditions" to potential partners robs us the ability to see that person for who they are and limits our potential to grow individually.

Posted by Archimedes
"2. Love is moreso an action, NOT an emotion. Faith w/o works is dead. Same goes for love."

Could not have said it better myself.


"7. Love IS absolutely conditional, unless it's love b/w you & God OR love b/w you & your child. All other people must absolutely meet certain "conditions" (emotionally, sexually, physically, psychologically, spiritually etc.,). That's why most of us enforce our standards BEFORE we even walk up to someone to approach them & DURING the time we're initially dating them. That doesn't change just b/c you fall in love & start a relationship."

Um...I don't necessarily agree with this statement. I believe that love IS unconditional....no "unlesses, buts, and, if only"...etc. Limiting ourselves by applying "conditions" to potential partners robs us the ability to see that person for who they are and limits our potential to grow individually.

I'll give you the perfect example. When your child acts up, cusses you out or does the most horrendous thing, you'll still love them conditionally, put up with them & never leave their side. You do it b/c from the time they were born, you vowed to love that child unconditionally, whether they turn out to be a complete failure or treat you horribly.

Ok now let's say that you're man treats you horribly, disrespects you, betrays you and/or does all of the things your child may do. I'd be willing to bet that IF you had a backbone, you'd leave this guy. You may still love him, BUT since he broke "conditions" (not respecting you or the relationship), you'd leave the relationship, & him altogether.

When your child is 1st born, you'll still love them unconditionally whether they are handicapped, have behavioral problems or any other flaws b/c hey, that's your child. And this unconditional love continues throughout you & that child's entire lifetime, regardless of what hell/conditions they may put you through.

You will love that child whether they are abusive to you, themselves or others AND you'll love that child regardless of how "ugly" their personality may be. Nothing will change that, even if they go to jail for life for murdering someone

But yet when you 1st approach someone, meet them or start dating them, you ARE looking for certain qualities or "conditions." You won't just love ANYBODY, nor will you accept certain flaws (i.e. conditions).

Before you even allow that person to be considered "dateable" they must 1st be your type, pass pre-screening & have certain qualities (i.e. conditions) that you are looking for.

To say that you don't have "conditions" when it comes to your partners is the same as saying that you won't mind or change your mind about him if he suddenly becomes violent, cheats on you, disrespects you, becomes an "ugly" person, etc. & all other "Conditions" (i.e. standards).

I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt in assuming that you absolutely WON'T put up with ALL conditions just b/c you love someone. Same goes with immediate family other than our children sometimes.

You can love your child flaws & all for an entire lifetime, BUT can you HONESTLY say that you'll love someone the exact same for an entire lifetime EVEN IF they stop meeting certain conditions that attracted you to them in the 1st place? Doubt it!

"To say that you don't have "conditions" when it comes to your partners is the same as saying that you won't mind or change your mind about him if he suddenly becomes violent, cheats on you, disrespects you, becomes an "ugly" person, etc. & all other "Conditions" (i.e. standards)."

If your partner was not ugly before and THEN became "ugly" there's a disconnect somewhere. People just don't become "ugly" overnight. If your husband/lover/boyfriend treated you like a queen and met all the standards then all of a sudden became "ugly" are you going to just up and leave and stop loving him the way you did before OR are you going to remain a friend and help him back to where he was before recognizing that there WAS a change and that things may not be as they were before?

To some people, abuse IS their way of showing love, when it conflicts with what WE believe or think what love is or SHOULD be, we've already lost the meaning. Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that one should remain in a relationship with such a person nor did I say standards were unnecessary....all I'm saying is that to truly understand what love is, we have to learn how to give it and receive it in ALL of its forms.

And yes, I CAN honestly say that I will love someone the same. It may take me a minute to "get back to that place" but my love will remain the same. 😛

Posted by Archimedes
And yes, I CAN honestly say that I will love someone the same. It may take me a minute to "get back to that place" but my love will remain the same. 😛

Understandable.

And again, I'm not promoting the concept of giving up or "quitting" just b/c some things may change.

BUT, there IS a difference b/w someone changing temporarily vs. them changing for good. Just b/c we get into a relationship doesn't mean that we stop growing.

So it comes down to each individual's willingness to still love & put up with whoever/whatever their partner has newly turned into. Some can handle it, depending on what type of change occurs, while others can't.

Same goes with my kids. I may love them too death & I'll never stop loving them, BUT if they disrespect me, come in all hours of the night & develop a pattern of criminal behavior, I'll kick them out. Not b/c I stopped loving them BUT b/c my standards (being respected) apply to THEM TOO & will remain during the entire length of my relationship with them. Same goes for my partner.

Plus we must also remember that not all relationships are meant to last forever. We can love someone very intensly (first love, for example) & yet 20 years later, look back & realize that had you met that person now, chances are you wouldn't have even dated them.

I think alot of people are afraid of admitting that they may not always be open to certain changes. And that's ok. But people shouldn't be in denial about it.

Not only does who we are change, but so does what we want. Someone whom I consider "right" for me right now, may NOT be what I'd consider right for me in 10 years. So should I stay just for the sake of proving that I can love unconditionally OR should I move on b/c there's no point in being in a relationship period if the main connection has been lost (permanently)?

THAT is the question!

"Not only does who we are change, but so does what we want. Someone whom I consider "right" for me right now, may NOT be what I'd consider right for me in 10 years. So should I stay just for the sake of proving that I can love unconditionally OR should I move on b/c there's no point in being in a relationship period if the main connection has been lost (permanently)?

THAT is the question!"

Very true. Well, why not enjoy the here and now and stop worrying about 10 yrs from now? We shouldn't have to stay in a relationship simply to prove to the other person that we can still love them unconditionally, EVEN if the main connection has been lost. Also, is it possible to reconnect and on what level?

If the connection has been lost, there is probably a reason. Perhaps the NOW people are the ones who were not meant to be 10 yrs from now, they're the ones who push us to the one who is now AND 10 yrs from now?

I wonder...how many relationships have you been in to compile these pages upon pages of information?