Sag man and radio silence?

I'm dating this Sag for almost two years now, but now he has started acting really strange, aloof and distant. When we are physically together or on a date or in one of our places everything feels ok and I notice nothing unusual.

What troubles me is his habit of taking these sudden "leaves of absense" by completely shutting of his phone and being completely unreachable for days or a week. I don't /think/ it's because I am too suffocating, but it's hard to say - but it isn't as if I am texting him all the time or even to want to be texting him all day every day. It is really frustrating, because most of the time I end up thinking he is either mad at me or ignoring me, when in fact it's everyone he shuts out while he does this, including his closest friends.

Has any of you encountered this butter before? I really don't know what to make of it. Could it be a Saggy way to try and gain that coveted freedom? Or should I be worried for his mental health or something? Feels a little too much based on just some texting.

When this has happened before, he has afterwards said to me that it isn't about me, but that he just doesn't want to be reachable all the time. Still it bothers me, as he just does this completely out of the blue and leaves me unable to communicate anything, and as a leeb I need that butter, lol. He even has the spare key to my apartment, which kinda leaves me stranded if I really did need it while he's doing this... :/ I've been wondering if it really is about me after all, and he is just unsure about me or some such butter.

I'll add our placements here if it's any help;

me

asc - sagittarius

sun - libra

moon - taurus

venus - libra

mars - leo

him

sun - sagittarius

moon - capricorn

venus - capricorn

mars - capricorn (so much cappy..!)

Any help, tips, comments, anything? Lol what could be up with him, or how do I get him to even open up?

(ps. yay my first post! Been lurking for ages but found no mention of anything similar so had finally to post myself haha.)

Run for the hills, the signs are in what you wrote and you just have to open your eyes to accept it. There are so many red flags that it seems you want us to tell you it, but you already know what's wrong.

The good thing about his Sag Sun is that he does have more sense of adventure, meeting new people and curiosity than a Cap sun regardless of the other placements.

My best friend has those placements... Sag Sun and everything else is Capricorn.

I'm sorry to say but you're dating a Capricorn more than a Sag lol. I can say that this person gets his energy by being alone rather than with other people regardless of how much he enjoys/loves their company.

One thing you can expect is 100% honesty and sense of responsibility from them. So my suggestion would be to voice your concerns but in a compromising way...for example acknowledge his need for his own time/space away from EVERYONE (including you) but also that since he's in a relationship with you , you both have responsibility to each other to be available in emergencies (whether emotional or practical emergencies). There's nothing that turns a Cap more than thought of responsibility ... lol.

So may be you can come to a compromise where you understand hs need of space and will NOT reach out to him unless it's an emergency. You guys can decide what that emergency entails. But he has to answer your call/text if you do reach out. Then he can feel at peace for taking care of himself but at the same time knowing you are taken care of as well. And you can feel at peace that he's rejuvenating himself and at the same time you are a priority as well.

Set your time of tolerance for how long he has been mia/unavailable. If he goes away passes the time, start to say goodbye for him.

Not worth the time.

I was with a sag before and he pulled that crap on me. I did as per my advice and broke up with him. He was shocked and (as it turns out, was really hurt), but i swear to god I couldn't handle being ignored and left out high and dry like that.

Your call, tho.

Posted by RooSagicorn

Yes shutting down is the defensive mechanism. Sooo maybe think if there is anything he’d need space from you on or possibly it’s something else that’s taking over everything in his mind. I tend to need time for just me, space, meditation, finding my balance and peace.. but if someone is my rock I will let them in that space.

This is part of what worries me, as I have been thinking about that rock part. Maybe he just doesn't trust me enough to be his rock? I feel bad I can't be there for him whatever it is. Everything seems fine when we are together though.

Posted by tiziani

Maybe he has a big project on hand?

I do similar in my own time and it isn't about anyone else but me being productive and finishing the process.

Could be, but to my knowledge he shouldn't have anything like that going on at the moment. By all means I think he should have lots of free time now as he just began his summer holidays. I would still think it would be quite easy to notify me about something coming up? :/ I really do cherish our time together, he's very touchy-feely and sweet to me.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

How do you know he shuts out his friends as well? Do you have independent knowledge of that or is that what he tells you?

He said he "just doesn't want to be reachable sometimes" meaning that his desire to be alone trumps his concern for his relationship with you in the most basic way, and that is the best possible reason for what he's doing. Is that okay if that's why? Imagine if he's lying about something worse than that.

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I kinda asked his sister this week, as I knew they were visiting their mother on Mother's day, and that's when he disappeared this time. Had been ignoring her too. She happened to have some business with him, and had to go to his place to get in contact with him. That's when I found out about him keeping his phone off. I also heard from a mutual friend he wasn't there to help his best friend move on Friday, though I remember him planning to go. That was what really worried me and eventually made me write the post. So anyway, I gathered it's everyone who's being brushed off and not only me.

I do hope he's not lying and it is only about needing space. Boggles the mind though - where the sudden need? Then again he isn't the best at talking about his feelings, and not that great at the texting thing either. I'm not sure he fully realises how bad the disappearing acts are making me feel, though I tried telling him when this happened before. It's just "some texts" to him I guess. Can't make up my mind if he really doesn't realise what he's doing or if he is just being neglectful anyway.

Posted by stillstillwater

My best friend has those placements... Sag Sun and everything else is Capricorn.

I'm sorry to say but you're dating a Capricorn more than a Sag lol. I can say that this person gets his energy by being alone rather than with other people regardless of how much he enjoys/loves their company.

One thing you can expect is 100% honesty and sense of responsibility from them. So my suggestion would be to voice your concerns but in a compromising way...for example acknowledge his need for his own time/space away from EVERYONE (including you) but also that since he's in a relationship with you , you both have responsibility to each other to be available in emergencies (whether emotional or practical emergencies). There's nothing that turns a Cap more than thought of responsibility ... lol.

So may be you can come to a compromise where you understand hs need of space and will NOT reach out to him unless it's an emergency. You guys can decide what that emergency entails. But he has to answer your call/text if you do reach out. Then he can feel at peace for taking care of himself but at the same time knowing you are taken care of as well. And you can feel at peace that he's rejuvenating himself and at the same time you are a priority as well.

Haha, it did cross my mind that maybe I should've asked the Capricorn forum instead, after I realised just how much Cappy he has in his chart. Seems to be filled to the brim with complaints about being ignored by a Capricorn. It's weird though, he really comes across more as a Sag, definitely not like any other cappies I know. Must be something in his ascendant, too bad I don't know his exact time of birth.

What you are saying seems like sound advice, or at least a means to go forward. It's just really hard not to reach out to him, especially as the way he does the disappearing is so sudden. Half of the time I don't even realise he's doing the pulling back thing before I've already called multiple times, just thinking he was busy. Poor guy, must stress him out even more to have multiple missed calls waiting when he eventually does check his phone... smh

Would you suggest I now leave him be for as long as it takes for him to come back around? Can't really have any kind of conversation with him currently. I guess showing up at his place would be a possibility but I fear I would come across as a stalker or maybe a little psychotic. Ain't no one want that "psychotic girlfriend" label on them, lol. And if he really wants his space I guess that would be bad in that sense, too.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo



I'm glad it's not just you who is getting ignored. That probably means it's not about you or how he feels about you. The question becomes are you okay with this being the way things are going forward? Are you asking about it because it's strange to you or because it upsets you? We can make accommodations for people we care for, but it takes open and honest communication and willingness to compromise on both parts if your expectations don't completely align from the beginning. If you do all the bending, the relationship will become lop-sided, which leads to all kinds of issues.

My guess would be that he gets depressed, and he doesn't want to deal with anyone else during those depressions. That's just a guess. Maybe he's telling the unvarnished truth, and he just wants to be a hermit sometimes for no reason at all other than he does. What can you tolerate and are your needs being met? He's a person, not a package of boyfriend traits, but still, you need to be met half way.

Someone posted this lady the other day. I've watched a few of her videos, and I think she explains the attachment style s in a unique and respectful way. I think this particular video _might_ relate to what you're dealing with.

Oh god, watching the vid just made me want to text him all my love and tell him he's understood and loved lol and to take no pressure about coming back around. Didn't, though, as I'm quite unsure about pushing any more at this point. I guess I wasn't all that chill the last time he did this, it was back in February and I really did think he ghosted me for good and that would be the end of this. If he really is like the video, it probably was the worst kind of reception with all the crying and drama and shit.

The reason I'm asking about his behaviour is because I just don't understand it. It does hurt me and leave me guessing, but I think it would be easier to understand or work with if I knew the reason for his behaviour. Or if there even is one. My gut is saying that he just doesn't care enough about me, as otherwise he wouldn't be leaving me out. But he is such a sweet guy I also feel that would be jumping to conclusions, and the most pessimistic one at that. The thing that tortures me is not knowing what's up. If he did tell me that that's just the way he is or gave me some heads up in advance maybe I could even live with it or learn to deal with it.

And as a sidenote, it is really embarassing to have someone ask about how he's doing or come up to me and ask why he's not answering to /them/ and not having anything to say. "Why would I know, I'm only his gf haha" makes people give me some very funny faces at times. Too bad I'm busy crying inside while they are amusing me... 😄

Posted by RooSagicorn

lol on the Cappy comment. I am cap dominant and also on the sag/cap cusp. I feel like a combo. Like a mellow Sag or optimistic Cap 😂 it’s really not I’m more of a Cap, I am definitely both.

I also have been off& on with a Cap sun (right now it’s on) who believe me there is still a big difference between us. But we understand each other due to common cap placements. So yes I hide sometimes when it becomes too much. Not from him though, but when he disappears yes. More like from the world. Until I find balance again. he disappears on a much bigger level than I do.

He needs processing time. And those damn caps take forever doing it. My ex husband with the cap moon omfg it takes an act of god to get things out of him. He does well with support and how I understood him. Actually the Cap sun too. Observing us your biggest tool, I would use it.

We are all extremely stubborn and don’t like to be told what to do. We need to process.

How would you go about showing that support in my situation? Do you think there would be any way to make him feel more secure? I understand that he might need solitude more than I do, but there are things that need to be addressed if we want to keep this going such as some kind of heads up before he goes all Mr. Invisible 😄 I don't want to come across as just making demands. I just want those kids and dogs we've been dreaming about.

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by ConfusLeeb

Posted by RooSagicorn

lol on the Cappy comment. I am cap dominant and also on the sag/cap cusp. I feel like a combo. Like a mellow Sag or optimistic Cap 😂 it’s really not I’m more of a Cap, I am definitely both.

I also have been off& on with a Cap sun (right now it’s on) who believe me there is still a big difference between us. But we understand each other due to common cap placements. So yes I hide sometimes when it becomes too much. Not from him though, but when he disappears yes. More like from the world. Until I find balance again. he disappears on a much bigger level than I do.

He needs processing time. And those damn caps take forever doing it. My ex husband with the cap moon omfg it takes an act of god to get things out of him. He does well with support and how I understood him. Actually the Cap sun too. Observing us your biggest tool, I would use it.

We are all extremely stubborn and don’t like to be told what to do. We need to process.

How would you go about showing that support in my situation? Do you think there would be any way to make him feel more secure? I understand that he might need solitude more than I do, but there are things that need to be addressed if we want to keep this going such as some kind of heads up before he goes all Mr. Invisible 😄 I don't want to come across as just making demands. I just want those kids and dogs we've been dreaming about.

Well it’s tough. I think with these cap placements you have to believe in them and who you know they are. Which hopefully means you know them well. Tell them you are there for them, that you love them. I have always been noticing what they need help with and try to help but not do things for them. They really need to be in charge, and they don’t like to be told what to do. But, if they recognize what you can offer , you can offer assistance. So it’s like I let them have their choices but I also stand up for myself.

Recently the Cap sun said to me one of the things I love most about you is how supportive you are. So there you are. And currently the ex is asking for emotional support because he’s ill.

Cap Venus is all about long term & wanting that person you cAn be a partner with, and trust. So you have show you are that person for them to believe in you. Let you in that space. You can’t be making it worse, or they can’t have you in that space with them.

That said you have to stand up for yourself too. But it just needs to be reasonable and communicated with little emotion. They do not do well with emotion.. yours or theirs. It will just make them back up. They’ll be back but they need to recover from that. And you see how can you be in that space and f there is something that they need to recover from?

Btw I was with the cap moon for 20 years & we have two kids ( well they are adults now). Cap sun it’s a lot of back and forth we haven’t quite figured it out. We are trying again.. but we’ve gone through quite a lot to have better understandings of each other.

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Thanks. I'll try to keep my own insecurities down at the moment and keep on trusting he's not doing it to hurt me. There shouldn't be anything big about us that he should be running from right now, at least nothing recent, so there /shouldn't/ be a reason to be too worried. I hope.

So... I failed at keeping my insecurities down. Made him some dinner and texted him if he wanted to come eat. Aaand then called him multiple times. I feel a little embarassed about it, I'm so much drama. Almost scrapped the food I made because didn't feel like eating if he didn't come. Anyways, he did answer the fourth or fifth call while I was already getting teary-eyed thinking he'd never answer me. I only asked him if he'd come to eat and he said he would.

He seemed very sorry. He came in with his own key and walked over to hug me immediately. He had read my messages on the way and seen the pain he put me through. He said he didn't answer me before because he'd been brooding about not getting anything done and treating me bad and not deserving me or something. Which feels contradicting as I feel ignoring me would only have made the "treating me bad" part worse and seems weird he wouldn't have realised it himself.

It was really hard getting anything out of him, I just asked and waited and asked and waited and felt he couldn't get a word out of his mouth. He was so sweet and tender though afterwards, said he wanted to be good to me. I hope I could get him to open up more.