Whats the deal with this Sag?

Hi all!

I notice you guys give good (and frank) advice so I'm wondering if you can help me too...I know what I SHOULD do but my heart ain't listenin' so maybe if someone else tells me the same thing, it will sink in!

There's this Scorp-Sag guy at my work that I was instantly attracted to (and it turns out he felt the same with me). It took months of flirting, play-fighting and him joking about taking me out to dinner and being the perfect gentleman, for it to actually happen but when it did it was so amazing! True to his word, he was the perfect gentleman, even paying $ 84 for dinner!! (I felt so bad because his friends tell me he's always broke). Later he joked about how we should mess with everyone at work and pretend not to be dating but walk around holding hands and see how long it takes for them to realise.

As we only have 1 or 2 shifts a week together, we scheduled another date in 5 days time but he practically begged to see me sooner claiming that “he didn't want to wait that long to see me”.

Date #2 was fun as we found ourselves on a playground running around playfighting and laughing like kids (all without a single drop of alcohol! Lol). He told me he had already told his work mates that we were dating and that thanks to me, he hadn't felt like a cigarette in a week.

The next day things started going downhill. Now, this guy is ALWAYS busy with some new project (he's in a band but also likes to make short films etc) so it doesn't bother me when he takes ages to respond or takes a couple of days to initiate contact (I almost always let him message me first).

So the next day his band broke up and I messaged him to see how he was, we chatted for a bit and he said that he hadn't been doing much lately and that it has caused him to over-think a lot, so from now on he'd like to keep busy.

The next day I messaged him again to check on him and he spoke of a new project he was doing.

After that he only initiated contact twice, would send brief messages and started acting weirdly distant at work. So I left him alone, but after 2 weeks of this I messaged him and asked for an explanation. He apologised saying that he hated hurting people and that he needed to learn to communicate better. He said that his weirdness had nothing to do with me and that he was still interested but under the circumstances, we should "just keep things friendly" as he felt like all the issues he had been avoiding had finally caught up with him and that if we did get into something serious, he didn't want to drag me down with him and his problems. He also said that our manager warned him that if we started dating, one of us would be sent to a different store and that he'd feel awful if they moved me instead of him.

A couple of days later I spoke to him face to face, I told him that even though he wasn't going to change his mind, to at least consider things as I still really liked him, that I didn't mind supporting him and I was OK keeping things on the down-low for a little while. He said that he knew very well that we could keep things quiet but told me that his prior relationship lasted 3 years and that his ex was depressed/bipolar and because he spent most of his time supporting her, it started taking his toll on him and started to mess him up. Hence why he didn't want to begin something with me as he didn't want to drag me into depression like his ex did to him and that he wanted to be mentally stronger before getting into another relationship.

I told him “I understand, I won't wait around for you but after you've sorted yourself out, if I'm still single, then maybe we can date again”. He told me not to wait for him as he didn't want to get in the way of my happiness and thanked me for being so understanding.

Intuitively, I know he's being honest (especially because he almost started crying) and I know I should give him space and let go, as him telling me “not to wait” is code for “move on”...but I'm literally devastated. I rarely date because I'm so focussed on improving myself and don't like most guys enough to want to go out with them but when I finally feel ready to date and do meet a guy...Why all this build up for nothing to happen? I want to cry and tell him I don't care and to just give us a chance (like hell I'd ever do that though!).

I've been giving him his space and now we don't message each other at all (and I'm not expecting him to) but at work he'll be hot and cold, he'll either pull faces or try and play fight a little (he even invited me out to the movies with him, too soon dude!)...or actively avoid me/look annoyed when I'm around. But ever since our chat, he's waited around at the end of our shift to walk to the car park with me (or racing to catch up with me as I'm leaving, regardless of whether he ignored me that day). I've been acting as normal as I can, just cutting out the flirting...and I know he's just being friendly now but...god it hurts lol Ugh what do I do!? I'm so confused! do you think there's a possibility of us getting together again in the future?

Forgot to add:

I'm a Gemini Sun

Aquarius Moon

Cancer Venus

Cancer ASC

He's a Scorpio-Sag Cusp (Nov 22nd. He identifies himself as a Sag)

Scorpio Moon

Capricorn Venus

Thanks for the advice guys

I have been respectful of his wishes and have been giving him space since our talk last week.

Aside from idle chit chat at work, we don't speak to eachother as it's easy to avoid him at work...but I can't help be feel upset when HE deliberately avoids me.

The most difficult thing is cutting out the flirting because when I see someone I'm attracted to, I automatically switch to flirt mode (typical gemini)!

I guess I can't help but feel angry that after ALL of that build up, this happens. You can't control life but it's still frustrating af.

Ah well, hopefully this crap sorts itself out.

Posted by bnr7013
I'm a sag with a scorp venus & I won't lie, this is kinda confusing. As a sag, it doesn't matter what I have going on if I like someone. I wouldn't cut them off to work on it. I know how to set things aside as if I'm not going through any type of turmoil. Which is why this situation screams Scorpio to me ... pushing you away to see if you care enough to break down the walls. In love & relationships, I am very calculated like someone above mentioned. Ignoring you at times, wanting to talk to you one day & quiet the next, etc. I can only suggest for you to go with your gut instinct on this ... you said in the beginning you know what you should do. Do THAT. I understand your frustration though.... but trust me, if it's meant to be, he'll follow. You can always remain a supportive friend & part of me thinks you know he ain't the one anyways 😉

Thanks bnr

Well he IS on the cusp so I'm not surprised if he has a few hidden Scorp traits :-p

What I SHOULD do is just leave it alone for a few months/whatever, let it settle and if i'm still interested, start flirting with him again. What I WANT to do is talk to him, get him to open up to me but I'd feel silly as I know he probably wont respond if I message him and I'd feel as if I was bugging him.

As a calculated Scorpio (venus) what would you want someone to do if you deliberately started pushing them away like that?

Posted by SleepyBunny
Hi all!

I notice you guys give good (and frank) advice so I'm wondering if you can help me too...I know what I SHOULD do but my heart ain't listenin' so maybe if someone else tells me the same thing, it will sink in!

There's this Scorp-Sag guy at my work that I was instantly attracted to (and it turns out he felt the same with me). It took months of flirting, play-fighting and him joking about taking me out to dinner and being the perfect gentleman, for it to actually happen but when it did it was so amazing! True to his word, he was the perfect gentleman, even paying $ 84 for dinner!! (I felt so bad because his friends tell me he's always broke). Later he joked about how we should mess with everyone at work and pretend not to be dating but walk around holding hands and see how long it takes for them to realise.

As we only have 1 or 2 shifts a week together, we scheduled another date in 5 days time but he practically begged to see me sooner claiming that “he didn't want to wait that long to see me”.

Date #2 was fun as we found ourselves on a playground running around playfighting and laughing like kids (all without a single drop of alcohol! Lol). He told me he had already told his work mates that we were dating and that thanks to me, he hadn't felt like a cigarette in a week.

The next day things started going downhill. Now, this guy is ALWAYS busy with some new project (he's in a band but also likes to make short films etc) so it doesn't bother me when he takes ages to respond or takes a couple of days to initiate contact (I almost always let him message me first).

So the next day his band broke up and I messaged him to see how he was, we chatted for a bit and he said that he hadn't been doing much lately and that it has caused him to over-think a lot, so from now on he'd like to keep busy.

The next day I messaged him again to check on him and he spoke of a new project he was doing.

After that he only initiated contact twice, would send brief messages and started acting weirdly distant at work. So I left him alone, but after 2 weeks of this I messaged him and asked for an explanation. He apologised saying that he hated hurting people and that he needed to learn to communicate better. He said that his weirdness had nothing to do with me and that he was still interested but under the circumstances, we should "just keep things friendly" as he felt like all the issues he had been avoiding had finally caught up with him and that if we did get into something serious, he didn't want to drag me down with him and his problems. He also said that our manager warned him that if we started dating, one of us would be sent to a different store and that he'd feel awful if they moved me instead of him.

A couple of days later I spoke to him face to face, I told him that even though he wasn't going to change his mind, to at least consider things as I still really liked him, that I didn't mind supporting him and I was OK keeping things on the down-low for a little while. He said that he knew very well that we could keep things quiet but told me that his prior relationship lasted 3 years and that his ex was depressed/bipolar and because he spent most of his time supporting her, it started taking his toll on him and started to mess him up. Hence why he didn't want to begin something with me as he didn't want to drag me into depression like his ex did to him and that he wanted to be mentally stronger before getting into another relationship.

I told him “I understand, I won't wait around for you but after you've sorted yourself out, if I'm still single, then maybe we can date again”. He told me not to wait for him as he didn't want to get in the way of my happiness and thanked me for being so understanding.

Intuitively, I know he's being honest (especially because he almost started crying) and I know I should give him space and let go, as him telling me “not to wait” is code for “move on”...but I'm literally devastated. I rarely date because I'm so focussed on improving myself and don't like most guys enough to want to go out with them but when I finally feel ready to date and do meet a guy...Why all this build up for nothing to happen? I want to cry and tell him I don't care and to just give us a chance (like hell I'd ever do that though!).

I've been giving him his space and now we don't message each other at all (and I'm not expecting him to) but at work he'll be hot and cold, he'll either pull faces or try and play fight a little (he even invited me out to the movies with him, too soon dude!)...or actively avoid me/look annoyed when I'm around. But ever since our chat, he's waited around at the end of our shift to walk to the car park with me (or racing to catch up with me as I'm leaving, regardless of whether he ignored me that day). I've been acting as normal as I can, just cutting out the flirting...and I know he's just being friendly now but...god it hurts lol Ugh what do I do!? I'm so confused! do you think there's a possibility of us getting together again in the future?

What if, you just took him for what he gave you. Be strong. Be vibrant as you are. Fuck him.

It reminds me a lot of how I met my ex. I didn't even realize he liked me. Too caught up on me.

What's your sign?

Posted by Lunabee
What if, you just took him for what he gave you. Be strong. Be vibrant as you are. Fuck him.

Hahaha this sounds exactly like what I've been telling myself these past few weeks.

I'm a Gemini 🙂

Honestly, I don't know why I'm still so hung up over him. The attraction's still there, yes but I tend to move on quickly and normally I would have been sick of it by now.

Posted by SleepyBunny

Posted by Lunabee
What if, you just took him for what he gave you. Be strong. Be vibrant as you are. Fuck him.

Hahaha this sounds exactly like what I've been telling myself these past few weeks.

I'm a Gemini 🙂

Honestly, I don't know why I'm still so hung up over him. The attraction's still there, yes but I tend to move on quickly and normally I would have been sick of it by now.

click to expand

But you're not. Get your full and leave sag. You owe him nothing.

Thanks Lunabee!

Is he a cap venus or scorpio venus?

Anyways, do fackin nothing. Go live your life. If he wants to be apart of it, cause saggis dont give 2 hoots about if u work together or not, he will.

Saggis only make excuses when we are not interested. Nothin gets n our way if we want something. That goes for any sign.

In regards to the buildup, this wont be the last time you gas your self up over a guy and he gasses you up over him and he gasses himself up over you.

One day the gassing will be longterm and reciprocal

Cap venus

Good points, Cheers DMV.

I'm slooowly starting to not gaf but at least I can get on with my life without feeling the need to check my phone every 10 seconds

Ugh scratch that, I seem to have regressed back to that "ARGH WHY WONT HE MESSAGE ME!" Phase. Yet, I still refuse to message/ talk to him first.

I'm at war with myself on this hahaha

Brb going to bash my head against the wall.