Awkward ?: 'pants off dance' & relationships

Hi, I'm here to awkward up the Scorpio board again. 🙂 So yeah hi. 😛

-wave-

... -sigh-

Okay, I wouldn't ask this publicly or even privately unless I felt that it was seriously needed. But I've come to the point where my relationship is becoming slightly strained on top of an already really stressful period of time. And I'm 100% not okay with that.

I'm unsure whether this stems from my SSRI, my other medications, my stress level, our relationship, living conditions etcetcetc what freaking ever - but my sex drive? I like.. lost it, or something. It's been developing over a year or so, but it's to where I'm just not even phased by anything. Prior to this I was hypersexual to levels that no partner could physically match.

The problem is that I feel my Scorpion worrying. I hear his thoughts (not literally but we have a very attuned level of understanding and communication). He's worried that he's losing me, that romantically I am set visions elsewhere than him, that I am tempting others, charming others, and worst of all - that I no longer want to be within his arms.

My Scorpio is seethingly jealous of anyone that so much as glances my way, makes extra conversation, or gives me a smile. I understand that is in his nature and honestly isn't anything I can become too upset about. He's protective and territorial because he values me as something rare and as a treasure.

I fear that he's placing such feelings and worries however, in my recent decrease in want. It's even to where we haven't in a couple weeks. It's becoming a snowball that I can't contain. As much as he values me, he also respects my boundaries when I give any indication that I'm not welcome to an advance (we have a 'safe word' 😛 ).

I have noticed it's very difficult to calm a suspicious/worried Scorpio's mind. It frightens me at this point because he's actually lashing out from his fear of losing me. Nothing physical or abusive - but little incessant things that don't help the fact I'd eventually like to quit my SSRI.

Are there ANY ways I can calm his fears (well, besides intimacy - which I'm working on)?

I'd like to quit feeling like I want to want to have sex.. and would just -want-.

Dammit, my poor Scorp. 😢

I'm only experiencing the decreased sex drive.

At first I started it for Seasonal Affective disorder. Then after tapering off it slowly, I have never been so close to the end. Couldn't do anything but go back on it.. you know?

My sexuality was so important to me before the SSRIs. I'm choosing between happiness and fulfillment of self at this point.

And I just want 'us' to remain 'us'. We just talked and we're on the same page, thankfully. It's nothing but a blessing we're able to let our guards and defenses down to be on an even level and actually be - you know.. REAL.

I did begin by reassuring him (thanks RTN) and we both came to where we think we'd benefit from talking to a therapist about us every couple weeks. Nothing serious - but we're trying to sort out our problem solving skills before we 'begin' our life together.

Idk. I'm just realizing how lucky I am, especially in contrast to where I could be.

obviously no one here is a certified legal doctor, but it is not hard to determine that the loss of sex drive is more than likely coming from your disease and or the medications you are taking. if it is absolutely necessary that you take medication, then try reducing the fat intake in your diet and lean towards protein and healthier meats.

Posted by westside
obviously no one here is a certified legal doctor, but it is not hard to determine that the loss of sex drive is more than likely coming from your disease and or the medications you are taking. if it is absolutely necessary that you take medication, then try reducing the fat intake in your diet and lean towards protein and healthier meats.

Maybe I should have been clearer with my reason for posting:

I am looking for approaches for decreasing my mate's anxiety concerning a change of intimacy.

I definitely need to work on being concise during explanation 🙂 And as being a student in a clinical setting, I'd definitely not go online for diagnostic or pharmaceutical aid. I had intended to explain some reasoning for this position 🙂

* quick note. The last post from me was written on Ambien. Excuse my 'Ambien-grammwr'. 😛

Westside...I'm a " legal certified" doctor. And from the get go, the issue was always SSRIs.

I feel bad for you, sheathed. You are much too young to be on those kinda meds. Hope that the primary cause is on its way out. From what I've gathered about you here, you by no means lack in the "generosity of spirit and good faith" department. 🙂 You will do better soon that you can just rid of that "evil" nonsense. (I absolutely hate anti-depressants.)

And yeah, you and your Scorp will do great. Scorpios will do anything to stick by their mate.🙂
Reassurance and great communication is the key. And you have that covered. So, great going, you wild cat! 😄

They do have withdrawal effects, Domino. One of my roommies (Gemini) was on these meds for insomnia and hell too much of depression. (How much is too much, I really don't know.) Anyways, when she realised how much she's losing out in the "real" world (as she called it), she QUIT....INSTANTLY. No tapering of doses...nothing!

AND SHE WAS NORMAL FROM THE NEXT DAY...as if it was just a dream. It was just a frickin' attention seeking gimmick on her side...Aaaaarggh..she wasted my compassion...that woman!

i'm not sure what meds you're talking about or what your condition is sheathed but i can liken this to when i had to take tamoxifen which is like a hormone therapy drug used for breast cancer. the side effects are kinda like the menopause. yeah, i totally lost my sex drive but my marriage was in a totally different place to your relationship and i actually used my loss of libido as a lever to end the marriage.

no matter what anyone says, most relationships can't sustain a prolonged loss of libido. it's really hard for the other partner to understand, especially if they're male and have that biological NEED to have sex regularly...it can be almost like they expect you to do it anyway, whether you want to or not.

i didn't like what this drug did to my head at all, aside from losing my sex drive. i had been told by the spanish oncologist, and they shoot from the hip in spain, that tamoxifen is a known carcinogenic. she said that if it causes cancer, it's usually in the womb but it's FINE...cos they can just whip it out and the cancer's gone...adding that it shouldn't bother me as i have 2 kids already. stupid woman didn't understand that i found that kinda upsetting but what the hey....

my point is that when you have a condition...any condition...and you are reliably informed that the meds are the only things you can be sure will ease the symptoms, you throw all your faith into them no matter how badly it screws with your head and ultimately your life.

to me, that is NOT quality of life. i was sposed to be taking tamoxifen for 5 years. i took it for 2. i felt scared at first cos it felt like i was removing my only defence against the disease but 3 years on, i know without doubt that i made the right decision. if cancer comes back, c'est la vie.

i worry particularly about meds that affect your hormones or brain impulses because of the emotional dependance you can develop for them.

Intrigued, you hit the head on the nail there. Last night we did (heh, awkward to be so blunt about it) and much of it seemed to have been a mental block. Also, the frustration on my behalf mounted quickly, as I am quite primal in nature. I'm not the best with opening up my emotions, so during intimacy I feel at my most 'vulnerable'.

I had been on them from March 2011 - July 2011 and tapered off. Then I found myself going absolutely nuts. The worst is my road rage.
I went back on them.

I'm going to taper off again soon. As scary as it is - it's doing the absolute worst by extinguishing my Lion fire.

You all are so wonderful. Thank you guys for sharing your words and experiences. I have found since my relationship with my Scorp is nothing BUT honest and sincere, it's been a godsend that we can talk about this kind of stuff.

Honestly, I don't get how Scorpios are always labelled as secretive and manipulating. When they are, it seems to be an unhealthy relationship or a colorful past. I couldn't imagine being anything BUT 100% honest with mine.

And PS: if I see any of you in an alternate universe of some sorts... definitely prepare for a hug 🙂

Enfant, trust me - I get where you're coming from with questioning my medication. I actually hate being on any medication at all. I'm prefer holistic or physical methods of health rather than pharmaceutical. For most of my life, I have avoided any prescription help with anything psychological related (or even in general). I originally started it as my absolute last resort for a seasonal affective condition I have, which was getting out of control due to an underlying illness. I find I can't defeat it at all, and after trying to taper off my SSRIs twice, I've found that I'm not the best company for myself when alone. I am still trying to taper off, and since I'm beginning my next semester in July - I think that I will be able to this time.

But honestly, I hate being on SSRIs and have always been against it.

I'm definitely taking your advice with cuddling. I always always always forget that being intimate can be non sexual and be of emotional aid. It'd probably help me slot while I taper off these as well, which I plan to taper off next time I see my doctor (couple weeks).

🙂

Posted by Rockthenerds
yea smoke some holistic weed and chill the fuck out already!

Weed + anxiety attacks = gah! Only a bi-weekly/monthly basis for me. I've heard some things about Valerian root that I may look at.

I'm looking forward to (REALLY) slowly tapering off. I think I've just needed some confidence in that choice to begin talking about that with my doctor. I'm going to taper off over a 3 month period - I think that when I tapered off last time, it was too quick for my body. The side effects were intolerable even after I was completely clean off for 2 months (after a 1 month tapering).

I'm wicked petite so my body is sensitive to any amount of change. The smaller the change, the better

I would have to look at the specific qualities of each herb due to like - two occurrences that I hold that occur without any medication (aka not something that comes as side effects).

I avoid anything that can chance blood clots or are xeno/phyto estrogens. The xenoestrogens such as in coffee and the like are hard to avoid but I try to avoid any large amounts (like soy anything) because it triggers a flare up in my endometriosis (TMI?).

So I'm noting down these recommendations and will research a bit on them. Then I'll go and talk to my hippie-ass future aunt-in-law who definitely knows a zillion times more things about holistic care than I'll ever know. She's an Aries which surprised me, but I feel a Pisces Moon and Aqua rising in there 😉

Heheh, my moon garden (:

I may see if she can grow them or I may even try to find untampered online.

I think the herbal route maybe good for the long run. Like misopretty suggested those herbs can be helpful. I also heard fish oil is good for mood disorder. iherb.com is a website with reviews from users which can be helpful in getting to know more about these herbal products. Good luck with everything.

Why don't you get off the SSRI and try to find an alternative?

I'm planning on that, fiddle! I have gone off of them before.

However if anyone has ever gone through withdrawal of moderately dangerous substances, going off of SSRIs can be quite similar in intensity of the emotional and physical pain.

After I went off, I screwed up big time from many of the withdrawal side effects and had to postpone graduation of college from failing one course.

I went back on from the fear of falling into a darker hole.

I do intend on looking towards holistic and herbal methods of keeping myself aligned. I'll probably be messaging most of you for specifics btw - I'm just a procrastinator 😉

Thought I'd give an update if that isn't an issue 🙂

Over the past entire month I've tapered down my SSRI in half. Since then:

- I've reorganized my bedroom... WHICH MAY NOT SOUND RELEVANT BUT it's honestly helped me a lot. Thank god my Scorpion isn't ADHD too or I'd be sleeping in a bedroom a la Poltergeist (ex: tables upside down on the floor with balanced books on each leg with a chair balanced on the books) 😛 😛

- I've reconnected with old friends. I had lost touch with some from the 'zombified' effect of the SSRI on my passion.

- I've gotten closer with my mother.

- I've 100% blocked exes from even speaking to me. The Scorpion feels so much more secure, too. It was symbolic in a sense since it wasn't like they were in my life, but it wasn't impossible to speak to me. It meant a lot to him, so consequently it meant a lot to me.

- I'm watching porn again (LOL HI AWKWARD).

- Er, other related practices..

- My mate and I are becoming closer again, intimately. I put many of the suggestions in this thread to cultivate our intimacy again. I can't believe how 'lazy' we got with being openly affectionate towards one another!! No wonder why our sex life was becoming sporadic! This didn't initiate the 'cause' but it really fueled the problem. We're so much more honest and 'in sync' now. Actually, we're finally 'reading' each others thoughts again. We share Scorpion Moons and Virgo in Venus - and when we're at our best it's like we're speaking our own little language and conquering the world together. 🙂 We cleaned my car today (inside and out) and I haven't had that much fun in awhile. That sounds pathetic but I don't give a fuck - we were productive and got abs from laughing so hard. 🙂

BUT

it's still a long way to go. In happiness, openness, and 20 more mgs until I'm off the SSRI completely. It's only going up though. Thank you all!