dating sites...aren't they hilarious??

my friend forced me to join one...or rather coerced me into it. he told me to look for a widower. interrupted love. he said there was a better chance of finding someone sincere. nice idea.

so i joined this one that has people in my area.

i'm crap at it.

my first experience. i trawled through paaaaaaages and paaaaaaaaages of profiles and found nothing resembling a decent man until i got to one pic. he looked nice. a leo but whatever. lived in a town near me. so i thought i would send him a little email..nothing OTT, just a simple let's chat kinda thing.

nothing.

so i was pissed off a bit about that. i emailed him again. a little more firm about my suggestion to chat....and like WTF is wrong with me that you don't respond?? (no, i didn't use those words btw but that was the feeling behind what i did write)

nothing.

this was shortly after the previous leo debacle and it was bugging me that this guy didn't answer me!!!

the next day, at the office i was anxiously checking to see if there was a response. i noticed he was actually online at the same time! he messaged straight away: hiya! i'm sorry i haven't responded but i know you. we work together. look up and don't feel embarrassed...........omg, i looked up and there was this guy waving at me from across the office. he works on a different section and so i didn't know him that well.

don't be embarrassed—?? i wanted to DIE!!!

but the other thing i find really funny about dating sites are some of the guys on them. there are like pictures of really grossly fat hairy things with titles like....need sex? errr no thanks! i mean what is in their heads? or are dating sites generally a playground for perverts and reprobates? (ahem, apart from me of course cos i just joined out of curiosity you understand).

just had an email from an old beardy bloke. his message wasn't in english but translates as: "Hello, you talk to this original mature sexy charismatic etcetera etcetera noble enigmatic artist in Rome, while waiting for your prince charming on his white horse? ..." the title was friends with benefits.

now, i'm pretty sure i put down on my profile that i wasn't interested in anything less than relationship fodder and they keep sending these 'matches' that are worryingly weird....does that mean they think i'm weird to be 'matched' with them?

anyhow, whatever...it's my new form of entertainment.

i'm passing on the beardy bloke though.

You should've grabbed that guy from your office, forced him into the broom closet and made him take down his panties and show you his lollypop. 😉

I don't think I will ever get off of this floor I'm rolling around here due to laughing so hard on previous post, now here! lol

hey! this is no laughing matter sanyar...this is my LIFE!!

i wouldn't mind grabbing the leo at work but it's a worky situation and neither one of us would get involved with someone at the orifice. can't believe he was my first foray into the dating site world!! omg..i cringe even now.

i think i'm on the wrong site. there are no men resembling normal to be seen...apart from the work colleague (blush). i just wonder how they reconcile their ugly mug photos with the things they say beneath them....you like cock? well i am a bit partial as it goes but your cock?? i think not. the guy looked like mr bean for fuck's sake!!

and what a way to introduce yourself to the ladies eh? ARE YOU KIDDING ME— would you seriously use that approach in real life??!!?? (answer's probably yes too!)

i should've listened to a sag guy at work who told me that he had met over 2000 women over the years via dating sites. says all i need to know really, lol. great if you want sex. great if you're a guy. bit crap for women though imo.

i guess i'll have to actually go out and do icky social things to meet someone. ewww.

I got you beat, RM...

JUST NOW...I got an email from a guy from Eharmony telling me:
He is an infectious disease doctor
Told me the street he lives on
Has a 10 yr old son he adores
and wants to take me to dinner and anxiously awaits speaking with me

So...I had his first name and last initial only, and google him. This is what I found:

Arrested:

10/2011 = 6 counts of running a "pill mill", selling prescriptions for oxycodone, percoset etc...
2004 = RICO fraud charges
2001 = Battery against a woman

2009 = married a Colombian woman 30 years younger than he

His address on arrest record matches the street he told me.

Oh, and his profile says he is age 49, his arrest record says he is 58. And yes, his profile pic matches his mug shot!!

THIS is what I google people I meet online!!

Oh lawdy! 😢

HAHAHAHHAHAH!!! that is CLASSIC!!

you and google bgp! what are you like—

sounds like a nice guy! i take it you have responded positively to his invite? 😛

hmmmm...beardy man is lookin' kinda good right now lol.

i hope no-one googles me. there a fat-assed politician in canada with the same name. a LIBERAL at that! not even got the decency to be a fascist dictator.......pfffffft.

LOL! for a second there I thought this sentence read pictures of really grossly fat hairy things with titties! not titles! hahahha. Ahem... anywho, I loathe dating sites. It isn't any better for lesbians. Some women seem to have unrealistic expectations and/or want to change you. Or they live toooo far away and no I don't want a long distance pen pal or have an online relationship, whatever the hell that means?! R1g0rM0rT1s you're situation sounds pretty funny. Any chance of having an office romance? Most people end up dating those they work with.

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
my friend forced me to join one...or rather coerced me into it. he told me to look for a widower. interrupted love. he said there was a better chance of finding someone sincere. nice idea.

A widower? How do you know he is isn't an axe murderer?

Posted by Ellybean

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
my friend forced me to join one...or rather coerced me into it. he told me to look for a widower. interrupted love. he said there was a better chance of finding someone sincere. nice idea.

A widower? How do you know he is isn't an axe murderer?

Because everyone knows an Axe Murderer is more into picking up women at church or something.

Now she might have to watch out for serial killers. Totes different story there.

click to expand

🙂I have much to learn....

Huh I did the online dating thing and YES there are tons of guys on there only wanting sex but there are guys out there that aren't whores and want something stable. You do have to shift through a lot of looser, assholes, whores, jerk offs and whatnot but there are some diamonds in that ruff.

I've actually meet 3 guys off of there. Aqua...turned out to be a damn good friend even though I wanted more...I've made my peace with that one. Pisces...he will make a good friend but no spark and the scorp...ding, ding do I have a winner? We will see...hopefully shortly. lol

Be patient and have faith grasshopper you never know.

Plus that's ADORABLE!!!! OMG you never know. I'm not one to say go for the dude at work but meh crap happens for a reason! 😉 Good luck hun and hold on tight...it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Ok that co-worker thing was hilarious.
What is also hilarious: your auto-correct changed "office" to " orifice." teeheehee! I'm nine years old.

Yes yes GOOGLE the people you find online, kids! It is soooo easy to present oneself in any way conceivable when online.
One of my best friends is into the online dating thing and has found a few different guys who had quite interesting facts about them that never make it to their dating profile... they are married, they have criminal backgrounds, they are delinquent in child support yet their profile said they had no kids.
I have a couple friends who met great guys on dating sites but, my .02: assume everyone is hiding something, and google them before giving them any real-life info about you.

orifice was totally deliberate...i like to play with words.

i did say to my friend when he suggested a widower that it could also mean the guy had killed his own wife, LOL. to be honest, i think it's probably to live with the memory of an ex than it is of someone they loved that died...how can you ever live up to a dead woman's memory!

not sure about the leo at work. he's really nice and everything and we get on ok but i'm not entirely sure about him. he's a dj in his spare time...really good one..but his taste in music SUCKS and music is just about the most important thing in my life (apart from my kids obviously....oh, and the dog i guess).

it's funny though. since i found out he is single and obviously looking, i have viewed him in a different light. we're both quite senior in the company though and i don't think it's great to dip your pen in the office ink 😉

i dunno if i'm gonna persist with this dating site. it scares me too much how weird some of these people might be. i attract enough weirdos on a daily basis!

if only i liked weirdos!

yeah, well the thing was, the profile picture on the dating site was of him dj-ing and so it was at a beachclub and he wasn't in a suit as he is for work and also had sunglasses on. so, no i didn't recognise him at all despite having worked with him for 6 frickin' months!!

i initially thought he was 'single with intent', as i call it cos he was still in the process of fighting his ex wife for access to their 8 year old daughter and it had been a long hard battle he's literally only just won a couple of weeks ago. we're fb buddies now cos he wants me to build him a website for his dj-ing and i took my daughter to work today and we sat with him and another guy at lunch and we chatted. but i dunno. don't really feel any sparks yet but i'm pretty crap at that unless there's an instantaneous eyeball lockdown that we get when we first meet someone we're probably gonna have sex with...you know what i mean?

LOL he worked right across from you
thats hilarious!
I find that almost all the guys on dating sites just want to have dirty conversations and want to try to meet for sex haha i was on a few, then got sick of it
are you and the leo still friends of any type lol

well, interestingly enough the leo and i are getting to know each other a little more. i've been taking my daughter to the office this week and we've all sat on the same table. he's kinda nice actually. we were talking about marriage and as we both had horrible splits about 4 years ago, we're at the same stage of bitterness. i was telling him about a wedding i had been to the year after my split was official where i'd been on a table with two female work colleagues in a similar situation and we were called 'the table of bitterness'. unfortunately, we got quite drunk before the speeches were made and at every available silence, one of us would make some funny but bitter remark.

still not sure about the work leo though and so am maintaining distance. anyhow, i'm only open to veeeeeeery slow movers from this point onwards, so we'll see.

he's kinda cute though. wears great clothes. dj's all that horrible old skool funky house electro tech crap from the late 80s. can't bear it. they play you track after track and you're sposed to see a difference in the melody or something and all i can hear is the fucking handclap! bit anal about music being a musician myself.

Hi Rox! Welcome back

this little 'meet cute' of yours. .. pretty funny story. After feeling all depressed, you sure made me laugh LOL

although HAH unintentionally. Those are best!

It seems though, you are a bit of wrong selector like me. Leo ... very cute.. well I had my many troubles with cute Leos who seem to get our fastest trust, but then, that's about it you get. No further. Sorry. Aries was wrong too.

Don't mean to critisize you. Am just going by my own experiences that Mr. Right doesn't seem ANYBODY!

Nope... am not blaming myself yet.

But true, dating sides are joke. There was a guy in my office too, a scientist.. he was on one of Canada's major dating sites,but sure was a creep.

hello fum!!! 🙂 i hope you're doing great? sound like you need cheering up big time!!

yeah i have made wrong choices but i believe it's a numbers game and so if i cast my net wide enough, who knows...may even catch something!

i'm not sure about office 'things' at the best of time although the leo was standing very close to me when we were making coffee and i must admit to feeling slightly unnecessary, if you know what i mean.

when work is being done though, we're on the opposite side of the room and both have our heads down most of the day...working hard.

i'm not in a hurry to get caught up with anyone again soon, that's for sure.

younger guys just think you're desparate for sex and easily flattered in the main. it's a nice ego boost but that's about it really. i find it easier to get along with someone closer to my age cos you're more likely to find common ground.