what happens when the other person doesnt take the bait per se? what do you do next? does it mean that they never cared for you in the first place?
extending olive branches
well "bait" is a bad word choice. no malice intentions.
Posted by Let*It*Be
"Bait"? I don't understand that. If I'm extending the olive branch it's a sincere attempt on my part. If it's rejected, I take it as no thanks...and move on.
+1 You can interpret the person's unwillingness to accept your gesture as "I never cared about you", but I think the meaning you've attached to it says more about you than the person. The unwillingness to accept an olive branch is simply that, their *unwillingness to work things out*. Some things can not be mended.
Posted by DMV
what happens when the other person doesnt take the bait per se? what do you do next? does it mean that they never cared for you in the first place?
I think it's illogical to assume that the person never cared in the first place considering the person has pulled away to force you to want to mend something. If you feel compelled to have a mend an emotional issue, then why would this need to take place if both parties never gave a fuck in the first place?
I also think it's egotistical on your end to assume that you are so special that you would have to make an excuse that the other person never cared about you in the first place ... rather than facing the possibility that perhaps you did something fucked up, and that you won't face.
There are number of reasons why a person pulls away.
why should you do anything next?
If you are the one who pulled away, and now you want to rekindle .. then perhaps you do a self evaluation because obviously you acted before you thought.
If the other person pulled away ... then why would you even want a person who doesn't want you?
Bottom line .... don't react to emotional spikes until you've put them into the proper perspective.
yes, you make valid points Angel. i was the one who pulled away. its been a minute, so i was just wondering what a person should do.
a apart of me does not want to give up on this person. ive had problems in the past separating ego or boredom from genuine intent and i dont think my ego or boredom is leading the charge.
i mean, at this point i dont care about playing the "fool" because i feel a certain kind of way. is the willingness to go out on a limb and continue to pursue say anything about my intentions?
what if this other person wants me to do more? like make a grandiose display of affection?
a apart of me does not want to give up on this person. ive had problems in the past separating ego or boredom from genuine intent and i dont think my ego or boredom is leading the charge.
i mean, at this point i dont care about playing the "fool" because i feel a certain kind of way. is the willingness to go out on a limb and continue to pursue say anything about my intentions?
what if this other person wants me to do more? like make a grandiose display of affection?
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
Posted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
Posted by MellyMel
Grandiose display of affection? I think that would only happen if he (I'm assuming it was a he) was only entertaining your apology to placate his wounded ego.
If someone who had hurt me were to suddenly come back around trying to make amends, I would probably be suspicious at first. I would remain suspicious until I felt their apology was authentic. Grandiose displays are flashy, not authentic. If he were to ask for that from you, I would be suspicious of HIS motives.
Also, try not to put so much emphasis on his response? If your words come from honest intentions and a pure place, if shouldn't matter how he reacts to them. Have no attachment to any specific outcome. Be prepared for nothing, so that you may in turn, find yourself prepared for anything.
That's all stuff I'm trying to work on in my own life. It may or may not apply to you, but it's advice I was given and think is good none-the-less.
lets say you didnt follow the advice you were given and decided to take a leap. how did u feel once u were doing it? did u ever regret it?
Posted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?click to expand
Never....
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
Never....click to expand
seriously—? im a bit bewildered. i figure out of all the signs scorpio would be the one to fight for love.
Posted by NovemberSunPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
"Fight" indicates a struggle. That something must be conquered and that there is a specific outcome in mind. If an olive branch had to be offered, then there is an implication that you may have hurt the other person or that there was conflict. Correct me if I'm wrong.
When does one surrender for love?click to expand
conflict. i think one surrenders for love when walking away doesnt feel right.
Posted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
Never....
seriously—? im a bit bewildered. i figure out of all the signs scorpio would be the one to fight for love.click to expand
*smile* Really? I will respond once I'm free. Dealing with somwone that doesn't know how to do their f*ckin' job...
Posted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?click to expand
"Fight for love"?
As in "You didn't fight for me"??
Posted by sugaries
I tried to make amends with someone recently. At first he was cordial, he even joked a little, then he was inquisitive, wondering my intentions I guess. He asked "What made you reach out? Was it just an apology?" I said simply, I just wanted to apologize for the way I treated you. Then his whole demeanor changed and he lashed out and made an attempt to hurt me "I never think about you or miss you"
My thoughts are...he thought I was reaching out to profess my love and was upset when I didn't
or he's still hurt over what happened and wanted to hurt me back
Think about it long and hard before you proceed.
thats real. thank you for sharing. what you wrote is making me think
Posted by ellessquePosted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
Never....
seriously—? im a bit bewildered. i figure out of all the signs scorpio would be the one to fight for love.
oh no, not fight.
surrender? yes.
fight? no.
you either want me or you don't. if you don't...you are not worth fighting.
if you do, then there really is no point in fighting, now is there?
fighting is only something you do to defend someones safety.click to expand
ic so scorps do the surrendering but not the fighting. you would rather the other person fight for your love?
Posted by MrFirebirdPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
"Fight for love"?
As in "You didn't fight for me"??
click to expand
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
Never....click to expand
BOOM. I Agree. -NEVER.
Why fight?? Love takes work, but its EFFORTLESS..
i should say, this is more for myself as a scorpio moon trying to let go of something and thinking that i dont want to.
your posts are helpful Nov Lady. how does being a venus in cap change things for you? or does it?
Posted by ellessque
If I am being cordial after a conflict.....it's because I'm thinking fondly of you, you crossed my mind in a positive way and I still respect you.
this makes alot of sense to me. even though the other person fucked up, i still think fondly of them which is why i extended an olive branch.
apologizing for some people can be TOUGH due to pride and or embarrassment. so im learning to make it easier for them. and i dont mean becoming a doormat but i want the other person to not be afraid to talk to me.
Posted by MrFirebirdPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
"Fight for love"?
As in "You didn't fight for me"??
click to expand
IF someone has to fight for your love, then, it isn't love, and you're not worth fighting for.
Love is not something that can be bought nor fought for. - that kind of thinking is absolute stupidity.
Posted by ellessquePosted by DMVPosted by ellessque
If I am being cordial after a conflict.....it's because I'm thinking fondly of you, you crossed my mind in a positive way and I still respect you.
this makes alot of sense to me. even though the other person fucked up, i still think fondly of them which is why i extended an olive branch.
apologizing for some people can be TOUGH due to pride and or embarrassment. so im learning to make it easier for them. and i dont mean becoming a doormat but i want the other person to not be afraid to talk to me.
tell your virgo mars that my scorp mars says hello 😉
you are trying to hard. you have to figure out what the reasoning is behind your olive branch. what do you really want the "end game" to be...or the results?
if you give an olive branch, a real olive branch, you can't control what they are going to do with it. they may be allergic to olives. *shrugs*. you've exhausted your end. it's not up to you now. it's not your place to make it easier or harder for them. you did your part.
if you are perplexed by a non response or not the reaction you expected.....readjust your expectations and paint your nails. You don't get to pick or write the prophecy.
they might not even care.
they might want to hold that against you.
you might not be a priority in their life and they just see it as a "nice" gesture and not that big of deal.
they have guilt and accepting your olive branch would mean laying their own dirty laundry at your feet.
they might have seen this behaviour from you in the past and not take it that seriously.
there are a number of variables that you just can't predict.
be done with it and know you did the right thing. if it came from the heart.......they can respond 20 years from now and it wouldn't matter.click to expand
YOUR SO SO RIGHT 🙂
Posted by TAURUSbellePosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
Never....
BOOM. I Agree. -NEVER.
Why fight?? Love takes work, but its EFFORTLESS..click to expand
+1
Some people talk about olive branches but they really don't know what they are talking about.
Hypocrisy at it's best, I suppose.
Posted by NovemberSunPosted by DMV
your posts are helpful Nov Lady. how does being a venus in cap change things for you? or does it?
You're welcome. 🙂
Venus in Cap affects me very much! Its tough. Lessons in love. This vulnerability, softer side of me brings up loads of fears. Also, my SN is in Cap and I had an astrologer tell me that I might identify (with matters of love, too) in the negative conclusions.
click to expand
Ah, yes. i can identify
Posted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
Never....
seriously—? im a bit bewildered. i figure out of all the signs scorpio would be the one to fight for love.click to expand
Well don't confuse a Scorp "intensity" for not being able to look at a situation for what it is. I don't believe one needs to "fight" for love, and if you feel you need to, then you should ask yourself one important question: why am I the only one invested here? If *you're* fighting for something "to work" or working overtime in an effort to get someone to stay/be with you, that says to me that you are the only one trying to make the relationship work. Why? Key word here is "trying". You shouldn't have to try to make "love" work IMO. I also think you are deluding yourself to think what you are fighting for is in fact "love". If it was love, it would reciprocal.
Posted by DMVPosted by ellessque
If I am being cordial after a conflict.....it's because I'm thinking fondly of you, you crossed my mind in a positive way and I still respect you.
...apologizing for some people can be TOUGH due to pride and or embarrassment. so im learning to make it easier for them.click to expand
Why? Maybe that's *their* life lesson. Take responsibility and apologize for their mistakes.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by P-Angel
desperation is extremely ugly .. don't wear it ... rise above
naw, im not desperate. i think thats way too extreme. just wondering when does one fight for love?
Never....
seriously—? im a bit bewildered. i figure out of all the signs scorpio would be the one to fight for love.
Well don't confuse a Scorp "intensity" for not being able to look at a situation for what it is. I don't believe one needs to "fight" for love, and if you feel you need to, then you should ask yourself one important question: why am I the only one invested here? If *you're* fighting for something "to work" or working overtime in an effort to get someone to stay/be with you, that says to me that you are the only one trying to make the relationship work. Why? Key word here is "trying". You shouldn't have to try to make "love" work IMO. I also think you are deluding yourself to think what you are fighting for is in fact "love". If it was love, it would reciprocal.
click to expand
does love have to be reciprocal?
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by ellessque
If I am being cordial after a conflict.....it's because I'm thinking fondly of you, you crossed my mind in a positive way and I still respect you.
...apologizing for some people can be TOUGH due to pride and or embarrassment. so im learning to make it easier for them.
Why? Maybe that's *their* life lesson. Take responsibility and apologize for their mistakes.click to expand
well, some people find me intimidating. especially when im upset.
"does love have to be reciprocal?"
Although I see the question mark I am still wondering if this is a question or a statement. If I wrote it then it goes without saying that I believe it does. You don't I guess?
Using the example of a romantic relationship, most definitely. By me saying love needs to be reciprocal I am not saying that love needs to look the *same*. You express your love in shy, quiet manner. Nurturing. Supportive. I express my love in a assertive, loud manner. Possessive. Demanding. We are both expressing love for each other. We are making the effort to ensure the other feels this love, in our own way. In what ever way we choose to express it, it is coming from both sides.
If you are putting yourself out there, going out on a limb, making all these grand gestures while I'm smiling, sipping a latte and thinking about the true meaning of life, who is losing out here? I am not attune to anything you are putting out there. Why am I even worth all that energy and you're not? Are you not worth the same amount of effort you're putting out there? (Not you literally DMV). Sh*t, we both need to be out there, being vulnerable, being excited, scared sh*tless, giving each other what we are taking, otherwise f*ck off. You're wasting my time .
I expect what I give. Fighting is too one sided IMO. Elle said it best, if we both want *this* then there is no fighting (paraphrased of course ).
Although I see the question mark I am still wondering if this is a question or a statement. If I wrote it then it goes without saying that I believe it does. You don't I guess?
Using the example of a romantic relationship, most definitely. By me saying love needs to be reciprocal I am not saying that love needs to look the *same*. You express your love in shy, quiet manner. Nurturing. Supportive. I express my love in a assertive, loud manner. Possessive. Demanding. We are both expressing love for each other. We are making the effort to ensure the other feels this love, in our own way. In what ever way we choose to express it, it is coming from both sides.
If you are putting yourself out there, going out on a limb, making all these grand gestures while I'm smiling, sipping a latte and thinking about the true meaning of life, who is losing out here? I am not attune to anything you are putting out there. Why am I even worth all that energy and you're not? Are you not worth the same amount of effort you're putting out there? (Not you literally DMV). Sh*t, we both need to be out there, being vulnerable, being excited, scared sh*tless, giving each other what we are taking, otherwise f*ck off. You're wasting my time .
I expect what I give. Fighting is too one sided IMO. Elle said it best, if we both want *this* then there is no fighting (paraphrased of course ).
Sh*t, we both need to be out there, being vulnerable, being excited, scared sh*tless, giving each other what we are taking, otherwise f*ck off. You're wasting my time Smiley.
oh, i agree.. i agree!
oh, i agree.. i agree!
Posted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by ellessque
If I am being cordial after a conflict.....it's because I'm thinking fondly of you, you crossed my mind in a positive way and I still respect you.
...apologizing for some people can be TOUGH due to pride and or embarrassment. so im learning to make it easier for them.
Why? Maybe that's *their* life lesson. Take responsibility and apologize for their mistakes.
well, some people find me intimidating. especially when im upset.click to expand
Their problem, not yours DMV. Just my opinion. So let's say you make the ability to apologize easier, what happens when they really f*ck up? What happens when they encounter a person that won't make it easier, but they need to bite the bullet and do it anyway? If a person is in the wrong, own it and do something about it. If they can't, then they run the risk of losing a potentially good relationship. I'm not saying be an assh*le about it. If someone is trying to mend fences, and the situation wasn't that bad, be open. But I believe some discomfort is necessary to grow up.
nope i dont find myself intimidating. even when im laughing, ive been told that there's more lurking under the surface.
he called 🙂
Posted by DMV
he called 🙂
So?
Him calling doesn't mean anything ... what means something is the fact that he's the same person he was before, when you didn't want him.
Just because he responds to your conceding, doesn't mean he has changed as a person.
People, usually women, want what was, the way it was BEFORE he showed his true colors to her. She seems to completely ignore her rational mind, and pines away for the pretentious person he showed her during the honeymoon stage of a relationship, when at that time he is perfect and sweet.
He was never that person, nobody ever is. When two people meet and fall for the attraction of each other .... they lie. They present themselves according to desired reception, they make impressions upon the other in which will give them the results they want .... rarely is that who the person actually is.
this is the reason why all of these relatinships aren't working out ... because people aren't showing the other who they are .. they are showing the other what the other wants to see, so that you can get what you want.
so, now here you are wanting him to be that person he never was in the first place.
So, what difference does it make if he calls you? He can never be the way he was (when you fell for him) because once he peeled off the pretentious bullshit that was his mask to get you, he can't put that layer back on to fool you again.
Unless you're a fool. And I doubt that.
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