Help me from not contacting

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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
a man!!! I am a typical obsessed, impatient, get emotionally attached too soon Scorpio female (but it wasn't fair because he acted as if he cared and was attached to, so I allowed myself to). I need help in NOT CONTACTING a guy I was seeing for 3 months. Things were great, shared his feelings for me several times in different ways, smothered me with texts and showed tremendous interest in me, but suddenly he got distant, after 3 weeks of him being distant I sent an email that you could say was a "breakup". Basically I told him it wasn't feeling right for me. After a week went by and not hearing back from him I started to regret sending the email. I sent some texts with questions about how he was doing and asked advice about stuff I know he has expertise in, also sent some pics of me and kids, etc and continued to do this for about 2-3 weeks. He responded everytime, even if it took a day and we would text back and forth a bit each time. I know he will not ignore me if I text him, he will respond, be friendly, not blow me off, however he doesn't initiate contact with me anymore. I asked if he would like to see me again sometime and he said yes (after he heals from a surgery he just had 1 week ago) and then I thanked him for letting me text him about stuff and he said "don't be crazy text me anytime". I am trying to follow all the rules of he's just not that into me, be patient, let him contact me first and pursue me again like he did for 3 months, but I can't help myself and just want to say "hi". It's like I don't even want to talk about "us" just miss the friendly stuff we had, we shared lots of details about our day with one another. We have some things in common like our kids and exes and I know he would understand so I'd like to fill him in on what is going on. Telling a friend about stuff does not seem to replace telling him 😢 I know I should wait because I'll never know if he's interested unless he contacts me first. But on the other hand, I feel like what do I have to lose? And, just to be clear, I let 5-7 days go by in between texting him. It's not like he *knows* I'm obsessing all day/everyday LOL.
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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
Posted by DoubleGem2
He is putting some distance for sure, he doesnt want to get serious with anyone....I guess u two were getting serious. Plus the whole divorce thing not bein settled doesnt help matters.

He feels u are probably still going through some kind of healing process and may be latching on to him to get through this difficult time in your life.

He doesnt want to be just a shoulder for u to cry on.

U have to ask yourself do u want a serious realtionship right now? Are u really ready for that?



You have good insight (How??). That's the thing, something was up with him, and I can't change that so I decided it wasn't right but still miss him and I need help not contacting him!!! The night before I saw him we spent 4 hours on the phone and he told me that he hasn't felt like this about anyone in a long time, that he told his friends he was serious about me, then after he hung up, he went on some more about how he seems to like me more and more and more. So, not very nice to say all those things and decide it's getting too serious the next day!! But whatever, I am trying to accept it but not easy.

I don't think I cried on his shoulder a lot, when he asked about stuff with my ex, I told him but I didn't get emotional about my situation. He complained about his crazy ex way more than I did.

Yes, even though everyone tells me I should go out, have fun, date and not get into anything serious, it's not in me to date around I don't have time for it anyway. I prefer a meaningful/fulfilling relationship as opposed to casual. Isn't that a Scorpio thing?
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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
Posted by ellessque
you need to distract yourself. find stuff to do that takes your mind off of it. we have a bad habit of obsessing about what we can't have or when something doesn't go the way we planned in our head.

We ESPECIALLY obsess when we've had some really happy moments and then suddenly someone pulls them away, like taking candy from a child.

You start craving the "moments" more than the person, actually.

Make new moments.

I know it's hard because I can't even take my own advice. If he truly is interested, he'll come back around. However the worse thing you can do is wait. For every minute you wait is one minute shaved off the rest of your life and you will NEVER get them back. THEN resentment will set in and you'll just want his attention so you can abuse him in some way. We can be vindictive and manipulative when you take our candy away. THEN you'll have to figure out is it him you wanted all along or just those "moments" back.

It's a spiral with an unattainable man. A man that may not be that into us for many reasons that may not have ANYTHING to do with us personally. I know from experience with a cap man who still has my ass caught up in emotion from time to time.

I wish you the best of luck. Those earth boys can be an absolute pain in our ass. It's GREAT when it's good but it's AGONIZING when it's bad.

Where is your venus and moon?



I have a Taurus Moon and Venus in Libra.

You said it exactly right: it's like taking candy from a kid. And I have questioned if it's the good stuff I crave and miss or if it's HIM, but I guess it's both. It's true that he may not even be the right person for me, there were several red flags from day 1. However, it's just not fair for him to take that good stuff away from me, that's what I'm feeling, as immature as that sounds. Especially the way he did it without any explanation/but no fight or argument/still on good terms. The other problem is that I can't even find anyone else to date that I would spend my time on right now. Yes, I have work and my kids and other thigns that keep me busy, but the habit is hard to break (ie contact throughout the day while I sit at my desk, texting while we sit with our kids through their boring movies, sharing something that happened, hell we even traded recipes LOL).
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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
Posted by ellessque
venus in libra is hard for scorpio to have. not as bad as venus in scorpio but still a thorn when things aren't that great.

we are in love with love. we love coupling. we want that other half. we crush at a drop of a dime. when we love we love damn hard. not a smothering kind of love because libra isn't clingy but our mind becomes borderline obsessed.

the worst possible thing you can do to a scorp with libra in venus is vanish. EVEN if it was on good terms. We want to know why. We will analyze the shit out of it and if it has nothing do with us (which it never does, right? 😄) we will immediately put on our toolbelt and want to fix it. everything in love is fixable. "you have problems? yay! I can fix it."

it's hard to deal with an ammicable break up because that makes absolutely no sense. you either love me or you don't. if you didn't than you wouldn't go to great lengths to be nice to me, so you must still love me and I must fix whatever problem you are having.

it sucks. it really does. once you figure out why you do what you do then you can start modifying your behaviour. he's a virgo so his matching venus probably isn't that difficult to deal with. I got messed up with a aqua venus who just doesn't see relationships the same way we do.

I would suggest you do your chart on cafeastrology and read all about that venus in libra, the summary will take that in account when you mix it in with other placements. google it too. it can be a beautiful placement when in positive relationships but when things are not so good it can be a real bitch!



Yup, that all sounds about right!
His venus is in Virgo too.
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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
Posted by zeoblade
re: initial post

didnt you ask me this and i suggested to eliminate all methods of communication if he's not going to respect you? friendship alone is a two way street. how can you be friends with that level of respect let alone in a relationship?



Yes, you did, hence my original post here, I need HELP in NOT contacting him cause I know it's all wrong for me. But, as you can tell it's not easy for me either, especially since he responds to me and doesn't blow me off/ignore me and is "respectful" in that way (ie he didn't quite vanish altogether). Just tried to make a quiet exit without any explanation maybe?
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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
Posted by starlover
You may wish to do a cutting of the ties....it helps to release all the "dross" around a relationship you need to let go of



But I ended up contacting him because I couldn't let it go without answers of what happened, the thing is that it was my fault, I never actually asked him directly/straight up what changed/what he was thinking about "us". I used many indirect methods, I realize that now. So, I'm very happy I sent him an email, asked what's up, 2 days later he sent me a very sweet message actually. He has no time to date or for a relationship, and it wasn't a surprise, I already knew he was limited. It was me though, so now I can let go a bit, move on with my life, but stay in touch if I want to without feeling silly. It's good )
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missscorp
@missscorp
14 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 541 · Topics: 26
OMG!!! "you need to distract yourself. find stuff to do that takes your mind off of it. we have a bad habit of obsessing about what we can't have or when something doesn't go the way we planned in our head.

We ESPECIALLY obsess when we've had some really happy moments and then suddenly someone pulls them away, like taking candy from a child.

You start craving the "moments" more than the person, actually.

Make new moments.

I know it's hard because I can't even take my own advice. If he truly is interested, he'll come back around. However the worse thing you can do is wait. For every minute you wait is one minute shaved off the rest of your life and you will NEVER get them back. THEN resentment will set in and you'll just want his attention so you can abuse him in some way. We can be vindictive and manipulative when you take our candy away. THEN you'll have to figure out is it him you wanted all along or just those "moments" back.

It's a spiral with an unattainable man. A man that may not be that into us for many reasons that may not have ANYTHING to do with us personally. I know from experience with a cap man who still has my ass caught up in emotion from time to time.

It's GREAT when it's good but it's AGONIZING when it's bad.

This I found to be awesome sound advice coming directly from a scorpio! OMG I'm the girl all her friends come to for advice but damned if I can follow it myself! Its true we almost ALWAYS want what we CAN'T have...it becomes a permanent fixture in our thought process..its overwhelming it challenges us to no end and although we love a challenge we don't like to be teased...I've often wondered after this has been brought to my attention not only by a close friend but from me myself...maybe we want something,anything sooo bad simply for the fact of not being able to have it? I'm use to getting what I want...even if it means working my ass off for it...but what happens when & if we finally get it....will we still want it to that extent...or walk away satified knowing we got it and never gave up....hmmm....not speaking only in matters of the heart but any situation in general...situations we are not dedicated to or passionate about....@diet...keep it moving girl....keep it moving! Life is too damned short to get tangled up in just one person that cannot share his thought process or emotions with you...
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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
But I ended up contacting him because I couldn't let it go without answers of what happened, the thing is that it was my fault, I never actually asked him directly/straight up what changed/what he was thinking about "us". I used many indirect methods, I realize that now. So, I'm very happy I sent him an email, asked what's up, 2 days later he sent me a very sweet message actually. He has no time to date or for a relationship, and it wasn't a surprise, I already knew he was limited. It was me though, so now I can let go a bit, move on with my life, but stay in touch if I want to without feeling silly. It's good 🙂

Thank you Missscorp for your reply. It's good to get to know myself by reading what others write!!

Starlover, I will check out that link and the other that was posted, I like the idea of imagery and even "law of attraction" and visualization to achieve results, detatch and maintain balance. I never ever want to hate on this man, he did nothing wrong to me, so I don't want to feel "hurt".
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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
Posted by missscorp
OMG!!! "you need to distract yourself. find stuff to do that takes your mind off of it. we have a bad habit of obsessing about what we can't have or when something doesn't go the way we planned in our head.

We ESPECIALLY obsess when we've had some really happy moments and then suddenly someone pulls them away, like taking candy from a child.

You start craving the "moments" more than the person, actually.

Make new moments.

I know it's hard because I can't even take my own advice. If he truly is interested, he'll come back around. However the worse thing you can do is wait. For every minute you wait is one minute shaved off the rest of your life and you will NEVER get them back. THEN resentment will set in and you'll just want his attention so you can abuse him in some way. We can be vindictive and manipulative when you take our candy away. THEN you'll have to figure out is it him you wanted all along or just those "moments" back.

It's a spiral with an unattainable man. A man that may not be that into us for many reasons that may not have ANYTHING to do with us personally. I know from experience with a cap man who still has my ass caught up in emotion from time to time.

It's GREAT when it's good but it's AGONIZING when it's bad.

This I found to be awesome sound advice coming directly from a scorpio! OMG I'm the girl all her friends come to for advice but damned if I can follow it myself! Its true we almost ALWAYS want what we CAN'T have...it becomes a permanent fixture in our thought process..its overwhelming it challenges us to no end and although we love a challenge we don't like to be teased...I've often wondered after this has been brought to my attention not only by a close friend but from me myself...maybe we want something,anything sooo bad simply for the fact of not being able to have it? I'm use to getting what I want...even if it means working my ass off for it...but what happens when & if we finally get it....will we still want it to that extent...or walk away satified knowing we got it and never gave up....hmmm....not speaking only in matters of the heart but any situation in general...situations we are not dedicated to or passionate about....@diet...keep it moving girl....keep it moving! Life is too damned short to get tangled up in just one person that cannot share his thought process or emotions with you...



T
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dietdrpepper
@dietdrpepper
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
Well, all I can say is that I am accepting/embracing WHO I AM while at the same time not "wasting time". I am in touch with him because for some reason it makes me feel good to be, and the fact is for whatever reason he responds to my contact, so maybe it makes him feel good too! It's almost like him being "there" at least by text and his respect for me is slowly going to help me move on, but he's like a crutch for me. On the other hand, I am trying to focus on moving on, I have no choice and I know it's not my will that will work here. I have potential dates (as I've said before hard to force myself to date casually when my mind is one someone else, but I'm trying), getting out with girlfriends, hobbies, projects at home, and focusing on work and my kids is a given.