How to tell if a Scorpio (man) is gone for good?

Is there a way to know if a Scorpio is icing you out temporarily, say because he's scared or hurt, or if it's for good & he's done with you (no longer interested in a romance or friendship & going to stick to that) if he won't tell you? And what to do about being iced out? General thoughts are appreciated, plus specifically, here's my situation:

He's a Scorpio; I'm a Cancer (woman). We've had an on & off long-distance romance. I was extremely drawn to him immediately. I'd never felt the way that I feel about him before. Things rapidly became intense & passionate. Would a Scorpio tell you they love you if they don't? There were major obstacles (long story) to our "relationship" from the get-go, but he was like a magnet & love isn't rational. He's gone between excessive near-constant communication & totally ignoring me for weeks 3 times now (lately - at the beginning he rarely ignored me for long). This time feels different (in part because of events leading up to it), like he may cut me off forever. I'm losing patience. It seems like the more I push for him to just talk to me about where we stand, that even if it's over I'd like some closure & for him to say it, the more he shuts me out & will not budge an inch to give me what I desire & think would be good for us both. His words/behavior have been contradictory. Like he'd say he wants to see me & then disappear when I am in his city. Is he playing with me? Currently I'm shut out, deleted from social media, possibly even blocked from his phone for all I know. I don't know how to let go. Long ago he once said he was trying not to talk to me because he loved me so much & we can't currently be together in a normal relationship. I don't know if that's what's going on or if he now hates me. Him totally avoiding me without explaining is crushing my heart. I crave open & honest communication & resolutions. Sooner rather than later! Or at least for him to tell me if he's conflicted & doesn't know what he wants. I could understand & better handle that if he told me. It drives me nuts wondering & not knowing what he wants me to do. I don't want to seem like a stalker if he doesn't want me to contact him again. I am empathic but I'm not a mind reader. I believe he may actually think he is clear & that I should know what he feels. I 'd hoped we could become friends, but even if that's unrealistic I would like things to be officially ended. I shouldn't wait around for him but I worry my heart will

SapphireMaiden: Yes. I have a Scorpio best friend too but she trusts me & barely ever does the push part, or it's at least much more subtle, short-lived & easy to handle. But with my love interest, he seems to shove me away whenever I show the most interest.

Fox: After how long?

Oh I see Fox, I didn't mean it quite that literally. For example, if this guy ignores me for a year with no explanation then I would consider that essentially "gone for good". Yeah I agree that it's not ok for him to be hot and cold or not properly explain himself when asked but there is also a lot I didn't get into in my original post as I didn't want to write a novel & I don't think I'm totally innocent in this situation either. Him doing things I don't find ok doesn't erase my feelings for him. I'm sure I probably "should" move on but I don't know how to do that when there is no closure.

Oh, and yes, that does make sense that I may never truly know whether or not he will ever contact me or come back into my life in some way unless/until he does. Maybe some better questions are:
- Why wouldn't he be a little more open & just have a proper talk with me about everything? Does it mean he doesn't respect or care about me?
- Is there anything I can do to encourage him to talk to me? Apologize? Ignore him? I am not very good at being strategic. What I want but struggle not to do is call/message him repeatedly.

Partly I made this thread to see if anyone had any advice or simply could relate at all. I can't even talk to most of my friends about astrology and how I think it plays a role in this guy's behavior/communication style. Obviously no one can tell me exactly what he is thinking but maybe they can give me some insight into common Scorpio behaviors/motivations. Did you mean that I shouldn't apologize if I don't feel an apology is owed, on principle? Or that a Scorpio most likely won't respond well to apologies if not really owed & will see it as weak? There are some things I feel I could apologize for but I do have a tendency to take on too much responsibility for things & I'm also not sure if it would help my case. Related questions, some were in my first post:
- Would a Scorpio lie about loving you? I've often read that Scorpios take love very seriously and would never say they love someone if it wasn't true.
- Any hints that a Scorpio doesn't love you anymore?
- What should you do about being iced out? By this I mostly meant what can you do to get them to let you back in.

Thanks for your responses.

The best, and only, thing you can do to know for sure whats going on is to ask him. As a scorpio it doesn't matter how upset I might be I will always accept to talk about what happend, because it's the fair thing to do.
Now if you want a possible interpretion of random strangers we will need to know exactly what happend, you barely said anything. And even then it's just an interpretation of strangers, like I said the only sure way to know is to ask him.

Worst case scenario: even after you tried to talk to him he still refuse, move on.

Fox, I'm not blocked to my knowledge - just deleted/unfriended (which means I could still send a private message). I just said I could possibly be blocked from his phone for all I know since he didn't reply to calls or texts. I doubt I am blocked though. I do worry if I keep calling/messaging I might get blocked. I just wanted to know if, as Scorpios or people with knowledge about or experience with typical Scorpios, anyone thought the best way to get a response from an ignoring Scorpio is generally to ignore them back, or to keep trying and trying, (or something else)? And is it generally preferred by a Scorp is someone asks them questions, or just tells them how they feel?

LittleMissPerfect: I have asked him. More than once. It's hard when technology makes it so easy to just not reply to someone. It's not like being in person where you are forced to face it or at least tell the person you don't want to talk. I thought it was very common for Scorpios to avoid confrontation or to think they have made their thoughts/feelings obvious & there is therefore no need to discuss things, when it actually may not be clear at all to the other person?

SapphireMaiden: You're probably right. But easier said than done! It's easy for me to make excuses for his poor communication. Maybe mine has been bad too & made him feel he can't talk to me.

If you directly ask him and he still refuse to talk like an adult and give you the answers you need then he is gone for good, at leats for now.
What I mean is right now probably he is shut down and won't hear a word you say. Maybe he will realize his mistake maybe he won't, what I can tell you for sure is that there is nothing more for you to do. Move on, learn from the experience because that is the only thing to do, there is no going back.

If he's gone to the trouble of deleting you from social media then I would kinda think he's moving towards being done.

As for having the decency to tell you what's going on, that would depend on how mature he is when it comes to dealing with these things. Some male Scorpio's, in my experience don't like confrontation, so discussions of this nature would not be had.

I know it's hard but I would suggest you try to move on, if he gets in touch great, but don't put your life on hold in the mean time.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I think it's true that he avoids confrontation & that if I keep messaging him he will probably not really listen/understand/hear it right now. I don't really want to wait for him for long but what I rationally want & what my heart wants are 2 different things. Hard to give up hope that maybe we are meant to be together but it's just not the right time right now.
We didn't meet online, we met in person. I'm in his city once a month for 4 days. We've been seeing each other for almost a year but it's been off & on & complicated. Him deleting me on social media was basically because I got upset that he was commenting on my stuff while totally ignoring my texts/calls.

This sounds very similar to my situation, which I posted a about. I am a cancer woman, too.

I think the best thing you can do is leave him alone if you've been trying to get him to talk with no success.

My ex and I have been through this many times, but I thought maybe this last time was it. So, I asked him to tell me if he is done and I should give up, move on, and no response. I called him out on not responding, and he said he hoped we could be friends one day but it would take time. I didn't even respond. He has said that before, too, and then came right back as soon as he saw I took his word and stopped trying. I am no longer trying. I have made an effort not to even be around him. A week after he said it would take a long time for us to even be friends, he sends me a fb friend request out of the blue. I accepted the next morning, but haven't said anything.

I don't know that they try to play games on purpose, but it isn't healthy behavior, either way. I think the only thing that will ever change people like this is them just growing up, emotionally, and maturing. :/

Sorry for the typos. On my phone. I do think he would tell you if he were really done. I think maybe he isn't sure and is trYing to figure it out. For my ex, I think he tries to move on and then realized he can't, and comes back. It is crazy to keep going through this ridiculous bs, though.

Realizes* Ugh, sorry.

Good luck. Scorpios have amazing will-power, especially compared to us sensitive, talk-it-out cancer women. Just wait it out. If you keep trying, he knows he has you. In the mean time, try to move on as best you can. Eventually, your heart will catch up to your head.

LOL @ Whatu & Rabbit.

@DeathbyScorpio, That sounds very familiar. I may have messed it up by not leaving him alone fast enough this time. I pretty much repeatedly begged him to speak to me, to at least tell me if it's over. Which probably makes me seem clingy & desperate instead of a fun challenge. But I got so sick of trying to play his games. I am normally an open & straight up person, not a game player & not good at hiding my feelings or not talking about things. I didn't want him to think I don't care, or that he can string me along, not talk about serious things & not stick with stuff he says & I will always put up with it. But maybe there are better ways to show all of that, instead of trying to explain in detail how I feel when he's not receptive or trying to convince him in words to do what I want. In the past it has seemed like often when I was not available to talk to him or he was unsure of my feelings for him it made him pursue me more. All this is making me worry that I won't be able to give up hope that he will come back into my life & so I won't be truly moving on. I will imagine reasons he is being this way & keep wondering if he will contact me again, rather than convincing myself that he doesn't love me.

@DeathbyScorpio, And, I think your advice is good and yes, it IS crazy to keep going through this ridiculous BS. Why do we do it? Are they worth the challenges? I take it you still want your ex in your life in some way? I will check out your past posts more. The similarities are crazy.

Posted by Rowan
LOL @ Whatu & Rabbit.

@DeathbyScorpio, That sounds very familiar. I may have messed it up by not leaving him alone fast enough this time. I pretty much repeatedly begged him to speak to me, to at least tell me if it's over. Which probably makes me seem clingy & desperate instead of a fun challenge. But I got so sick of trying to play his games. I am normally an open & straight up person, not a game player & not good at hiding my feelings or not talking about things. I didn't want him to think I don't care, or that he can string me along, not talk about serious things & not stick with stuff he says & I will always put up with it. But maybe there are better ways to show all of that, instead of trying to explain in detail how I feel when he's not receptive or trying to convince him in words to do what I want. In the past it has seemed like often when I was not available to talk to him or he was unsure of my feelings for him it made him pursue me more. All this is making me worry that I won't be able to give up hope that he will come back into my life & so I won't be truly moving on. I will imagine reasons he is being this way & keep wondering if he will contact me again, rather than convincing myself that he doesn't love me.

He probably does love you, but is either playing games, punishing you, or trying to get some control back by giving you the silent treatment. Who knows why they do what they do. For my ex, at least, I am almost certain he would tell me he is done if he were truly done. In the past, he told me he was done twice, and I gave up. He was back and pursuing me more than normal within hours to a few days. I think once he realizes I have accepted what he has said and am no longer trying, he gets scared he is going to lose me. So, maybe that's what your ex needs from you. Don't be mean, but don't pursue him anymore. It may take him a while, but I bet he'll come back around.

I think one mistake I made in the past was apologizing for everything when most of our problems were his fault. Don't get trapped in that mistake. My ex had a knack for turning things around and playing the victim. It sounds like your ex does the same. I regret not staying away in the past because I think my ex now thinks I'll just come back no matter what. Try not to fall into that same pattern.

Keep us posted. I'm interested to see what you decid

Posted by Rowan
@DeathbyScorpio, And, I think your advice is good and yes, it IS crazy to keep going through this ridiculous BS. Why do we do it? Are they worth the challenges? I take it you still want your ex in your life in some way? I will check out your past posts more. The similarities are crazy.

Because love is blind. lol I work with my ex and we have the same mutual friends, so that makes it really hard to move on. :/ I will never date a co-worker ever again.

What is it about your ex that makes you go back and put up with his crap? For me, it's how sensitive he is (even though he acts like a total a-- sometimes) and how hard he loves me when he isn't busy trying to put up a front. It's hard to erase the good from your mind. My feelings are slowly starting to change, but it has been a long process. We broke up for the first time over a year ago. Sigh.

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@DeathbyScorpio, I read your thread & there are SO many parallels, it's uncanny. Even things like communicating through songs. I am trying to give him his space & not contact him but it's tough to know how long to wait because:
1) I don't want him to think I don't care & have moved on in case he thinks that he's doing what's best for me by shutting me out. He once said in the past that he thinks it's not fair to distract me & string me along when we can't properly be together right now so I should just move on, which would in turn make it easier on him. But who knows, he's said a lot of things! Scorps don't always say what they mean or express themselves in a way where I can understand their true feelings. Some people say Scorps are testing your devotion & that you need to show them that you won't take off just because they are difficult or ice you out for a bit.
2) I can't help wanting to be understood. Even if he doesn't reply. But I'm not sure if he's receptive to understanding right now if I write him an email or something. I do have some things I want to apologize for but maybe he will just see that as a sign of weakness & that his ignoring worked.
3) I think if a Scorp thinks they are the one ignoring you & it's a game of who can ignore who best/longest, the Scorp will always win. In my experience when he has either thought I'm just busy with my awesome life or when I've told him we should slow down, or even one time when I actually got mad & told him not to text me anymore, he's been fast to contact me. If he thinks he has all the power & I've already blown up his phone while he's ignoring me then he just ignores me harder & doesn't stop ignoring when I've stopped contacting him. I mean he might but that might take years.

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Posted by DeathbyScorpio


Because love is blind. lol I work with my ex and we have the same mutual friends, so that makes it really hard to move on. :/ I will never date a co-worker ever again.

What is it about your ex that makes you go back and put up with his crap? For me, it's how sensitive he is (even though he acts like a total a-- sometimes) and how hard he loves me when he isn't busy trying to put up a front. It's hard to erase the good from your mind. My feelings are slowly starting to change, but it has been a long process. We broke up for the first time over a year ago. Sigh.

Agreed & same here (except he's not my coworker but there are family connections that mean I can't just never hear about him or be around things/people/places that remind me of him). Plus an indescribable chemistry like no other I've ever experienced & so many weird signs & coincidences that I don't feel I should or can ignore. I just don't know what they mean, they may not mean we should be together or at least not right now. And maybe I subconsciously like a little challenge, however often I think he & our situation are TOO challenging. I don't know what I want right now, I guess I just want to know that he cares, doesn't hate me & that the 1000 times he said he loved me weren't lies. And beyond that I'd like to have him in my life in some way, even if just as friends. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I think he is an all or nothing, seeing things in black & white kind of person though.

1) I don't want him to think I don't care & have moved on in case he thinks that he's doing what's best for me by shutting me out. He once said in the past that he thinks it's not fair to distract me & string me along when we can't properly be together right now so I should just move on, which would in turn make it easier on him. But who knows, he's said a lot of things! Scorps don't always say what they mean or express themselves in a way where I can understand their true feelings. Some people say Scorps are testing your devotion & that you need to show them that you won't take off just because they are difficult or ice you out for a bit.
2) I can't help wanting to be understood. Even if he doesn't reply. But I'm not sure if he's receptive to understanding right now if I write him an email or something. I do have some things I want to apologize for but maybe he will just see that as a sign of weakness & that his ignoring worked.
3) I think if a Scorp thinks they are the one ignoring you & it's a game of who can ignore who best/longest, the Scorp will always win. In my experience when he has either thought I'm just busy with my awesome life or when I've told him we should slow down, or even one time when I actually got mad & told him not to text me anymore, he's been fast to contact me. If he thinks he has all the power & I've already blown up his phone while he's ignoring me then he just ignores me harder & doesn't stop ignoring when I've stopped contacting him. I mean he might but that might take years.



I agree with everything. I've heard #1 a lot, too. #2--I'm totally the same way. #3-Agreed. With my ex, any time he has said something to where I would think he is done, and I give up, he comes back and pursues. Makes NO sense.

Posted by Rowan
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Posted by DeathbyScorpio


Because love is blind. lol I work with my ex and we have the same mutual friends, so that makes it really hard to move on. :/ I will never date a co-worker ever again.

What is it about your ex that makes you go back and put up with his crap? For me, it's how sensitive he is (even though he acts like a total a-- sometimes) and how hard he loves me when he isn't busy trying to put up a front. It's hard to erase the good from your mind. My feelings are slowly starting to change, but it has been a long process. We broke up for the first time over a year ago. Sigh.

Agreed & same here (except he's not my coworker but there are family connections that mean I can't just never hear about him or be around things/people/places that remind me of him). Plus an indescribable chemistry like no other I've ever experienced & so many weird signs & coincidences that I don't feel I should or can ignore. I just don't know what they mean, they may not mean we should be together or at least not right now. And maybe I subconsciously like a little challenge, however often I think he & our situation are TOO challenging. I don't know what I want right now, I guess I just want to know that he cares, doesn't hate me & that the 1000 times he said he loved me weren't lies. And beyond that I'd like to have him in my life in some way, even if just as friends. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I think he is an all or nothing, seeing things in black & white kind of person though.

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My ex and I have great chemistry, too, and we fell in love pretty quickly and deeply. Once I mentioned that what someone said to me about childbirth scared me and he said not to listen to them or I won't want to have his babies. I kind of laughed it off and he said he was serious. Then he said we aren't getting any younger. He basically told me he would be totally happy to have a baby with me at that time. That is NOT typical for a guy to say. We also got a place together pretty quickly, which I've never even considered doing with another person. My ex seems to be very black and white/on or off with his feelings, too. But, then he seems tormented by being away. It makes no sense to me.

Keep us posted on what happens. Are you going to reach out to him or stay away?

Again, sounds like my situation. We had a very similar conversation. But I think maybe they say this kind of stuff because it's what they're feeling in that moment as opposed to actually having given it rational thought & being serious about sticking with it. Something so major as having a baby shouldn't be done on a whim, solely because you are in love & have an intense attraction or instinct to procreate with that person. I am leaving my "ex" - can't even really call him that since we've never been official, nor broken up - alone. For now. I don't know what I'm going to do or what I want. I'm going to try my best to be more guarded in the future.

Posted by Rowan
Again, sounds like my situation. We had a very similar conversation. But I think maybe they say this kind of stuff because it's what they're feeling in that moment as opposed to actually having given it rational thought & being serious about sticking with it. Something so major as having a baby shouldn't be done on a whim, solely because you are in love & have an intense attraction or instinct to procreate with that person. I am leaving my "ex" - can't even really call him that since we've never been official, nor broken up - alone. For now. I don't know what I'm going to do or what I want. I'm going to try my best to be more guarded in the future.

Good for you. I know it's hard. You should read some of the last posts in the thread I started. It's a great reminder and good advice, especially when you have moments of weakness or sadness.

Posted by Rowan
Is there a way to know if a Scorpio is icing you out temporarily, say because he's scared or hurt, or if it's for good & he's done with you (no longer interested in a romance or friendship & going to stick to that) if he won't tell you?

You won't hear from him again. Like ever.

Except when he comes back.

Posted by Rowan
And what to do about being iced out?

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Ice him right back.