Kim31
@Kim31
11 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 14 · Posts: 1116 · Topics: 47
Missed birthday
Depends. Can't you be straight forward with him about the reason you "skipped it"?
No need to scramble. You knew what you were doing and feel unsettled now. That isn't about him.
Be honest about what's up, you felt slighted and rather than address that with him beforehand you were passive aggressive about it. Say that. Tell him he's been a crap friend, so he knows where it was coming from and move on from there, whatever that looks like (e.g. as friends that try to spend more time with with other or with a new understanding of simply being acquaintances).
No need to scramble. You knew what you were doing and feel unsettled now. That isn't about him.
Be honest about what's up, you felt slighted and rather than address that with him beforehand you were passive aggressive about it. Say that. Tell him he's been a crap friend, so he knows where it was coming from and move on from there, whatever that looks like (e.g. as friends that try to spend more time with with other or with a new understanding of simply being acquaintances).
Oh trust me, I've said that to his face and by text. I don't think its right to dismiss old friends after finding some new. I wasn't the only one who said screw it! The rest of his old friends were hoping I'd deal with it because they're sick of his shit too.
PS things have probably shifted for him now, even if it is ever so slightly. That look he gave you was either hurt or a realization of where you stand, which doesn't seem to be accurate. That could have been avoided. You are entitled to your feelings and should have simply expressed that. Problem is the way you went about sent out a different message and now makes him the "injured" party. The ego doesn't play nice with others.
Posted by Kim31
Oh trust me, I've said that to his face and by text. I don't think its right to dismiss old friends after finding some new. I wasn't the only one who said screw it! The rest of his old friends were hoping I'd deal with it because they're sick of his shit too.
Okay apologies then. Then why do you feel the need to scramble and play nice? There is no mystery as to what's up. There should be no expectations.
It was a creepy look. Really creepy. He always looks at me head on. This was a side glare with dead eyes. Not fun.
Because I'm a punk. I love my friends even when they do stuff I don't like. I don't want his feelings hurt even if he's been a jerk. 😢
Understood. Crabs...your greatest attributes are also your weakest.
He needs to deal with the consequences of his actions (e.g. being an absent minded friend) and you shouldn't feel guilty for the choice you made. Own it.
I would address him/it because I'm not a fan of ignoring an obvious issue. It looks like he feels your actions were intentional in an effort to hurt him. Did you at least wish him a happy birthday or skips that too? If so, than I would have to agree with his assessment to some degree. My agreement is over the fact that although you are distant, you still think of him as a friend. So no, throwing the birthday party would not have been the best thing, but a simple "happy birthday" would have been fine. By ignoring his day completely you are sending a strong message.
Either way, if you want to perserve the relationship this needs to be addressed. Water signs only work when they are as clear as possible with each other. He needs to understand why you didn't host his birthday party---although he seems to be playing ignorant if you already told him what's up. Perhaps he didn't know the extent to which his months of ignoring affected you. What did you say exactly?
To address this, simply try to engage him, if he gives you attitude or coldness then say straight up "I don't understand why you feel entitled to a birthday party given the fact that we've been distant for months".
He needs to deal with the consequences of his actions (e.g. being an absent minded friend) and you shouldn't feel guilty for the choice you made. Own it.
I would address him/it because I'm not a fan of ignoring an obvious issue. It looks like he feels your actions were intentional in an effort to hurt him. Did you at least wish him a happy birthday or skips that too? If so, than I would have to agree with his assessment to some degree. My agreement is over the fact that although you are distant, you still think of him as a friend. So no, throwing the birthday party would not have been the best thing, but a simple "happy birthday" would have been fine. By ignoring his day completely you are sending a strong message.
Either way, if you want to perserve the relationship this needs to be addressed. Water signs only work when they are as clear as possible with each other. He needs to understand why you didn't host his birthday party---although he seems to be playing ignorant if you already told him what's up. Perhaps he didn't know the extent to which his months of ignoring affected you. What did you say exactly?
To address this, simply try to engage him, if he gives you attitude or coldness then say straight up "I don't understand why you feel entitled to a birthday party given the fact that we've been distant for months".
I'm good with not overreacting when dealing with good people I care about. I didn't flip my crap when I addressed him.
In person, I said, what's the deal with you never doing anything with us anymore? I listed all the events he skipped out on. I also said "what is so special about these new people that you never talk to us?"
In the text messages I told him he is a hypocrite for complaining about the people I speak to. If a man he doesn't like approaches me he expects me to end the conversation by acting like a first class bitch. I told him one of his new friends is a nut and is constantly threatening other people. He responded by saying he doesn't know how to get rid of that particular one. That pissed me off. When he doesn't want someone around he is good about hiding. So I asked why the special treatment? He responded by asking me to meet him for lunch. Never answered that question.
In person, I said, what's the deal with you never doing anything with us anymore? I listed all the events he skipped out on. I also said "what is so special about these new people that you never talk to us?"
In the text messages I told him he is a hypocrite for complaining about the people I speak to. If a man he doesn't like approaches me he expects me to end the conversation by acting like a first class bitch. I told him one of his new friends is a nut and is constantly threatening other people. He responded by saying he doesn't know how to get rid of that particular one. That pissed me off. When he doesn't want someone around he is good about hiding. So I asked why the special treatment? He responded by asking me to meet him for lunch. Never answered that question.
We never planned for his birthday. I did wish him a happy birthday by text only because he hates to hear his phone ring.
I invited him out but he said he's got plans. I doubt it. I saw the way he was dressed heading there and that's just not how he dresses for anything but yard work. I told him I knew he'd have plans and wouldn't dare think I was important enough to see him on his actual birthday. He said we'll figure something out.
I invited him out but he said he's got plans. I doubt it. I saw the way he was dressed heading there and that's just not how he dresses for anything but yard work. I told him I knew he'd have plans and wouldn't dare think I was important enough to see him on his actual birthday. He said we'll figure something out.
"I don't think its right to dismiss old friends after finding some new." This is an interesting statement, seeing as how a female crab once said to me the exact OPPOSITE. 'Cause that's exactly what she did to me once she moved away.
As for not talking to old friends and what-not. I do this a lot too. So, if you're mad at him, I guess I could be just as guilty. Some friends I'd want to keep, and others I don't particularly, even though they are my friends. If you give me a depressive attitude 24/7, I'm not going to want to be around you. I get dull and bored of hearing it. But this is mainly from my guy's friends perspective. The women seem to move on faster and a lot better than guys do, on things.
As for my birthday, it's Nov. 17.
As for not talking to old friends and what-not. I do this a lot too. So, if you're mad at him, I guess I could be just as guilty. Some friends I'd want to keep, and others I don't particularly, even though they are my friends. If you give me a depressive attitude 24/7, I'm not going to want to be around you. I get dull and bored of hearing it. But this is mainly from my guy's friends perspective. The women seem to move on faster and a lot better than guys do, on things.
As for my birthday, it's Nov. 17.
Only bad thing about having lots of scorps around is this time of year. I cannot wait for Scorpio season to be over! Y'all are so difficult to shop for.
He wasn't getting any complaints or depressive attitudes. He was however getting in a lot of trouble by doing and saying things for his own benefit. Basically using information about older friends to get his way. The new friends all serve a purpose. And why complain about not being able to get rid of them to me? Like I can help!
He wasn't getting any complaints or depressive attitudes. He was however getting in a lot of trouble by doing and saying things for his own benefit. Basically using information about older friends to get his way. The new friends all serve a purpose. And why complain about not being able to get rid of them to me? Like I can help!
Forgot to ads he's truly confused about why anyone is upset with him. He doesn't understand why it isn't OK to throw names around to his advantage.
Posted by Kim31
Only bad thing about having lots of scorps around is this time of year. I cannot wait for Scorpio season to be over! Y'all are so difficult to shop for.
He wasn't getting any complaints or depressive attitudes. He was however getting in a lot of trouble by doing and saying things for his own benefit. Basically using information about older friends to get his way. The new friends all serve a purpose. And why complain about not being able to get rid of them to me? Like I can help!
I didn't say you were giving him depressive attitudes. I said, I was getting it from some of my friends(the guys, anyway) and I was my situation as an example.
Posted by SilverScorpio
"I don't think its right to dismiss old friends after finding some new." This is an interesting statement, seeing as how a female crab once said to me the exact OPPOSITE. 'Cause that's exactly what she did to me once she moved away.
As for not talking to old friends and what-not. I do this a lot too. So, if you're mad at him, I guess I could be just as guilty. Some friends I'd want to keep, and others I don't particularly, even though they are my friends. If you give me a depressive attitude 24/7, I'm not going to want to be around you. I get dull and bored of hearing it. But this is mainly from my guy's friends perspective. The women seem to move on faster and a lot better than guys do, on things.
As for my birthday, it's Nov. 17.
😆 how the hell did you make this thread about you? Smh....
Posted by SilverScorpioPosted by Kim31
Only bad thing about having lots of scorps around is this time of year. I cannot wait for Scorpio season to be over! Y'all are so difficult to shop for.
He wasn't getting any complaints or depressive attitudes. He was however getting in a lot of trouble by doing and saying things for his own benefit. Basically using information about older friends to get his way. The new friends all serve a purpose. And why complain about not being able to get rid of them to me? Like I can help!
I didn't say you were giving him depressive attitudes. I said, I was getting it from some of my friends(the guys, anyway) and I was my situation as an example.click to expand
One could not really tell given your iniitial post.
Posted by Kim31
We never planned for his birthday. I did wish him a happy birthday by text only because he hates to hear his phone ring.
I invited him out but he said he's got plans. I doubt it. I saw the way he was dressed heading there and that's just not how he dresses for anything but yard work. I told him I knew he'd have plans and wouldn't dare think I was important enough to see him on his actual birthday. He said we'll figure something out.
So why exactly was he and everyone else for that matter expecting you to throw a party? Either he's extremely self centered or something is amiss.
Errr... cause I always do
It was all, "what are doing for his bday?...you got it covered right? Cause I'm sure as fuck not doing it...."
Okay well then it sounds like all of your people need to work on setting boundaries because there is a disconnect with what is being said and what played out---I am not speaking about your thread.
If he has treated you and all of your friends in this way, yet they are still asking you if we're hosting a party despite his behaviour as of late, that explains why he had that expectation as well. You all just trample on each other's feelings and go on like usual.
You however (sort of) took a stand, but now you're worried about making it right. Okay, where exactly is he owning his behaviour? So he's upset. That's of his own making. You're only feeding the beast by scrambling to make it right. Address it, yes, but there is nothing to be overly apologetic for what played out.
I mastered my death/I'm pissed off at you stare when I was a child and I knew exactly what it would do when I used it. The people that didn't get thrown by it and gave my ego a dose of reality helped me the most because I started to recognize my actions have consequences and just because I am upset or hurt (often because of my own behaviour) doesn't mean I get a pass.
Now, in fairness everyone shift their friendships to some degree and it doesn't mean the friends from the past are being left behind. However this doesn't sound like that.
As I stated, if you want to maintain the friendship address it, but not in an apologetic way. You didn't do anything wrong. Check your friends as well. To expect you to host a party for someone that is not respecting your friendship sounds like a lack of self esteem.
If he has treated you and all of your friends in this way, yet they are still asking you if we're hosting a party despite his behaviour as of late, that explains why he had that expectation as well. You all just trample on each other's feelings and go on like usual.
You however (sort of) took a stand, but now you're worried about making it right. Okay, where exactly is he owning his behaviour? So he's upset. That's of his own making. You're only feeding the beast by scrambling to make it right. Address it, yes, but there is nothing to be overly apologetic for what played out.
I mastered my death/I'm pissed off at you stare when I was a child and I knew exactly what it would do when I used it. The people that didn't get thrown by it and gave my ego a dose of reality helped me the most because I started to recognize my actions have consequences and just because I am upset or hurt (often because of my own behaviour) doesn't mean I get a pass.
Now, in fairness everyone shift their friendships to some degree and it doesn't mean the friends from the past are being left behind. However this doesn't sound like that.
As I stated, if you want to maintain the friendship address it, but not in an apologetic way. You didn't do anything wrong. Check your friends as well. To expect you to host a party for someone that is not respecting your friendship sounds like a lack of self esteem.
Roflmao
Only because myself and the others all got sent to trainings on setting personal boundaries and stress management within the last month. Mine is three parts, four hours each hehehe! And no we don't all work together. That's just funny.
Only because myself and the others all got sent to trainings on setting personal boundaries and stress management within the last month. Mine is three parts, four hours each hehehe! And no we don't all work together. That's just funny.
Posted by Kim31
It was all, "what are doing for his bday?...you got it covered right? Cause I'm sure as fuck not doing it...."
So they're sure "as fuck not doing it", but you should? Um hmmm....
Like I stated, y'all just trample on each other's feelings.
Posted by Kim31
Roflmao
Only because myself and the others all got sent to trainings on setting personal boundaries and stress management within the last month. Mine is three parts, four hours each hehehe! And no we don't all work together. That's just funny.
What's that now? 😐 stop playin'.
I'm serious
Well put those lessons to work girly. The friendship will only work if you respect each other. Respecting each other means you help each other pull your heads out of your butts when it gets stuck up there.
Is this the same Scorp you were talking about when you first grace our board with your presence?
Is this the same Scorp you were talking about when you first grace our board with your presence?
No, that there turned in to a whole drama to crazy to post
*too
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by SilverScorpioPosted by Kim31
Only bad thing about having lots of scorps around is this time of year. I cannot wait for Scorpio season to be over! Y'all are so difficult to shop for.
He wasn't getting any complaints or depressive attitudes. He was however getting in a lot of trouble by doing and saying things for his own benefit. Basically using information about older friends to get his way. The new friends all serve a purpose. And why complain about not being able to get rid of them to me? Like I can help!
I didn't say you were giving him depressive attitudes. I said, I was getting it from some of my friends(the guys, anyway) and I was my situation as an example.
One could not really tell given your iniitial post.click to expand
Was I talking to you? Skip it, ignore it, whatever. You don't like my answer, Treetrunk off!
Posted by SilverScorpioPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by SilverScorpioPosted by Kim31
Only bad thing about having lots of scorps around is this time of year. I cannot wait for Scorpio season to be over! Y'all are so difficult to shop for.
He wasn't getting any complaints or depressive attitudes. He was however getting in a lot of trouble by doing and saying things for his own benefit. Basically using information about older friends to get his way. The new friends all serve a purpose. And why complain about not being able to get rid of them to me? Like I can help!
I didn't say you were giving him depressive attitudes. I said, I was getting it from some of my friends(the guys, anyway) and I was my situation as an example.
One could not really tell given your iniitial post.
Was I talking to you? Skip it, ignore it, whatever. You don't like my answer, Treetrunk off!click to expand
😆!!! Are you sure you have a Gem Moon? Too easy....
Kim, Crabs know how to get a Scorpio's attention don't we. 😉
You knew full well that if you ignored this man on his birthday he would come for you.
And I guess negative attention is better than no attention.
Did he say happy birthday to you this year?
You knew full well that if you ignored this man on his birthday he would come for you.
And I guess negative attention is better than no attention.
Did he say happy birthday to you this year?
Posted by SilverScorpioPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by SilverScorpioPosted by Kim31
Only bad thing about having lots of scorps around is this time of year. I cannot wait for Scorpio season to be over! Y'all are so difficult to shop for.
He wasn't getting any complaints or depressive attitudes. He was however getting in a lot of trouble by doing and saying things for his own benefit. Basically using information about older friends to get his way. The new friends all serve a purpose. And why complain about not being able to get rid of them to me? Like I can help!
I didn't say you were giving him depressive attitudes. I said, I was getting it from some of my friends(the guys, anyway) and I was my situation as an example.
One could not really tell given your iniitial post.
Was I talking to you? Skip it, ignore it, whatever. You don't like my answer, Treetrunk off!click to expand
Well, that escaladed quickly.
Posted by LunarMaiden
Kim, Crabs know how to get a Scorpio's attention don't we. 😉
You knew full well that if you ignored this man on his birthday he would come for you.
And I guess negative attention is better than no attention.
Did he say happy birthday to you this year?
I know what you're getting at but not this time. This time I was freaking over whether or not it was appropriate to do anything.
he took me out for a meal for mine. He's wanting a lunch and dinner for his.
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