Not fitting in with his lifestyle

Sorry posters I have been gone for months I believe. It's because things have been going great with my aqua friend. But then a slight bump happened.

He invited a few of our friends to his house for Independence Day and I was completely happy. For those that know the story understand why.

Mostly because I thought he was only inviting the guys but turns out he invited the people he consider close friends. I'm assuming. So it was more validation things were getting better and who knows what it would evolve to.

I was excited up until I realized how wealthy he actually was. I knew he was but didn't know how much. He grew up in a Brady bunch family that has family money but also group up with manners and modesty so he's not snobby at all. And his family is a close bunch.

Then I realized the guy friends he invited similar life style s. Here I was, truckers daughter. Nothing wrong with thAt. I'm proud of what I have and I'm happy I earned everything I have. It may not be much but it's something I can say I earned and wasn't given by my parents.

But there were a couple of fleeting moments where it dawned on me that I don't fit in their life style .

My family never grew up hosting parties, owning homes, having wine, etcetera so I don't know how any of that. How would he fit in my life style .

My family is rowdy, we swear we argue, we buy gifts on sale on target.

I'm not judging anything or anyone but of things go to the level where we really incorporate each other into our family and life style lives then it would be a real shock as to how each other lives and handles certain situations

I hope I make sense. Have any of you ever dated anyone in a higher class than you?

next

Don't ruin something over something so simple.

@sassy I haven't ruined anything. Doesn't even know it's what I'm thinking. Fortunately he's far from being the snobby sort.

But it's hard to not think about things like his family gets together has dinner at the dinner table. At my family gatherings we all go seperate rooms or at the tv.

It's a silly thing and I'm not embarrassed by it but the topics they talked about were common life things I knew nothing about because my parents never raised in an environment like that.

Growing parents came home. Dad sat in his chair mom cooked dinner we are wherever didn't speak to each other and loafed around until bed time. We never traveled or had family outings or took an interest in current events.

What would I bring to the table?

What you bring the table is you. That's all an aqua like me expects. Just you.

Posted by aquasnoz
What you bring the table is you. That's all an aqua like me expects. Just you.

I think what ruined my thinking is I'm the person in my family that has a piece of both worlds.

In school growing up, I was in accelerated school programs which were full of intelligent preppy rich kids and here I was this intelligent non rich kid and they weren't exactly welcoming. I didn't grow up in the same neighborhoods. I didn't play golf I wasn't given a brand new car or trip to Europe for my hs graduation.

My oldest sister married a guy from a wealthy family whose life style and common activities were different. His family is snobby and all they care to know about us is where we work and if we are dating and what type of person we are dating. So bad experience with ppl who have everything they want.

Fortunately he hasn't been one of those sort but now and then I see his tendency to want to do everything and take care of everything because $ is no big deal. But sometimes I want to handle it because I want to learn how to do those basic life things because my parents never bothered teaching us.

But you're right aqua. For whatever reason he wants to bring me into his world even more and I'll be ok with it as long as it's not a "I feel sorry for her" thing.

Don't look a gifted horse in the mouth or the arse...However that saying goes.

This man/situation is in your life for you to learn from.

Lol you're right too. Probably to teach me what my parents n older siblings never did.

I talked to one of my best guy friends last night he said two things:

"Maybe he likes your calm and humble energy because you keep him grounded or are a breath of fresh air. There are always downsides to every life style "

"Maybe he likes your kind hearted nature and the way you help others when others think about themselves"

He's right too. One of the things me and aquaman have in common is we think about others before ourselves and we are super helpful and easy going.

Who knows. I'll work hard at not letting myself think I'm not a good for for his life style .

Posted by MrFirebird
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Pretentious.

Posted by IAmMystified
Lol you're right too. Probably to teach me what my parents n older siblings never did.

I talked to one of my best guy friends last night he said two things:

"Maybe he likes your calm and humble energy because you keep him grounded or are a breath of fresh air. There are always downsides to every life style "

"Maybe he likes your kind hearted nature and the way you help others when others think about themselves"

He's right too. One of the things me and aquaman have in common is we think about others before ourselves and we are super helpful and easy going.

Who knows. I'll work hard at not letting myself think I'm not a good for for his life style .

click to expand

I get where you're coming from--


But you had no control over the family you were born into.

Just like he had no control over the family *he* was born into.

Try not to hold it against him.

Maybe he just likes... you.


🙂

From experience like Aquasnoz said all it takes is you!
When my aqua and I dated she was the only one driving and had a great career. I had my own place as well as a great job but I sometimes felt bad that I couldn't pick her up for work. But I was all she wanted! She would drive an hour everyday to my house and back to work and then back to my house just to spend time with me. All she asked for was my honesty and for me to smile. Sometimes we look too deep into things because of our own insecurity. Just continue being you and treating him the way you have and things will work out fine. You said you haven't mentioned it to him but maybe you shouldn't in soo many words I've learned that Aquarians aren't find of insecurity. Hope this makes you feel better. Remember you're all it took for him to share his world with. Not money or gold!

*fond

I know I'm enough. He knows already what I do for a living and where I live and etc and still he's always been that guy who always wants me around for whatever reason even when we didn't talk much due to our age old difficulties.

But I guess how do you impress or spoil someone let's say on bdays if they have everything.

Or make some happier if they have everything.

Posted by IAmMystified
I know I'm enough. He knows already what I do for a living and where I live and etc and still he's always been that guy who always wants me around for whatever reason even when we didn't talk much due to our age old difficulties.

But I guess how do you impress or spoil someone let's say on bdays if they have everything.

Or make some happier if they have everything.

Easy you do something money cannot buy. Cook a favorite dish. Have his favorite drink around... Listen to his conversations I'm sure there's something from his childhood or something he always wanted that didn't cost much.


Another aqua of mine loved bonsai trees (he was wealthy too) and he loved Gran Marnier and at that time I had a simple job paying &350 aweek. Could barely survive , but I found him a beautiful bonsai tree and the bottle of liquor and to this day he still has them both and had never forgotten that! He appreciated the small things. Because despite all the money in the world , that's what Aquarians notice..... The small things. Like your loyalty, your honesty, your genuine beauty!!! _— hope this helps!!!!!

It does completely.

I guess I'm just dealing with the shock of now knowing the other side of him I never thought about.

It's like I said, he knows how I live and probably a little of how I grew up and despite the past difficulties he's always wanted ME around even if we didn't always talk he always went out of his way to bug me to come with or join so I guess there's some part of me he likes that he's missing from other friends

Posted by IAmMystified
I know I'm enough. He knows already what I do for a living and where I live and etc and still he's always been that guy who always wants me around for whatever reason even when we didn't talk much due to our age old difficulties.

But I guess how do you impress or spoil someone let's say on bdays if they have everything.

Or make some happier if they have everything.

Maybe you're the materialistic one, here.

Where's your moon?

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by MrFirebird
next

Pretentious.

Posted by IAmMystified
Lol you're right too. Probably to teach me what my parents n older siblings never did.

I talked to one of my best guy friends last night he said two things:

"Maybe he likes your calm and humble energy because you keep him grounded or are a breath of fresh air. There are always downsides to every life style "

"Maybe he likes your kind hearted nature and the way you help others when others think about themselves"

He's right too. One of the things me and aquaman have in common is we think about others before ourselves and we are super helpful and easy going.

Who knows. I'll work hard at not letting myself think I'm not a good for for his life style .

I get where you're coming from--


But you had no control over the family you were born into.

Just like he had no control over the family *he* was born into.

Try not to hold it against him.

Maybe he just likes... you.


🙂

click to expand

Pretentious:
: having or showing the unpleasant quality of people who want to be regarded as more impressive, successful, or important than they really are.

Leo

I'm not in the least bit materialistic, while other people into family spend the little money they have shopping.

I buy what's enough to get buy and try to pay down debts and sock away for retirement

My moon? Let me check

It says LIBRA

If you've ever seen the movie pretty in pink.

I feel like the Molly ringwald character.

It's not a judgement thing but more of if someone has everything they've ever wanted and has been everywhere and tried everything how do you make them smile or happy or surprise them or create memories with them

I guess in life we get used to buying things or going places or trying new things to make ppl happy.

But you can't do that with him so I guess that's where my line of thinking is...

What always mattered to me was the thought that counted or spending time with them.

The one thing my exes all said they've loved the most was the fact that I was the only person they dated that loved doing things they were interested in too.

I guess maybe that's what I've forgotten over time...being a part of what they enjoy too.

My ex-exhusband's sister is married to a very famous basketball player, and his stepmother is the daughter of a grammy winning blues singer. So I can relate to what you are going through. I came from a family with money and went to private schools and they still still made me feel as if I wasn't good enough. It got to the point were I simply just refused to come around them. Do they purposely try to make you feel uncomfortable when you are around them?

Posted by canerleo101
My ex-exhusband's sister is married to a very famous basketball player, and his stepmother is the daughter of a grammy winning blues singer. So I can relate to what you are going through. I came from a family with money and went to private schools and they still still made me feel as if I wasn't good enough. It got to the point were I simply just refused to come around them. Do they purposely try to make you feel uncomfortable when you are around them?

I met his parents last night. They liked me. I'm not worried about that so much but it's more of the hobby and interests giving. The women all talked about babies and what they deal with re: private school curriculum for their kids and the men talked about his sweet BBQ grill and golfing.

I felt out of place. Those things aren't a part of my daily life. I had nothing to day lol. It was like this:

@twirling

You pinpointed my thoughts exactly. Maybe that's it. Maybe my difference is what he craves because it's not what he's used to, it's new exciting

Who knows why he wants me around in time it'll be clear. I'll try hard to keep all of this in mind.

Lol thanks for that Twirling.

He has two sons 5 and 10 yr old. There have been maybe 4-5 occasions where he's had them and I was around. He jokes about how they are wild and he gets frustrated cause he doesn't know how to calm them down

Even when I met them for the first Time they liked me instantly, I wasn't frazzled by their wildness and in the end they listened to me. He seems to like the fact that I'm unphazed by them and them to me

That could be it too lol

Thanks all!

Do you have commitment issues, OP? This sounds like an excuse to talk yourself out of having a long term relationship with this guy. It's your fears talking. It could be that you're afraid it might not work out so you're subconsciously creating a "crisis" to bail out before it even gets there...or before you get hurt, disappointed, etc. Hmm...

That could be it too. I wouldn't know lol.

I guess time will tell how things progress but I'm gonna try hard to continue being optimistic and let what ever happens happen

Posted by IAmMystified
Lol you're right too. Probably to teach me what my parents n older siblings never did.

I talked to one of my best guy friends last night he said two things:

"Maybe he likes your calm and humble energy because you keep him grounded or are a breath of fresh air. There are always downsides to every life style "

"Maybe he likes your kind hearted nature and the way you help others when others think about themselves"

He's right too. One of the things me and aquaman have in common is we think about others before ourselves and we are super helpful and easy going.

Who knows. I'll work hard at not letting myself think I'm not a good for for his life style .

That's what I'm talking about.
And I like the way your Aqua friend thinks. My best guy friend is an Aqua 🙂

Posted by IAmMystified

Posted by canerleo101
My ex-exhusband's sister is married to a very famous basketball player, and his stepmother is the daughter of a grammy winning blues singer. So I can relate to what you are going through. I came from a family with money and went to private schools and they still still made me feel as if I wasn't good enough. It got to the point were I simply just refused to come around them. Do they purposely try to make you feel uncomfortable when you are around them?

I met his parents last night. They liked me. I'm not worried about that so much but it's more of the hobby and interests giving. The women all talked about babies and what they deal with re: private school curriculum for their kids and the men talked about his sweet BBQ grill and golfing.

I felt out of place. Those things aren't a part of my daily life. I had nothing to day lol. It was like this:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ySnFJjREqmI/TawlA14ktCI/AAAAAAAACY0/S02ieihNT50/s1600/The+Flick+Chicks+Movie+Reviews+critics+The+Stepford+Wives+-+2.jpg<div class="bqfade">click to expand

It doesn't matter if fit in or not. As long as you know that you are a good, true, person that's all that matters. If you just continue to be yourself everything will continue to fall in place. You never know they may like the fact that you don't have the same upbringing as them. It's probably a breath of fresh air for them. Plus the may like the fact that you can bring a different prespective to the group.

^^^^^^ Now go cook his favorite dish!
and make sure to keep wearing that favorite perfume he likes...(if hes mentioned this) or wear your hair how he likes...
Its the little things 🙂

We aren't dating. We are just long time friends. Part of the reason why I didn't want to go in the first place even tho mutual friends forced me to go was because once I go and hang out with him personally (meaning around his family and not with just mutual friends etc.)I will be seeing a side of him I haven't really had much exposure to and once you go there, you can't go back. It redefines everything and I'm already having expectations that this won't be a one time thing and that I will be hanging out with him more often not just with mutual friends but maybe one on one again or whatever.

But what if it doesn't? I over heard him on sunday making plans with some mutual friends/acquaintances about playing tennis (for the first time) together and they were all talking about it in front of me (i was a couple of feet away) and I couldn't help but be a little disappointed at not being included.

See what I mean. This is why I didn't want to go in the first place. It makes me frustrated.

Was the other day just a once in a blue moon thing? What he just being nice? I don't get men. I really don't...my exes weren't this confusing.

Our mutual friends forced me to go because as they said:

"You've been waiting a long time to find out how he actually sees you. You have had this weird situation for a long time where your the only friend he acts weird around without any direct explaination from him so you better go!"

So I went to get answers, to see how he treats me in front of family and again he acted weird with the whole glancing, being near by, but not really interacting with me except maybe 1-2 x.

So instead of getting more answers, it created alot more questions.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Aqua men--if they are treating you differently they like you. Its as simple as that. He was probably just observing the fun out of you. I hope you passed the dissection. lol

No. They are very strange creatures. Let me ask you, did he do a little sort of jiggly dance--kind of like a little boy--around you? Every single Aqua guy I've known gets all 7 year old boy around a girl they like. Its cute. lol

Jiggly dance? I don't know what that is. I think I've seen it in the past before when things were initially "great" around me but its just starting to go back to the way it used to be after arguing about random bullshit for so long.

At the family bbq he mostly played host cause it was at his house after all. But he mostly spent the time grilling and being courteous and etc. But there was this moment though when everyone was inside the house watching a ball game. Outside near the grill it was just me, one of his buddies and the buddies' wife (3 of us). For whatever reason, he comes and sits with us and spends the entire time talking to the other 2 [ he wouldn't look in my direction] even though I would occasionally chime in the conversation.

Then his 5 year old come and was whining and he's like "What's up bud?" and the boy said something about his feet being wet or soemthing about his feet.

Then he said to the boy "Why did "IAmMystified" do something to your feet?" and he game me the 😛 face.

Eventually things just felt awkward for me again and I had to go to another bbq anyway so I said bye to everyone and simply said "Bye. Thank you for coming 🙂" cause he was busy setting up the fire pit to make smores.

An hour later he texts me and said he wanted to thank me for coming again and he hoped that I was having a good rest of the holiday.

Which surprised me cause he's not a big phone or texting kind of guy.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Oh and never overanalyze an Aqua--just resign yourself to not ever really figuring them out and be okay with that. You wouldn't spend days trying to figure out your best friend would you? Treat and act like a friend would BUT since you are a Scorp use your Scorpio eyes to say the rest.

That's all I've got...

I'd rather learn about him slowly. I guess all I want to find out why he mysteriously up and invited me to an intimate gathering especially after the length of time we didn't get along.

Plus, I wanna know why he didn't invite me to play tennis especially when he spoke about it right in front of me.

I just spoke with him today about small talk things becuase he has been moody since he was all smiles 2 days later when he saw me next. So I wanted to check if it was something to do with me being outwardly indifferent (because i was confused as to how things were going) and if he was moody becuase nothing changed between us or if was something else going on.

So I started talking to him about small talk type of topics and he seemed peppy instantly and while we were talking he just completely changed the subject and asked me if I had fun at his bbq. I was like "oh yeah totally etc. etc." not sure why he was asking because he had texted me an hour after I left his bbq to which I said I had fun etc. etc. who knows..

And then I started talking to him about what happened to me after I left his bbq and he just randomly cut me off again and said "You haven't met my parents before?" and I said "..no why would I..we haven't exactly hung out in a long time."

He didn't say anything for a bit and then he changed the subject again and we started talking abou other things. But his mood seems happier now.

It was just a weird conversation, like he was fishing for something.

Any thoughts?

Maybe. Just wish things weren't progressing so slowly.

Or maybe they aren't progressing.

Anyone know aquas well are they slow like this or is it cause I'm a close bud or something