Psychology: ADD - ADHD

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder

My SO was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. Dyslexic with letters and numbers. He was never medicated and dropped out of high school. He's incredibly intelligent but it has affected him tremendously. He's incredibly difficult to live with at times but it helps him to know that I recognize his difficulties.

Posted by sultrykitty
My SO was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. Dyslexic with letters and numbers. He was never medicated and dropped out of high school. He's incredibly intelligent but it has affected him tremendously. He's incredibly difficult to live with at times but it helps him to know that I recognize his difficulties.

Interesting. Yes, that's clearly a difficult situation to find one's self in.

I presume, your SO has a lot on his mind, constantly being bombarded by a billion stars.

Yep, he doesn't sleep well. When he was small his mom helped him deal with it through mental exercises and modified diet. This was back in the early 80s.

He has a pretty good handle on it on terms of behavioral stuff; in fact I didn't even wonder about it until several years ago when our household stress levels went up and we started arguing more. Because of yhe way je was acting I had to ask his mom if he had it and sure enough she said yes.

But all that stuf running through his mind also makes for a pretty creative and brilliant guy.

Posted by sultrykitty
Yep, he doesn't sleep well. When he was small his mom helped him deal with it through mental exercises and modified diet. This was back in the early 80s.

He has a pretty good handle on it on terms of behavioral stuff; in fact I didn't even wonder about it until several years ago when our household stress levels went up and we started arguing more. Because of yhe way je was acting I had to ask his mom if he had it and sure enough she said yes.

But all that stuf running through his mind also makes for a pretty creative and brilliant guy.

Ok.... curiously, was his father around when he was growing up?

Posted by MrFirebird

Posted by sultrykitty
Yep, he doesn't sleep well. When he was small his mom helped him deal with it through mental exercises and modified diet. This was back in the early 80s.

He has a pretty good handle on it on terms of behavioral stuff; in fact I didn't even wonder about it until several years ago when our household stress levels went up and we started arguing more. Because of yhe way je was acting I had to ask his mom if he had it and sure enough she said yes.

But all that stuf running through his mind also makes for a pretty creative and brilliant guy.

Ok.... curiously, was his father around when he was growing up?

click to expand

Sort of. He was a stock broker and an alcoholic. Very emotionally absent. My SO kicked him out of the house when he was 18 bwcause of the drinking.

Posted by Koniucha
My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD. She is very smart, almost knows too much for her age. She is just very active and has a hard time sitting still.

I just keep her busy with activities. She is in gymnastics and kicking butt. And we started archery yesterday. Don't know how she feels about that, but figured we would try it out.

ooh archery is fun! my dad loved archery, and as a kid I wanted to be just like him so I'd beg to go with him and I'd play in the backyard just shooting arrows in midair to see how far I could shoot. It was fun. I miss it. I have several trophies for archery too. One time my dad took me hunting with him (I always begged to go with on his trips but of course I was really small and couldn't), and I was ecstatic to see a coyote. I had an obsession with wolves and coyotes when I was little.

I hope she enjoys it! I know I did. It's different.

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by MrFirebird

Posted by sultrykitty
Yep, he doesn't sleep well. When he was small his mom helped him deal with it through mental exercises and modified diet. This was back in the early 80s.

He has a pretty good handle on it on terms of behavioral stuff; in fact I didn't even wonder about it until several years ago when our household stress levels went up and we started arguing more. Because of yhe way je was acting I had to ask his mom if he had it and sure enough she said yes.

But all that stuf running through his mind also makes for a pretty creative and brilliant guy.

Ok.... curiously, was his father around when he was growing up?

Sort of. He was a stock broker and an alcoholic. Very emotionally absent. My SO kicked him out of the house when he was 18 bwcause of the drinking.

click to expand

Ok. You mentioned his father was emotionally absent and an alcoholic. Would you happen to know his dad's Sun/moon sign? And his mother's Sun/Moon sign?
Note: Some signs are predisposed to certain lines of work.

Regarding Emotional absence
When talking about his dad, has your SO pointed out anything along the lines of "My dad was never there for me"?
Also, it must be understood that some lines of work can be a) high stress, b) time consuming, in the sense that it spills over into non-work related private life matters.

Posted by Koniucha
My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD. She is very smart, almost knows too much for her age. She is just very active and has a hard time sitting still.

I just keep her busy with activities. She is in gymnastics and kicking butt. And we started archery yesterday. Don't know how she feels about that, but figured we would try it out.

Good for her! 🙂

Archery—? Ahhhh I LOVE archery!! Be sure to tell her that there is a lot more to archery than simply drawing the bow and arrow and hitting the target.
I've learned some fascinating life lessons through archery and the subject matter beyond the actual physical practice of archery.
For example, in life we find that there are many hits and misses. Successes and failures. This fact is actually illustrated in the physical act of
drawing the bow and releasing the arrow and watching it hit it's mark or, not quite hitting it's mark. Successful shots have much to do with self-control.

Interestingly, it seems to me, that self-control would be one MAJOR thing that sufferers of ADHD could learn and benefit from, as discipline is
conducive to mastering the art of self-control. Note: Discipline need not be forced, but if you can teach through diplomacy in allowing them to
learn it on their own, AT their own pace. All the better.
Life Lesson: IF, in practice, she can master the art of self-control, she will be better equipped to be able to get a handle on the ADHD.
Keep in mind, what they said about those with ADHD finding a job that they love to do, regardless of the pay, is far more important than
occupations where vainglorious promises and rewards and honors are the goals, as such things will lose their significance.
The problem ADHD sufferers from appears to be a repetitious cycle. A kind which - You see a goal, it suddenly means the world, then, you
pursue it, then obtain it, perhaps, but you soon come to realize it wasn't worth all that effort and the interest and importance subsides.
These "goals" can be very simple things or very complex things. As you can imagine, baby steps, before running, apply here.
You probably will always notice that she does well in those things she's interested in. Be her great supporter and encourage her in those (productive)
things she's interested in. Especially when she is discouraged. Remind her of what Thomas Edison once said about failure:

"Thomas Edison failed more than 1,000 times when trying to create the light bulb". When asked about it, Edison allegedly said, "I have not failed
1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb."
That is to say, even through failure, success can still be found. Persistence pays off, in the end.

PS, Konnie, (et al parents)

Remember, the good parent is learning while teaching, and shaping the life of their child(ren) even as the potter learns to form
and master the clay. It is critically important that all parents be watchful for and mindful of their own mistakes.
Parent, you are your child's potter. You are the one who shapes and molds them, at times when they are difficult to shape
and form, such times may require a bit of water. At other times, the potter must adjust his/her technique.
It is the natural order of the art. And the artisan is wise to control what shapes and form's his/her work. That is, do not let the
world steal your child from you or else your beloved work and hard efforts fall prey to the mindless destruction of a hateful world.

It takes a lot of patience to be the Artist and the Potter.
And much obedience to be the good Creation.

Yes, the bf does what's called "hyper focus" which, you would think, is counterintuitive to ADHD. He does that a lot with his work (he works out of our garage) or with his video games (who doesn't? ). All it takes is for me to remind him that such-and-such needs to happen (dinner, plans with family, yard work) and he'll usually break free and go.

He forgets EVERYTHING though. And he won't do lists because he says it's all in his head and he'll remember. Not usually, in reality.

Mr Firebird, to answer your questions I don't know their sun signs. I think his mom is a Virgo sun, that's all I know. His dad was a good provider, a Korean war vet so very closed off. When the kids were younger he was more involved. Took my SO on hunting and fishing trips every year, they did family vacations. My SO was very good at golf so his dad was trying to cultivate that talent, but the training was too intense for my guy so he quit. They never wanted for anything material.

As the kids got older their dad sort of retreated into the booze and pretty much lost everything. By that time their parents were permanently separated.

My guy respects his dad and knows that he was a troubled man. On an intellectual level he understands but the kid in him misses that he never got to know his dad on an emotional level. He also realizes that he never got a chance to see a healthy marital relationship (nor did I). But we're in our mid 40s and realize that life is what it is and we have to accept reality and take the good that we had and grow from that.

Sad but not bitter.

Posted by sultrykitty
Yes, the bf does what's called "hyper focus" which, you would think, is counterintuitive to ADHD. He does that a lot with his work (he works out of our garage) or with his video games (who doesn't? ). All it takes is for me to remind him that such-and-such needs to happen (dinner, plans with family, yard work) and he'll usually break free and go.

He forgets EVERYTHING though. And he won't do lists because he says it's all in his head and he'll remember. Not usually, in reality.

Mr Firebird, to answer your questions I don't know their sun signs. I think his mom is a Virgo sun, that's all I know. His dad was a good provider, a Korean war vet so very closed off. When the kids were younger he was more involved. Took my SO on hunting and fishing trips every year, they did family vacations. My SO was very good at golf so his dad was trying to cultivate that talent, but the training was too intense for my guy so he quit. They never wanted for anything material.

As the kids got older their dad sort of retreated into the booze and pretty much lost everything. By that time their parents were permanently separated.

My guy respects his dad and knows that he was a troubled man. On an intellectual level he understands but the kid in him misses that he never got to know his dad on an emotional level. He also realizes that he never got a chance to see a healthy marital relationship (nor did I). But we're in our mid 40s and realize that life is what it is and we have to accept reality and take the good that we had and grow from that.

Sad but not bitter.

I was raised by a WWII combat veteran US Army (Pacific Theater, Battle of Okinawa).
My mom and dad split when I was 2. He was in the US Navy, engaged in Naval Intelligence, during Vietnam, monitoring the Soviets, among other things.
Let's just say, I too, was missing from my own kids lives.
I guess you might say there are three groups of soldiers, a hero, a villain, and a rock and hard place.

Posted by Koniucha
Sorry, got cut off.

I was saying, oh how I try. I usually feel like failure, but that is my own issue I have to over come.

Our biggest issue is arguing. She always argues with me and drives me nuts.

Konnie,
If I may, I vaguely recall that you are single (I may be mistaken) and I am assuming that you have custody of your child.
Curiously, does she see her father and is he single or with someone, perhaps remarried?

Something's going on down deep that doesn't seem to be directly related to ADHD, but something else, that may be "triggering" the
arguments. Let's just say, if you can identify the trigger, itself, you can control the weapon. That is, you if you find the root cause and
take control of it, you can avoid the arguments.

As for failure, perhaps, perhaps not. How so? A mechanic cannot properly diagnose the problem with your car if he doesn't have
the right tools, and tool number one is the car, itself. Now, you said that the issue is your own, to deal with. IF that is undeniably the case,
it seems, you need to tell yourself to buckle down and do it to it and overcome it, ASAP. (time's tickin' real fast, before you know it, your
daughter is grown.) It's important that you do because if it's only arguing today, it may snowball out of control and become a far greater
issue of teenage rebellion or worse, a dysfunctional adult. IF You and your child are seeing professionals who know how to deal with
ADHD. Consult them. BUT IF there are any hints of "Parental Alienation Syndrome" (PAS) lurking somewhere in the background, that
behavior had better get nipped in the bud on the pronto, because PAS can ultimately hurt everyone.

Wait... did you say you work in the Airline industry? I think in flight maintenance management or ??.