Scorp male and the talk

Quick background. I'm a 48 YO Female Virgo and have been seeing a 55 YO Scorp male for about 9 months now. During this time, he has repeatedly made reference to us living together and/or marriage. I've pretty much sat back and figured that I would let him figure out what/where he wanted things to go and not push him. We've told each other that we both want this relationship to be forever and have talked about mutual retired goals/plans.

However, recently, he has done a couple things which lead me to wonder really where he is at with our relationship. A couple weeks ago, it was my birthday. Now, normally at my age, I don't expect much for birthdays but since it was our first together and he had talked about it (ie: present, dinner, etc.) I was really looking forward to it. Basically, nothing happened. No dinner and my present was 2 weeks late. At the time, I chalked it up to the fact that he was in the midst of dealing with moving his elderly parents out of their house and into assisted living.

Last night, we were out and chatting and yet again, he brings up a living together arrangement. Knowing that the lease on his apartment is up Nov. 1, I asked what his plans were. He informed me that he had already signed up for another year and asked me if that was OK? I told him that I guess it was going to have to be since it was already a done deal.

So, now I'm just flat out confused. If he wants to live together then why sign on for another year? If he doesn't want to move forward with this relationship, then why keep bringing it up? Is his playing games with me? I would understand if he was just not ready to take the next step this soon, but tell me that.

I told myself that I was NOT going to push him in this relationship. Been there. Done that in the past and it always came back to bit me. But this has me really re-thinking it because I just flat out don't know what is what right now. Has he decided that we don't have the potential to move forward? Aren't these things something that couples who "plan" to spend the rest of their lives together dicuss together? What the heck is going on and should I bring up "the talk?"

He will marry you/move in to live together with you. My mentor/my good friend(a Scorp) told me that he proposed to his wife(a Virgo) 13 years ago in a very unromantic way after 2 years of dating. He simply asked her one day when they were talking : " let's get married then" in a cool tone like he knew he would get a "YES" from her 😛

He was testing you I think to see if you seriously wanted to live together .It seemed that your laid-back attitude backfired you.It was good that you let him decide but being nonchalant about all his "passionate" plans was a bad move. He figured that you might not want it yourself so he backed off now. The final piece was 'He informed me that he had already signed up for another year and asked me if that was OK?' It was like the last chance and you showed no sign of disagreement. If you had a straight talk with him , I think it will resolve things . Being a Scorp myself, I love hearing the truth even if it hurts! That's what I did to my Scorp friends as well , especially the males and they seemed to like my "feisty and quirky" attitude 😄

Also, I think communication and trust is very important in a relationship so please don't play games with each other.At least, you'll find out where you stand.If he's not the man you thought he was , just move on calmly.No games.He will think you're playing but you don't. See the contradictions in Scorp males

They can pretend to be very unemotional and lazy (well, the part being lazy can be true when they shut themselves off )but they can go extra miles for you when their passion is aroused ( that's not dificult to accomplish by an Virgo I think!)

Good luck 🙂

"It seemed that your laid-back attitude backfired you"

Well, the last time it was brought up, I told him that I would like that and that we should start talking about it. (We were out with friends at the time so I didn't think we'd want to get into it then.) The ironic thing was, earlier in the day yesterday, I was planning on asking him to move in with me.

You just can't win for losing. I try not to be "needy and demanding" and he takes that as I don't care.

So, now I have to figure out how to approach this "talk". Maybe something like...
"I was suprised that you went ahead and signed up for another year because I thought we were going to talk about living together"? What do you think?

Why can't you live together while he keeps his place? At least you know he wouldn't be staying with you because he has no place to go immediately. Seems a bit foolish for one of you to give up your place, do a complete move and possibly find out a few months later that it just isn't working.

Maybe try a different approach to the subject; tell him the cool thing thing about you both having your own places while living together is the availability of a getaway type weekend without having to go to any expense or planning, having sex in the same place all the time can get pretty boring.

For me, this isn't so much about who is living where as it is about what "appears" to me, to be a reversal in commitment to the relationship.
And even moreso, a lack of communication regarding our relationship.

"I dunno...but 9 months—? Is that supposed to be a long time to start thinking about moving in with somebody?"

True, we really have only been dating exclusively for 9 months but we dated casually for 1 year before that and have known each other, as friends, for almost 10 years.

Yet, you still may have a point.

At least he is talking about moving in and marriage. Most men won't even mention the subject. They always wait for the woman to bring it up. My BF talked about it hypothetically on our first 3 dates, but then has never brought up the subject again since. We have only been together for about 4 months, but I am having a hard time seeing him ever bringing it up. I'm almost sure that if I ever want that from him then I will have to be the one to start talking about it.

"Cj,

But you're partially responsible for that lack of communication. You haven't been exactly that forward with him about the moving in aspect either, and it sounds like you've been too laid back. You didn't even say anything to him or ask him why he decided to keep his lease the moment he told you and asked you if it was okay. It's like what are you waiting for? When are you going to speak up?"

I realize now that all his off-handed comments were more than likely invitations for ME to bring up the subject. But the last time (prior to last night) he brought it up, I did say that I WANTED TO and WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT MORE. So I did speak up.

As for my response last night when I found out. I don't exactly consider a reply like:
"I told him that I guess it was going to have to be since it was already a done deal."
to be an indication that I was pleased with his decision. I was pretty much in shock because after saying we would talk about livingtogether, he went ahead without talking to me and did this.

I'll gladly accept blame for the lack of communication. I know that I don't like confrontation and especially when we are out in public or out with other friends and 99% of the time when he brings these things up is then. Sure, I could've asked him with all sorts of questions last night but I just didn't feel like it was the right time to get into it.

Well, if nothing else, this certainly highlights to me that we BOTH need to work on our communication. As a typical Virgo, I tend to let things slide too much and versus confronting things, I interalize them as me over-analyizing things, etc.

I still could use suggestions on how to broach the subject without it coming off as "the talk". The last thing I need now is for him to go into "sulk mode".

"Don't over think this situation. It's not that complicated. Just speak up."

LOL Telling a virgo female that is like telling a scorp male not to think about sex!!!!

I think he just got into panic mode at the prospect of being homeless in November so he just signed the lease because nothing had for sure been planned yet with you. I would have probably done the same thing.

"The only reason you're over thinking it is because you're afraid to act"

I agree and also afraid of overeacting.

"Pretty much just say what you said to all of us."

But, I'll take it that based on what I've said in these posts that I'm on the right track.

Oxymoron: Quick background

at the risk of being rude, i am fascinated with all these "confused" virgos who get involved with scorpios. i guess it's the analytical nature of the virgo, having to figure everything out...which is the last thing scorpios want anyone to do to them. also, i know many virgos who struggle with backbone issues (as in not having one). i thought scorpios liked strong minded people who don't wallow in fear.

if that were completely true they would date and aries yet there seem to be so many complaints about them too.

"at the risk of being rude, i am fascinated with all these "confused" virgos who get involved with scorpios. i guess it's the analytical nature of the virgo, having to figure everything out...which is the last thing scorpios want anyone to do to them. also, i know many virgos who struggle with backbone issues (as in not having one). i thought scorpios liked strong minded people who don't wallow in fear."

Well, from reading this board and a few others, Virgos are the only ones who are confused by Scorpios.

And there also is a difference in being cautious and "wallowing in fear".

"Well, from reading this board and a few others, Virgos are the only ones who are confused by Scorpios."

Sorry that was supposed to be "Well, from reading this board and a few others, Virgos are NOT the only ones who are confused by Scorpios.

Update
Although, I not sure but I think gslove may have nailed it.

"I think he just got into panic mode at the prospect of being homeless in November so he just signed the lease because nothing had for sure been planned yet with you. I would have probably done the same thing."

We didn't get a whole lot of time to talk last night but when I brought it up, he told me that since he wasn't sure what his son's plans were when he got home from overseas (last night) he didn't want him to not have a place to live. He even used the words "homeless" and "panic". While that is a perfectly good reason, it doesn't exactly ring true based. For one thing, his son moved out when he turned 18 last Feb and was living with his mom up until this vacation. Plus, just last Sunday, I had asked him if he knew what his son was planning to do (go to school, etc.) when he got back, his response was "no, but he's an adult now." I know that he and his son have not gotten along well in the last year and I haven't seen anything to lead me to believe that has changed.

So, basically, I'm not buying the whole "son may need a place to live" bit. My gut tells me that he did basically panic but maybe because he just wasn't sure he was ready to make that next move with me and he used his son as an excuse. Although I didn't question on it, when I continued to pursue the conversation, he quickly changed the subject.

Anyway, we are planning to get together tonight and I'm planning to tell him that I accept what is done is done but suggest that we spend the next year planning, as a couple, for what WE want to do after this lease is up.

Just wanted to update you all and thank you for your insight.

"Now just let the relationship progress without nitpicking. He'll see you going on and on about this as nagging."

You are right. Bringing it up TWICE is certainly nitpicking and nagging!!!

I guess I should just continue to sit back and let him keep throwing out comments about living together and leading me on like I feel like he has been doing all this time.

"This is such a minor issue"

Again, you are right. Trust and respect truly are minor issues and I can't believe that I ever thought otherwise.

You know, your response would make a lot more sense IF I had been the one bringing the subject up all this time. I was NOT. I have let him control the pace and direction of this relationship pretty much from the start. In fact, yesterday, people told me that my passive attitude towards his comments may have led to his being unsure of me.

I'm sorry if my response is a bit harsh but I do resent being called nittpicky and naggy when it is not deserved.

Point taken. I won't say anything even if he brings it up, which I KNOW he will. He finds a perverse pleasure in teasing me about any insecurities he knows I have.

Sorry for the late reply Cjmolly . Truly, I admire your straightforward attitude and I think a man who has your heart is a lucky man! I honestly can see a future between a Scorp and a Virgo based on the statistic of many successful Virgo-SCorp couples I have seen . Of course , a relationship isn't just about horoscope and figures.

Bring up your discussion with him.Obviously, you two are not two high school kids playing "cat and mouse" game any more. Tell him this is what you think where this relationship heading , don't sound like you're forcing him any thing but make it firm that " with or without " . He will need time to think and perhaps keep a distance from you but he will appreciate your honesty.Also, when he keeps his distance , don't contact him, let him be and just live your life to the fullest.Many Scorps say that they need challenge and passion but the truth is that many of them are also very insecure and emotional inside .So what they need is some one to cut to the chase and "rub in their faces the truth" 😛

"Sorry for the late reply Cjmolly . Truly, I admire your straightforward attitude and I think a man who has your heart is a lucky man! I honestly can see a future between a Scorp and a Virgo based on the statistic of many successful Virgo-SCorp couples I have seen . Of course , a relationship isn't just about horoscope and figures.

Bring up your discussion with him.Obviously, you two are not two high school kids playing "cat and mouse" game any more. Tell him this is what you think where this relationship heading , don't sound like you're forcing him any thing but make it firm that " with or without " . He will need time to think and perhaps keep a distance from you but he will appreciate your honesty.Also, when he keeps his distance , don't contact him, let him be and just live your life to the fullest.Many Scorps say that they need challenge and passion but the truth is that many of them are also very insecure and emotional inside .So what they need is some one to cut to the chase and "rub in their faces the truth" "

No are right. I am WAAAYYY too old for game playing. Maybe that's why this is setting so poorly with me because is feels like I'm being played.

As for his alone time, yep, I know all about that and I pretty much become invisible to him when he is there. Not that it's hard to do because I tend to keep very busy all on my own.

As for bringing it up, maybe I should do like the others have said and just keep my mouth shut. To be honest, I'm probably not in the best frame of mind right now about this to be able to have a good conversation about it.