scorpio married to a sag help

Hi Everyone
i'm new here and have been trolling the message boards for an answer to my issue...

i have been with my sag man for 11 years married for 4 of those I'm scorpio...
at the beginning the love and intimacy was amazing I felt cared for and loved, the sex was amazing. As the years have gone by the intimacy (not just sex but general affection) has dwindled and it feels like he barely notices me yet at the same it feels like he is suffocating me, i will be doing something in another room reading or whatever and he will watch me through a crack in the door, or he will purposly try and distract me if I'm studying and wonders why i get annoyed yet if i did that to him he would get annoyed with me.

I have stuck with this man partly because I do love him with all my scorpio heart, partly because of our son and partly because i have huge issues with failure (it feels like if we break up I have failed him, me and our son)

his mother causes huge issues between us she rearranges our (but read my) house to her own liking, says nasty things about me and my family even in front him and he won't tell her to butt out.

I have started working with this virgo guy the attraction is intense and was immdiate and it does run both ways he has told me in no uncertain terms, now don't get me wrong i am sooo not looking to cheat or do anything even remotely close to that. I haven't looked at another guy in the whole 11 years I've been with my guy so this conncetion with mr. virgo has terrified me, but it thrills me at the same time, if that makes sense.

has anyone got any insight as to why this has happened both between mr sag and mr virgo

thanks for reading

hahaha told ya so

to novembersun:

Hi,
Yes I have been very open with him in regards to a)our lack of intimacy, b)his disregard for my needing headspace and
c) his meddling mother.

it feels like we aren't speaking the same language and with his passive-aggressive behaviour i can't even hash it out really because he just hides and will drag it out with snide comments. for example a discussion will go something like...
Me: your mother has been here again hasn't she?
him: why do you ask?
me: because i can't find my ________ .
him: so?
me: can you please tell her to not touch s***t when she comes here.
him: she's trying to help you, stop being such a b****hy control freak, it's my house too.

then it tends to go really bad where he stalks off and i'm left feeling frustrated and ready to not kill him and her exactly but well...

then he will make some snide comment about the incident days later which will set me off again

or

i will go and snuggle up to him on the couch and he says get off me i'm too tired to deal with you right now which results in me feeling rejected and hurt because i'm not chasing sex i just want reassurance through hugs.

with mr virgo the attraction is intellectual (we have a lot of common interests and similar goals in life) as well as he has this weird calming effect on me that i don't understand. it's like he knows i'm angry and he goes out of his way to make me smile.

with my husband it's like he sees i'm angry and just wants to poke at the hornets nest to see what happens and when i explode he doesn't get why i reacted badly.

all that being said i know my faults and i know i'm no walk in the park to live with either but it feels like i'm the one who has to sacrifice while he gets to do as he pleases...

i hope that clarifies things better

"his mother causes huge issues between us she rearranges our (but read my) house to her own liking, says nasty things about me and my family even in front him and he won't tell her to butt out."



That^^^ is absolute bullshit. Naturally you will hold resentment toward your husband who does not stand up for you. You need to nip this in the ass immediately. I would suggest couples therapy for ALL of what you shared. I guarantee you will hear what I said in rx terms and much nicer terms lol.

Now..regarding the Virgo. Aren't they something?🙂 Scorp and Virgo make natural friends, and if he is one of the decent Virgo's (man), he'll keep things friendly and not go over the line with you. Nothing wrong with having a new friend or better yet someone to vent to. They give excellent advice. In the mean time, make an appointment and give your husband an option to save this marriage. If chooses not to..go anyway. Never EVER let an outside obstruction (even family) interfere in your marriage. I wish you the best of luck!!!

"No man likes to hear ill of his mama, even if she were the worst person alive and he knows it."


No marriage will survive with outside obstruction and interferences..and mama needs to keep her nose out of their marriage. He's not standing up for her. That is wrong..she is his WIFE.

Posted by LetltB
"No man likes to hear ill of his mama, even if she were the worst person alive and he knows it."


No marriage will survive with outside obstruction and interferences..and mama needs to keep her nose out of their marriage. He's not standing up for her. That is wrong..she is his WIFE.

+100 wife always comes first.

thanks for the replies

i know i need to do something and i've had this convo with my mum (pisces) and she said similar things about needing to sort things out. either on my own or with him.

to jynja
re: 2: i don't really to be honest, as i said it's like he's speaking spanish and i'm speaking french and everything seems to be miscommunicated with everyone left feeling bad,
maybe i take too much to heart, maybe he takes too much to heart, he's not big on communication and i need to analyze and discuss the details of everything.

also to add other notes...
his mother comes when neither of us home,
she does not live in our house,
it's not just public areas of the but my personal items... like my underwear drawer as well
and the cussing is because this has been ongoing for so many years...
at first i never used to say anything about her 'help' i'd just quietly 'fix' it
then i started to get a little vocal no cussing he is the biggest mama's boy on earth still nothing
now i really need him to hear me and understand that i do not need his mother going through the house when noone is home looking at my knickers or rearraging my appliances.
it makes me feel violated as i am usually insanely private i have only discussed this with one other outside source - my mother who understands me really well.
this is the first time i have discussed anything like this with anyone other him, and my mum.

I like how you marry a man ( let alone have a child with him ) who clearly has a totally fucked up relationship with his mum and than you think he will make a good husband?

Are you slow?

to ellessque:
no i haven't only been been vocal with him about this just a virgo catches my eye.
these issues have been ongoing since i got pregnant with our son 10 years ago.
i have been getting more and more vocal with him for the last 6 years to a point where i feel like he doesn't care about me or my feelings,
and like it or not all men are mamas boys, my dad is, my brothers are, some of my best guy mates are i think it is great when a guy loves his mum. i myself am a huge daddys girl.
i just don't like the fact that she says bad things about me being a bad wife and mother in front of him and violates my space and he can't say 'mum, you can't do/say this it's disrespectful to my wife'

Posted by sassyscorpio
also to add other notes...
his mother comes when neither of us home,
she does not live in our house,
it's not just public areas of the but my personal items... like my underwear drawer as well
and the cussing is because this has been ongoing for so many years...
at first i never used to say anything about her 'help' i'd just quietly 'fix' it
then i started to get a little vocal no cussing he is the biggest mama's boy on earth still nothing
now i really need him to hear me and understand that i do not need his mother going through the house when noone is home looking at my knickers or rearraging my appliances.
it makes me feel violated as i am usually insanely private i have only discussed this with one other outside source - my mother who understands me really well.
this is the first time i have discussed anything like this with anyone other him, and my mum.

Again...absolute bullshit. There's nothing wrong with the two of you other than mommy dearest interferring and not knowing her boundries. Marriages goes through cycles naturally. The puppies and kittens stage is long over, and you are in your 11th year of being with this man. The cycles CAN be worked out between the two of you along with the adjustments where you both may be lacking. However because of this huge obstruction, and him not standing up for you is making it seem worse. I'd almost bet HALF of your problems you perceive now are a result of his mother butting in and invading your privacy. Let me ask you this..(I don't remember seeing it in your posts)..is she paying for the house and your bills? If that's the case, you need to pack your asses up and get away from the control freak, and work together to make ends meet (actually that could enhance things between you two). If she isn't...you need to lay a map out for your husband ..a very simple one and X marked mommy dearest...with a line to another X whichi is YOU. I still suggest couples therapy. You BOTH will benefit from that. Is there anyone else from his side of the family that is standing up for you? Or are they all like this?

I would NEVER do this to my son and his wife. Even if she was the nastiest thing alive.

""your mother has been here again hasn't she? ...
me: can you please tell her to not touch s***t when she comes here."

No matter how true it is, using that sort of language and tone with a man about his mother, when you already have relationship problems(many stemming from said mother), is adding fuel to the fire. It's an aggressive tone which puts him on the defense before the conversation has even actually begun."


You are absolutely right...SHE should tell mommy dearest-in-law that herself.

For the record I don't see you giving excuses. I see an obstruction that needs to be removed which IS the bulk of your problems right now. The rest you both have to work out between the two of you. Draw that line with the X. He needs to grow up and be a man. He married YOU.

to seraph:
i feel disrepected by both parties, him for not standing up for me and thus taking on the role as 'my protecter' so to speak,
i feel disrespected by her comments and actions which make me feel like i am not worthy of being his wife OR mother to our son AND that i am not fulfilling the role to best of my ability. it's not that i don't bake i do, i do listen, i do keep our home impecable so on and so forth it's just that she has this inate ability to make me doubt myself as i am not a sterotypical 1950's housewife.
i have never seen her as competition and i fully encourage my husband and son to spend time with her, i invite her gatherings, school plays and the like.
i have never felt revolsion towards my husband, maybe try resentment i resent that he wont protect me from her. i wouldn't call him a lesser man exactly but i do see this as a big fault. due to maybe my personality where i have no issue telling my parents/or whom ever where to get off if they ever said or did anything to cause him upset or discomfort.
when we lived 6 hours away from her our relationship wasn't perfect per say but it was good. when we moved to the town we live now and she had ready access to him again it was as though she could be my lord and master and if i didn't fit into her idea of what a wife and mother should be then i wasn't worthy and therefore cannot be caring for my guys appropriately.
i'm not sure if i am doing a comparsion between the virg and the sag... i haven't quite analyzed it that far yet, as i mentioned i haven't had any attraction to anyone in the whole time i have been with hubby, this both intrigues and terrifies me due to my curiosity could the grass be greener— have i made wrong choices— where did i go wrong?? etc, etc... not that i am making any attempt to cheat or leave see my fear of failure in my first post and the fact that i am in love hubby and do love him with my whole heart.

yes i fully admit i am insecure.
i have excessivly high expectations which i have placed upon myself which can make me doubt myself if i feel i am not living up to my own expectations. maybe it's my over avhieving personality maybe all mothers go through this i don't know.
i don't struggle in my home when left to rule my roost.
i would never go to her house when invited for dinner and bring my own food because i might not like what someone is cooking or say her paint colours for her walls are lacking, rearrange her kitchen because i don't like that she has a toaster in this cupboard or and this is huge for me go through her underpants and bras AND throw out her g-strings because that's not what someone should wear, too me it's rude. i can go on about the things she has said to me in the past but i think her actions speak volumes. she has always been bossy, i can deal with bossy. it's just gone from bossy to rude since we have moved from our old city to the smaller town where she lives around the corner from us.

i do have to add here she has not ever paid our bills, she did not loan/give us the money to buy our house my husband and i did that on our own.

i only struggle when i am critised by someone who assumes i mustn't be careing for my family because i work outside the home to pay our bills (he works too don't get me wrong there)i am also studying again part-time, but i also make time to go to every band performance and practice, every sports day, every play, every PTA meeting.
my ironing may not always be done when i get it out of the dryer and i may not always unload my dishwasher the very second it finshes but my home is clean and tidy and there are no dust bunnies living anywhere, there is always a healthy home cooked meal on my table, left overs for lunches in my fridge and bread in my cupboard.
she has absolutly no need to treat me they way she does, yet she still does it why— got me beat.
when i try to tactfully broach her on why did she throw out my new undies she will turn it on me ring my husband drag him into it. after i have left of course, because why try and cause issues when the person standing in front you and has the opportunity to defend herself?
maybe she is threatened by me—
maybe she just doesn't like me—
whatever it is, it IS affecting my relationship with my husband, it IS affecting me and it DOES feel like he lets her get away with her B/S when he SHOULD be saying NO! NO MORE!! STOP!

"i do have to add here she has not ever paid our bills, she did not loan/give us the money to buy our house my husband and i did that on our own"


Perfect. Now you need to get her to respect your boundries. Pull her ass into therapy too so she can hear it from a neutral party. I don't blame you for feeling insecure, I don't blame you for feeling disrespected by both your husband or motherinlaw..You've put up with enough and are allowed to feel the way you do. Time to put a stop to it. She needs to be set straight. That walking into your home and snooping when you're not there AND showing up unannounced would be the first thing I'd end.

Posted by IntriguedScorp
Oh gawd. My Taurus's mom did the same thing. She had a key to the house and redecorated the one room I was going to get to redecorate because Taurus made all the decisions for us. So my little room got redecorated by mommy. I hated that and I felt DISRESPECTED by it. It's you and your husband's home and momma shouldn't even have a key.

You are both adults. And I'm sorry but your husband should be standing up to momma on your behalf. You are giving your life to this man and your life is worth being defended by the man who asked you to give your life to.

wow. yeah personally, that's going overboard. We don't mind if mother-in-law has an extra key. She can come and go wherever, whatever she pleases and sometimes stays over. she's super welcome anytime.

Making decisions on what furniture you should have, or what garden piece you should put in, or what to throw away kind of is going overboard. It's nice to have "ADVICE" but, don't pressure or push and start actually doing the "action" and throwing away the garden piece when she WANTS it done. It's not her home and I certainly would NEVER do that to her home. She'd balk and get UPSET if i were even to tell her to get rid of that couch or make arrangements to redecorate her garden. That would really really upset her and it's disrespectful. It's like I'm the control freak or something, so just think about it, if it were the other shoe.
You are telling other people to LIVE their lives? To choose what underwear they wear? But I honestly dont mind alot of stuff either.

"but the only thing I have ever seen couple's therapy provide is a more amicable break-up. I have yet to see one of my friends who have gotten in such a bad state in their relationship that they need therapy work out in a healthier more loving long term relationship with their spouse. It might not end today, but a couple years down the road the same underlying issues croup and on and on it goes."


I agree. However if it comes down to the only/last resort to exhaust all efforts to save her marriage, what does she have to lose? He needs to hear from a neutral party (or the in law herself) that this behavior is unacceptable. What's weird is...aren't any of HIS friends and other family members telling him.."hey bud, your mom needs to butt the eff out!"—

"this should be for a man to his mother-in-law though"


lol..good one!