Some Advice for a Cancer Man - Giving Space

Hi guys,

I've read some of the threads on here with interest and find a lot of the info really useful. I wanted to get some feedback from the Scorpio community and hope you can help.

I'm a Cancerian man and have been dating a Scorpio woman for 6 months. We're both in our early 30's. We've really hit it off, lot's of laughter, deep conversations, strong chemistry. We've been getting to know each other over time, but I have had a a couple of ocassions where I have moved too fast. I'm very aware of it and whilst she has matched my intensity, I know it has left her a little confused, as it was a bit much too soon. We live in different cities right now, so see each other about once a month. But we talk or message pretty much daily.

Last week she told me she wasn't sure if we could go on, that she needed to feel the "spark" and wasn't sure it was there. In the same moment, she also told me how I "tick all the boxes" and how I'm one of the most amazing men she has ever known, and definitely stand out from the crowd. She's said she loves me, but doesn't know if she can give me the love I need. She's had a lot of stress with her job lately and also has to find a new place to live. So a lot of that energy has been a catalyst for this. She definitely needs some "her time". I understand that she has a lot happening at once. And with me, she needs to know that she can trust me in the way she requires in order to open into a dedicated relationship.

I know she has feelings for me and the talk of stopping is a form of self protection. Mainly to give herself time to process everything. But also to see how I react, and whether I can comitt in a way that is at the right pace for us both. My instinct is to give her the space she needs, to slow things down a notch. However, I'm conscious of how long to give, especially as I appreciate she needs to know I'm there for her. My gut is to leave her for a fortnight unless she gets in touch. What advice would you give her in terms of striking that balance of space Vs. allowing her to feel that trust and security she desires?

Thanks in advance!

Tell her you understand and that you will give her space. Then don't reach out again.

Trust me, she'll reach out and probably sooner rather than later.

The key here is compassion. State your words compassionately and without any of that passive-agressive tone water signs are good at. Just give the woman a little space.

Posted by Ernestos80
Hi guys,

I've read some of the threads on here with interest and find a lot of the info really useful. I wanted to get some feedback from the Scorpio community and hope you can help.

I'm a Cancerian man and have been dating a Scorpio woman for 6 months. ...We've really hit it off, lot's of laughter, deep conversations, strong chemistry. We've been getting to know each other over time, but I have had a a couple of ocassions where I have moved too fast. I'm very aware of it and whilst she has matched my intensity, I know it has left her a little confused, as it was a bit much too soon. We live in different cities right now, so see each other about once a month. But we talk or message pretty much daily.

Last week she told me she wasn't sure if we could go on, that she needed to feel the "spark" and wasn't sure it was there. In the same moment, she also told me how I "tick all the boxes" and how I'm one of the most amazing men she has ever known, and definitely stand out from the crowd.

Well, the issue doesn't appear to be about your pace, it's about the fact that she's not really feeling what she's hoping to feel when she's with you. Honestly, you two don't really seem to be on the same page. I mean above you state you have "deep conversations, strong chemistry", yet she's saying she doesn't know about continuing because she "needed to feel the spark". So you feel chemistry, but she doesn't. Sounds like you're on different pages to me. Yes, there will be a natural understanding that occurs between water signs, but that in itself doesn't mean it's the deep and meaningful bond required for a relationship. Overall, I question if you're both hearing what the other is saying or needs vs just reacting.

For example, this whole giving her space, no where did I see she said she needed space, so I am wondering where you're getting that from. What I did see was:

Posted by Ernestos80
...My instinct is to give her the space she needs, to slow things down a notch....

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Was this even discussed or expressed by her when you spoke of "stopping for self protection" or are you just reacting because you feel it would be best? Slowing your pace doesn't necessarily mean pulling back. It can simply means letting her catch up and stand where you're standing. Make decisions together.

^^^(con't from above)
I can't speak for other women, but I personally do not respond to stress the same way men do or require the same stuff. While you guys need space to focus and get yourself back on track, I tend to thrive off of my partner's support and presence. His voice, attention calms me and helps me focus----if he is being supportive. If you're demanding my attention and coming off as needy (e.g. complaining that we don't spend time together, acting passive aggressive, whiny, need a personal therapist) then you'e going to irritate me and I will want space from you.

Anyway, to answer your question:

Posted by Ernestos80
What advice would you give her in terms of striking that balance of space Vs. allowing her to feel that trust and security she desires?

Be consistent in your approach. If you have developed a pattern and it stops without communicating why it may be read as "flaky" and unreliable. I get you're trying to give space, but if you do this without communicating what you're doing or why, well as a water sign you know how it goes. You overthink and react. I personally think you're already doing that, so take the time to talk to her about it. Simply ask the question, "how can I be helpful to you right now"? and see what she says. Then make a decision about space and pulling back from there.

Thank you both for the feedback.

Really good point PhoenixRising, I hadn't fully considered that she may simply need to catch up to where I am. She didn't say she needed space. What we agreed was that thinks were moving too fast. I appreciate you helping me see the clarity here. I suppose the idea of "space" for me was around giving her that chance to catch up.

Yes, agreed PhoenixRising. I'm not displaying any of thos clingy traits. I'm mindful of them and don't really sense them bubbling too fervently.

Posted by PhoenixRising
^^^(con't from above)
Be consistent in your approach. If you have developed a pattern and it stops without communicating why it may be read as "flaky" and unreliable. I get you're trying to give space, but if you do this without communicating what you're doing or why, well as a water sign you know how it goes. You overthink and react. I personally think you're already doing that, so take the time to talk to her about it. Simply ask the question, "how can I be helpful to you right now"? and see what she says. Then make a decision about space and pulling back from there.

You're on point here. Interesting how she also told me she felt I was overthinking things. I'm simply going to breathe into this and stay grounded!

Posted by Ernestos80
Thank you both for the feedback.

Really good point PhoenixRising, I hadn't fully considered that she may simply need to catch up to where I am. She didn't say she needed space. What we agreed was that thinks were moving too fast. I appreciate you helping me see the clarity here. I suppose the idea of "space" for me was around giving her that chance to catch up.

Okay, so talk to her and both decide what "space" looks like. Ask her to be clear about her expectations (e.g. call to check in, but no dates, or fun friendly activities where you can just chat vs intimate settings). She may struggle in that area. You also need to be clear about yours. Try not to personalize.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Ernestos80
Thank you both for the feedback.

Really good point PhoenixRising, I hadn't fully considered that she may simply need to catch up to where I am. She didn't say she needed space. What we agreed was that thinks were moving too fast. I appreciate you helping me see the clarity here. I suppose the idea of "space" for me was around giving her that chance to catch up.

Okay, so talk to her and both decide what "space" looks like. Ask her to be clear about her expectations (e.g. call to check in, but no dates, or fun friendly activities where you can just chat vs intimate settings). She may struggle in that area. You also need to be clear about yours. Try not to personalize.

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We had a good chat last night and really made each other laugh. We were planning on spending a few days together later this week, but have decided not to now. She told me today that she felt it was too soon to see each other based on our recent chats. And that she said she had wanted to because she misses me. But she feels it's not the best move right now. We spoke again today about it and agreed. I do want to see her too, but leaving it a while is in the best long term interest. She told me how her fear is that she might hurt me. She keeps telling me how amazing I am but that she's confused about her feelings.

I spoke to her about what space looks like. She said whilst having less to no contact until seeing each other would be best, she wouldn't be able to do it. So, we're going to keep in communication as we have been. But, give it another 4 to 6 weeks until we see each other in person.

Allowing that time to pass between seeing each other is what we're hoping will ignite that spark when we do finally meet. That's what she's wanting, to feel the chemistry really fly off the charts. What advice would you give on helping that to happen?

Posted by thinktoomuch
Hmm... When a scorpio is not really feeling it, I think it´s a bad sign. Scorpio is sorta the sign of intensity, and personally I am ruled by it.
The only guys I get involved with for a longer period of time, were guys I immediatly was attracted to. One I fell in love with too, a cancer actually. It did not work, and we now both sorta hate some things about each other, but I would bet my hat, that if I met him today, I would still feel that chemistry with him. And chemistry is passion and intensity and it´s just a must.

... But then again: when I have followed chemistry/my heart/what I wanted, it never turned out good. So maybe it´s a good sign, that she is not solely relying on that. That maybe means she is actually thinking about things for real..... ?

I get the sense that that is the case. We've been talking things out and the core of this is that she felt we were on different wavelenghts. PhoenixRising was on the money. Her fear was that I was way ahead of her in terms of how I felt about things. Because she's not there yet, she was worried that I might get hurt. Basically, things went a little too fast and she hasn't had the time to catch up and "feel" what she would need to based on where she thought I was. The chemistry between us has been there from the start. But her perception of where she thougtht I was had her believe we were talking about a full commited relationship. And she didn't feel the "spark" she'd expect for something at that stage of a relationship.

She's started to realized that I'm stronger than perhaps she thought and that maybe she read me wrong, her words! My instinct is that we've just needed to re-calibrate a little and get synced back up. The feelings are there for where we're at in the relationship. She just wants to feel and know that we're not rushing ahead.

Yeah, we're very honest communicators, which is helping us work through it. I feel she's needing to see that we're both on the same page and not rushing ahead. And as mentioned, she felt like things were moving too fast and put on the breaks.

Out of interest, for all the Scorpio women, how do you feel when things seem to be moving too quick? And what would you need from you man to help you feel more at ease?

Posted by Ernestos80
We had a good chat last night and really made each other laugh. We were planning on spending a few days together later this week, but have decided not to now. She told me today that she felt it was too soon to see each other based on our recent chats. And that she said she had wanted to because she misses me. But she feels it's not the best move right now. We spoke again today about it and agreed. I do want to see her too, but leaving it a while is in the best long term interest. She told me how her fear is that she might hurt me. She keeps telling me how amazing I am but that she's confused about her feelings.

I spoke to her about what space looks like. She said whilst having less to no contact until seeing each other would be best, she wouldn't be able to do it. So, we're going to keep in communication as we have been. But, give it another 4 to 6 weeks until we see each other in person.

Allowing that time to pass between seeing each other is what we're hoping will ignite that spark when we do finally meet. That's what she's wanting, to feel the chemistry really fly off the charts. What advice would you give on helping that to happen?

You can't. Everything she has said sound like code for I care/love you as a friend, but not too much more. You can't force ir create a "spark". When I want someone I long to be with the person. I may not act on it, but there is no mistaking the feeling because it's very strong---and natural. I don't create artificial sparks by putting space between us so I will miss the person. Especially not 4-6 weeks.

Even if this isn't about just wanting friendship on her end, she's clearly not in a place to give you what you are looking for. When she says "she fears she may hurt you" believe her. She knows the feeling she has does not match yours and that will hurt you. You offer something she desires, but that is not enough to want more than friendship. Don't be confused by the deep meaningful convos you have. Water signs can do that easily. It does not mean it should go beyond that or the other person wants to push for more than that.

Posted by Infinite8

Posted by Ernestos80

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Ernestos80
Thank you both for the feedback.

Really good point PhoenixRising, I hadn't fully considered that she may simply need to catch up to where I am. She didn't say she needed space. What we agreed was that thinks were moving too fast. I appreciate you helping me see the clarity here. I suppose the idea of "space" for me was around giving her that chance to catch up.

Okay, so talk to her and both decide what "space" looks like. Ask her to be clear about her expectations (e.g. call to check in, but no dates, or fun friendly activities where you can just chat vs intimate settings). She may struggle in that area. You also need to be clear about yours. Try not to personalize.

We had a good chat last night and really made each other laugh. We were planning on spending a few days together later this week, but have decided not to now. She told me today that she felt it was too soon to see each other based on our recent chats. And that she said she had wanted to because she misses me. But she feels it's not the best move right now. We spoke again today about it and agreed. I do want to see her too, but leaving it a while is in the best long term interest. She told me how her fear is that she might hurt me. She keeps telling me how amazing I am but that she's confused about her feelings.

I spoke to her about what space looks like. She said whilst having less to no contact until seeing each other would be best, she wouldn't be able to do it. So, we're going to keep in communication as we have been. But, give it another 4 to 6 weeks until we see each other in person.

Allowing that time to pass between seeing each other is what we're hoping will ignite that spark when we do finally meet. That's what she's wanting, to feel the chemistry really fly off the charts. What advice would you give on helping that to happen?

Ernesto, I agree with Pheonixrising for the most part. But, I also feel that she loves you as a friend and connects with you really well. BUT she doesn't want more than that from you. IF she felt chemistry, she would not be pushing back at all. Her saying she fears hurting you is her way of saying she doesn't feel the same way as you for her. She probably really loves you and want you in her life and that is why she "wants" to in a way force herself to see if down the road there will be chemistry but as of now. No my friend, there is none.

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^^^^I see my point were already covered here.

Posted by Ernestos80
I get the sense that that is the case. We've been talking things out and the core of this is that she felt we were on different wavelenghts. PhoenixRising was on the money. Her fear was that I was way ahead of her in terms of how I felt about things. Because she's not there yet, she was worried that I might get hurt. Basically, things went a little too fast and she hasn't had the time to catch up and "feel" what she would need to based on where she thought I was. The chemistry between us has been there from the start. But her perception of where she thougtht I was had her believe we were talking about a full commited relationship. And she didn't feel the "spark" she'd expect for something at that stage of a relationship.

She's started to realized that I'm stronger than perhaps she thought and that maybe she read me wrong, her words! My instinct is that we've just needed to re-calibrate a little and get synced back up. The feelings are there for where we're at in the relationship. She just wants to feel and know that we're not rushing ahead.

Okay....so take what I wrote immediately above in consideration, but it sounds like you have sorted some things out based on what you've written here.

One thing I will point out though Do you think this:

Posted by Ernestos80
What advice would you give on helping that to happen?

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reflects a man that is allowing her the time to catch up? You had this great convo, came to the conclusion to take space so she can catch up to where you are and here you are asking how you can create the chemistry she feels you're lacking. Basically, how can you make this happen. Problem is, you can't make it happen. You both have to. You sound like you have a lot of fire in your chart and she probably has more water (even some air) in her chart.

As I stated above, "space" isn't just about physical distance. It also about giving the person the chance to learn about who you are. Care for you based on the good and bad you present. That takes time. I can see why she may be putting physical space (e.g. not spending time with you) between the two of you. When people don't hear my words, I put physical distance between us to make it clear for them. You need to let things unfold naturally.

I won't comment on the length of time you've been doing your thing because that could have been months of superficial banter before you really got to the deeper convos. It's all subjective and I say that from experience. Just pace yourself if you would really like to see this work out, but listen to what she's telling you about possibly hurting you.

Posted by Ernestos80
Out of interest, for all the Scorpio women, how do you feel when things seem to be moving too quick? And what would you need from you man to help you feel more at ease?

Space and time when you're moving to fast. Time, honesty and consistency to make me feel more at ease.

I recall a firey Crab going full force with ideas of "us" and I eventually had to just bail. He wasn't listening to my words about slowing things down, despite saying he would. I need to know who you are to open up and trust you. That takes time.

Keep in mind, I am very Scorp dominant and I may be looking for different things to determine if I can trust someone than another Scorp would.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Ernestos80
Out of interest, for all the Scorpio women, how do you feel when things seem to be moving too quick? And what would you need from you man to help you feel more at ease?

Space and time when you're moving to fast. Time, honesty and consistency to make me feel more at ease.

I recall a firey Crab going full force with ideas of "us" and I eventually had to just bail. He wasn't listening to my words about slowing things down, despite saying he would. I need to know who you are to open up and trust you. That takes time.

Keep in mind, I am very Scorp dominant and I may be looking for different things to determine if I can trust someone than another Scorp would.

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Firstly, thank you PhoenixRising, for your insight, it's really helpful and I appreciate it. As in the above, I'm aware of the pacing needing to be more natural. I can feel that and we're giving it time. I don't have any concerns over the honesty and truthful communication between us. Consistency; we spoke about this when it comes to contact/communication, could you elaborate a little more on what consistency during this period of slowing things down would look like for you?

Posted by Infinite8

Posted by Ernestos80
Yeah, we're very honest communicators, which is helping us work through it. I feel she's needing to see that we're both on the same page and not rushing ahead. And as mentioned, she felt like things were moving too fast and put on the breaks.

Out of interest, for all the Scorpio women, how do you feel when things seem to be moving too quick? And what would you need from you man to help you feel more at ease?

If we are moving too fast I feel like I can't breathe... And I just need to get away. If we get along well, I let them know... Because I don't want to give up on them or the potential of where it might lead.

My Venus is in Libra. I have many layers. I need a stong, deep connection but at the same time, I want to marinate in the courting process and also establish a very strong friendship.

Do you know where her Venus is? Where is yours?

I'm married to a Cancer man, btw...

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Thanks infinte8. My Venus is in Leo, her's is in Sagittarius. I believe she's a Taurus moon as well, and I'm an Aquarius. What are your thoughts on that based on everything we've discussed?

It highlights to me what we've been discussing, which is to allow the pace to flow naturally. And basically she felt like things were going a little to quick. Now, she's not just picked up and bolted out the door. We've been very honest in our communication, and I've made it clear that my interest in her is Romantic. That's what it's been from the start. We both know how much more there is to explore of each other. Similar to what you said, I sense she sees the potential and wants to give it time. But I imagine her Venus in Sagittarius instinct has been triggered lately. She has, however, told me on a few ocassions that she wants a husband and a family. So I feel that we've come together at the stage in her life where she's wanting to have something more. But she's working through her feelings. In short, just needs space and time and patience. Which is a good test for me 🙂

Posted by Ernestos80
My Venus is in Leo, her's is in Sagittarius.

Well there you go. I also have a Venus in Sag and for all my water, it still shines through quite strong. This placement needs some degree of space and time. How much space varies from person to person.

Speaking for myself, I'm not known for giving my heart over easy. I'm very independent and like personal space and freedom. I like to do my own thing, have my own hobbies and will let you have yours, but it doesn't mean you're not cared for, loved or even thought of. I just need space to explore. I love to learn new things, drawn to new experiences. If you're not, that's okay I will explore alone. If you are, even better. Many people misnderstand that.

It can be a little tricky to deal with, for others and myself. It fights with my Scorp bits a lot. Stressful or emotional issues can make it worse. Yes there is a strong desire for that deep connection. A relationship that is loving and supportive. You will feel that when we are together. There is also a strong desire to grow with, explore the world and take on all the great things the world has to offer with this person.

However, if there is even a hint of restriction, expectations of how this relationship will/should go, I will want to retreat*. For me, this placement paired with my Sun really needs a person that can balance offering security while going with the flow as the relationship evolves. You can't personalize my need for independence because it's not about you. Try not to be clingy (which is subjective) and place "demands" on me or I will retreat more. My actions will let you know I am with you and committed to you, so don't push.

*this does not apply to all Scorp with Venus in Sag

Posted by Ernestos80

Firstly, thank you PhoenixRising, for your insight, it's really helpful and I appreciate it. As in the above, I'm aware of the pacing needing to be more natural. I can feel that and we're giving it time. I don't have any concerns over the honesty and truthful communication between us. Consistency; we spoke about this when it comes to contact/communication, could you elaborate a little more on what consistency during this period of slowing things down would look like for you?

Well if you say you're going to do something, do it (whenever reasonably possible). If you can't, communicate why you couldn't follow through. Don't make me fish for the information. Fixed signs need stability and predictability. It provide security and trust in you.

If you're like the typical water sign you may have moments when you need to be alone. That's fine. Simply say this is what you need. Don't simply disappear on me or I'll view that as unreliable behaviour. Again, don't make me fish and try to figure out why you've disappeared. It creates doubt and anxiety.

Keep in mind this needs to be reciprocated. She should be doing this for you as well. Just don't fall into the trap of passively mirroring her if she isn't doing it. Express your needs to her and fall back to let her do it in her own way (remember Venus in Sag). If she cares, she will.

Posted by PhoenixRising
My actions will let you know I am with you and committed to you, so don't push. g

Well there you go indeed! That quoted point is interesting to me, because she's still initiating messaging and calling me as much as I am her. So I do sense that she's wanting that connection. It's that balancing act you mention and not placing big expectations on the relationship, especially too soon. I know that balancing act is as much for her as it is me, if not more. That loving and supportive element when we're together is something I feel. And I sense that some current stresses are having her question her freedom to explore the world. These aren't related to me. This is her job and she feels like all the stress is coming at once in a role that she doesn't feel gives her the life she wants. I'm simply supporting her with that if she want to talk, but letting it be her choice.

I suppose the security comes from allowing her to trust over time and know I'm there for her and committed. But being relaxed about how that is defined. Are there any other clear ways you'd want to feel that security from your man?

Posted by PhoenixRising
Well there you go. I also have a Venus in Sag and for all my water, it still shines through quite strong. This placement needs some degree of space and time.

Hey PhoenixRising, I'm interested in the Venus in Sag side of her and your experiences of it. One thing I know she has a strong view on is this almost Disney like idea of what a relationship should be like. I think she knows it may be lofty, but it's her ideals. This is where the whole "spark" thing comes from. She's said she likes me and has feelings for me. She's again said how much of a great fit we are, how beautiful our connection is and that we're so well entwined. She said it would be perfect is she felt more. I'm wondering how much this focus on the ideal fairytale counteracts the need to give things time. We know we have a spark, but maybe it's not as ardent as her ideal requires yet. That may take time, it may be there next time we meet. But I almost wonder if she's over thinking it as well. She's said a few times that next time we meet will decide things and we'll know if it's there or not. Not quit the "giving things space and time" I'd have expected. What do you make of that? I don't think we need to put that kind of pressure on ourselves and should let things happen naturally. But, how to handle that Venus in Sag dream!?

Posted by thinktoomuch
You can´t do anything about how her dreams and fantasies are in my opinion. Either she feels you and will "slack" with her dreamy dreams, or she does not feel you and will chose the dreams still. All you can do, is be yourself. Be honest and real.

I hear that and I wouldn't want her not to have those dreams. Sometimes they just manifest in a way that you didn't expect. So it's allowing the time for that to be seen. I feel that she may be coming to sense that. And she's conflicted with her "idea of what it should look like" and the "reality" of what this is and could be". She's continually reaching out to me and her actions tell me more than her words in some ways. For me it still comes down to allowing the time and space for things to flourish.

Posted by Ernestos80

Posted by PhoenixRising
My actions will let you know I am with you and committed to you, so don't push. g

Well there you go indeed! That quoted point is interesting to me, because she's still initiating messaging and calling me as much as I am her. So I do sense that she's wanting that connection. It's that balancing act you mention and not placing big expectations on the relationship, especially too soon. I know that balancing act is as much for her as it is me, if not more. That loving and supportive element when we're together is something I feel. And I sense that some current stresses are having her question her freedom to explore the world. These aren't related to me. This is her job and she feels like all the stress is coming at once in a role that she doesn't feel gives her the life she wants. I'm simply supporting her with that if she want to talk, but letting it be her choice.

I suppose the security comes from allowing her to trust over time and know I'm there for her and committed. But being relaxed about how that is defined. Are there any other clear ways you'd want to feel that security from your man?

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It's unique to the individual involved. You sound like you're headed in the right direction though.

Posted by thinktoomuch
Yeah, the need for space and time is usually not a real thing, it´s just something people say, when they don´t know, how they feel and what else to say, when really there needs to be made a decision.

.

No.

Posted by Ernestos80

Posted by PhoenixRising
Well there you go. I also have a Venus in Sag and for all my water, it still shines through quite strong. This placement needs some degree of space and time.

Hey PhoenixRising, I'm interested in the Venus in Sag side of her and your experiences of it. One thing I know she has a strong view on is this almost Disney like idea of what a relationship should be like. I think she knows it may be lofty, but it's her ideals. This is where the whole "spark" thing comes from. She's said she likes me and has feelings for me. She's again said how much of a great fit we are, how beautiful our connection is and that we're so well entwined. She said it would be perfect is she felt more. I'm wondering how much this focus on the ideal fairytale counteracts the need to give things time. We know we have a spark, but maybe it's not as ardent as her ideal requires yet. That may take time, it may be there next time we meet. But I almost wonder if she's over thinking it as well...

click to expand

If this is true, it sounds like she needs time to get her head sorted, not to build a spark. It sounds like she has certain expectations about relationships in general that may not be realistic. That will only be addressed when she gets hit hard with a dose of reality. I say this because as a fixed sign, no one is going to change our minds for us, Scorps need to do that all on their own. Life lessons help with that. It requires honesty, self reflection and maturity.

Posted by Ernestos80
She's said a few times that next time we meet will decide things and we'll know if it's there or not. Not quit the "giving things space and time" I'd have expected. What do you make of that? I don't think we need to put that kind of pressure on ourselves and should let things happen naturally. But, how to handle that Venus in Sag dream!?

See above. You're right. She is putting pressure on a situation that needs time to naturally progress, yet needs space to figure you out. That's a problem. If you recall, I did point out that I do not know if the way my Venus interacts with my Sun has the same impact on others with the same combo. I only know of one other on the board that has the same combo, so perhaps she can chime in.

When addressing this combo in my earlier post I was referring mainly to a person that for the most part knows what she wants and has a fairly realistic view of people, life and relationships. In that context, the desire for space is to address that inner desire to learn and explore and even manage life. It isn't to determine the fate of a relationship.

I will admit, I have held onto the "fantasy" of love and relationships when I was younger and perhaps a part of me still does, but I also try to remember to challenge those views when they send me running because a partner is not fitting my ideals. If she is not even aware that it may be in the way or influencing her view of you, then that's a problem. I think you should continue with the plan to give her space. For her and for yourself. I don't know if her ideas of relationship are realistic or not. If they aren't very realistic and she isn't willing to actively challenge those ideals, you may get hurt. Why? Because you will not measure up. At some point and time, you will "disappoint" her. How she handles that disappointment will determine the course she takes. If it's immature she'll blame and run. If it's mature, she'll self reflect, see it for what it is and keep working through things with you. I've done both at different stages of my life. My automatic go to is to run, I won't lie. Simply say, there is a "better" relationship out there (my ideal) and bail. I have learned how to stay put and work through things.

Again, this is only an issue if 1) her ideals aren't realistic and 2) she isn't self aware enough to challenge them and unwilling to shift her perspective. Only she knows this and has the ability to sort it out. This is a link I found a while ago:
http://www.astrologymarina.com/2014/12/venus-in-sagittarius.html

It may explain things a bit better. Don't freak out lol, just see it as a way to help you better understand. This is not a description of who she is. Too many variable to influence that. It just spoke to me a bit more than other descriptions.

Thanks for the link PhoenixRising. No freak out here, I've seen the page already 😉 It's insightful and good to have as a blueprint. I feel she's aware of it as she has pointed out her "dream like ideal" as a possible reason why she feels this way. She's quite grounded in terms of the reality of things. But I sense the reality and old habits/ideals may be jarring here.

I believe in being honest and will call out the unnecessary pressure we shouldn't put on our meets if she brings it up again. Right now, her actions speak louder, in the sense that she is initiating contayc with me daily, sometimes on various ocassions. Part of me wonders if she sees the potential of what we could be and it scares her.

I feel we can work through things and have been doing that. If anything, what we both want could be here, but just not in the way we've taught ourselves to think it should look.