shortii
@shortii
14 Years500+ PostsPisces
Comments: 12 · Posts: 710 · Topics: 39
why does this Scorpio. .
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
1) What do you expect? Isn't the point of a fight to finish it?
2) Please give us the details. 😉 What happened?
2) Please give us the details. 😉 What happened?
Divorcing him. We have 4 kids. He basically iced me out and was emotionally devoid from our marriage for 12 years. I asked him for a divorce. He swore up and down things would change. They didn't. I asked him again. He has made improvement but my trust in him is gone. I asked for partnership at least 3 times in our marriage. Each time promised each time ignored.
Now he is making me feel guilty for wanting out. Saying I'm selfish and to stick it out. Saying I'm hurting the kids bc he is ready to work it out now.
I'm trying hard to stay anti emotional about it but he's not making it easy.
I'm ready to be happy without him.
Now he is making me feel guilty for wanting out. Saying I'm selfish and to stick it out. Saying I'm hurting the kids bc he is ready to work it out now.
I'm trying hard to stay anti emotional about it but he's not making it easy.
I'm ready to be happy without him.
Don't let him project his own shortcomings onto you. Where was he for the last 12 years?
Posted by LilliLouPosted by exoskeleton
'cause we're assholes sometimes. 🙂
🙂 + a whole lot of hard workclick to expand
I find it telling about your morals that you would brag about such things.
@exo & seff.. he's making me feel horrible and trying to guilt me again to staying. Mentally he has broken me. He's taken me to some places emotionally that I haven't been in years. Very very dark places.
He keeps saying I'm failing our kids and that he has to pick up the pieces now.
He keeps saying I'm failing our kids and that he has to pick up the pieces now.
Posted by shortii
Divorcing him. We have 4 kids. He basically iced me out and was emotionally devoid from our marriage for 12 years. I asked him for a divorce. He swore up and down things would change. They didn't. I asked him again. He has made improvement but my trust in him is gone. I asked for partnership at least 3 times in our marriage. Each time promised each time ignored.
Now he is making me feel guilty for wanting out. Saying I'm selfish and to stick it out. Saying I'm hurting the kids bc he is ready to work it out now.
I'm trying hard to stay anti emotional about it but he's not making it easy.
I'm ready to be happy without him.
Manipulative and selfish. What a shocker.
Posted by rockyroadicecreamPosted by shortii
Divorcing him. We have 4 kids. He basically iced me out and was emotionally devoid from our marriage for 12 years. I asked him for a divorce. He swore up and down things would change. They didn't. I asked him again. He has made improvement but my trust in him is gone. I asked for partnership at least 3 times in our marriage. Each time promised each time ignored.
Now he is making me feel guilty for wanting out. Saying I'm selfish and to stick it out. Saying I'm hurting the kids bc he is ready to work it out now.
I'm trying hard to stay anti emotional about it but he's not making it easy.
I'm ready to be happy without him.
Manipulative and selfish. What a shocker.click to expand
.me?
Now he posted on my fb...
Posted by exoskeleton
'cause we're assholes sometimes. 🙂
+1
Posted by shortii
Fight so damn dirty.
Uugh. I hate it. Just dirty. Has to for every major vein possible..waiting for me to stop fighting to give in.click to expand
Stop fighting and "giving in" do not go hand in hand. Simply stop fighting and ignore (but protect yourself if necessary). He doesn't exist.... He wants the reaction.
^^^^^^^
Trying to protect myself and our kids. He's not making it easy. I will not give in. Find it very unfair that he now decides that he wants to try now after pushing me away for so long and admitting to it. Seems like now that I'm done for good. He wants me to just go along with it.
Trying to protect myself and our kids. He's not making it easy. I will not give in. Find it very unfair that he now decides that he wants to try now after pushing me away for so long and admitting to it. Seems like now that I'm done for good. He wants me to just go along with it.
Posted by shortiiPosted by rockyroadicecreamPosted by shortii
Divorcing him. We have 4 kids. He basically iced me out and was emotionally devoid from our marriage for 12 years. I asked him for a divorce. He swore up and down things would change. They didn't. I asked him again. He has made improvement but my trust in him is gone. I asked for partnership at least 3 times in our marriage. Each time promised each time ignored.
Now he is making me feel guilty for wanting out. Saying I'm selfish and to stick it out. Saying I'm hurting the kids bc he is ready to work it out now.
I'm trying hard to stay anti emotional about it but he's not making it easy.
I'm ready to be happy without him.
Manipulative and selfish. What a shocker.
.me?click to expand
Him!
Freaking asshole guys do that though. They go around acting like idiots and then when shit hits the fan and they realize they're losing something that they should've appreciated, THEN they decide they want to let their balls drop and be a man.
So eye roll worthy. You gotta stop letting him do this to you though. My brother does this to my mom all the time and she still hasn't learned. It's a vicious cycle and it only stops when you put your foot down.
Sweetcheeks, it's not about having a sense of humor or lack of. It's that, joking or not, I've seen far too many Scorps act like these qualities are a good thing, when in reality, they aren't. Joking or not, it's pretty sad that anyone would find humor or pride in being a manipulative troll to those they supposedly care about.
So you silly little bitches can joke all you want, but you look like a bunch of dicks doing so.
That said, I ask that YOU have a sense of humor, FUCK!
So eye roll worthy. You gotta stop letting him do this to you though. My brother does this to my mom all the time and she still hasn't learned. It's a vicious cycle and it only stops when you put your foot down.
Posted by exoskeleton
rocky, have a sense of humor. fuck!
Sweetcheeks, it's not about having a sense of humor or lack of. It's that, joking or not, I've seen far too many Scorps act like these qualities are a good thing, when in reality, they aren't. Joking or not, it's pretty sad that anyone would find humor or pride in being a manipulative troll to those they supposedly care about.
So you silly little bitches can joke all you want, but you look like a bunch of dicks doing so.
That said, I ask that YOU have a sense of humor, FUCK!
I posted this on my fb page......
Sometimes it feels like your running without a compass not sure what direction to go in, so you pick one and hope it leads to a greater place than where you came from
He replies. ..on.my page. . Best of luck on your journey. Love you and miss you.
Are you kidding me?!?!?
Sometimes it feels like your running without a compass not sure what direction to go in, so you pick one and hope it leads to a greater place than where you came from
He replies. ..on.my page. . Best of luck on your journey. Love you and miss you.
Are you kidding me?!?!?
All bc I am not backing down from a divorce. ::smh::
NUCKING FUTS
And says IM being ridiculous! He's just reinforcing my decision. Truly is..
I don't want my girls to think this kinda bull is ok to stand for.
NUCKING FUTS
And says IM being ridiculous! He's just reinforcing my decision. Truly is..
I don't want my girls to think this kinda bull is ok to stand for.
Posted by rockyroadicecreamPosted by LilliLouPosted by exoskeleton
'cause we're assholes sometimes. 🙂
🙂 + a whole lot of hard work
I find it telling about your morals that you would brag about such things.click to expand
That's not bragging rocky! It is however 100% truth... Meh... It is what it is!
OP- Kia kaha- stay strong! Especially for the kids.
No matter what the sign, this man seems no good and you are to be commended for showing the kids the better way
Hope it gets easier soon lady!
However I will apologise for jumping on a thread and playing around with exo before I got the gist of things...
Posted by GetMisted
Don't apologize. She needs to take her own advice and go outside.
😉 I moreso meant the apology for the OP
Posted by shortii
I posted this on my fb page......
Sometimes it feels like your running without a compass not sure what direction to go in, so you pick one and hope it leads to a greater place than where you came from
He replies. ..on.my page. . Best of luck on your journey. Love you and miss you.
Are you kidding me?!?!?
Sorry, is there some reason you haven't blocked him on FB? I never understood this about some people. Why do you still leave loose ends yet complain that someone is "bothering you"? Maybe don't give the person the opportunity to have access to your life. I understand your situation is a bit trickier because you have children, so as far as phone numbers are concerned (for the sake of emergency and arranging visits), I don't see why this guy gets an all access pass to other areas of your life. Cut him off. If you're serious (and I do stress that, because I'm sensing something else in all of your post so far), then keep it to text/phone calls only and only about the kids and matters related to the divorce (or maybe not. That is what lawyers are for). If he deviates from that, shut. it. down.
"Hey, I wanted to see the kids"
"Cool. When?"
"How are you doing? I miss you"
"When would you like to see your children?"
"So you're not even gonna respond? I know you also miss me? Wow, you're so heartless (or whatever other manipulative line he will use)"
"When. would. you. like. to. see. your. children?"
"Why are you acting like this? I still love you. Why are you being so ridiculous?"
"Okay, we're done here. When you have a date/time in mind, please text me and I will get back to you.
Stay focused and as much as possible. Do not respond to anything else that is not related to money, the divorce and the children. He will try. Ignore it as best as you can. Ice him out good old Scorpio style .
My virgo friend broke up with her scorpio after 3 years. She would call me crying telling me how he wont hug her, kiss her, tell her he loves her, nothing. It wasnt until she moved out that he Is telling her non stop his love for her. But goes between being cordial to being an absolute prick.
good riddance to bad rubbish
good riddance to bad rubbish
@ Phoenix .. I am serious. Trust that. His behavior is really reinforcing it. I'm really disappointed in him snd how he has been overall. Very immature. We still live in the same house right now. Maybe what you are sensing is shock in howje is acting. I'm more than stunned right now.
I don't want this anymore. I think too that he's trying to make me feel guilty for being ready to leave.
He's dragging our kids into it and it really disappoints me. Really does.
I don't want this anymore. I think too that he's trying to make me feel guilty for being ready to leave.
He's dragging our kids into it and it really disappoints me. Really does.
Posted by shortii
He's dragging our kids into it and it really disappoints me. Really does.
I would agree, that is disappointing behaviour.
Posted by shortii
@ Phoenix .. I am serious. Trust that.click to expand
Okay, I just put it out there because actions speak louder me. When someone says they are done, be done. Do you think a Scorp would allow you any kind of access to them and their mushy insides (via FB, twitter *eye roll in thoughts of another thread*, email, etc) once he/she has decided he/she is done with you? So, it's hard for me to relate to people that say they are done and leave all these doors still open. To me that says, you're (not you specifically) not done, but you're trying very hard to convince yourself that you are.
Your situation is another matter. Your life is much more complicated than a simple "peace out, see you later". I am sorry you're going through that.
Question, why not just tell us the whole story from jump (e.g. we still live together, he's using the kids). Adequate advice can only be given if we know the "whole" story (I realize some personal bits are none of our business).
I take it this was a simply a rant thread then?
Posted by IrresistableScorpPosted by shortii
All bc I am not backing down from a divorce. ::smh::
NUCKING FUTS
And says IM being ridiculous! He's just reinforcing my decision. Truly is..
I don't want my girls to think this kinda bull is ok to stand for.
Exactly. Why don't you ask him how his behavior over the pas XXX years has affected the kids if now he is sooo interested in how you are affecting the kids? Throw it back in his face every time. Once he realizes you do not intend to be his emotional doormat perhaps he will scuttle back under a rock and lick his wounds. 🙂click to expand
EXACTLY
I was thinking about that when I originally posted. . That the whole story needs to be given. A5 work now. .but I will update and explain it all. Not saying I'm innocent just saying too little too late
He seemed to calm down a bit.
Here's the background.
Been with this scorp almost 14 years married almost 12. From the first time he kissed me I was in love. As a Pisces I'm very romantic and show him I love him. He was always very stoic. So I mirrored that back. I told him that I wanted to get marridd.. he said in time don't rush it. We got engaged 6 months after we started dating. Now there was no romantic proposals etc no ring. . But I didn't care wanted him. 2 yr engagement he still wasn't romantic at all. I asked why bc he was with his ex gf's just so he could sleep with them. He valued me more so he didn't want to do the same to me. He got stressed and would shut down. Go play video games or go ride his motorcycle. We were trying to have s family. He was busy watching porn. No emotional relationship between us. Him focused on work and providing not building an intimate relationship. I'm ready to call it off. . That grabs his attention. Promises to change. Goes back to the same emotional coldness. I ask him again to please show me some emotional reprocity. He says the last time he did he got hurt so no. I beg and then say I'm done. Tell him I can't do this. . He said I'll change. Did a bit but still didn't communicate and went back to the same behavior. We moved to another state. He vowed to change. So far he did. .but when he first moved he did the same again. I can't deal with it. Am done. I can't live with someone who compares me to his exes and doesn't want an emotional relationship. He wants one but now says he's got the emotional sense of a 3 year okd.
I know this is scattered m I'm sorry for the skipping around.
Originally this was a rant post. .but all of your opinions kind of reinforced that all men are not like this and that this behavior isn't normal nor necessary. I know I Can do better and it's not selfish as he is putting it.
Here's the background.
Been with this scorp almost 14 years married almost 12. From the first time he kissed me I was in love. As a Pisces I'm very romantic and show him I love him. He was always very stoic. So I mirrored that back. I told him that I wanted to get marridd.. he said in time don't rush it. We got engaged 6 months after we started dating. Now there was no romantic proposals etc no ring. . But I didn't care wanted him. 2 yr engagement he still wasn't romantic at all. I asked why bc he was with his ex gf's just so he could sleep with them. He valued me more so he didn't want to do the same to me. He got stressed and would shut down. Go play video games or go ride his motorcycle. We were trying to have s family. He was busy watching porn. No emotional relationship between us. Him focused on work and providing not building an intimate relationship. I'm ready to call it off. . That grabs his attention. Promises to change. Goes back to the same emotional coldness. I ask him again to please show me some emotional reprocity. He says the last time he did he got hurt so no. I beg and then say I'm done. Tell him I can't do this. . He said I'll change. Did a bit but still didn't communicate and went back to the same behavior. We moved to another state. He vowed to change. So far he did. .but when he first moved he did the same again. I can't deal with it. Am done. I can't live with someone who compares me to his exes and doesn't want an emotional relationship. He wants one but now says he's got the emotional sense of a 3 year okd.
I know this is scattered m I'm sorry for the skipping around.
Originally this was a rant post. .but all of your opinions kind of reinforced that all men are not like this and that this behavior isn't normal nor necessary. I know I Can do better and it's not selfish as he is putting it.
And I apologize. We do live in the same house right now. But he works nights and I work days so I only see him on weekends.
We have 4 kids. . 1 I brought to the relationship and 3 together
Our lease is up in December. I want to move out without him.
He's saying he wants a separation and then see if things can be worked out. I told him that I really don't see how after so long and he still doesn't get it. He just pressures and pushes until he gets his way. He will also guilt and manipulate as well to get his way. Mope around the house so I can see him sad.
We have 4 kids. . 1 I brought to the relationship and 3 together
Our lease is up in December. I want to move out without him.
He's saying he wants a separation and then see if things can be worked out. I told him that I really don't see how after so long and he still doesn't get it. He just pressures and pushes until he gets his way. He will also guilt and manipulate as well to get his way. Mope around the house so I can see him sad.
Posted by shortii
@exo & seff.. he's making me feel horrible and trying to guilt me again to staying. Mentally he has broken me. He's taken me to some places emotionally that I haven't been in years. Very very dark places.
He keeps saying I'm failing our kids and that he has to pick up the pieces now.
Block the guilt. You'd be failing your kids if you stayed in an unhappy marriage.
Do not feel guilty for doing the right thing, turn the mirror back around on him and move on.
Believe it or not kids want to see mom HAPPY. Move on for yourself and them.
Posted by shortii
And I apologize. We do live in the same house right now. But he works nights and I work days so I only see him on weekends.
We have 4 kids. . 1 I brought to the relationship and 3 together
Our lease is up in December. I want to move out without him.
He's saying he wants a separation and then see if things can be worked out. I told him that I really don't see how after so long and he still doesn't get it. He just pressures and pushes until he gets his way. He will also guilt and manipulate as well to get his way. Mope around the house so I can see him sad.
Staying together if somewhat amicable, could work in this situation, but it isn't amicable. You need to file a legal separation and mention you are on the lease when you do. The first thing you have to do though, is make up your mind this is over, then move forward. If he harasses you, let the court know. What state are you in?
Posted by LetltBPosted by shortii
@exo & seff.. he's making me feel horrible and trying to guilt me again to staying. Mentally he has broken me. He's taken me to some places emotionally that I haven't been in years. Very very dark places.
He keeps saying I'm failing our kids and that he has to pick up the pieces now.
Block the guilt. You'd be failing your kids if you stayed in an unhappy marriage.
Do not feel guilty for doing the right thing, turn the mirror back around on him and move on.
Believe it or not kids want to see mom HAPPY. Move on for yourself and them.click to expand
Thank you. I believe so too that they will benefit from me being happy. He keeps telling me what I don't want and what I do. That I don't really want to be divorced.
I know one day I will be happy. I have a very sweet bull in my life who wants to marry me but I'm in no rush. He knows the situation and knows me well. He is being patient but I let him know to give me time and he's waiting for me to be healed. I don't ever want to make this mistake again. We go back quite a while. 1996. So I'm glad to clear all if of this up first before I move on to anything else. Both physically and emotionally.
Posted by LetltBPosted by shortii
And I apologize. We do live in the same house right now. But he works nights and I work days so I only see him on weekends.
We have 4 kids. . 1 I brought to the relationship and 3 together
Our lease is up in December. I want to move out without him.
He's saying he wants a separation and then see if things can be worked out. I told him that I really don't see how after so long and he still doesn't get it. He just pressures and pushes until he gets his way. He will also guilt and manipulate as well to get his way. Mope around the house so I can see him sad.
Staying together if somewhat amicable, could work in this situation, but it isn't amicable. You need to file a legal separation and mention you are on the lease when you do. The first thing you have to do though, is make up your mind this is over, then move forward. If he harasses you, let the court know. What state are you in?click to expand
I live in Texas
He's broken me down so much. So much. Using the kids now saying they need a family together etc. My oldest daughter coming to me and saying that she wants to move out of state with him and her siblings. Leaving me behind. I'm just done. done! !!
Rise up, Shortii. Realize that just as you gave him power over you, You can take it Back!
Posted by pathfinder
Rise up, Shortii. Realize that just as you gave him power over you, You can take it Back!
Thank you Pathfinder. :0)
I am. I am making plans to move on without him. Enveloping my kids and moving on.
Posted by ellessque
I don't know if this has been addressed because I can't be bothered to read.....
I don't think the FB post was that bad.
If it bothers you 'that' much, delete him and block him or disable your account for awhile until all the dust settles.
If you put yourself out there, you have to expect a certain amount of bullshit. Just don't put yourself out there. Simple.
Not that easy. They have kids together. She can't just cut him out of her life.
Im totally taking my control back. Emotionally. .everything. only get one life. Might as well make it count and live happy.
I have asked him to move out when our lease is up. He refuses. I'm sure that this will get ugly but I'm trying to keep the kids protected. That's what is most important to me. Our girls deserve better.
Please keep your comments and opinions coming. They are really encouraging me and inspiring me. Lets me know that I'm not alone in thinking he's being immature in his behavior. I take responsibility for my part in making this what it was but this is ridiculous.
Just want him to let go.
Thank you again
I have asked him to move out when our lease is up. He refuses. I'm sure that this will get ugly but I'm trying to keep the kids protected. That's what is most important to me. Our girls deserve better.
Please keep your comments and opinions coming. They are really encouraging me and inspiring me. Lets me know that I'm not alone in thinking he's being immature in his behavior. I take responsibility for my part in making this what it was but this is ridiculous.
Just want him to let go.
Thank you again
Posted by ellessque
I don't know if this has been addressed because I can't be bothered to read.....
I don't think the FB post was that bad.
If it bothers you 'that' much, delete him and block him or disable your account for awhile until all the dust settles.
If you put yourself out there, you have to expect a certain amount of bullshit. Just don't put yourself out there. Simple.
If it were that simple. .yes. we do have kids together. . But I did disable my fb account for a bit. Of course he demanded to know why and what was I running from. I told him that I just don't want the drama. He said he took his comment down. Doesn't matter much to me. I have to focus on our girls anyway. Fb isn't helping that.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Right now, your husband is fighting for his family. He's trying to keep it together. Try to at least respect that. He may not be whom you want, but he's not backing down so easily. He's a fighter.
Just throwing this into the mix.
In all honesty I do respect that he's loves and is fighting for his family. That is honorable. However he is fighting unfair. .using the kids snd bringing them into it? No. Uncalled for. If he had been more mature about it..not an emotional 3 year old as he put it.. I would have respected him more. But using the kids and trying to guilt me? No. Do not respect that and it knocked him down a whole of a hell lot. Deal with me one on one say what you have to. Don't try guilt. That's desperation which I agree Is where it is right now. But own up and take responsibility. I have and am. I let this go on too long. I made a lot of mistakes but I am owning my mistakes. Just want a clean fair discussion.
Posted by shortii
I know this is scattered m I'm sorry for the skipping around.
Originally this was a rant post. .but all of your opinions kind of reinforced that all men are not like this and that this behavior isn't normal nor necessary. I know I Can do better and it's not selfish as he is putting it.
No need to apologize, I'm pretty good at following and I'm more focused on the themes here than the tiny bits really. Anyway, people often say (the "bad") Scorps are good at teaching you a valuable life lesson and this is the only role they are meant to play in your life (painful or not). I wouldn't know being on the other side of the wall, but from what you've wrote I think this is the case. There were pretty clear messages being sent to you but you refused to listen. The reasons, you will have to explore, but I would start here:
Posted by shortii
As a Pisces I'm very romantic and show him I love him. He was always very stoic. So I mirrored that back. I told him that I wanted to get married.. he said in time don't rush it. We got engaged... Now there was no romantic proposals etc no ring. But I didn't care wanted him.
click to expand
If ^^this last bit was true, you wouldn't have started this post off by saying "I'm very romantic...", you also wouldn't be ending this marriage because he isn't romantic/doesn't show affection/cold (I realize there are other reasons as well, but that came much later, no?). Just because you mirrored his behaviour, doesn't mean you stopped being who you were. It only means you were lying to yourself in an effort to run down the aisle. You need to ask yourself why that is. I'm not gonna deal with the length of time between dating/engagement because that's not too important imo.
con't...
Posted by shortii
2 yr engagement he still wasn't romantic at all. I asked why bc he was with his ex gf's just so he could sleep with them. He valued me more so he didn't want to do the same to me.
This man showed you who he was for two year and 6 months and you still decided to marry him. That is not to say he did not have potential to be more for you, but it's not your role to "fix" him. I notice that is a running theme for the other water signs I know. It's a great quality, your willingness to stick it through with the people you care about, but you often do it at your own detriment and happiness, but I digress...
We can say he was this, or that, promised this or that, but guess who else could have made a decision here? You. Being a fixed sign, that attitude wasn't gonna to go anywhere unless he really wanted it to. He was showing you, he didn't really want it to. I don't care what he said he would do (under duress really), because it did not come from him, it was just a way to manipulate you to stay or excuse his behaviour. Scorps do. They don't talk about what they are going to do or make excuses as to why they are not doing something. Anyway, the point here, is you continued to ignore what he was clearly showing you and denying your own feelings as well.
Posted by shortii
He got stressed and would shut down. Go play video games or go ride his motorcycle. We were trying to have s family. He was busy watching porn. No emotional relationship between us. Him focused on work and providing not building an intimate relationship. I'm ready to call it off.
click to expand
This man was not emotionally connected to you at all. To be very clear, that is not the same as saying he was/is not attracted to you or didn't/doesn't care for you. It might be because of the stuff he went through with his ex, or because he decided years ago to shut down emotionally. I don't know, but none of what you've written above sounds like a man that was on the same page as you. You were on different pages from jump and you were sort of dragging him along and ignore signs all around you. The biggest sign, your own intuition. You were repeatedly ignoring and denying what you were feeling and telling yourself *fill in blank here*.
con't (man....I need to learn how to edit).
^^^con't...
BIG DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to get on your case, suggest this is your fault or make this all about you. I'm just pointing out what you may want to consider the next time around when you get involved with someone else (since you are way past reconciliation). Otherwise, this will play itself again in some way or another.
BIG DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to get on your case, suggest this is your fault or make this all about you. I'm just pointing out what you may want to consider the next time around when you get involved with someone else (since you are way past reconciliation). Otherwise, this will play itself again in some way or another.
Hi P.R.
Yes. He has taught me a valuable lesson indeed. Take people as what they are showing you. They are showing you who they are. Believe them.
In response to your insight above. ..you are ABSOLUTELY correct. I was lying to myself believing that he would let his guard down and let me in to his heart. I did run down the aisle when I should have waited. I did the classes. . I love him. Give my all to him but wish he would. ..... I should have taken him at his word and what he showed me to as who he was. That was my mistake that I fully admit to and take responsibility for. My only other comment to that is when I expressed my need from him as to what I wanted and needed from him. . He refused bc of his past. He did the romantic things for his ex girlfriends..dinner cards dates glowes..bc he wanted sex and that's how he got it. When I asked him to do that to show his feelings for me.. he refused. Saying that I'm different so he's not doing it.
Again my mistake.
Yes. He has taught me a valuable lesson indeed. Take people as what they are showing you. They are showing you who they are. Believe them.
In response to your insight above. ..you are ABSOLUTELY correct. I was lying to myself believing that he would let his guard down and let me in to his heart. I did run down the aisle when I should have waited. I did the classes. . I love him. Give my all to him but wish he would. ..... I should have taken him at his word and what he showed me to as who he was. That was my mistake that I fully admit to and take responsibility for. My only other comment to that is when I expressed my need from him as to what I wanted and needed from him. . He refused bc of his past. He did the romantic things for his ex girlfriends..dinner cards dates glowes..bc he wanted sex and that's how he got it. When I asked him to do that to show his feelings for me.. he refused. Saying that I'm different so he's not doing it.
Again my mistake.
As well, I'll be honest I'm still trying to understand the whole "mirroring" thing. I get it to an extent. You act like an ass, so I will act like an ass....blah, blah, blah. But I don't understand how someone "mirrors" someone else to the extent that they allow this person to change who they are, or to the point where you're lying to yourself (not you specifically shortii--generally speaking) or denying your own feelings.
Then you want to turn around and say, well this went south because I was just mirroring you. Hmm, *cough* bullsh*t *cough*. If I act like an assh*le, in response to whatever you are doing, it is because I have traits that are very assh*le-like. Simple. I own it. It's okay to say you can be an assh*le sometimes. Don't make excuses to justify your actions claiming "well I did this because you did that" aka mirroring. It's just....don't. Anyway, just thinking out loud because I read it all over the forum.
Good luck lady!
Then you want to turn around and say, well this went south because I was just mirroring you. Hmm, *cough* bullsh*t *cough*. If I act like an assh*le, in response to whatever you are doing, it is because I have traits that are very assh*le-like. Simple. I own it. It's okay to say you can be an assh*le sometimes. Don't make excuses to justify your actions claiming "well I did this because you did that" aka mirroring. It's just....don't. Anyway, just thinking out loud because I read it all over the forum.
Good luck lady!
Posted by shortii
Hi P.R.
Yes. He has taught me a valuable lesson indeed. Take people as what they are showing you. They are showing you who they are. Believe them.
In response to your insight above. ..you are ABSOLUTELY correct. I was lying to myself believing that he would let his guard down and let me in to his heart. I did run down the aisle when I should have waited. I did the classes. . I love him. Give my all to him but wish he would. ..... I should have taken him at his word and what he showed me to as who he was. That was my mistake that I fully admit to and take responsibility for. My only other comment to that is when I expressed my need from him as to what I wanted and needed from him. . He refused bc of his past. He did the romantic things for his ex girlfriends..dinner cards dates glowes..bc he wanted sex and that's how he got it. When I asked him to do that to show his feelings for me.. he refused. Saying that I'm different so he's not doing it.
Again my mistake.
I'll come back to this. I also have to read the rest of the thread. I have an art project I keep putting off and it needs to be done like last week!
Posted by PhoenixRising
As well, I'll be honest I'm still trying to understand the whole "mirroring" thing. I get it to an extent. You act like an ass, so I will act like an ass....blah, blah, blah. But I don't understand how someone "mirrors" someone else to the extent that they allow this person to change who they are, or to the point where you're lying to yourself (not you specifically shortii--generally speaking) or denying your own feelings.
Then you want to turn around and say, well this went south because I was just mirroring you. Hmm, *cough* bullsh*t *cough*. If I act like an assh*le, in response to whatever you are doing, it is because I have traits that are very assh*le-like. Simple. I own it. It's okay to say you can be an assh*le sometimes. Don't make excuses to justify your actions claiming "well I did this because you did that" aka mirroring. It's just....don't. Anyway, just thinking out loud because I read it all over the forum.
Good luck lady!
I could hug you P.R.
I'm not offended at ALL. XOXO
You haven't said anything that I haven't already addressed with myself. Yes. We were on different emotional places from the door. I accepted less than I wanted hoping for change which was my mistake.i didn't say forget this and walk away as I should have. I take responsibility fully for that.
Mirroring is 2 parts. Part One. When words don't get through. .you mirror actions do that the person can see. I hate how this person is acting/ treating me/ feeling. Oh wait. . Is that how I'm treating you? I'm sorry I didn't realize that. It sucks. I'm sorry.
Part 2. Acting like an ass bc the other person is acting like an ass and there has been zero discussion about it. ..that's immaturity. That's very juvenile. That's tit for tat bullcrap. That I do not agree with and think that is horrible.
In my situation I did part one at least 3 times about one subject and finally gave up. In retrospect I was wasting my time bc he never really had the equipment nor the desire to get the tools that he needed to complete or even start the job I was asking him to do. Totally my fault.
Posted by PhoenixRising
As well, I'll be honest I'm still trying to understand the whole "mirroring" thing. I get it to an extent. You act like an ass, so I will act like an ass....blah, blah, blah. But I don't understand how someone "mirrors" someone else to the extent that they allow this person to change who they are, or to the point where you're lying to yourself (not you specifically shortii--generally speaking) or denying your own feelings.
Being a fixed sign, Phoenix, it will be hard to understand. But in my exp with Piscean folk, (I have pisces/asc) they do this all the time. They absorb, they become whatever is around them. The are very much into self-denial/self-sacrifice. It's what they do. She was doing what comes natural. Imho, it wasn't until she realized that she does NOT like being (or feeling) this type of person (mirror), that she began to change into who she feels good about being.
Posted by PhoenixRising
This man was not emotionally connected to you at all. To be very clear, that is not the same as saying he was/is not attracted to you or didn't/doesn't care for you.
Yep. Before I got married, I was involved with a scorp like this. He had been damaged (not necessarily by his relationships with women) but despite his age, he hadn't risen above it. I was with him for a few years and tried to understand him. He told me what helped him most was that I didn't allow his brokenness to break me or treat him bitterly like some of his exes did. To this day he will reach out to me, but I never respond. He knew going in that when I'm in, I'll give it my best, but when I'm done, forget about. Could be my saturn placements. It was def my pis/asc/can/moon faith in love that made me start up with him in the first place, but saturn won in the end.
Posted by shortii
I could hug you P.R.
I'm not offended at ALL. XOXO
You haven't said anything that I haven't already addressed with myself. Yes. We were on different emotional places from the door. I accepted less than I wanted hoping for change which was my mistake.i didn't say forget this and walk away as I should have. I take responsibility fully for that.
Mirroring is 2 parts. Part One. When words don't get through. .you mirror actions do that the person can see. I hate how this person is acting/ treating me/ feeling. Oh wait. . Is that how I'm treating you? I'm sorry I didn't realize that. It sucks. I'm sorry.
Part 2. Acting like an ass bc the other person is acting like an ass and there has been zero discussion about it. ..that's immaturity. That's very juvenile. That's tit for tat bullcrap. That I do not agree with and think that is horrible.
In my situation I did part one at least 3 times about one subject and finally gave up. In retrospect I was wasting my time bc he never really had the equipment nor the desire to get the tools that he needed to complete or even start the job I was asking him to do. Totally my fault.
No one's fault. Both of you wanted different things. You found out that out later than sooner. It happens. Now he wants something that you don't. Although he got into something with you because you wanted it (and he probably needed you to get through whatever it was that he was going through), now he wants you to do something that you don't and you will have your way. It does seem like to me that you have always gotten what you wanted (no offense). You wanted to get married. He married you. You want a divorce, you will probably get it. Neither one was/will be easy or smooth, but you did get what you desired. Just make sure that in the last scenario, at the end of the day, you can look yourself in the mirror and be at peace with who you are/have become. That is where your strength lies. To thine own self be true.
^^^^^^
I do understand what you mean P.F. by me always getting what I want. Yes we did get married etc. In that aspect I can understand. I do think that he was moving forward he wanted too. Meaning he had someone to take care of him and love him. But he didn't necessarily know how to reciprocate. He just knew that he had to provide. That's it.
But I do see and understand where you are coming from. I appreciate your p.o.v.
I do understand what you mean P.F. by me always getting what I want. Yes we did get married etc. In that aspect I can understand. I do think that he was moving forward he wanted too. Meaning he had someone to take care of him and love him. But he didn't necessarily know how to reciprocate. He just knew that he had to provide. That's it.
But I do see and understand where you are coming from. I appreciate your p.o.v.
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