PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
why does this Scorpio. . (Page 2)
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^^^con't
If you repeatedly keep feeling disconnected from what you want and what you are getting/seeing (as long as it's realistic), don't force yourself to stick through it. If anything, really ask yourself why you are doing that to yourself. What messages are you telling yourself that makes you think if you let go, this is a bad decision. For my gf (same one as above), she stood by this guy's side (another Fish) for years despite the obvious and blatant disrespect this man was dishing out. Now married (to a Taurus) she understands that she stuck through it because 1) she did love him, but 2) she needed to validate she was a loveable person("if I can make this work, it will prove someone out there loves me") and 3) she didn't believe she deserved any better, because she had no reference point of what love looked like.
I am not suggesting this is the same for you, just to point out that although Pisces have a particular way of doing things based on their astrological sign, there is also a whole wack of psychological bits based on experiences, culture, age that is intertwined in this as well that needs to be explored. You folks are always swimming off alone for weeks on end (), so use that alone time to do some reflection when you get into those situations.
con't
If you repeatedly keep feeling disconnected from what you want and what you are getting/seeing (as long as it's realistic), don't force yourself to stick through it. If anything, really ask yourself why you are doing that to yourself. What messages are you telling yourself that makes you think if you let go, this is a bad decision. For my gf (same one as above), she stood by this guy's side (another Fish) for years despite the obvious and blatant disrespect this man was dishing out. Now married (to a Taurus) she understands that she stuck through it because 1) she did love him, but 2) she needed to validate she was a loveable person("if I can make this work, it will prove someone out there loves me") and 3) she didn't believe she deserved any better, because she had no reference point of what love looked like.
I am not suggesting this is the same for you, just to point out that although Pisces have a particular way of doing things based on their astrological sign, there is also a whole wack of psychological bits based on experiences, culture, age that is intertwined in this as well that needs to be explored. You folks are always swimming off alone for weeks on end (), so use that alone time to do some reflection when you get into those situations.
con't
Posted by shortii
I did run down the aisle when I should have waited. I did the classes. . I love him. Give my all to him but wish he would. ......
Well, see this highlights my point. You did "wait". Weren't you engaged for 2 years? In all that time, you were waiting, just not listening to yourself and unwilling to end it when you did not feel comfortable about things.
Posted by shortii
...when I expressed my need from him as to what I wanted and needed from him. . He refused bc of his past.click to expand
For me, it doesn't matter the reason why. If a person refuses to address a need I am expressing (that doesn't compromise their values in some way) in an effort to meet me half way, he is showing me that he does not know what it means to be in a relationship imo.
Anyway, this isn't really about "fault" or blame, but lessons. People come into our lives for a "season", a "reason" and a if we are lucky, for a "lifetime". Yes, you've been with him for a long time, but he clearly was not meant to be your "lifetime", but you "reason". You just held on too long and tried to make him what he was not. Perhaps that is the lesson. Figure out why.
Posted by pathfinderPosted by PhoenixRising
As well, I'll be honest I'm still trying to understand the whole "mirroring" thing. I get it to an extent. You act like an ass, so I will act like an ass....blah, blah, blah. But I don't understand how someone "mirrors" someone else to the extent that they allow this person to change who they are, or to the point where you're lying to yourself (not you specifically shortii--generally speaking) or denying your own feelings.
Being a fixed sign, Phoenix, it will be hard to understand. But in my exp with Piscean folk, (I have pisces/asc) they do this all the time. They absorb, they become whatever is around them. They are very much into self-denial/self-sacrifice. It's what they do. She was doing what comes natural.click to expand
Yes, I am beginning to understand this and appreciate it for what it is.
Posted by PhoenixRising
Anyway, this isn't really about "fault" or blame, but lessons. People come into our lives for a "season", a "reason" and a if we are lucky, for a "lifetime". Yes, you've been with him for a long time, but he clearly was not meant to be your "lifetime", but you "reason". You just held on too long and tried to make him what he was not. Perhaps that is the lesson. Figure out why.
I just wanted to add, I am on no way more knowledgeable about this than you are, so I hope it doesn't read like I think that. I had to learn this the hard way within the last few years with my ex Gem. I'm still learning, bumping and getting bruised along the way. I just wanted to offer my insight.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by pathfinderPosted by PhoenixRising
As well, I'll be honest I'm still trying to understand the whole "mirroring" thing. I get it to an extent. You act like an ass, so I will act like an ass....blah, blah, blah. But I don't understand how someone "mirrors" someone else to the extent that they allow this person to change who they are, or to the point where you're lying to yourself (not you specifically shortii--generally speaking) or denying your own feelings.
Being a fixed sign, Phoenix, it will be hard to understand. But in my exp with Piscean folk, (I have pisces/asc) they do this all the time. They absorb, they become whatever is around them. They are very much into self-denial/self-sacrifice. It's what they do. She was doing what comes natural.
Yes, I am beginning to understand this and appreciate it for what it is.click to expand
Phoenix, I do like your posts. How I've come think about pisceans (or the influence of pisces) is that they are chameleons in that they can "mirror" other people because they want to know what it "feels" like to be that other person in order to understand why they act the way that they do. And from this "mirror" maybe they can even begin to think like that person -- like walk in that person's shoes and understand. This is what I think makes them so easy to get along with, they accept people and don't necessarily judge because they have "been there" before (abstract, spiritual as that person?). But a piscean will always return to their true self eventually, because despite all the "incarnations" (linda goodman), they are very comfortable in their own skin and that is their strength. They are not affected to devastation like some of us even if it appears that way to others. I like what you said about having a point of reference. I think for the PI, the mirror is so that they can have an authentic point of reference -- they release their ego to be unprejudiced in order to be fair, if that makes sense.
I think that's why Venus is exalted in Pisces. 🙂
Posted by pathfinder
How I've come think about pisceans (or the influence of pisces) is that they are chameleons in that they can "mirror" other people because they want to know what it "feels" like to be that other person in order to understand why they act the way that they do. And from this "mirror" maybe they can even begin to think like that person -- like walk in that person's shoes and understand. This is what I think makes them so easy to get along with, they accept people and don't necessarily judge because they have "been there" before (abstract, spiritual as that person?). But a piscean will always return to their true self eventually, because despite all the "incarnations" (linda goodman), they are very comfortable in their own skin and that is their strength. They are not affected to devastation like some of us even if it appears that way to others. I like what you said about having a point of reference. I think for the PI, the mirror is so that they can have an authentic point of reference -- they release their ego to be unprejudiced in order to be fair, if that makes sense.
It does. Thank you!
I enjoy your post as well.
^^^^^^^
I agree with you both and thank you. Your input helped me a lot.
I agree with you both and thank you. Your input helped me a lot.
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I've actually said this before, and believe this approach works for me as a fixed sign. I could just "+1" this statement and call it a day, but I am learning that it isn't that simple. Thanks to pathfinder, I've been reminded of something a friend keeps telling me: "you can't always use yourself as a reference point to determine how someone should act when you give advice". In other words, I am recognizing that as a Pisces there is a way you go about relationships, especially when it comes to sticking through things with other people that make this philosophy harder to follow.
With that said, there is nothing wrong with riding out a situation to see how it plays out (for a bit). Nothing wrong with seeing if someone can change and be what you need. That is what comes natural for you. Me, not so much. I call what I see as I see it and walk away/distance myself quite easily without batting an eyelash. It is seen as "cold", but I think it has more to do with our fixed nature. The one thing I really like about Fish folk is the fact that you are so patient and caring of other people no matter how many times they f*ck up. I see this with my very good friend. Problem is, when someone does something that hurts her (which is not far from this persons character/pattern), she is always devastated by it, because she expects something new. EVERY time. She'll always say "yeah, but ______ I just didn't expect that, you know what I mean?" and my response is usually "why not? She's has always been selfish, this isn't anything new. She's been like this since we were in high school--come on _____". I don't let this person's actions affect me as much as it affects her.
con't...