....

You know how they say to not put your eggs in one basket? Count your chickens before they're hatched? Know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em? So many ways to express something. What does one do if their heart is on their sleeve. It certainly makes it a much better target, does it not?
You know, I've been a Taurus my whole life long. That is just stating a clear and obvious fact. The plodder, the one that goes slow, that takes their time. The one that says 'wait'.
Only I don't. I am impatient. I am fiery, impetuous, hard headed. I want something I'd like to be having that yesterday. Things line up in my head like dominoes, and fall just as rapidly in succession. What I thought was correct is incorrect. My feelings hold no importance; and they damned well should. I say things at the most inopportune moments. I speak my mind.
My Father taught me to lead with my heart. That even though it may make the wrong decision from time to time, in the end it is always right. For it lets you go through life without questions unanswered, no wondering about anything. That yes, it might make for some fantastic blunders from time to time, but life without love isn't life worth having. That to go against that basic human want, that RIGHT, is wrong. To be walled away from it, stupidity. Denying self.
To be honest, and fair. Kind to other humans, but also with a razor wit and intelligence. To trust your gut. Have a low threshold for stupidity in general. This I learned at his knee. To be a lady, to not share my body with someone whom my heart was not in. To submerge and immerse, to be there at someones back. To fight for them, to protect the weak, because I am strong. I am strong.
I tell myself most religiously that I am capable of extending and receiving love, and not just mediocre but GREAT love; and yet..and yet... it does not work out that way. I extend myself too readily. I open up my mind, my ability and at times even my soul to someone who ultimately does not accept. I am..too honest, too open, too direct. My lack of game playing a cage rattle. Perhaps if I were more coy, more mysterious, more behind the potted plant. And then I think to myself: "That is not me." And ME is what is necessary to be brought to the table.
You know, it is quite hard to accept that when you internalize this, that you do not receive the same. Honesty met with dishonesty. Direct questions met with subterfuge. Clarity met with bafflement.

So here I sit, at 3:30 a.m. scenarios and possibles and what ifs? tumbling through my mind as quickly as a great shake of autumn leaves are caught in a storms wind, and I think 'Why?'
I never have asked for much really. I am not interested in power, wealth or fame. I just want to be myself, with a damned good human walking along side me. Someone like me. Just as intense, just as crazy, and just as damned gung-ho.
And I oft times think that person is not there because they are too weak for me. Mentally, physically, both. I wonder where the fear is. Which begs the question of who is? I am almost 40 years old. My life is half over. Not slamming myself, my age I cannot help, nor do I think it detracts from myself personally as far as that goes. But realistically, there you have it.
All this self-analysis gets me where exactly? Oh I think it has always gone far to isolate the rabid dog tendencies. I know where fault lines lie, what triggers are there, the pitfalls.
Do people really enjoy the bullshit games as much as they say they do not? And why portray something one is not? What is the point exactly, for I cannot see it. The charlatans, the miserable human beings. The ones touting that all they seek is love, yet choose over and over again to be alone. Perfectly comfortable in the bed of their own choosing, yet decrying everything to the negative.
A choice made. Something discarded.
You see, in my world, in this great shining bubble, life is too short to be without. There is much dishonesty, true blackness of soul, too much devoid of emotion, that if there is a beacon in your midst you should hang on tight for all you are worth. Retain those that matter, and truly matter. Your anchors in the world, the people you can trust implicitly, the ones that make you feel not only good about yourself, but great. The gladiator did not cast off his armor to cross swords with another, or to face the lions. Same principle in effect. This is your protection from the bone chilling cold of life and all it's complete and utter crap.
One sunflower does not fold unto itself in the summer, but has its petals extended wide to follow that glowing orb, its face tilted to gather every glorious ray. For it is life. The blood that pumps through its leaves down to the roots taking nourishment in the soil. Sunk in deep.

How many times must one continue to get knocked down, how many times must one get back up? Before a hand is outstretched to say "I am here."
Your gray matter trips over things like karma, religion, destiny, any and every thing and you distill it to your own truth. The one YOU seek. What moves you, prompts you. What you strive for as a human being. What makes you happy. For me it is complete and utter servitude. This indeed makes me happy, to make others happy. It is a joy like no other. Nothing can touch it. I extend this in all arenas of self. From dwelling and beyond.
Within this cradle of bone lies not just a good mind, but a complete rubix cube of thoughts. All scrambled and chaotic, but certain hands can certainly put it all back to rights. These people I call the touchstones, the anchors. The ones that bring me peace. Calm to the raging storm that keeps me up till the wee hours on occasion.
I do not think I am an unusual woman, perhaps most might find me so. I certainly know I am eccentric, bit off kilter from time to time. But the heart is good, and more so. You will never find a more faithful friend, a more unswerving companion. My devotion complete. If I love you, care for you..there is nothing I would not do within my power. Nothing. I would place all that I am within the cradle of those hands and expect it to be kept safe. As I would do in return. Vivid technicolor. A veritable Willy Wonkaland of great gumdrop trees and that chocolate river moving downstream.
This is a way for me to pour what I am upon a page, to read, re-read and discover exactly what I am. Who I was, where I've been, how far I've come as a human being. How I evolve, grow and learn. Minimal bullshit, a bit of fanfare. Usually with complete silence, at times music appropriate to mood and a steaming cup of coffee at my side. Let myself slide over and into my cranium. Dive deep within the loops and whirls of frontal lobe, occipital, temporal, parietal, caress the cerebellum and fully engage. Hold that mirror up high and examine what makes me tick. Tilt my head up, all eyes, windows to the soul and crack those shutters open wide. And then flesh it all out. Banging it out on a keyboard. Like a gem to the light, turning each facet carefully into the light so my own refractions either glimmer or blaze out and blind me.

So yeh, what have you been thinking about tonight?

Taurus Sun
Aries Moon
Aries Mercury
Venus Pisces
Mars Capricorn

100% Woman. And a damned fine one.

—

I do, I really do Koi. *sigh*

Good song, and fitting. —

All will be well Nemesis, and all manner'a'things be well. I have friends who love me, who have my back. Like you. I am loved. —

Posted by venusianbull
All will be well Nemesis, and all manner'a'things be well. I have friends who love me, who have my back. Like you. I am loved. —

Meh, your alright I guess...



Here lets do the -Close your eyes and fall backwards, And I'll catch you bit- Hehehehe.... *Evil Grin*

Mmm and I should trust you to catch me, is that right? Well alright man, I'll trust, and keep trusting, right until my bum kisses grass. Bwahahhaa. You're a bit of alright too...erm...I think. I s'pose..I guess so, maybe. *shrug* I'll go get the meal worms.

Somethin' from the da sheep to perk up your perkiness...

(I hope I have this right)

Posted by PeriThePiscesKing
Come here.

You need a hug.

I know that was for VB Koi, but I'll take it as I need it too 😢


Huge hugs & kisses to you too VB xoxo

Posted by dofacc
Somethin' from the da sheep to perk up your perkiness...

(I hope I have this right)

🙂 Thank you Aries.

Posted by TaurGuy

You're beautiful VB 🙂

♥ (from a Sagi who knows what it's like to wear your heart on your sleeve, and have so many take it for granted)

((((sweethearts))))) xx Chin up as well.

((HUGS))) back elle. Aries mooooooon.

Posted by brianafay
You're beautiful VB 🙂

— (from a Sagi who knows what it's like to wear your heart on your sleeve, and have so many take it for granted)

And you as well Bri. — I'm going to need a tissue before work now.

VB, he will come to you soon...

^ Who can go wrong with Al Green? 🙂 GREAT song, thank you LadySag!

So very well and eloquently spoken, VB. I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you for expressing a lot of the same feelings for me. You truly have a gift.

We must be patient dear even if it is not our strong suit. God isn't finished with us yet. I learn something new about myself everyday. Sometimes he brings people into our lives solely for that purpose.

Big Hugs! xo

I don't know your houses,but your moon,mercury and mars are being whipped in to shape along with my venus,saturn,1st,5th,7th and 11th houses.
Much learning and growing taking place,uncomfortable as hell at times,deeply enlightening at others.I have to say,since Saturn entered Libra,I have gotten to know myself probably better than I've ever known me,and what I want,need and what has been working and not.
facing some demons I don't care for,but winning.duh! tiger blood 😉

((((huggles)))) ♥

http://www.cafeastrology.com/saturninlibra.html

((( Ahhh my Bulls, my lovely lovely Bulls)))) Thank you so much taurusgirl..Bells. — Heheheee 'tiger blood'.

*sigh* —

I want to thank you for the advice you gave me in my earlier post.

It took me 26 years to find my match...or rather, she found me. I'd always been hesitant to trust my heart, knowing from experience that it always seemed to lead me astray in the romantic sector. It was only when I had given up trying that she walked into my life. We clicked instantly and somehow felt like we'd known each other our whole lives. It just felt right and, although things moved fast, I was not afraid of this change.

Everything fell into place, everything was just easy. Several years of solitude seem like only seconds now.

The only knowledge I have to offer is to lean on your friends, those anchors that make you feel strong and loved. And keep your life filled with those things that give you pleasure. Your match will come when you least expect it and he will admire all of your quirks...your taurus sun, aries moon and mercury, your venus pisces, and your mars in capricorn 😉

Posted by StellaDaVirgo
I want to thank you for the advice you gave me in my earlier post.

It took me 26 years to find my match...or rather, she found me. I'd always been hesitant to trust my heart, knowing from experience that it always seemed to lead me astray in the romantic sector. It was only when I had given up trying that she walked into my life. We clicked instantly and somehow felt like we'd known each other our whole lives. It just felt right and, although things moved fast, I was not afraid of this change.

Everything fell into place, everything was just easy. Several years of solitude seem like only seconds now.

The only knowledge I have to offer is to lean on your friends, those anchors that make you feel strong and loved. And keep your life filled with those things that give you pleasure. Your match will come when you least expect it and he will admire all of your quirks...your taurus sun, aries moon and mercury, your venus pisces, and your mars in capricorn 😉

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww im happy for you also nice 2 meet u fellow virgo.

Thank you Stella. 🙂 Very much.

Don't be thinking y'all are exempt from hugs from me, ohhhhh no, not by any means. C'mere, hug-o-rama at VB's. 🙂 Thank you LibraLuv, you know I'll hug you till your eyes go pop. 🙂

The same, always. 🙂

Thank you very much PP. — 🙂

KOI KOI KOI!!