Advise: Love Him or Leave Him Alone?

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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
So, I met this guy almost a couple of months ago. He approached me...strongly. He's a bit of a "different" fish, but definitely a typical Taurus. His initial contact included questions about my employment, sun sign, home life; etc. He didn't ask anything about my romantic life outside of a question about where my "boyfriend" was...which I assumed was a joke, as I hadn't mentioned any boyfriend and reciprocated his interest. Fast forward...we've had some physical "situations". In typical Taurus nature, he was extremely physical from the moment we met and began talking. I mean touching, rubbing, kissing... This would normally weird me out, but I wasn't compelled to slap him when he started it, so I felt like there was a reason why. I'm extremely comfortable with him. He's been telling me all along that he's involved in many business ventures and is always busy. I've always been comfortable with that because I'm extremely busy myself...definitely business oriented (I'm a Cap female) with a limited amount of free time. I've also been comfortable with it because I know that the Taurus man's focus is usually on business and making money. So, I was cool...and didn't have any issue with only hearing from him every few days. That was until last week. Last week I was given a bunch of info about him that included numerous legal issues and things that didn't add up to him being this businessman that I thought he was (He's very smart...and I know he definitely believes in what he says). I know legal issues are apt to arise in business transactions, but there are alot of personal legal issues surrounding him that I feel are a judgment on his character. Outside of giving him the extreme "side-eye" for all of this stuff, though...I STILL really like him for the moments we've shared and can't seem to get him off of my mind. His contact has been more sporadic, though. I haven't heard from him in almost a week. I would've contacted him by now, but I'm trying to get a feel for what's going on on his end, as he really hasn't expressed much outside of giving me a list of things he loves about me. So, I don't know if dude is really into me or if he's just physically attracted to me. I've been trying to give him space and not question much (not that I have time, anyway) because it's a new situation and I don't think it's time for that...but I still want to know what the deal is. Any clue?
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USCTaurusGal
@USCTaurusGal
17 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 4648 · Topics: 31
Posted by BellaBulleautiful
ha well,I disagree.none of us are perfect,not a single one.unless you are wanting to do business with him....I say if you enjoy his company,that's what counts.
but again,it would depend on the personal legal issues....restraining orders? rape charges? non payment of child support? it would just depend,and can you trust without doubt your source?



Ya know what ........ I agree with you Bella 🙂 I'm not necessarily saying this is the man of your dreams (not you Bella, the OP), but maybe he is. Regardless, people make mistakes. Sometimes they are really, really bad mistakes. Then, there are those who have a string of bad luck (think - Pursuit of Happiness). Sometimes the mistakes and bad luck mix together, and you can't tell when one ends and the other begins. My point is - give him a chance. I know that in this day and age people can google and get every damn personal detail about a person, but what we have to remember is that we are all human. We make mistakes; we live through them, and hopefully make better choices in the future. You don't see women turning Donald Trump down because he filed bankruptcy multiple times because of business ventures—? Sometimes we have to learn things on our own. BUT, with that being said, tread cautiously until you feel comfortable.
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USCTaurusGal
@USCTaurusGal
17 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 4648 · Topics: 31
BTW, anybody who is in business knows that they can be sued at any moment. Doesn't mean that whatever they are being sued for his factual, or even their fault, but there are people out there who make a living of suing people. Again, I don't know what the "legal issues" are in respect to him, but if he's a smart business man, all of the crap is under his businesses anyway, so it won't hurt his personal assets...whatever those may be.
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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
Thanks for the advice, either way. The business issues he has I truly believe are due to him being entangled with the wrong people and being used. The personal issues, like I said, aren't TOO bad, but they're enough for one to question his judgment and character. Nothing that involves rape or anything, but just other drama that someone his age really shouldn't have going on.

I don't know...I really do feel sorry for him because I see the good in him...which is why I feel like "working" with him a little longer. I'm not judging him because I LIKE unconditionally, but I can't continue hanging on to something that just won't be. If it's just that he's distancing himself because he's embarassed about his situation (he puts on a total facade like he has everything together), then I can work on that. I'm a completely logical person and realize people make mistakes. But I'm wondering if he's just decided that he's not into me. He's usually pretty blunt about things, so I feel like he'd tell me instead of just distancing himself from me. I've heard so many conflicting things about Taurus men that I have no clue... I'm trying to hang in there.
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immaculate virgoan
@immaculate virgoan
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 70 · Topics: 8
I am going out with a man who is Taurus rising (strong signs of this).

After about two months he had a personal issue come up that was quite minor but a bit of a red flag. He was right onto it with me. Invited me to dinner, cooked me a great meal, tablecloth, wine, garlic bread, the works. Then said he had something to tell me. He told me about the incident before I could hear about it from anyone else. He was very upfront.

I'd say hang on a bit longer but be aware of the red flags and see if there are any other signs over the next couple of weeks that indicate he is/isn't into you.

Ivy
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 10616 · Topics: 40
I side with Madalena on this, follow your gut instinct, it's not about judging him, it's about understanding that how he does business with others has a lot to do with who he is as a person, if his life is full of drama then most likely he will carry that into your life as well...He's also not making much of an effort to get to know you since he's only around sporadically...I suggest that you put this one on hold, meaning don't make a decision about him until he's shown a higher level of interest, if your already willing to wait and work with him then it means you have JUMPED AHEAD of him in the emotion department and will most likely end up hurt and disappointed...slow down...this guy has so much BS problems and most likely financial issues going on he really doesn't have time for anyone most likely...Something that stands out for me is you said that you feel sorry for him and that you want to "WORK" with him a little longer, that doesn't sound like a woman that has options in her dating life, comes across desperate....Listen we all even me will find men that we click with on some level but that doesn't mean put ourselves on hold, feel sorry for them, stop dating other men, hold onto that one guy that barely exposes his intentions and work with this one man that isn't barely showing up.

I wouldn't work with him...He would have to "WORK" with me, do his part, show up, be a bit more open and communicate, as it seems right now he's not making much of an effort so it's a SIGN POST that men send out to women when they are attracted to you but in doubt...He has doubts about you, about the level of attraction he has for you, he's figuring things out for himself...while he does that continue dating. The fact that he was so physical in the beginning IMO says he only wanted to get laid....so he shows up SOMETIMES as to not give you the impression he's NOT ENTIRELY INTERESTED but he doesn't want to stay in constant contact as to give you the impression he wants a real relationship with you, the objective is to keep the door open by coming around periodically...If he really wanted to know you he would be more open and available.
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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
Thanks, Tiki and Bella! My thinking has been jumping from both sides of what the two of you are offering. That's why everything's so gray for me. On one hand, I feel like he would reach out if he WANTED to, so maybe he doesn't WANT to...which means I should let it go. But I'm more optimistic after the times we spend together because he's a complete gentleman, very attentive and way more open than I expect him to be. For instance...the last time we were together he was telling me that he's had so much strife in his life and things haven't gone the way he's planned but that he was on his way to picking himself up. The look on his face was very interesting. It was like a confession...which makes complete sense after learining what I've learned about him. So, I can see where he tries to open up, but I know the Taurus has to trust before going all the way. I'm inclined to give him more time to work it through before I just say "whatever". Tiki, I said I'm willing to "WORK" with him a little longer because I feel there's something there, whether it be on a friendship level or something more. I have other options when it comes to companionship, with men who are way more communicative, but I'm not nearly as interested in those options as I am him. I'm extremely cynical when it comes to men, so it even surprises me that I've entertained this for as long as I have. There's something that keeps me interested, so I'm compelled to give it a fair shot. The things I've found out about him would normally have me running in the opposite direction...FAST...but I'm really more inclined to not judge him and to see the positive things that I've seen in him. No clue why. I'd rather not feel that way. As Bella mentioned, my gut tells me that he's trying to distance himself because of my stability and the fact that he really has nothing to bring to the table other than himself. I've been in his environment and was very surprised by it. He puts on the front that he's this clean-cut, well dressed guy with everything going for him, but it's simply not true and he knows that I know that part after being in his environment. I didn't act phased at all because I'd rather get to know someone for who they are and not for what they have. He compliments me on being calm and lending a hand instead of shunning situations, so it seems like he should be comfortable with me, but then he mentions what I have and what my family has...so I wonder if he's embarassed.
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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
Posted by BellaBulleautiful
Your intuition is speaking loudly.I say follow it....albeit cautiously.

MY intuition tells me he is a little intimidated by yours and your family's success in comparison to his short comings at the moment.I think he is dressing for success so to speak...the fake it till you make it thing.rejection is our only real downfall,most of us fear it horribly.I can't speak for the others,but my biggest requirement from anyone wanting to be close to me is to accept me just as I am right now.(maybe that's my moon,I'm not sure.)

but I am sure you want to continue in his company...and I think you should.who knows,you may be the support he needs to get his stuff together.


do you know his other placements? moon,venus,mercury and mars?



Yes, my intuition tells me that there could be something. Like I said, I'm cool with even being just friends, as I'm quite drawn to him. But, I'm definitely giving him his space and backing it up for the time being. I feel like I need the space myself to detach a bit...I'm too nurturing and I don't want to be taken advantage of. And I definitely want him to notice that I'm not reaching out...I'm still moving. I think I've done enough to show him that I'll accept him as he is. He tried that whole glitz and glam talk to impress me and I wasn't phased. It was more of "That's really nice" instead of wide eyes and calculations of what he could offer me. And I was the same way seeing the way he really lives. I've done enough to show him that I wasn't bothered and that I like him for who he is...or what I see when I'm with him and he isn't trying to impress me. I'm going to chill for a bit... His Moon is in Taurus, Venus is in Cancer, Mars in Pisces, Mercury in Gemini.
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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i skimmed.

i agree with USC. sometimes legal matters are par for the course as a business owner. my ex had quite a few cases related to his business as well. most all were sided in his favor but had he not made me aware of them and i'd gone snooping, what is fairly normal for his industry could've been misconstrued by me to be red flags. people who don't understand the nature of being a business owner don't understand how easily it is to get fuq'd over and accused of wrong doing where there is none.

barring knowing the exact details of the court issues, i wouldn't concern myself with it unless there was something blaring. frankly, you haven't known dude long enough to be in his private, personal and business matters. i'd be insulted to know that someone was rooting around in my shit. in fact, just the notion of the violation is setting me a bit off.

bulls are generally open books but we only let you read chapters when we're ready for you to read them. so what may appear to be hiding, might be a timing thing. if i'm not ready to share something with you, that doesn't make it sinister. maybe i have decided you're worth divulging personal details to yet OR maybe you haven't asked the question. i don't know about the other bulls here but if you ask me a direct question, you're bound to get a direct answer. one could regard that as lying by omission or one could see that as, hey, we're supposed to be getting to know each other and i didn't know that i need to provide a dossier at hello 😛

as far as him pulling away, i sometimes need breathing room. you don't possess him so you have to be able to distinguish between a bull with a lot on his plate and a jackass. a bull with a full plate won't leave the table until it's all's clean. we want you to be where want you to be at any given time but don't try and fence me. the reality is, we're pretty predictable and if you come to know us, you'll be able to figure out the boundaries of the pasture. in other words, we don't need your damn fences...we have our own.

overall, proceed with caution. either its inconsequential and none of your damn business OR it's huge deal, you're excusing it, you're not listening to your gut as tiki suggested. so which are you? are you a nosy bitch who needs to learn boundaries or a smart chick who's looking out for #1?
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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
Tubbyscubby, I feel ya. I'm not too worried about the business issues, outside of the fact that they are completely fraudulent. Seems like he's being used, but it's not my business. The other, personal legal issues aren't scary but they definitely affect his day to day life, which explained a lot about the lack of flexibility he's had in certain situations. As I mentioned, I was given the information on him by someone I confided in regarding his hot and cold ways. The person has a mutual friend with Taurus and mentioned that she'd met him before and things didn't seem right with him. We were both shocked by all the drama surrounding him (he's always assured me that he was no drama), eventhough she thought he was a bit sheisty. So, I wasn't looking for info on him and probably wouldn't have.

Like I said, I'm drawn to him, but I'm taking the "wait and see" approach for now. I know he was dealing with one of his legal issues last week, so I get why he's been preoccupied as it's actually a big deal. I'm giving it space. I just hope my being in chill mode doesn't have him thinking that I've retreated. He's so difficult to read.
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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Yandy I understand were your coming from completely, I think most of us women have experienced were you are...I'm not here to convince you or go against you but this guy is not a keeper if you have to work with him...Things should just come naturally on both parts, the fact that he's PRETENDING to be something he's not is a red flag...What you seem to be okay with today may not be okay 2 years from now...Be careful that you don't misinterpret this situation with him b/c your desperate to couple up (nesting hormones) those pesky things tend to come out around rock solid taurus but that doesn't mean he's the kind of guy that can go the distance...allow him the space to get his life in order, if he seems insecure around you it's b/c he's already devaluing himself as less b/c apparently you have your life in order and he's competing and attempting to appear competent but the reality is he's most likely not competent and he makes bad business decisions, don't ignore the information you were given because of your feelings...I caution you to slow down, stop thinking about him so much...give it a break, your overanalyzing will cause you to worry and that's not very attractive...Go out and have some fun with the girls or out on a lunch date with a guy friend...Shift your focus off of him for a little while then you will know if you truly are seeing him clearly or with rose colored glasses. Again this isn't about judging him and making him less than what he is or bad, he himself already know his life is not up to part thus the pretending..Don't help him, resentment will follow...Just let him do him.
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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Posted by Yandy

Like I said, I'm drawn to him, but I'm taking the "wait and see" approach for now. I know he was dealing with one of his legal issues last week, so I get why he's been preoccupied as it's actually a big deal. I'm giving it space. I just hope my being in chill mode doesn't have him thinking that I've retreated. He's so difficult to read.





^look, either stop talking in code or use some common sense. what is the legal issue(s) and if you're not willing to share, based on skimming your responses, you need to move on. it sounds like you're drawn to him physically and you're doing your best to put blinders on to these pressing legal matters.

you're either overreacting or you're willingly standing in front of a moving train. black and white. in or out. "wait and see" is becoming dumber the more you post.

is your gut telling you to run? do you need to see the large bloody knife to kick off your heels and ball out?

there's two things going on here and my initial reaction is to him as a taurus but shelving the astrology, get over his dick and move on.
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USCTaurusGal
@USCTaurusGal
17 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 4648 · Topics: 31
LOL, I agree Tubby! Yea, this is a tough one for me, because I take my privacy VERY seriously, and if I don't want to tell somebody something, I don't care who the f@ck they are, I won't tell them. It's not lying or anything, it's simply, "None of their damn business." Check this out, there is risk involved in everyday life, so either you are willing to get to know this person and see what happens, or you chalk his a $ $ up as a loser and move on. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's a simple as that. If somebody I had known for a couple of weeks/months came up to me and said, "Well, my friend had a background check on you and they found x, y, z." I'd look at them and say, "Good, now I know you and your friends are nosey a $ $ invasive people, so there isn't much else for us to talk about since you know every damn thing about me. I'm ghost."
Privacy is a touchy subject with me, and while I know countless people will now rail on about "she needs to know because he could kill her or mess up or credit or try to move in with her, or....blah, blah, blah." The reality is, they are getting to know one another. As an adult, the level of expectation that you need to be cautious entering into a relationship is a presupposed; therefore, proceed cautiously, or don't proceed at all.
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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thanks USC.

i wasn't sure if it was me, taurean or what but the very notion of my privacy being violated raises my blood pressure a bit. the reason why i stopped talking to the french pisces was due to a privacy violation. it was harmless and one might say i overreacted but i overreacted his ass outta my life 😛 we still talk occasionally but no mas! i could be as clean as the the virgin mary's sheets and would still be pissed if i caught you going through my drawers.

and i agree, background checks may be the norm today but they damn sure weren't 10-15 years ago. if human beings were able to have relations back then without them, they damn sure can do it now. what's so wrong with taking the time to get to know someone before assuming the worst? if you're that suspicious, i don't wanna be with your paranoid bedbug ass anyway. so glad i passed your tests...see ya!

i'm also doing my best to take yandy's word for it but i have a cappy friend. who youuuuuuu kiddin'? earth signs just stumbling upon info? OH-KAY!
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USCTaurusGal
@USCTaurusGal
17 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 4648 · Topics: 31
Posted by tubbyscubby


i wasn't sure if it was me, taurean or what but the very notion of my privacy being violated raises my blood pressure a bit.



Absof@ckinglutely! That is a "no no" with me. I have an EX friend who was so damn nosey. She would do criminal searches on her friends; look at their deeds of trust for homes they purchased, etc. She felt that since the info is so readily accessible then she has a right to know. I was like, look biatch, if someone (especially a friend) wants you to know something, they will tell you. If they don't tell you, they don't want you to know. Why is that so hard to comprehend.

Posted by tubbyscubby


and i agree, background checks may be the norm today but they damn sure weren't 10-15 years ago. if human beings were able to have relations back then without them, they damn sure can do it now.
click to expand




Yes, contrary to popular belief people were able to meet, date, get married and (some) live(d) to have relatively normal lives. Are there crazies and whackjobs out in the real world? Absofrigginglutely, but that's just "is what it is." I don't think that just because someone has a civil/criminal record automatically makes them a bad person, just like I don't believe that every person who DOESN'T is a good person. As something my Dad likes to say, "The only difference between the person in jail and the person that is not, is the one that is not, is lucky, and the one who is in jail...their luck ran out."

I'm not implying that everybody has done anything criminal, but EVERYBODY has things that they DON'T want everybody to know about; some things that aren't their "shining moments." Anybody who says differently is a liar. You don't have to have been a thief, drug addict, embezzler, rapist, etc, to have something you are not so proud about; none of us are perfect.
*grrrrrrr*
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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

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Back again w/an update: We had a good 3-week break, but things have been favorable since then. He invited me to his business and I've visited him there a few times, so I've been able to witness how busy and "all over the place" his life is. While the communication still doesn't flow as well as I'd like, it's improved greatly...so I'm pretty satisfied but I'm still a little confused, especially after the past weekend. I invited him to a function...he said he'd come, so I knew he would, but I was shocked by the way he greeted me and acted while he was there. At the last function I invited him to, he acted like we were "just friends" instead of dating and actually spent a lot of time with other guests. This time he greeted me w/a kiss and actually stated that we were dating (we hadn't talked about our status at all, so I was shocked by that proclaimation). He also stayed with me the entire time, eventhough he brought his friend with him. And I was finally able to let him know that despite our busy schedules that I really wanted the opportunity to get to know him better because I really liked him as a person. He acknowledged that we hadn't had those opportunities and he definitely wanted that to happen soon. We spent a lot of time together afterwards and he actually reached out to me the next day (shocking, as it usually takes him a while). He also tried to reassure me that he was loyal and that I "didn't have to worry about him" when it comes to me, which was really weird because it was very random and not apart of the current conversation. Before we left eachother I let it be known I'd like to see him soon. He agreed, so I told him I'd contact him. I contacted him yesterday and received a short response that showed excitement...then I asked him a general question about his opinion (not about us or us getting together) and have yet to receive a response. I'm trying not to be paranoid about this as I know he has a busy schedule and that he doesn't ignore me (a couple of weeks ago it took him over a day to respond to something), but he usually responds quickly to my "get to know you" questions, so its difficult not to. I feel like he's interested (So does everyone who sees us together), but I tend to waver w/his actions. I assume that he wouldn't invite me to his business (an open invitation), around his friends and to his home if he didn't want to continue something w/me. I'll give it a little while longer...
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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I've been able to witness how busy and "all over the place" his life is. While the communication still doesn't flow as well as I'd like, it's improved greatly...so I'm pretty satisfied but I'm still a little confused,

especially after the past weekend. I invited him to a function...he said he'd come, so I knew he would, but I was shocked by the way he greeted me and acted while he was there. At the last function I invited him to, he acted like we were "just friends" instead of dating and actually spent a lot of time with other guests. This time he greeted me w/a kiss and actually stated that we were dating (we hadn't talked about our status at all, so I was shocked by that proclaimation). He also stayed with me the entire time, eventhough he brought his friend with him. And I was finally able to let him know that despite our busy schedules that I really wanted the opportunity to get to know him better because I really liked him as a person.

He acknowledged that we hadn't had those opportunities and he definitely wanted that to happen soon. We spent a lot of time together afterwards and he actually reached out to me the next day (shocking, as it usually takes him a while). He also tried to reassure me that he was loyal and that I "didn't have to worry about him" when it comes to me, which was really weird because it was very random and not apart of the current conversation.

Before we left eachother I let it be known I'd like to see him soon. He agreed, so I told him I'd contact him. I contacted him yesterday and received a short response that showed excitement...then I asked him a general question about his opinion (not about us or us getting together) and have yet to receive a response. I'm trying not to be paranoid about this

as I know he has a busy schedule and that he doesn't ignore me (a couple of weeks ago it took him over a day to respond to something), but he usually responds quickly

to my "get to know you" questions, so its difficult not to. I feel like he's interested (So does everyone who sees us together), but I tend to waver w/his actions. I assume that he wouldn't invite me to his business (an open invitation), around his friends and to his home if he didn't want to continue something w/me. I'll give it a little while longer
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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bold points in order...

1. confused by what? that he's not presenting you with a ring yet?

2. you sound clingy and insecure.

3. yep, you're clingy and insecure.

4. yeah, but you so totally are.

5. OMG! it took him a WHOLE day?!? the sick bastard! get rid of him!

6. i'm wavering over whether or not you're a potential stalker 😛


you're insecure and it's showing. shelve whatever baggage you're carrying from your past. you won't be able to view or judge him properly if you're emotionally cloudy.

frankly, he might be a jackass but you're so totally not emotionally ready to deal with a mature man. either you're making far too many excuses for him or you need waaaaay too much reassurance. either let things unfold naturally or date a sign that will make wifey proclamations on day one...a leo will do ya good.
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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

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Thanks so much for the reassurance, Bella. My gut tells me that patience will take us somewhere, even if it's just a good friendship. Speaking of random-ness..he also randomly mentioned his ex a few times the other night. He was explaining some things he didn't like about her and how I was different. Very random, but he was serious about it. Determined expression and all. He also randomly asked me what the deal was between me and one of the other guys (a family member) at the function. And , later, he got all defensive when he misunderstood a statement I'd made and, again, reassured me that I didn't have to worry about him. I didn't understand why he kept up with that being that we hadn't discussed our status and I've never mentioned anything about him dealing with anyone else or any expections I have for the two of us. By the way...I've told him things to let him know that I'm there for him, but it's difficult to really "go there" because I don't want him to be scared off by thinking I want a relationship right now. Question for you, Bella: Do you think the fact that he's invited me into his home, to his business and around his friends so easily is a positive sign or am I putting too much stock in it? My thinking, outside of astrology, is that a man (or anyone, really) wouldn't want a woman that close to his day to day life if there are no intentions to continue. I mean...I could be crazy and show up at any time. He gave me an open invitation, but I have too much class to just show up unannounced, but what if I didn't? I also give credit for him showing up at the function. I don't know why he would and then reach out afterwards if there was no interest in continuing what we have (whatever it is). But I don't want to be blindsided by that either. If I knew for sure I could relax and let it flow. But the fact that he clams up and I don't want to scare him really puts a damper on things. I just want to let him know that he doesn't have to worry about any drama of expectations and clingy-ness from me. He can chill w/me. I'm nothing like the other chicks he's told me about (He's told me that alot of women expect material things from him because they think he's well off). I don't want anything from him except to enjoy his company and continue to get to know him. I just haven't had the opportunity. I think he thinks we're going to have "the talk" everytime I want to chat. It's like..."Calm Down, sir!", because that's not it at all.

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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
Posted by tubbyscubby
bold points in order...

1. confused by what? that he's not presenting you with a ring yet?

2. you sound clingy and insecure.

3. yep, you're clingy and insecure.

4. yeah, but you so totally are.

5. OMG! it took him a WHOLE day?!? the sick bastard! get rid of him!

6. i'm wavering over whether or not you're a potential stalker 😛


you're insecure and it's showing. shelve whatever baggage you're carrying from your past. you won't be able to view or judge him properly if you're emotionally cloudy.

frankly, he might be a jackass but you're so totally not emotionally ready to deal with a mature man. either you're making far too many excuses for him or you need waaaaay too much reassurance. either let things unfold naturally or date a sign that will make wifey proclamations on day one...a leo will do ya good.



TubbyScubby...thanks for your assessment, but you really do have it all wrong. Insecure really isn't the word. It's not that I'm insecure, is that I'm unsure. If I was SURE that he just wasn't interested in moving forward in any way with me, I'd be done and would move on with the quickness. If I was sure that he is interested in moving forward but needs to move at his own pace due to his life style and past, I'm good with that. I can let it flow. I have no issue w/a natural progression. The not knowing is the issue for me. I'm very stable, emotionally, but this person shows me something different all the time. My inkling is that he has so much going with his past that he's on guard because he doesn't want to be judged. I just need to KNOW that. Sure, I could make the decision and say I really don't want to be bothered because I'm not getting what I want NOW, but I really am a patient person and I think it's worth being patient for someone you really do like. I COULD give my attention to someone who gives me more attention than I need, but I'm just not feeling those people, like I am this guy. Plus, I don't want to let go of it (just yet) if it could possibly be something. I'm trying to give credit to the fact that Tauruses are slow movers by nature (my sis is a Taurus as well), instead of passing up on something that could prove to be a good thing.
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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dude, you want to be clingy though...he's just not letting you.

the tendency to allow someone rope stems from many things but if you find yourself giving him rope repeatedly, you'll be hanging yourself. given your initial post and the update, the reason why you're confused is...

1. you're insecure, lack self-esteem and possibly have a damaged past. if someone isn't giving you what you want, if it's causing you turmoil to any degree, if you have expressed these concerns and the behavior continues, then congrats! your doormat actually says "doormat...walk all over me."

why is it that you are CLEARLY expressing your distrust of this man, that your intuition is SCREAMING something is wrong and yet, you choose to ignore it and excuse his behavior? you're ignoring it because you lack... it's as if you're being slapped and instead of leaving or hitting back, you're questioning whether or not it actually hurt.

OR, your friends are correct...they see that he's a good guy and that leads us to option 2...


2. you're fuckin CRAZY! you've already pried into the man's legal matters. you're trippin out because he didn't contact you one day. you're wondering why he didn't answer your question about whether or not he likes ketchup on his hot dogs. he sees you twice a week. you claim to talk almost everyday...except that 1 fateful day! you invite him to a function and he's progressed to calling you his gf and you're on here questioning him because...?

you're insecure, you lack self-esteem, you're controlling and you know it. in this case, the issue isn't necessarily that he's doing something wrong. it's just he's not doing what you want him to do, the way you want him to do it.

if this is the case, people like you will play sane in the beginning to ensnare your prey and when the time is right, when you've got the other person hooked, you go ape shit. you have "bust the windows out your car" potential except it won't be due to abuse. it'll probably be because he forgot your birthday and went bowling instead.



you are repeatedly expressing that something is WRONG!

recognize that you're not failing yourself or your future happiness but ignoring what the "universe" is trying to tell you. it's ok to let this one go and you know what, if you exit with some dignity, dude will notice and at that point, he'll give you what you want if he's capable and willing. if he's not, maybe he'll shape up one day and come back to you but until then, be out!
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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
Posted by tubbyscubby
dude, you want to be clingy though...he's just not letting you.

the tendency to allow someone rope stems from many things but if you find yourself giving him rope repeatedly, you'll be hanging yourself. given your initial post and the update, the reason why you're confused is...

1. you're insecure, lack self-esteem and possibly have a damaged past. if someone isn't giving you what you want, if it's causing you turmoil to any degree, if you have expressed these concerns and the behavior continues, then congrats! your doormat actually says "doormat...walk all over me."

why is it that you are CLEARLY expressing your distrust of this man, that your intuition is SCREAMING something is wrong and yet, you choose to ignore it and excuse his behavior? you're ignoring it because you lack... it's as if you're being slapped and instead of leaving or hitting back, you're questioning whether or not it actually hurt.

OR, your friends are correct...they see that he's a good guy and that leads us to option 2...


2. you're fuckin CRAZY! you've already pried into the man's legal matters. you're trippin out because he didn't contact you one day. you're wondering why he didn't answer your question about whether or not he likes ketchup on his hot dogs. he sees you twice a week. you claim to talk almost everyday...except that 1 fateful day! you invite him to a function and he's progressed to calling you his gf and you're on here questioning him because...?

you're insecure, you lack self-esteem, you're controlling and you know it. in this case, the issue isn't necessarily that he's doing something wrong. it's just he's not doing what you want him to do, the way you want him to do it.

if this is the case, people like you will play sane in the beginning to ensnare your prey and when the time is right, when you've got the other person hooked, you go ape shit. you have "bust the windows out your car" potential except it won't be due to abuse. it'll probably be because he forgot your birthday and went bowling instead.



you are repeatedly expressing that something is WRONG!

recognize that you're not failing yourself or your future happiness but ignoring what the "universe" is trying to tell you. it's ok to let this one go and you know what, if you exit with some dignity, dude will notice and at that point, he'll give you what you want if he's capable and willing
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Yandy
@Yandy
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
Posted by BellaBulleautiful
if you cook...invite him over for a nice home cooked meal. 😉



I actually did this not too long ago. It was a total disaster! LOL I was craving salmon, so I went "gourmet" instead of my usually meat and potatoes/pasta route. He said it was "pretty good". I told him that it didn't seem like he really liked it and he told me that he wouldn't have eaten. We had a laugh about it. He DID eat the entire loaf of the bread I baked though...which he said he loved. The night actually ended really well, though. Next time I'm going the safe route! LOL
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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Posted by Yandy
Posted by BellaBulleautiful
don't waste your energy on that Yandy,it's really not worth it.



It's fine. She's totally missing my point, but I appreciate the differences in opinion. 🙂
click to expand





and i'm not missing your point at all.

your friend's reassured you about him and yet you're still on shakey ground. either your gut is right and there's something not right about him or the reverse is true and there's something not right with you.

either way, it's not going to work until you face one or both of those realities. if the problem resides in you, that you can fix. if the problem is him, fuck 'em and move on.
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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I'm on the fence, there is a couple of concerns (please forgive me, I haven't actually read everyone's post but ignant bitch did catch my eye LMAO!)

The fact that he made the relationship exclusive without actually "DISCUSSING/COMMUNICATING" is a red flag IMO....Part of me agrees with tubby, not worth it, move on, I also see you making all the moves Yandy and using so much of your masculine energy to connect with him by initiating calls, dates etc which is really something he should be doing or at the most reciprocating by responding in a decent timely manner....Yet I have to say Tubby made a few interesting observations as well but the other part of me is happy your happy.

Lean back, let him take the reigns, if he does nothing then he does nothing yet I feel you will have to be super patient with this one as to see how he's going to prioritize you into his life, if you give too much well then your over investing and too much investment in a man means you get stuck with the bill and will became attached to an unavailable man...I also agree that you have been forewarned about this guy and like a naive school girl you have opted to stick your hand in the burning flame, you will get burned it's already showing signs of that already.

I so wish you would reconsider and find a more appropriate considerate mate but it's your life, your issue and you will have to deal with the consequences of your choice to move forward with a shakey guy. Above all I do hope he comes through for you but I have a feeling he won't.
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tiki33
@tiki33
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Also I wonder...Can you really feel safe being tied to this man as in exclusive with this man and he's yet to prove his intentions with you? That whole show he put on calling you his girlfriend seems a bit superficial to me, almost like he was misleading you b/c up until that point he was hot and cold, non-existent in your life, not really showing any kind of real feelings or solid intentions, I don't think I would feel comfortable with a guy owning me without my consent.
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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Posted by tiki33
Also I wonder...Can you really feel safe being tied to this man as in exclusive with this man and he's yet to prove his intentions with you? That whole show he put on calling you his girlfriend seems a bit superficial to me, almost like he was misleading you b/c up until that point he was hot and cold, non-existent in your life, not really showing any kind of real feelings or solid intentions, I don't think I would feel comfortable with a guy owning me without my consent.




HA!

neither does she
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tiki33
@tiki33
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RED FLAG....he also randomly mentioned his ex a few times the other night. He was explaining some things he didn't like about her and how I was different.

Men that talk negative about X's are wounded pups which equates to making all the other potential lovers suffer for misdeeds done to him in the past...I personally don't consider a man healthy emotionally that hasn't let go of his past relationships and talk about the issues he didn't like...Gives you a glimpse of how he's going to talk about you if you decide to go deeper with this guy. Talking about his X isn't getting to know him necessarily but it does show a woman how mature one is by how he manages and expresses his feelings about his past....Him talking about his X would lead me to believe he's not over her, still into her, angry at her yes but still in love (deeply) or she wouldn't have come up.

HUH@I've told him things to let him know that I'm there for him, but it's difficult to really "go there" because I don't want him to be scared off by thinking I want a relationship right now....

but isn't being there for a man showing him you want to be in a relationship b/c if you weren't ready for a relationship you sure wouldn't sit there listening to his baggage from his past and being there for him.

Do you think the fact that he's invited me into his home, to his business and around his friends so easily is a positive sign or am I putting too much stock in it? YES

Also I believe this guy senses your insecurities, your controlling nature and he's sure your clingy as tubby pointed out but your hiding it, pretending you don't need more when you do, he's sniffing out your agenda and he's right to do that because you do have an agenda which is the payoff to get him into a relationship with you, given he most likely has a history of attracting these kind of women and is sure your one of them too but slowly testing you as to see a reaction, that girlfriend line at the function most likely was a test to see if you begin to act all needy and insecure and controlling.

I say the guy is attracted to you but he doesn't trust his feelings, trust his attraction towards you given that very same attraction in his past left him feeling drained and jilted.

I don't think this guy is a bad guy, he's more on the lines of refusing to get trapped by another controlling maneater.
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tiki33
@tiki33
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Here we go...

If I don't see it will work I have no problem saying that, I have actually said it won't work to a few women, got cussed out only to find later that it didn't work out, call it intuition, keen observation coupled with experience I dunno but for the most part nope I don't encourage women to stay with selfish men, men that are vague, men that don't respect a woman's space or just don't respect her period, men that lie and cheat, men that have anger issues, mental issues, sexual issues that aren't backed up with some kind of therapy/help etc etc etc the list could go on and on but at the same time I can see when a guy is just confused and behaving like a douchebag out of his own fears but not really be a hardcore toxic man, some of these women pick some of the most douchiest men to love and it's hard to say stay with that kind of man.

I don't know if you do it all wrong bella only you know that but for the most part Yandy has been warned, a few of us aren't living in la la land and can see the forest from the trees, yet it's her life, her illusion, fantasy, reality (whatever she wants to call it), she's the only one that has to live in it, I don't think our opinions really sway her from carrying it forth but I don't see anything wrong with having alternative opinions, there will be women that cheer her on own despite all the red flags and then there will be people like myself and tubby that won't hesitate to say what we see and sense through what she reveals on DXP.

So no I don't tell women to stay with toxic men, stay in painful situations, stay with men that bring them down, ignore them, mistreat them emotionally/psychologically/physically and I never will...
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tiki33
@tiki33
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Clingy as in she's doing 99% of the leg work, she may feel she's not chasing him b/c she allows space but as soon as he opens the lines of communication she's back to doing the work, invites, listening to his baggage, giving to him in hopes that he will give her a relationship.


In regards to this topic there are red flags regarding his behavior towards her, we are merely pointing that out, whether she heeds to it or not is completely up to her. Women have this thing called intuition but a lot of the times we women can lose sight of the alarms and bells and whistles that go off inside of us saying hey slow down, warning warning something isn't right listen to your gut feelings, sometimes those feelings feel like butterflies inside of our stomach, some women get physically ill and uncertainty is a huge indication that something isn't right yet we get blinded by our emotions and our own agenda, well women like myself and tubby will point it out, maybe that would seem like skepticism to you and to others but I feel it's healthy skepticism, it's healthy to have both feet on the ground and to not ignore what's clearly a level of head games on his part, he went from one extreme barely know you to hey that's my girlfriend...Who does that? Not a healthy man LOL, this guy seems to almost taunt her b/c he know she's desperate to couple up with him and he seems a bit bitter still over his past and men that are bitter play a huge amount of headfuck games with women and on top of that she's been warned about him not just by tubby and myself but by the very people that care about her well being, so I have to agree with tubby

"either your gut is right and there's something not right about him or the reverse is true and there's something not right with you."

She's just not listening to herself and she's feeling the right feelings that are her internal warning system but she still chooses to dissect it all and move forward, she's bound to get hurt by this man b/c she's not listening to herself, not listening to her internal truth.

By all means she has the right to continue on, I just differ on that, I feel she should move on to someone that is more open about his real intentions, won't fuck with her head and is willing to give her a chance to have what she wants.
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tiki33
@tiki33
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Whose been burned? I can't remember that happening to me at all but okay I will go with it...YES TRY!! Women should absolutely try but many of the women I see on DXP and that I help have a pattern of choosing the most damaged men, men that aren't taking responsibility for themselves, for there addictions, for there mental health, men that take there bitterness out on the woman, men that are known to be not so great in relationships, even some of these men forewarn the women about how poorly they have treated women in there past, in this case this man clearly harbors bitter unresolved feelings from his past and guess whose he's going to passive aggressively take that out on (which it seems he's already doing) HER....

I believe women should try, I absolutely believe in chances, I absolutely believe in giving men that have done the work or at the most is willing to allow a woman to help him grow and become a better man but most of these guys that a huge majority of women are choosing are the most irresponsible douchiest unavailable men a woman can find....That's the issue I have, I have helped women with less toxic men and with a few attitude adjustments and behavior changes she's back on track but many of the women here got there heads in clouds, unrealistic, attract the most selfish, insecure, immature, wounded man she can find and expect miracles.

I'm not against trying but when a man appears to be so wounded, so toxic which includes playing so many in and out, hot and cold head fuck games, illusive, evasive, vague, bitter, mean, controlling well as tubby points out something is wither wrong with him or with her or both....I'm all for healthy loving men, men that know they have these issues and take responsibility for himself, men that are busy but always manage to be there for his woman, be present, initiate and do his part of the relationship, many of the women on DXP accept half ass treatment, do his part of the relationship and her part, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait and get nothing in return least not what she expected or wanted, she accept crumbs, make a million excuse for why he's not doing his part...LOVE IS EASY, it's us that make it hard by not honoring ourselves and knowing our worth.
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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If a "keep him" is in order I don't have any reason not to say it, I have wished women luck with there relationships, I have told women to keep trying but I will not say keep trying if it's apparent the man doesn't value the woman in his life.....

If he was stating what he doesn't like why bring up an X, that to me is a red flag, I don't want to talk about anyone but US, IMO that's healthy behavior.

I'm not here to put a woman down, I'm here to remind her of her worth, to remind her that she's worthy, that she's displaying doormat behavior and to pick herself up, find her inner strength, inner love and get out of that bad space that's holding her down with a miserable unattentive man, I remind her how valuable and lovable and strong she is (even though she may not feel strong IMO she is) and she deserves good treatment either from him or another man but she deserves the best and if he's not exuding that he's the best then move on...Most importantly listen to her own internal truth, Yandy senses something is off but she chooses to look the other way, that's not being true to herself.

I won't apologize for telling women to move on, many women end up moving on anyway whether I say or don't say it, I really don't see the difference.
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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Women love to fix things and unfortunately that carries over into picking damaged men that need to be fixed and the reality is we can't fix a man and the women that do manage to fix a man loses him to someone else 99% of the time. If he's damaged let his ass alone and find a more healthier man...What's so wrong about that?

Men *not all but a huge majority* don't hesitate to dump a woman that exude low value behavior such as being needy, bitchy, controlling, clingy, desperately over giving and over functioning, approval seeking, he will drop her fast but many women choose to hang on to a man even if he's damaged, intensely difficult, showing low value behavior such as being unavailable, disinterested in connecting, not attentive, controlling, etc etc even if she can see and sense that he isn't going to be good for her she's so overly invested she stays/waits...Something is deeply wrong with that picture IMO....There are good men out here, I have one a few other women on DXP have good men and a woman with a good man in her life and if she doesn't have a good man but has good self esteem can immediately tell when a woman is in a bad situation b/c we know love is not that hard, we have hard times b/c life can be hard but loving someone is not hard.
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tiki33
@tiki33
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some women are so used to unhealthy dynamics with men that she can't recognize positive men, positive women nor positive relationships, when I point out healthy behavior it's disputed and debated b/c most of the women are not accustomed to knowing what's healthy and unhealthy displays of behavior from healthy men and healthy women. Some women that are used to hard situations with men, used to bad relationships have to relearn all over what positive love feels like and looks like so when I say hey get out of that bad situation some of you gawk and get annoyed and most likely some of you are in bad situations too or just getting out of bad situations with men.

Damaged and realistic and damaged and unrealistic is 2 separate things...I am not against what Yandy is doing yet I am not going to say yeah that's a keeper when it's clear he isn't a keeper....6 months to a year from now she won't be any closer than she is right now because his issues most likely are much bigger than her and/or she will get him and find that he's a lot of work and he's wearing her ass out emotionally.

The difference between men and women is many men intuitively understand a damaged woman can't be fixed nor helped by him so he either accept her as she is or he quickly exits the relationship, men understand women have to help herself and so many men end up leaving or opting out of dating which can lead into a relationship not because she's damaged but b/c he intuitively understands that no amount of love can fix a damaged person no matter how many chances you give her unless she's doing the work to change her circumstances, her views about herself, unless she's doing the emotional work to accept her circumstances it won't work or at the most it will be very hard loving a woman whose self esteem is all jacked up, many women seem to be missing that part of the puzzle, we see damaged and we immediately want to fix a man, heal him through love, then we end up seeing 500 plus post of neglected women b/c it didn't work.

I am not saying your wrong bella...I'm actually not disagreeing with you I just see it slightly different that's all.
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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Foolishness!

Tiki I can't believe u attempted to reason with it. Only a complete idiot would read yandy's posts and construe it as bliss. HeLl, if things were so wonderful, so much better, why does her update echo the same sentiments as the OP? Why does she end her update stating that she's got one foot out the door...that she's going to give it a little longer?

This is why GED standards need to be elevated because with the internet, you have foolish people, giving foolish advice and leading people astray.

At the end of the day there is a glaring problem...its her, him or both. If she wants to delude herself into believing the solution is patience and understanding, kewl. But I guarantee that the, "broke up" update soon come.

So you can listen to the idiot who supports your destruction or you can recognize that something is off and instead of blaming it on his schedule, examine the one thing you can control and fix...yourself. You're broken. To a degree we all are but a wise woman faces her demons. Crazy bitches proclaim they don't have any.

Do me a favor, if you choose to continue on the same course, come back when it fails so I can say "told ya so!"
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

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She's a capricorn. Given the fact that you just fucked up a relationship with a cappy, maybe you shouldn't be advising one.

And Piggy, its clear she's clingy cause all she can seem to talk about is wanting to dangle from his nuts while simultaneously proclaiming that things are better and that she understands. If its so great, if dude is busy, if she understands, she needs to shut her trap. But none of that is true and she'll come to realize it soon enough, as you did, it's time to move on.

Had you read, which you admittedly did not...too many big words eh?, you'd realize she's not happy. Her hoping she will be may be worth it but at some point it's not. The sad part about you is maybe you've been miserable so long that if a dude shines upon you that you're too stupid to see the light's comming from his ass.
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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Posted by BellaBulleautiful
I agree with much of the advice you give fwiw.I just think you may be starting to see them all as the same lol 😉



This is were you misunderstand me, I don't believe nor feel that all men are the same or I wouldn't have a wonderful man in my life unfortunately a huge amount of women here on DXP similar types of men and most if not all have wounded damage self esteem for some reason or another and all she wants to know is how can I fix him, fix my relationship and never is it about her, loving herself...

It's not my fault that 80% of the women that come to DXP pick the douchiest men to be with and sometimes the men aren't toxic the women are toxic or both, Yandy has said herself she has AVAILABLE MEN that would love to give her a go and the healthy thing to do is find an available man that she is attracted to and give it go but NO she doesn't want them, want that she wants a guy that she's been warned about, that clearly is playing mindfuck games and dragging his feet, SHE KNOWS NOTHING about this man and the little she does know is about him feeling bitter over his relationships with his X's, telling her what he doesn't want "A GOLD DIGGER" which clearly has nothing to do with her, he is just cheap and will play her cheap if she allow him too b/c he doesn't want to give much and he's made bad business decisions to boot, has money issues.

I am almost certain this guy has done a financial background check on her, learned about her business patterns, found she's actually sound in the money department and is now claiming her as a girlfriend b/c he has his own agenda and it's not love or getting to know her...She better be careful
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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LOL@dangle from his nuts

I have to agree with tubby, so many women here are so accustomed to bad men, difficult men, selfish men, men that ignore, men that have social/mental problems, lazy men, men that will do and say anything to sabotage his relationship that many of the women dating these men have no internal alarm system so when women like myself or tubby comes in and point out RED FLAGS these very same women balk at the idea of not giving every man a chance despite the RED FLAGS. Bella you seem like one of those women, your just too lazy or too unconscious or too indoctrinated into choosing not so great partners to care about red flags thus when women notice the things you can't see you rail against it and it turns into a debate, maybe you should listen and learn instead of debating.

There are some things Yandy should be concerned about...No one is perfect, that's not what this about, this isn't about fixing ourselves to be suitable for a mate although I don't see anything wrong with a woman sitting down and giving up bad men, learning what healthy men feel like, look like, learning how healthy minded men treat women, learning all those things all over again, I see nothing wrong with women giving it a rest with the bad men, the undesirables, the selfish men so she can learn how to manage her life so she can actually pick a suitable partner, not a perfect partner bu a "PARTNER" someone "WILLING AND ABLE" to do his part without all the unavailable bs, hidden agenda's and headgames.

There are good men out there, some really wonderful men in the world but they are often times looked over, forgotten, ignored b/c women are seeking bad men to couple up with, they want excitement, mystery, emotional anxiety and fireworks but there is a HEAVY HEAVY price to pay to have that, often times that price means dating a douchebag, a jerk, a selfish non-giver, a player...I feel many women are immature and misguided.

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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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It's nothing wrong with wanting love, wanting to share, wanting to give and to nurture and to adore a man yet many of the women don't understand that they pick the type of men that don't care about any of it, they don't necessarily prioritize having that kind of woman and b/c its not something he truly wants from a woman he ends up using her...she's lucky if her bad man just cuts her off, gives her the silent treatment it saves her from getting further used and abused,

Because these men don't prioritize a loving woman in his life, he ends up taking her energy, abusing her emotionally/psychologically (sometimes physically), controlling her. Some women wait on men, the pay off is okay I will give you some of my time the bad boy says but I won't make it easy for you, I won't give back 99% of the time, I don't want to talk to you 90% of the time, play by my rules, I won't respond like I care, I won't answer or initiate unless I want sex or something like money or attention or to just watch you trip over yourself trying to please me, beg me for love, many women wait only to find he's not a great person, he treats her bad and instead of her leaving she sits there like she has stockholme syndrome, captured, stuck. Yet if only these women had understood what RED FLAGS actually are she wouldn't have ever had to go through that another bad man, another douche bag jerk.

I find women that are accustomed to dating bad men are very hard headed, which is perfect for a bad man b/c no matter what she's loyal and he can continue dogging her out, these kind of women are misguided, have misplaced loyalty.

A healthy man would never dream of dogging a woman out like this. A mentally emotionally healthy man wouldn't even prioritize using a woman but were not talking about healthy men, a huge majority of women are posting about men that are selfish, damaged beyond repair or so damaged that she has to jump through hoops to prove herself only to be taken for granted and/or taken advantage of due to her own desperation.
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 6890 · Topics: 172
For me, I dunno nor do I care about the other party when someone posts. I don't know the man's motivation nor do I care. I do understand why tiki tries to offer possible explanations for a dude's behavior though. Most of the folk who come here want to know why he/she did this/that. they subsequently applaud the responses that coincide with their derision and balk at those who dare give voice to the thoughts that brought them here in the first place.

So tiki can help you with why he is/ain't. I say fuck 'em! Let's talk about shy you're stupid. You're the one who's here. You're the one who can change. You're the one who needs to be fixed.

From her writing alone I can tell that yandy is an intelligent woman but she's not smart when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm not saying give up on dude. Keep him around but a commitment with someone you have to essentially beg to see?

If a man cares about you, you don't have to question why he's not wanting to spend more time. When he care, he's a constant. I'd forgotten that feeling of being wanted so much that you can't, nor do you want to escape one another.

Busy or not, a man should regard you like air, food, water and shelter. If he doesn't treat you like a necessity, you aren't one.
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tubbyscubby
@tubbyscubby
15 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 6890 · Topics: 172
Posted by tiki33

Because these men don't prioritize a loving woman in his life, he ends up taking her energy, abusing her emotionally/psychologically (sometimes physically), controlling her. Some women wait on men, the pay off is okay I will give you some of my time the bad boy says but I won't make it easy for you, I won't give back 99% of the time, I don't want to talk to you 90% of the time, play by my rules, I won't respond like I care, I won't answer or initiate unless I want sex or something like money or attention or to just watch you trip over yourself trying to please me, beg me for love, many women wait only to find he's not a great person, he treats her bad and instead of her leaving she sits there like she has stockholme syndrome, captured, stuck. Yet if only these women had understood what RED FLAGS actually are she wouldn't have ever had to go through that another bad man, another douche bag jerk.






Exactly. Its a hard fought lesson but you don't have to make excuses when he's giving 100% . He'll failings but the won't be about spending time or titles. It'll be personality conflicts, his being late, your being early, him leaving shit on your counter but never, "why don't talk more?"

Seriously, if you're asking why a person isn't giving you more, you don't have to write them off but you may want to start juggling an extra set of balls.
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 10616 · Topics: 40
Posted by BellaBulleautiful
"Bella you seem like one of those women, your just too lazy or too unconscious or too indoctrinated into choosing not so great partners to care about red flags thus when women notice the things you can't see you rail against it and it turns into a debate, maybe you should listen and learn instead of debating."

no,tiki I recognize red flags when I see them.I'm just not such a man hater I picture them where they don't exist.and I've learned from my own mistakes,I don't need guidance councilor tiki to teach me how to be so busy looking for the bad,I forget how to see the good. 😉I see both sides quite well.

please pull up two instances where you have ever advised a woman that she was in fact doing the right thing,that involves her giving a man a chance.


Yandy,I guess the relationship gods have spoken and we are idiots.sorry 😉



Man hater? If that's your truth I won't debate that but anyone with common sense that has the patience to go through my post that have the ability to read will know for themselves that theory doesn't hold true.

I don't feel the need to counsel you, just my observation that you make poor choices in men, advise women to behave the same way and attempt to disqualify women that actually see the red flags, I have my point of view just like you have yours as me being a man hater that won't give men a chance...

Pull up....I would have to go back into my post, too much energy to do that but if anyones interested feel free to read my previous post there are some women on DXP that have positive relationships just the majority do not or are just getting out of bad relationships. As I have stated before and have no problem admitting I will not advise a woman to stay in a bad situation, I will not advise a woman to over look flaws that could potentially cause her pain and grief, I will not NOT advise a woman to look at the cracks especially if those flaws/crack is going to potentially diminish her self esteem and diminish respect for herself...If a woman chooses to look and still moves forward that's not a bad thing, at least she took the time and responsibility for self to weigh the pros and cons and not blindly dismiss red flags like so many women here do.

I agree tubby, I do focus moreso on helping women gain clarity about the other party and yet your absolutely right, it's not about him...it's about her
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