On Being Guarded

I can not figure out if this is a Taurus thing or other aspects in my chart (Aries).

When I meet a guy, if it's not ✨SPARKS✨ at the outset, I am able to remain detached. OR, if there are sparks but I sense the guy is not receptive, I can eventually put on the breaks and what once was a crush, becomes a void space.

While in the void, I'm neither with emotion or without. I don't exactly feel lonely and neither do I feel particularly secure (happy). I do however feel in control. I'm not bubbling over in either direction and where I long for "love," I have increasingly become skeptical that "love" is a real state of being.

Long-story short, I have a history of detaching when a guy begins to express real feelings for me. If things start to get heavy, I will...

- ignore what he's said
- deliberately forget what he's said
- clarify/reinvent what he said (no he really meant...)
- joke
- be flip/dismissive

I think I'm afraid. Or maybe I'm not ready and I know I'm not? It's increasingly becoming about short-coming in this category than the guys I date. I can intellectualize what's going on but I'm not sure what I need to do to fix it. Is this Taurus, is this Aries? Or is this, "I broke up with an immature Leo and I'm all FUQ'D up?"

^^my short-comings.

Or a loss of control ( we do like being control freaks, let's be honest here ). Being in love means surrender, loss of control over your heart and your head. To sail headlong over the precipice knowing you could either be saved or dashed to the rocks below.

anyone watching oprah? melissa etheridge rocks! love her voice.

agreed venus. i wrote all that to say i don't want to surrender control.

right now is predictable. sure, i'm "alone" but i KNOW this space. it's not the best place to be but i have certainty over the outcome and that's comforting. i don't desire the outcome of this space though.

and dabull, thanks. so it is more of a taurus thing? i felt like it couldn't be aries because technically, an aries would be able to fall in and out and keep it truckin. i'm able to fall in and out but once i fall, heaven help me. it doesn't happen often but when it does, WATCH OUT!

i want to be able to feel deeply again and have those feelings be more than lust. i want both, lust and genuine love...the balance. in the past, i've had one or the other and i'm not sure which i fear most.

in lust, i behave foolishly.

in love, i behave selflessly.

in both situations, i was left feeling empty. i guess now i don't know what love is for me or what it's supposed to look like and it'd be nice to trust my feelings in this regard and fall. maybe this time someone will be there to catch me.

My problem is I fall easily, INSIDE. Outwardly ( unless they knew me well ) someone might not have a clue. But yes, it's very frightening to put your heart on the line. Someone else sees you at your best and your absolute worst. When you're vulnerable, when life has kicked you in the proverbial nuts and won't let up. I think all Taurean women agree that we want someone to step up to the plate and leave no doubt what their intentions are. We have to be 100% SURE before we hand you our heart on a platter, because even "I think so" or a lesser percentage just won't do.
And absolutely when you love hard and give your all, it hurts like HELL when that is crushed. Because we expect as our due for the loving to come back at us just as hard.

ok, it's DEFINITELY taurus then because what venus just wrote is all me.

with the aries, it's not that i didn't have strong feelings for him. it's just that he never proclaimed his feelings strongly and as a result, i remained reserved. it doesn't mean i didn't care, i did. i'm all in or all out. i think that's why i'm drawn to fixed signs.

the leo was my achilles. he said point blank, i want you. i said ok, works for me. he said it so emphatically that i thought, wow, just want i wanted to hear. you lead, i'll follow.

the aqua did the same..after MONTHS of friendship. with him, it was more coaxing and it took me a while to understand his brand of love but in the end, when i was sure he was sure, you lead, i'll follow.

this sucks! i can happily lead in everything but matters of the heart. if i'm leading in a relationship, i can do it but i damn sure aren't happy. makes me feel like i'm dating a bitch....for lack of a better word.

This is why we need an absolute, down to the ground head strong and cock sure MAN. Someone who leaves zero doubt as to who his woman is, EVER. And I'm not talking about a flaming bunghole, it isn't about that, at all. A man. Someone to take us by the horns and say "LOOK woman, this is how it's gonna be, and I'm aiming to plow you right regular too." That's when we drop our bullish heads and say "Durrrrr, HOKAY!"
Say it loud, say it mutha'fuckin' proud. GO TAURUS!

AMEN!

you're right because it's not about being dominated in the obvious sense. it's recognizing that we are strong women and we will do where others won't.

"behind every strong man..." is meant for a taurus. we're not "behind" because that's where we belong or because we're submissive or dominated, we're "behind" because we like to sit back and be a part of someone else basking in the spotlight...

"that's my man!"

i want to be an integral part of mutual success. i don't NEED the spotlight but that doesn't mean i can't take it when need be and shine when i get there.

finding someone who understands mixed bag of dominance/submission is tricky. i'll be damned if i'm subjugated. i mean, i can take what a jackass dishes but at some point, this bull is gonna buck and gore the fuq outta somebody. but i also don't want to dominate. i can! i have! i hate it 😢

i need a respectful alpha male who loves his momma.

Apologies to anyone for offensive language, but for heavens sakes there wasn't any other way to say it.

EXACTLY. I have never minded being the backbone of the operation. Not once, not EVER. I'm perfectly content to run things behind the scenes and stand there proudly and proclaim "That's MY MAN". Just the same. My man should be most proud of me. Not on a pedestal, but PROUD. Appreciative of what I do, and how I do it. Because I'd never go out of my way to hurt, never go out of my way to undermine. But by God that involves RESPECT. Because if I've lost respect, heaven help you.
I will bend over backwards, forwards and even side to fricking side for someone I love deeply. I'll move all the elements and bend them to my will, because it is that strong; to do anything and everything I think is necessary to do. If I didn't feel that way I wouldn't squat on ya if your guts were on fire.

what offensive language? what amish/mennonite community do you reside in venus? sheesh! if that was vulgar i must sound like a sailor with dysentery.

and i agree, that's what i desire. but is it what i need? do i have to have that type of man to be happy? what happens when a man falls short of that personality but measures up in other ways?

like i think of what i'm trying to learn about pisces and if it's true that they're sensitive, emotional and touchy-feely, i can tell you right now, that's not going to work. but is it not working because i stubbornly refuse to see that there's another way? or is there one-way?

i go by what i feel a lot and if it feels right, it just does. sometimes i'm wrong but maybe i should move forward on a mixture of what i feel and what i think. cause if i were thinking, i would've left the leo alone A LOT sooner.

LOL If you only knew. There are Amish in the surrounding areas actually. Some are offended by the big kahuna of all swear words, so I apologized in case anyone needed to wash their eyes out with soap.
I dunno about all Pisces, my experience only extends to my father, and I must tell you. He is all dude. The whole outdoorsy/firearm/he-man vibe. Completely and utterly. Yes, he was a bit of a dreamer and very romantic, I don't fault him for either quality. He treated his wives ( romantic, remember? ) with respect and would do anything for them. Protector, provider. All backed with one wicked sense of humor. Wishy washy? Never. His creed is "If you can't win them over with wit, dazzle 'em with bullshit."
All I can say to the measuring up or not in other arenas is that everyone is human. We will all fall short or well exceed someones expectations of us within that realm. Say he rocks your socks off. Hooray! But he might pick that crack every once in a while. BFD, gotta let some things slide. So what if he enjoys giving a good turtle near the end of the night. Aside from the smell, are you hurt? Nahhh, enjoy the genius, laugh at the decibel level and call him a sick mutha. But he's YOUR mutha. As women we have to stuff that Disney horse shit and realize that it isn't going to be some buck stamping in and making our lives all unicorn kisses and rainbows. They have faults, we have faults. From the glaringly obvious down to the ones that are just 'too cute' in the beginning and make you want to sharpen an axe in a decade. But it's all cool, because it's been tempered, honed, refined. If you've got a good man they'll stick, no matter what's flying by in the breeze.
And I never held truck with the 'man training' with young boys either. My son liked dolls, I didn't think all the muscles were going to fall out of his wrists because he liked cradling a doll. That's good Daddy training right there. Action figure/Action fan my left butt cheek. It's a DOLL. Bit of a segue, but my point is that men repress what we bring to the fore. Because we train them to suck it up.
Deep down we all want to be loved, and to love in return. And if anyone says different they're full of something warm and brown.

"If you can't win them over with wit, dazzle 'em with bullshit."

^^gotta share that one with my virgo bff. i think that's his creed too.

are you condoning a man smoking crack—

i agree, i think we're all looking for prince charming. how we picture him differs but in the end, he's always riding up in/on something to whisk the damsel away to a land far far away.

i guess what sucks for me now is not knowing what prince charming looks like anymore. what we described above is ideal. if that man came into my life there wouldn't be a question. bat, arrow, club, fresh baked cookies, whatever weaponry i need, i'm taking that buck down!

anything less than the obvious and i'm on shaky ground. not sure if want to mount it, let alone display it on my wall.

Thank you valeria, there are so many variables as to why people cheat. Too many to list, all of them just equal sad in my book.

Tubby, just say "NO" to crack. LOL
That's the thing though, isn't it? We all get so wrapped up in what Prince Charming looks like that we let a King sneak under our nose. We spend so much time analyzing ( and really OVER analyzing ) every little thing men say, every little thing they do. We can take one scenario and replay it and read into it far too many things. We give men far more credit for that, in short, expecting them to act like WOMEN when they are clearly anything but. If a man says I'm tired, well hello! He's tired. And at the end of the day we feel like a worn out dishrag from mental exertion over squat. And so bloody what if they can't anticipate our every whim? They're not as intuitive as we are unless their name is Magnifico the Marvelous. Who the hell CARES if they need some scratch and sniff time with their boys. Piss off! Have fun! I'm going to have a bath and invent all sorts of new and exciting rude things to pull on your ass when you get home thanks. Women get on a toot over the most ridiculous, mundane CRAP, honestly. We make ourselves nuts and irritate them into the bargain. Who exactly is coming out the winner in that scenario? Not the woman, not the man.
And back off when they get home from work. They've just had a day of it too, so let them come and relax. Relax in the haven you've made. That is its intent, its purpose. It is called "HOME" for a reason. They really don't want to hear what a shit day you've had as soon as they come home to the Bat Cave, just a wee bit of breathing room, decompress. Then you can share that you spent hours hand polishing the china and that Junior was a complete turd.
I'm not talking about lowering expectations either, no one should 'settle'. Of course attraction and sexual energy should be there. Makes for happy bedfellows. But give a man his damned due. Women have lost a bit of that over time, and it's a real shame in my opinion.
Don't discount anyone because they don't fit the mold. So what if he's a bit gangly, therein beats the heart of a man that will keep yours safe. If he's handsome in your eyes, the rest of the world can take a big old serious leap.
Love is wonderful, love is kind, love is all things. But she can be a righteous bitch at the same time. She's also what you MAKE of her. There's some ultimate control right the

there.

Got cut off *shaking fist at character limit*.

i agree and i'm willing to give a bit in the looks/age departments. i dont like doing it and it's difficult at times but i try to judge not by the cover.

the day to day interactions are the enigma. fine until kids come along and then it sounds like work.

i think where some women/men may under think relationships, i over think. i see them for what they are and i don't know why anyone in their right mind jumps into these things. yeah, we were meant for it, yes, i want it but my God...

i'm stuck because this is security for me...being an individual. where marriage should = security, failed relationships has made me realize that there's nothing secure about it. people can fall out of love. what does a ring and a piece of paper mean anyway. how can i get the taurus security when i am well aware of the reality?

i mean hell, you've experienced it. how do you get the sense that love is forever...can be forever back?

i can tell you how to date if you can tell me how to love.

What you do is, you take that fear. Because that is what is at the core, fear of being hurt. And you absorb it, you acknowledge it, and you own it. I was one whipped cur when I got walked out on, and I've no shame in admitting that. But I told myself every damned day, I am WONDERFUL. Yeh baby, you got stomped on, yes indeed your world dropped out from underneath you, yes, he's gone, but guess the hell what? I'm still getting up every day. I'm still standing, I'm still swinging. And I'm still damned foxy, and I've got one hell of a lot to offer. I may be on my knees right now, but every day I stand a bit taller, until you touch the sky. I've got two beautiful children, a wonderful home that I put my own sweat and heart into, wonderful friends who've got my back no matter what, parents and family that think I'm the shit right down to the ground, a dog that bows every morning. I have LOVE. All around me I have love. And you take that feeling, and you compound it with damned good music, a whole heap of being outdoors in the sun and wind, as many hugs and kisses you can get, you soak up everything that surrounds you, and you SHINE. I am worthy of love, I AM love.
I am the virgin, the mother, the crone, I am one, and all. And sorry Whitney, but you ain't got NUTHIN' on Chaka Khan. For I AM every woman.
And you let the light come out of every pore, and you become the flame for a good human to see. Because they'll recognize that spark, it will be like a moth to flame. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezie. Boogie on DOWN.

lol....

i'll work on it. now i'm starting to see why the "you're mine, let's do this" type of guy is more to my liking. no time to think. just make love, babies and money.

ok, venus, i gotta hit the gym. i feel sad and i need a bit of a jolt.

have a good nite.

Go work out of some of that funk, crank some good tunes. You have a good night as well.

thx ciao!

Posted by venusianbull
My problem is I fall easily, INSIDE. Outwardly ( unless they knew me well ) someone might not have a clue. But yes, it's very frightening to put your heart on the line. Someone else sees you at your best and your absolute worst. When you're vulnerable, when life has kicked you in the proverbial nuts and won't let up. I think all Taurean women agree that we want someone to step up to the plate and leave no doubt what their intentions are. We have to be 100% SURE before we hand you our heart on a platter, because even "I think so" or a lesser percentage just won't do.
And absolutely when you love hard and give your all, it hurts like HELL when that is crushed. Because we expect as our due for the loving to come back at us just as hard.

This is all me too and i dont think it's a Taurus thing at all I think moreso it's an age/experience thing. Once bitten twice shy. In saying that I do have Taurus rising but still feel it's through past experiences which have bought me here to this point.

Posted by tubbyscubby

right now is predictable. sure, i'm "alone" but i KNOW this space. it's not the best place to be but i have certainty over the outcome and that's comforting. i don't desire the outcome of this space though.

click to expand

All this too is what it boils down to, so you surround yourself with friends and fill your life with people and fun...you are never much alone, but still very lonely 😢

OMG...all this talk and I just randomly excepted a date from a guy at the local supermarket...dont know what got into me as it's not something i ever do. Think his accent got me as he's European and I thought I'd take a chance!! Eeek

He seemed nice and genuine from first appearances, he saw me in a couple of aisles and smiled so I smiled back and then when I was walking to my car he drove past and waved and I smiled...then he came around again and complimented me and ask me if I would like to go out for coffee or a drink later if I wasnt doing anything!!! I hesitated and then said, yeah ok but at the local bar which I was familiar with! Am I dead— Am I stupid—

Have told my gf so that she knows where I am, if you dont see me back here...send out a search party! **shakes head**

have fun and dont leave yr drink anywhere

no one wants your mud pies or cookies. besides, you're an aries male so even if you managed to bake some actual dough, they're burnt.

Well that's just flipping DUCKY. Prince Charming is in England with cookies.

venus, that's not powdered sugar

ROFLOL That's just...just....*slapping AA's arse*. Oh dear, not powdered sugar?

gross AA!

you're wide-eyed and bushy tailed. we all knew what you meant.

and venus, yes, not powdered sugar. in addition to toilet paper he needs head and shoulders.

Ah! Being the gallant with freshly baked cookies. In that case I bring a fresh Columbian coffee to you AA, and since tubby does not care for such delights, she gets an herbal tea.

Dandruff is a problem, like the older commercials. If it tingles, it works. 😉

awwh you remembered. im still not touching the poop chips

where's your (our)...

diamonds

bentley

island

villa in the south of france

private jet

enormous c***

...?

for starters

Well then Prince, quit warbling in the forest and having bluebirds alight on your hands. It's time to put out. 😉

uhm...i dont think that's milk.

*shudders*

I'll have to have soy milk, I love moo juice but it does unspeakable things to my digestive tract.

LOL Awwww, the dude brought us fresh baked cookies, made with love by his own capable hands and delivered them with his 6'1'' self with a flourish.

Well there you have it, even Prince Charming needs romanced.

well given he's pure fantasy, i want a real "prince" and he's heir to throne. no waiting around for the queen mother to die either. his crown and scepter are polished and re'd ta go!

we're bulls not swine 😛

Not this Bull, if there's not soy milk or a Lactaid pill to toss into my piehole before cows milk I will be sorry, and everyone around me will be sorry.

Mmmmm fantasy. Since I'm about half awake it's the perfect time.

Well done St. George! 🙂

I'm not seeing a problem.

well, why don't we just give him jaundice, gingivitis and a hump while we're at it?

i don't want prince charming anymore.

ROFLOL You want the Hunchback of Notre Dame or Igor now?

Wow, how ironic Prince Charming, you're in the Tau camp, we rather like predictable, keeps us on an even keel. 🙂 Whoohoo! Every need!

Right, that's it. We're going to shake tubby out of this funk. Dog pile on tubby, we're tickling the SHIT out of her and then taking her out for ice cream. Sod the oceans of tuna today. This demands JUNK FOOD.

no, but you all are rewriting the fairytale to make prince charming real and where's the fun in that?

AA - what part of this is charming? some guy sitting around scratching himself regaling stories of how he slayed dragons of yesteryear with his gangly body and nimble fingers from gaming? i think not!

my fairy godmother will turn you both into mayo and crackers.