18scorpio
@18scorpio
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 154 · Topics: 28
Dealing with a Taurus guy - help needed!
18scorpio,
Then don't jump in. Just be his friend. He was clearly telling you he cannot commit.
take it seriously or you will regret it painfully...
Thanks for the help! 🙂
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Best advice is to be yourself. Do what you do. Don't worry about whether or not this bull is going to approve. If you isn't what he's looking for then you dodged a bullet.
Beautiful. Well stated! The irony is, the hedonistic, and superficial, materialistic aspect of a Bull is frequently highlighted. When the truth is, we're actually sitting back, observing, and cutting through the BS and pretenses when evaluating a prospective partner. Real people with real flaws, dealing with real life situations, people who do not hide their true nature. If he isn't on board with you are. Screw him!...But he still will respect you more for it. 😉
Posted by IrresistableScorp
But above all DO NOT sleep with him during the observation phase or you will be enfolded into rotation with all his Saturday night after the bars close haremettes. On e you get put there you will have zero chance of moving forward. Zero.click to expand
Very true ^^^^^
I can't stress this enough.
Posted by Infinite8
Well... ALWAYS be yourself. Never change yourself to please ANY man; Taurus or not.
I guess most of this advice is more self-worth based than anything else 😉
But I agree... The above statements are very good advice 🙂
I can't stress how attractive it is to me personally if a woman has inner strength and character, a solid sense of self and identity, etc. If I feel like a woman is *just* living for me, for our relationship, etc. - I know I ultimately can't fulfill her, and she needs to really mature and find her self.
But I do think you should be ready and willing to change yourself (espec. when your sign is all about transformation). I think relationships are about acceptance to a degree and should start off with a degree of this, but through time they are also about change and growth. I don't think you should be insincere in order to catch a man, but at the same time, you shouldn't even enter into a relationship if you don't plan on changing in a lot of ways. When you share a life with someone, there will be compromise, as said (hopefully) you'll be inspired and motivated for the better, you will see (and be shown by the other) areas where you need to be stronger, etc. An area you may even need to change in, is *not* being so adaptive to a partner, and losing your sense of identity in the relationship. Love is an area we all need to grow in, and I think romantic attachment is one of the greatest teachers. Parenthood has changed me the most though.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Also don't under estimate the tests this guy might have up his sleeve.
For one, loyalty is huge with Taurus. Also most will not have a relationship with a woman who doesn't have class and sophistication--the way they see it. They might sleep with little miss date a oh but they won't commit. At least not really.
All very true for me - class, sophistication...yes. And I test a lot. Some of my tests when I was younger were actually quite cruel. I guess where the tests fail, and where the kind of testing I do might distinguish it from Scorp testing, is that by the time that I'm testing, I usually actually care a lot (that's why I'm testing), so I'm already attached, and a failed test almost never results in me giving up on the person, though it might serve as an opportunity to discuss differences in values, etc. (e.g. "give a slightly condescending and hypocritical lecture, because my feelings are hurt").
Posted by Infinite8
Men (including Taurus men) will do anything for a girl they want... Including being "oh so ready" for a relationship. Don't make yourself a "second best" by waiting around. Self worth is more important and men read that in a women and RESPECT it. Teach him how you want to be treated 😉
Good luck 🙂
Hahahah...I'm not disagreeing with this. It just sounds so Leo moonish - "How dare he not know from the start that I am the greatest?". In your case I agree, but I think you are the rare Scorp that's been chased by bulls so it colors your experience a lot. The more common pattern I've observed with these two, seems to be a push/pull kinda thing. Most of the Taurus men I know harbor *deep* insecurities from failed relationships, hence the testing, long observation periods, being hesitant to commit, etc. Having this nature myself, rather than wear a mask to try to fit what the person is looking for, I will actually try to convince the person, from the friend zone, that I'm not the one for them, by pointing out all my flaws. If they're still interested, I then take it a lot more seriously. Just my 2 cents....
I agree! there have been times he has brought up his flaws.. not directly, but he's wound them subtly into the conversation and we've discussed them at length, and when he's had enough, he's just moved on to other topics.. just like that. Most of the time he brought up flaws from his character and almost all the times I've had to point out that everybody has flaws.. including me.
Now I know what this is all about.
Just as a general questions, are Taurus men generally afraid of commitment?
Now I know what this is all about.
Just as a general questions, are Taurus men generally afraid of commitment?
Posted by Infinite8
I guess that does sound very Leo Moonish, but it comes from a humble place... I promise!
Don't worry...Takes one to know one. Same for me with the "humble place", I swear...lol.
Posted by Infinite8
How does this work if you are in the friend zone? Do you do it after you see that she has interest in you?
You won't believe it, but I do THE EXACT same thing for the opposite effect... LOL! If I have a friend that is attracted to me and wants more out of me, I tell them how wrong I am for them as a deterrent. This explains why it never worked and had opposite effects... That's hilarious.
I like when people share their insecurities with me because it makes the connection more real. But, if this is a reaccurin
Well, I don't mean the real "friend zone". I just mean the holding pattern that I put things in while I decide whether or not I think I'm compatible with this person I'm attracted to. Yes, its after interest is shown. Its a way of slowing things down, deflecting, etc. Also, I have to confess its a little gamey bc it serves a dual purpose of playing hard to get, but in a very humble/self-deprecating sort of way that is actually complimentary to the other. It works even better than hard to get for that reason. Its almost like "Oh we'd never work, because you are too good for me." It sounds strange but it can be pulled off...lol.
You wrote: "This explains why it never worked and had opposite effects...". Um yeah. lol. Could be that your unaware of how your Leo Moon subconsciously hatches plots to gain more adoration. LOL.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Why waste precious time and energy testing someone you could care less about unless its purely for elimination factor--a one chance, you fail and I'm out??_cause I didn't want to be there anyway. Ya feeling me?
I'm feeling ya....Feels a tad cold...lol. I've seen Pisces do worse when they want to drop someone fast though. Seen a Pisces purposefully act totally unattractive and foolish, to force a girl to dump him, because he didn't want to be with here. I was shocked and amazed.
I'd be interested to hear some Scorp tests. What kind of stuff? I've got a bunch I can share.
Posted by 18scorpio
I agree! there have been times he has brought up his flaws.. not directly, but he's wound them subtly into the conversation and we've discussed them at length, and when he's had enough, he's just moved on to other topics.. just like that. Most of the time he brought up flaws from his character and almost all the times I've had to point out that everybody has flaws.. including me.
Now I know what this is all about.
Just as a general questions, are Taurus men generally afraid of commitment?
That's exactly how it works for me. Once I've had my fill of your reassurances, I just move on and you won't hear anymore about that particular flaw, which I probably exaggerated anyway. lol.
On commitment - committed relationships are the only ones worth having for me. I have never done an FWB, one night stand, had "meaningless sex", had sex with someone I don't feel I love, etc. I'm more conservative than most probably...but, I will say that its exactly because commitment is so important to me, and so *binding* that I *do* fear it so much. Once I've committed in my own mind/heart, it is for life, and nothing can really alter that for me, unless/until the other person ends it.
Well, some very interesting discussions on this thread 🙂
After reading all the advice and insights I've realized that I've been tested ever since he found out about my feelings- that was almost two years ago! Damn. 😛
After reading all the advice and insights I've realized that I've been tested ever since he found out about my feelings- that was almost two years ago! Damn. 😛
I was being*
Posted by IrresistableScorp
ICE COLD. But infinitely fun when you think about it later. 😄
Makes more sense.
An early (and fairly cruel/immature) test of mine was with my first long-term gf (Cancer) when I was in high school. This was an ongoing test, a sort of trap I set that I was always waiting for her to step into. I basically asked her early on if she is the kind of girl that would like to have a threesome, just to sort of test her loyalty or see if monogamy was ideal for her, etc. I would ask it again over time, in various different forms; she'd always say no. I'd push further, "If you did want to, would you want it to be another guy or girl?..." She'd almost always dismiss it, though she did say another guy at one point. So I saw reason to keep pressing, and pretended to be open to the notion. One day she felt safe enough to offer up that she had heard a friend glorifying it, and she wanted to try it. When I asked her to nominate the other guy, it turned out to be a close male friend of both of us, that she talked to regularly. I broke up with her on the spot. Not proud of that, but....have to be honest. The thought of sharing a woman sexually, or being with a woman who wanted to be shared sexually, was too much for me.
Posted by Infinite8
Ooh... Your technique is so sneaky! Have you noticed a pattern as to what type of girls you kept on attracting with that technique?
Well, I wouldn't call that my technique. That's just one thing, among many, that I've noticed that I do during courtship. Its not so much a conscious manipulation, but I have noticed effectiveness and benefits. This kind of "reviewing of my faults" really started after my first failed relationship. Another thing OP might want to watch out for with her bull, is that you want to be sure and set boundaries even in being accepting of confessed faults. Because, partly for me, it can also be a type of negotiating of terms - e.g. if he is saying stuff like "I'm just not really good in relationships because I'm so demanding of affection. I can't live without regular home-cooked meals and massages...", lol...don't agree to any of that. A more realistic example is that I'm very introverted and need a lot of alone-time to work on creative stuff, and I pre-negotiated all of that with my Sag. She knows she can't complain if I'm locked away in the cave and don't see her on particular nights because she told me ahead of time "Oh, I'm totally fine with that; I can do my own thing."
As far as *types*, I tend to attract women who were formerly fairly promiscuous, are (what I would consider to be) way out of my league physically, looking to have a steady/stable long-term relationship now, have significant daddy issues, etc. Not really sure why. I expect a woman to have class and be very faithful, but I'm not bothered by a woman's past (as long as I feel the future will be different); sometimes I even consider it a challenge. Plus these types of women tend to be more assertive/aggressive, and that's the only kind of woman I can really wind up with bc I don't really pursue all that much.
Posted by TaurusLovesScorpiothese types of women tend to be more assertive/aggressive, and that's the only kind of woman I can really wind up with bc I don't really pursue all that much.click to expand
@TLS - what do you mean by aggressive? Just curious because the taurus I care about isn't pursuing and I'm taking this to mean he doesn't care. We had this problem with him last time we broke up. He says he cares at first but goes hot/cold. I'm ready to give up on him. When I give up he blames me that I get distant but I'm confused. I'm assertive but I don't want to be the only one invested and making a effort ...it makes me feel stupid. When you say you don't pursue it sounds familiar x
Posted by lcrc
@TLS - what do you mean by aggressive? Just curious because the taurus I care about isn't pursuing and I'm taking this to mean he doesn't care. We had this problem with him last time we broke up. He says he cares at first but goes hot/cold. I'm ready to give up on him. When I give up he blames me that I get distant but I'm confused. I'm assertive but I don't want to be the only one invested and making a effort ...it makes me feel stupid. When you say you don't pursue it sounds familiar x
Aggressive to me is when a woman will actually ask for my number, ask me out (not necessarily a date, but even just to hang out), admit to interest before I do, etc. Basically do some of the initial risk-taking behavior in courtship. If you've already actually dated the guy though, gotten past the courtship, and he still is not initiating anything, I think that's probably something different. Maybe he is just too passive for you. Aries women are usually so assertive that I can barely even communicate with them. I was talking to an Aries female today and I could barely think about what I was trying to say bc she was *listening* so aggressively...lol.
Posted by 18scorpio
Hi!
About 2 years ago, I liked this Taurus guy. He found out about my feelings but he didn't show any interest in me as more than a friend. So I decided to forget about it, but I always had a thing for him. We remained friends in the meantime.
About a month ago he confessed that he likes me. Needless to say, it freaked me out quite a bit. I assured him that my feelings haven't changed. I was over the moon obviously, but he told me that he isn't ready for a relationship at the moment. He said he can't commit at the moment, but not like he doesn't want to. He also told me that there is and will not be any other girl even if we don't date at the current time.
Although I was touched, and I do not mind waiting, I cannot help but wonder if he is getting cold feet?
I am actually quite confused about the situation. I don't want to come off across as too friendly and ruin any chance of a relationship nor do I want to pressure him into doing anything he doesn't want to do.
Can anybody shed some light as to what he might be thinking? What would be the best way to deal with him right now?
Thanks! 🙂
Taurus guys are sloooooooow in general, and good luck trying to get them to change their ways.
I know 1 very well, almost 15 years, and never really seen him frazzled. They really act and behave like they think they have all the time in the world. There's also a sense of entitlement that's annoying.
Basically it sounds like he's comfortable where you are. The key to getting a Taurus to move/change is to take something away (money, comforts, time etc.) or seriously threaten it. Sorry if that sounds...but it's the only thing that I have seen work.
Posted by SunMoonStarsPosted by 18scorpio
Basically it sounds like he's comfortable where you are. The key to getting a Taurus to move/change is to take something away (money, comforts, time etc.) or seriously threaten it. Sorry if that sounds...but it's the only thing that I have seen work.
click to expand
Kinda true for me, *if* its a way that I don't want to change, or direction that I don't want to move in. But if I sense its a bluff, I am so stubborn and won't budge. If I know its real, yeah, I really hate being uncomfortable physically, emotionally, etc., and I might give in to something I don't want to do. Even then though, rare.
^^ Yes. It's ironic because Taurus' can be great bluffers..well maybe that's why they are great at sensing it!
ooh Scorpio test... I keep doing it when I have a serious relationship.
Posted by Infinite8Posted by SunMoonStars
^^ Yes. It's ironic because Taurus' can be great bluffers..well maybe that's why they are great at sensing it!
Hmm... I've noticed this more from the males than the female Tauruses.click to expand
Yep, I was referring to male! 🙂
Posted by Infinite8
Hmmm... Why didn't you test this BEFORE she became your girlfriend?
Everyone always answers correctly up-front. Some traps are more long-term and subtle. You have to leave em out there, kinda camouflaged in the bushes so your target feels comfortable around it. Maybe coax them a bit to wander towards it....You can't make it too obvious...lol....With her it was that I had to make her feel as though I wouldn't judge her for being honest about wanting to do it.
Posted by Infinite8
Interesting... I've actually seen many Taurus male/Aries female couples and Taurus male/Leo female couples. I thought it was BECAUSE the girls were so aggressive/outspoken, that these relationships existed. They weren't the happiest of couples, I must add 😢
Aggressive works. Leo or Sag can scoop me up fairly easily. Glad it never happened with Leo. All the Taurus/Leo couples I know are really disastrous. I'm attracted to the fire signs, but Aries is too much though. Too bold for me, and too different in so many ways. I'm too conservative for them. Signs that neighbor one another don't seem to make great matches, espec. not in the case of Taurus. With Aries, they are so quick, simplistic and direct/blunt in their communication, I find the conversations don't go anywhere. I wind up perceiving them as shallow. And they wind up perceiving me as boring, as they seem too impatient/impulsive, to really wait for my rambling sermons that eventually reach the point, tying in all of the seemingly irrelevant tangents I went off on. They give me a strange look when I talk like they are confused.
Posted by Infinite8
^^^are you saying that you set up a trap that would backfire on you too? Meaning... IF your SO disagreed, you would simply walk away because you know what you want and will get stubborn about it, but if she DOES agree... You just lose respect because she didn't put her foot down? I'm really curious about this...
I'm not stubborn to *that* degree. That sounds like a Scorpish thing - want to be in control, but can't respect someone who lets them, etc. I wouldn't walk away. Its just something I would *like* to have more of in a relationship. And I don't lose respect - only if she is like completely down for anything. I think she has to have a spine and show some negotiation skills too.
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About 2 years ago, I liked this Taurus guy. He found out about my feelings but he didn't show any interest in me as more than a friend. So I decided to forget about it, but I always had a thing for him. We remained friends in the meantime.
About a month ago he confessed that he likes me. Needless to say, it freaked me out quite a bit. I assured him that my feelings haven't changed. I was over the moon obviously, but he told me that he isn't ready for a relationship at the moment. He said he can't commit at the moment, but not like he doesn't want to. He also told me that there is and will not be any other girl even if we don't date at the current time.
Although I was touched, and I do not mind waiting, I cannot help but wonder if he is getting cold feet?
I am actually quite confused about the situation. I don't want to come off across as too friendly and ruin any chance of a relationship nor do I want to pressure him into doing anything he doesn't want to do.
Can anybody shed some light as to what he might be thinking? What would be the best way to deal with him right now?
Thanks! 🙂