LeoMoni
@LeoMoni
8 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 22 · Topics: 4
Decoding the Bull
Posted by LeoMoniwhy do you need to know this right now? are you on a timetable? are you able to wait and see if his actions match his words?
could this just be another way for him to avoid commitment? as it did not seem like he has fully committed to one of the options he had discussed, I just feel like he should know what he wants and be pursuing one of those options.
do you want to be in a committed relationship with him? or would you like to continuing learning about him. if it is the latter, does it matter where his head is at now? this is something you will learn over time but if you are wanting a guy that is completely ready, on the same page as you are and up to your expectations then you may find yourself searching a long time for the right person.
this guy so far has been honest and up front with you. you've played it exactly right up to this stage. you've not slept with him in the hope of snagging him. you've not put your life on hold. you are still open to seeing the potential in this. brilliant. i can't commend you more.
my only criticism is avoid using the word 'should'. should implies that your judgement for him is better than his judgement for him is. it gets you nowhere. it only leads to frustration. you either accept that this is the stage he is in his life right now, or you find someone else.
Posted by jeaneThanks for the response,Posted by LeoMoniwhy do you need to know this right now? are you on a timetable? are you able to wait and see if his actions match his words?
could this just be another way for him to avoid commitment? as it did not seem like he has fully committed to one of the options he had discussed, I just feel like he should know what he wants and be pursuing one of those options.
do you want to be in a committed relationship with him? or would you like to continuing learning about him. if it is the latter, does it matter where his head is at now? this is something you will learn over time but if you are wanting a guy that is completely ready, on the same page as you are and up to your expectations then you may find yourself searching a long time for the right person.
this guy so far has been honest and up front with you. you've played it exactly right up to this stage. you've not slept with him in the hope of snagging him. you've not put your life on hold. you are still open to seeing the potential in this. brilliant. i can't commend you more.
my only criticism is avoid using the word 'should'. should implies that your judgement for him is better than his judgement for him is. it gets you nowhere. it only leads to frustration. you either accept that this is the stage he is in his life right now, or you find someone else.
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Whilst I have no desire to rush things, I don't want for us to be in what feels like a 'holding pattern' due to it being a bit of a 'what if' situation that never really resolved. For me there is no timetable - but at the same time I would rather us call it so at least that way we can either get on with it, i.e. seeing if the relationship could work, or move on and find someone else who it will work with - 18 months is a fair amount of time for a door to be semi-open/ajar and I would rather not let it play out for another 18 months only to end up in the same place.
I really appreciate your advice and criticism, particularly around the 'should' thing - I've not said this to him but I will be mindful of this mindset particularly when we're talking. Maybe a good approach would be to ask him what he would need to know/happen in order for him to know which of those options were for him?
I do plan on continuing to see him to see how things unfold, also to be honest with him to say I'm feeling a bit (more) cautious this time round.....
Posted by LeoMoniPosted by jeaneThanks for the response,Posted by LeoMoniwhy do you need to know this right now? are you on a timetable? are you able to wait and see if his actions match his words?
could this just be another way for him to avoid commitment? as it did not seem like he has fully committed to one of the options he had discussed, I just feel like he should know what he wants and be pursuing one of those options.
do you want to be in a committed relationship with him? or would you like to continuing learning about him. if it is the latter, does it matter where his head is at now? this is something you will learn over time but if you are wanting a guy that is completely ready, on the same page as you are and up to your expectations then you may find yourself searching a long time for the right person.
this guy so far has been honest and up front with you. you've played it exactly right up to this stage. you've not slept with him in the hope of snagging him. you've not put your life on hold. you are still open to seeing the potential in this. brilliant. i can't commend you more.
my only criticism is avoid using the word 'should'. should implies that your judgement for him is better than his judgement for him is. it gets you nowhere. it only leads to frustration. you either accept that this is the stage he is in his life right now, or you find someone else.
Whilst I have no desire to rush things, I don't want for us to be in what feels like a 'holding pattern' due to it being a bit of a 'what if' situation that never really resolved. For me there is no timetable - but at the same time I would rather us call it so at least that way we can either get on with it, i.e. seeing if the relationship could work, or move on and find someone else who it will work with - 18 months is a fair amount of time for a door to be semi-open/ajar and I would rather not let it play out for another 18 months only to end up in the same place.
I really appreciate your advice and criticism, particularly around the 'should' thing - I've not said this to him but I will be mindful of this mindset particularly when we're talking. Maybe a good approach would be to ask him what he would need to know/happen in order for him to know which of those options were for him?
I do plan on continuing to see him to see how things unfold, also to be honest with him to say I'm feeling a bit (more) cautious this time round.....
click to expand
given what you have just said, i think just tell him what you want. if he cant give it to you, walk away.
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We met for the first time in about 5-6 months recently and the chemistry was still there, he was quite nervous and was keen to find out if I was seeing anyone - I have been dating but I am not in a relationship. He was keen to secure the next date the following week and the week after that, which was good. He seems more present and available now too. Again, he was very open about future plans and he stated that he is at a kind of crossroads; he could go on to work abroad, do a Doctorate or progress in this current role - this all depends on if he stays single, settles down or settles down and has kids.
My concern is that his communication the first time round was really quite poor and didn't seem to like the phone much. Also, he has stated that he has only ever had 1 serious relationship and has not wanted 'commitment' in the past, he is late 30's. I know that he went through two major life changes at the time of our meeting, I was very patient with him because of this, but could this just be another way for him to avoid commitment? as it did not seem like he has fully committed to one of the options he had discussed, I just feel like he should know what he wants and be pursuing one of those options.
I feel like I am holding back from him (Leo strength and weakness is our hearts) and that is not really fair so if you're able to offer your opinions of whether this Bull is serious/ available this time that would be great.