Help me with my Taurus :(

Hi look i never written on one of these forums before and never thought the day would come where i'd reach out like this.. I'm a believer of astrology and i have always used it to guide me and give me an understanding of myself and others but this time i'm really stuck.
I met this Taurus guy who's venus is i Aries if that helps at all.. he is also an ox in chinese astrology. So he has a lot of bull in him.. if that makes sense!
Anyways i met him and didn't really feel much for him on first meet but he would always message me and keep i contact.. i ended up spending some time with him and started to develop feelings for him because i could see that he was a really nice and sweet guy. I'm capricorn with venus in sagittarius and chinese astrology snake by the way!
We ended up getting very close and he pushed for the physical side of things almost istantly and i know that's common for Taurus... He blew me away with how affectionate loving and reliable he was.. he didn't play games and i just felt so secure around him and that he could never let me down.. Anyways as the first month went by i was starting to feel a bit bored.. i started to notice that there were never any stimulating conversations, he didn't have any enthusiasm for much except work and making money, nothing seemed to excite this guy. He was constantly teasing me and i felt he didn't have the ability to say anything nice or pay me a compliment. but his actions in the way of his affection kept me there and he would always make time to see me.
He was a bit controlling too.. every time my phone rang or a message would come through i had to explain in full detail who it was. i found this hard.
I ended up telling him lets just be friends as we would start to aruge over the smallest things and it was very draining for both of us.. i was starting to lose the feelings i had for him but yet i didn't want to leave because he became familiar to me and being in his company i felt so safe. I would go see him as a friend and i know it was hard for him because he wanted the hugs and kisses that i was no with holding.
ANYWAYS the other day we ended up having a massive argument because he seemed to be asking me for sex still yet didn't care that we were just friends.. i got insulted because i felt that all he wanted was sex not me.. he never tried to convince me that he wanted to be with me as more than friends.. he didn't fight for me! we had a massive blow up and i swore at him.. he is persian and in his

he is persian and in his culture WOMEN DONT SWEAR.. he has basically cut me off cold now.. says he never wants to see me again.. he hates me. and other mean things. He said there is no chance ever that he will come back to me.. it is like he has switched all his feelings for me off and i'm now some enemy.. all i did was swear at him.. he is very strict and black and white in his views on how a woman should behave... i want him back.. not as a friend but as my partner again. i keep remembering how it was in the beginning and i want things to go back to that.. He said there is no chance and i should forget him. i begged him for his forgiveness and for him to not hate me.. He is so stubborn. I feel so bad that i blew up at him.. i dont know what to do.. do taurus guys forgive and come back? or is he gone for good? I felt he loved me so much but things changed after i said lets just be friends.. i only did that so we both could get some breathing space .. i think it was a bad move.. i never wanted to lose him 😢

I'm not sure what my motives were to be honest.. I think i stepped back because the constant interrogation every time my phone would ring was putting me off. Plus i'm no rocket scientist and don't have 10 degrees under my belt but i find in relationships i really need the mental stimulation and i just wasn't getting that from him. Also i do better with positive encouragement instead of his way of motivating me which was by being critical and putting nearly everything i do down.. sometimes he seemed serious and other times he would do it in a joking way.
He wasn't perfect but he had some amazing traits.. but i think he was expecting me to be perfect and i can't live up to that. He had a long list of things he wouldn't accept from a partner and swearing was right up there! I generally easy going and friendly and i like to keep things light... but when i do get worked up i can be quite firey and say things i don't mean in the heat of the moment.. i don't think he can accept this about me.

I did and still do have strong feelings for him.. but i think it's my venus i sagittarius that tells me to run away when i feel trapped or when a relationship starts to get stagnant. But the capricorn in my tells me to stay because nothing is more important than security in a relationship.. i told him that he was just using me for sex and didn't care if i was in his life or not.. i honestly felt this way at the time.. but looking back now i really do think he was genuine.. i'm just an idiot sometimes :/

Posted by RoastedCat
I'm not sure what my motives were to be honest.. I think i stepped back because the constant interrogation every time my phone would ring was putting me off. Plus i'm no rocket scientist and don't have 10 degrees under my belt but i find in relationships i really need the mental stimulation and i just wasn't getting that from him. Also i do better with positive encouragement instead of his way of motivating me which was by being critical and putting nearly everything i do down.. sometimes he seemed serious and other times he would do it in a joking way.
He wasn't perfect but he had some amazing traits.. but i think he was expecting me to be perfect and i can't live up to that. He had a long list of things he wouldn't accept from a partner and swearing was right up there! I generally easy going and friendly and i like to keep things light... but when i do get worked up i can be quite firey and say things i don't mean in the heat of the moment.. i don't think he can accept this about me.

have you read this?

oh and yes.. i always believed that friendship is at the core of all relationships.. i thought being just friends would give me the chance to breath and see really how i felt.. i still wanted to spend time with him as often as we did when were were a couple.. i think it was a bad move but a move i felt i needed to do.. Taurus men need the physical side of things and i think i bruised his ego a little when i stopped that. and then by going off at him omg that just topped it off.. he said he doesn't even want to be friends with me let alone be with me.. he sounded pretty serious!

Arieslady8 i did apologize many times.. i told him that i care about him and that i don't want to lose him. i told him how much he meant to me and it was from the heart.. he wont accept it though.. i know he is probably still very angry..

Posted by RoastedCat
oh and yes.. i always believed that friendship is at the core of all relationships.. i thought being just friends would give me the chance to breath and see really how i felt.. i still wanted to spend time with him as often as we did when were were a couple.. i think it was a bad move but a move i felt i needed to do.. Taurus men need the physical side of things and i think i bruised his ego a little when i stopped that. and then by going off at him omg that just topped it off.. he said he doesn't even want to be friends with me let alone be with me.. he sounded pretty serious!

The like the physical side of things but they don't need it. If they are interested they will wait. They might even respect you more for being a bit more reserved.

tiziani i know what you mean.. persians are not easy to be with. he says to me he doesn't want to be with a persian woman because they are bossy and too high maintenance. i'm european (croatian) he loved that i was down to earth and not bossy or superficial. I come from a good family which meant a lot to him too and i love to cook which was a bonus too. I don't drink smoke do drugs or go out .. all those things were in my favor.
there were so many things that he liked about me that he said he found it hard to find i other women.. but the fact that i swore and really went off in an argument.. all the good things are fogotten and now i'm the worst woman alive :/ doesn't seem fair..

thanks jeane.. being a capricorn i don't just give myself physically to just anyone and never quickly either. I feel that he respected this about me. He was more pushy for affection than sex. he actually waited for me to give him the go ahead with this.. but as for kissing and touching.. there was no way he was holding back on those things from day one!

Yes i know 😢 😢 i like having my venus in this placement but at the same time it causes me so much grief. I want nothing more to be in a loving relationship with a good man but the urge to run away when things get stuffy is always there.. I don't want to lose them i just want to breath for a moment. I don't think in my heart i wanted to leave this guy... he wouldn't understand though.. he probably thinks im a big weirdo :/

Posted by RoastedCat
thanks jeane.. being a capricorn i don't just give myself physically to just anyone and never quickly either. I feel that he respected this about me. He was more pushy for affection than sex. he actually waited for me to give him the go ahead with this.. but as for kissing and touching.. there was no way he was holding back on those things from day one!

but it was in the first month?

Jeane he was messaging me for about two months before i actually agreed to spend time with him.. after that we got very affectionate very quick but no sex until probably the beginning of the second month

Thanks unwording .. us caps are all about principles ... we can be very self critical if we feel we have done wrong and right now i'm being eaten up by guilt because my behavior was not acceptable. I agree .. i need to stop apologizing and trying to justify myself to him. It's hard because i feel that he sees me all wrong and i hate feeling like a bad person. I usually pride myself on my good morals and big heart.. and being made to feel like i'm rude and disrespectful is actually very hurtful. i'm not perfect and everyone has their moments.. i don't think my moments are that unforgivable though :/
I deleted him phone number and wont be contacting him again.. he knows where to find me if he wants to talk. I'm just hoping that once he cools down he'll call

But i guess the reason i'm here is to get some insight as if there is a chance he will forgive.. When a taurus man says it's over and there is NEVER a chance to get back together does that mean they are gone for good and will never look back? i get the feeling that is the case..

Posted by RoastedCat
Jeane he was messaging me for about two months before i actually agreed to spend time with him.. after that we got very affectionate very quick but no sex until probably the beginning of the second month

i think for reasonable people that might not seem a long time. to a taurus (whose astrological sign should be a snail, not a bull), its not that long.

with that said, you've done right. you've tried to apologise, if he is not engaging there is little you can do. will he forgive? maybe. i think the bigger question is this a good match? like unwording says, you shouldn't have to suppress yourself.

look at what you wrote

1) you found him boring
2) you thought him too controlling. you felt interrogated.
3) he was critical and put you down
4) he had unrealistic expectations. he wanted you to be perfect
5) he had a list of what was unacceptable behaviour

why do you want this? there are other men! there are other taurus men! you are well shot of him. find yourself someone who will give you the affection and fun you deserve. if you got him back, you would just have to deal with all those feelings again. life is too short to be forever auditioning.

Just stop trying to pretend you're friends, that's your fault. You feel safe around him blah blah blah all the other reasons you want to be his friend, really means I want to be his pretend girlfriend and get all the perks I can get out of this relationship with this person without having to deal with the shit I don't like.

You're right Jeane.. I think i'm focusing right now too much on his good qualities (which he did have) and overlooking the things in him that put me off to start with. I will be honest.. i actually find it really hard to find a man the qualities and traits that i find so important.. he was one of the only men i've been involved with that had most of what i'm looking for.. i'm typical fussy capricorn and that wants a good hard working and reliable man who values family and lives a good clean life. I just feel a big sense of loss and emptiness right now.. i guess when i'm not so emotional i might start thinking rational again and relize that maybe we really were not suited on all levels. I always hoped to meet a taurus ox as that's my perfect match in western and chinese astrology (im a cappy snake) but i'm thinking i was expecting my strong stable bull to be a bit more exciting and that was just never going to happen.. was it really that important anyways? i should have just been happy that he was a honest reliable partner..

lol astrobyn you are right.. i made that mistake of saying just friends.. but i wasn't looking for any perks as i didn't ask him for anything except his company. it's not like i said just friends and then got him to take me out and spend money on me or anything. i just wanted to step back and take the pressure off us both.

Anyways what's done is done.. I can't do much now except leave him alone

Posted by RoastedCat
You're right Jeane.. I think i'm focusing right now too much on his good qualities (which he did have) and overlooking the things in him that put me off to start with. I will be honest.. i actually find it really hard to find a man the qualities and traits that i find so important.. he was one of the only men i've been involved with that had most of what i'm looking for.. i'm typical fussy capricorn and that wants a good hard working and reliable man who values family and lives a good clean life. I just feel a big sense of loss and emptiness right now.. i guess when i'm not so emotional i might start thinking rational again and relize that maybe we really were not suited on all levels. I always hoped to meet a taurus ox as that's my perfect match in western and chinese astrology (im a cappy snake) but i'm thinking i was expecting my strong stable bull to be a bit more exciting and that was just never going to happen.. was it really that important anyways? i should have just been happy that he was a honest reliable partner..

i can appreciate that but don't sell out. i have unbelievably high expectations. i am older than you and only in the last few years have i found a man like you describe who i was also well suited to. they are not common but they are out there and they are worth waiting for. its an important decision, don't settle for second best.

Do you live in Australia Jeane? I was born here but have always found it hard to accept aussie guys. I was brought up in a very european family and have the values that come with that. I've been drawn to middle eastern men the past few years (as you know my taurus was persian). I find they have similar values to me such as family and they are generally non drinkers or drug takers and that is so important to me. i know there is good and bad in every culture and there are probably many wonderful aussie guys that have the traits i look for.. i just havn't found one yet :/
I know you're right and i should just be patient.. I'm just worried that i'll never meet anyone again like this man.. and i'm just so sad and miss him like crazy

Posted by RoastedCat
Do you live in Australia Jeane? I was born here but have always found it hard to accept aussie guys. I was brought up in a very european family and have the values that come with that. I've been drawn to middle eastern men the past few years (as you know my taurus was persian). I find they have similar values to me such as family and they are generally non drinkers or drug takers and that is so important to me. i know there is good and bad in every culture and there are probably many wonderful aussie guys that have the traits i look for.. i just havn't found one yet :/
I know you're right and i should just be patient.. I'm just worried that i'll never meet anyone again like this man.. and i'm just so sad and miss him like crazy

i was born there and into a migrant family. i am familiar with middle eastern men and their culture and also croation men, women and culture.

i know what you mean about aussie men. it is hard but yes, don't discount anyone! be it australian, middle eastern or croatian! you never know when that person will turn up. and they may not be a taurus, or an ox or a persian. they could be an australian or indian or malaysian.

if you told me who i would be with i would never have believed you. he was the last person i was looking for. in fact i spent months trying to prove to myself why all those imagined important points meant that nothing good would come from this. but everyday he gets better and just when i think i have him figured out, he does something that i would never have guessed and i am so grateful i didn't turn away from him. he is worth every minute i didn't settle for someone else. not only have i not settled with him but he overwhelmingly exceeds all my lofty expectations to the place where i now think he has settled for me!

here is something that just popped up on my fb feed. while not directly related to your problem (well, it is a little bit) it's an interesting perspective nonetheless.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-proof/201412/the-two-qualities-everyone-needs-in-partner

Posted by Unwording
Just out of curiosity, Jeane, what is your sign and his sign? Sounds wonderful either way, congratulations. 🙂

he is a taurus
i'm a libra

his venus is taurus and mine scorpio.

thank you! fingers crossed things continue to go well. there have been many rocky moments but all were borne out of not knowing each other well enough, him being far too slow and me just not trusting him an inch.

i've mellowed (read: learnt to be patient), he has earned my trust and now both of us are too stubborn to let go.

(ha! we'll probably break up tomorrow now i have spoken it out loud 😄)

That's awesome Jeane.. I hope one day to find the same 🙂 Sounds like you and your partner have a happy life together and that's all anyone can ask for.
My taurus might be gone for good and i think that is the case but hearing what you said gives me hope 🙂 thank you. I'm still really upset and have spent the good part of the past few days being a sook over it.. I never thought i could cry so much. I think what hurts me the most is how much i disrespected him in the way i spoke to him.. I never thought i could be so rude. I don't know how i got myself to the point where i was so worked up and angry.. Anyone who knows me knows im so kind, loving and friendly.. i'm ashamed of myself and i just want to turn back time.. i hate that he will forever judge me on this one moment and never forgive me

Thank you for the link too 🙂 🙂

Posted by jeane

Posted by RoastedCat
Jeane he was messaging me for about two months before i actually agreed to spend time with him.. after that we got very affectionate very quick but no sex until probably the beginning of the second month

i think for reasonable people that might not seem a long time. to a taurus (whose astrological sign should be a snail, not a bull), its not that long.

with that said, you've done right. you've tried to apologise, if he is not engaging there is little you can do. will he forgive? maybe. i think the bigger question is this a good match? like unwording says, you shouldn't have to suppress yourself.

look at what you wrote

1) you found him boring
2) you thought him too controlling. you felt interrogated.
3) he was critical and put you down
4) he had unrealistic expectations. he wanted you to be perfect
5) he had a list of what was unacceptable behaviour

why do you want this? there are other men! there are other taurus men! you are well shot of him. find yourself someone who will give you the affection and fun you deserve. if you got him back, you would just have to deal with all those feelings again. life is too short to be forever auditioning.

click to expand

Good post. You didn't particulary like him but now suddenly he's the best thing since sliced bread! You swore. So what? It's 2015. Women swear. Get with the programme. Sure, you probably would tone down any language if others are about but it sounds like he's picking on this one thing and it really isn't grounds to act the way he's acting.

I'm always very reserved when getting to know someone new.. i wasn't too interested in the beginning but once i spent some time with him i saw a side of him that i just fell in love with. like i said he was no way perfect and was sometimes overly critical and cold and wasn't very stimulating on the mental level, but on the other hand he was so reliable and steady... he had a good heart and i knew i could trust him. he was giving and despite being a little cold.. he was actually very affectionate.
lol yes it is 2015 and women do swear but i think it was the lack of respect that hit him the hardest.. he just wasn't expecting that behavior from me especially being a middle eastern man.. noooo way do women say the F word! I never even heard him swear once in the time i spent with him.
Anyways he's lost trust in me now and even though i think he's over reacting and being a little to hard on me.. once a taurus loses trust, it's very hard to get it back. they are big on respect and trust. It's not like i betrayed him or lied or cheated.. he just doesn't trust me to talk to him with respect because i buggered up this time.

Posted by jeane

Posted by Unwording
Just out of curiosity, Jeane, what is your sign and his sign? Sounds wonderful either way, congratulations. 🙂

i'm a libra

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That's the one sign I absolutely avoid, Libra.

Never met one who wasn't flaky or sketchy.

You talk of respect but is he giving or showing you respect?

No he isn't.

Posted by AnomalousBull

That's the one sign I absolutely avoid, Libra.

Never met one who wasn't flaky or sketchy.

that's a shame.

Posted by jeane

Posted by AnomalousBull

That's the one sign I absolutely avoid, Libra.

Never met one who wasn't flaky or sketchy.

that's a shame.

click to expand

Nope, it really isn't. Any Libra pitted against me in a room and it's like a cold war event unfolding, even worse if she's promiscuous.

I'm not sure if anyone knows must about Venus signs but his venus is in Aries.. do you think possibly that is having more of an influence in his behavior now? Apparently Venus i Aries love the thrill of the chase but don't usually stick around for long. Maybe he was just using this argument as an excuse to chase the next love thrill? I don't know. I'm Venus in Sagittarius so our venus signs are very compatible! i don't understand :/ :/ :/
venus in aries i hear love a good argument and want to be with a strong woman who can stand up for herself.. is he just playing games with me? should i ignore him or keep trying? i'm so confused 😢

I know gobshite.. It's just hard because we did have something special. Such is life :/