I don't do complicated... or do I??

Y'all. Hi. Libra chick here. I've been reading your comments for months & find your thoughts & wisdom truly interesting, helpful, sometimes brutal & often oh so funny! Thanks for being here! This is my first post. I'm on a quest to simply understand & I think I have come to the right place. Please hang with me during this little journey. It may seem trivial to some, but knowledge is power + writing this out should be super cathartic!

Because you might ask:

Me: age 42, Libra sun, Cancer moon, Taurus mars, Scorpio mercury, Sagittarius Venus, Leo rising

Him: age 37, Taurus sun, Aries moon, Taurus mars, Taurus mercury, Cancer Venus, unknown rising.

Backstory:

We met at work. Terrible idea right? It's actually not so bad. We work for a big company, in separate buildings, fraternization is allowed and our paths don't cross that often... unless we want them to. So potentially manageable. We "noticed" each other about 4 months ago. I would say immediate physical attraction on both sides. We did this major eye contact/giant smiles dance with each other for a few weeks until we finally started to manage some short, polite conversation. Oddly enough, and this seriously NEVER happens, we were assigned to work on a project together. We spent the next 7 weeks working with each other all day, one day a week. He has a quiet confidence, but man oh man is he bashful when he has a crush! This man made me feel like we were 13 again with his insanely adorable shyness & his blushing made my heart swell up like the grinch lol. After the first couple of days his nervousness began to settle & we were able to really start talking. Long story short, lots of flirting commenced (mostly non verbal); fun, intellectual and personal conversations were had (I let him see a little vulnerability-- he truly was a fantastic listener); loads of positive romantic body language observed, common interests established & at the end of our third week together he verbally expressed his interest in me (very carefully), to which I reciprocated. Thanks to reading this forum I felt prepared to encourage/reassure him in all the right ways without chasing or being aggressive, which I THINK I did do successfully. I thought he might ask me out soon, but then something terrible happened. Complicated rolled in like a freight train. Ugh.

Our company had an evening fundraiser. I had a week or so earlier overheard (I did not directly ask about him at work b/c of office-y gossip) that he had fairly recently started dating someone-- so like a month or two before he & I met. Prior to her he was in a LTR for about 5 years & was single for about a year before he began seeing her. She was at the fundraiser, but as a volunteer, not a date. I had the fantastic pleasure of working this out on my own that evening. Bleh. This Libra is confident in most situations, but was wildly uncomfortable with this discovery. Not angry, just kind of mortified. Why?? Well, I try to keep it classy & I hate drama! Were they just dating, gf/bf, committed— She kept looking at me all evening as if she knew who I was. Creepy. He & I were not socializing or anything so I couldn't (still can't) work out how she knows who I am. But what really stinks is that my brother who is younger & super attractive was attending the event with friends and he came over to give me a hug. I did happen to notice the Taurus fella in my peripheral paying very close attention to my interaction with my brother, but I thought nothing of it at the time. I now think that might have been a turning point for Taurus?? Why? He wouldn't have known that was my brother and not just some dude, random love interest, or whatever that I hugged.

Here's what I now know:

He & the girl were not exclusive prior to that evening. A few days after that weekend she announced exclusivity with him on FB & tagged him. I am not on FB. Seriously way too much drama for me. So I trusted a ride or die Taurus girlfriend who is friends with him on FB to fill me in on what was happening. In hindsight, I wish I would have asked him directly what his availability was in our early encounters. I guess I am too trusting. He has a great reputation for being a good (quiet/introverted) guy at work so I didn't think into it too much. Live and learn. We worked together on our project for three more days after that, but I didn't know the FB status stuff until right after our project ended. The first day was a little awkward. We were both a little bit dialed back/cautious/guarded, but we gradually warmed back up into a good rhythm again and enjoyed the remainder of our project time. He never did ask me out. Now I know why. Heavy sigh. He did share food with me though lol. Our eye contact has always been really amazing. I don't want to continue even non verbally flirting & being that girl that flirts with another girls guy, but when our eyes meet we both lock in and it's so hard to pull away. There's also the smile that lights up his face when we wind up in the same place at the same time. Does not make things easier. We have texted each other off & on since we first met and still do. He is quick to respond regardless of who initiates. We are both professionals and I know he respects me. He has asked for my advice on a few situations and we have both shared a few secrets with each other. I do genuinely like this guy so this sucks. I'm not mad that he chose to try a relationship with his girl. Disappointed? Hell yeah. They had a head start and I'm sure he was already emotionally invested in her in some way so I can accept that that was his choice. She's safe and in his eyes I might have been too much of a risk. Or he just decided he liked her more. But what now? I think we both desire friendship, but are also attracted to each other. Am i getting this wrong? If not, is friendship a bad idea?? It definitely feels weird for the subject to just be quietly swept under a rug like the proverbial giant elephant in the room, but I feel it's all a moot point to bother bringing it up now. I mean he literally tells me he likes me then commits to another girl within the span of a week. What just happened?! @jean wrote some comments that I really identified with about her Taurus in their early getting together phase. You all understand the ins and outs of these guys so well I thought you might be able to lend some clarity to my Libra brain so that I can just get moving past this and be better prepared if another Taurus comes along or if this one should wind up single again. My gut, my intuition tells me that he is not a bad guy-- honest intentions perhaps, but wrong timing?? Am i wrong?? I do just wish we could have "cleared the air" about where we stood/how we felt, especially due to the work component, but alas that is not the Taurus way, right?!

Questions & thoughts moving forward:

How does his Aries moon affect him? I really dig Taurus men traits, but the Aries moon with his sun seems almost backwards to me. Like they would be almost working against each other?? I have no where near the knowledge that you good peeps have though. I can identify with how Taurus chooses, but Aries not so much. So which is likely to affect the attraction and decision making process more? I am cancer moon, but don't feel that I identify with the cancer side too much or perhaps I just can't see it plainly.

Also, do you consider Taurus to truly have a vain side? I mean, I'm Libra and I do like pretty things, but I am also very pragmatic. I ask this because he and I likely earn about the same annual income and I guarantee it's no where near where either of us would like to be. However, we're both educated, hard working and really enjoy our careers. Because Taurus wants a (financially) comfortable life, could you see one (male) choosing one woman over another based solely on if that woman made significantly more money?

Thanks all for reading! I have zero astrology connected friends with whom I can discuss this with. Boo. Constructive thoughts appreciated!

I don't think there's much point in analysing this stuff now that you know he is with someone else, is there?

How does his Aries moon affect him? Google Taurus Sun aries moon man. It will give you a better reading. Aries moon, in my experience, can be impatient and childish. They can be angered easily and lash out quickly but it will die down just as quickly and all will be forgotten.

I can identify with how Taurus chooses, but Aries not so much. So which is likely to affect the attraction and decision making process more?

His Venus sign is what he's attracted to. His brain, heart, and dick is what will make his decision. Not necessarily in that order! Cancer Venus like sweet, quiet, obedient ladies. They do not go in for the fiery, loud, independent sort. Your Venus is Sagittarius and you have Leo rising. It would probably have clashed with him at some point. They don't mind curvy women in floaty and feminine dresses and they prefer you to be needy and very into them so they don't ever feel rejected. They'd probably prefer a perfect 1950's style housewife to create a home and family with.

Also, do you consider Taurus to truly have a vain side?

Materialistic, yes. They like nice things. Nice things can cost money. They are usually sensible with money though. They like to look nice and might have three top quality shirts and a good pair of shoes in their wardrobe rather than it being full of lots of cheap stuff. Nice artwork, a nice sofa, a nice coffee table. My Taurus fella spent £1000 on a toilet (before I knew him) because he liked the way it looked.

Could you see one (male) choosing one woman over another based solely on if that woman made significantly more money?

It has been said on here before that Taurus can be lazy and materialistic so if a woman makes good money then the Taurus knows that their life could be made easier so yes, they could chose the woman he perceives as more wealthy but no, I don't think wealthy would be the sole factor with this decision. Also, men have different criteria to women when looking for a partner. It's usually less complicated too.

Posted by AgentP911

@jeane

i'm here.

i can't write much but yes, agree with agentp on the astrology part but...

a) is he really with this woman? how does he talk about her? does he agree they are together?

b) if they are then yes! be friends. friendship is the most important thing for them. in any partner they want a best friend.

so stop the eye fucking. that can all come later. instead work on being this guy's buddy. not in a manipulative way but in a genuine regard for him as a person. get to know him. the greatest compliment i get from my partner is when he asks for my help. i love it. he leans on me. they don't do that with too many people. so, be his person if you can. show consistency, reliability and then when the time is right and the banter is high you can talk about how you feel/felt and the missed opportunity.

if you really do care for this guy, be prepared to put in the time. it will take time i think, he is taurus mars after all. nothing is going to be done in a rush. everything will be carefully considered and only when it's right will he move.

Posted by jeane

Posted by AgentP911

@jeane

i'm here.

click to expand

Ha ha, so you are!!

Thanks AgentP911 and @jeane for the great feedback! I really appreciate you both.

AgentP911,

You are absolutely correct that obsessing is pointless. I just want to process my thoughts, find my resolve and move forward with a clear head. Sharing this experience with this forum is a great avenue to help achieve that I think. Have you ever tried to talk to your non-astrology believing girl tribe about the quirks, nuances and peculiarities of a Taurus man (of ALL the signs no less)?! I can tell you what happens--- they think you are crazy and have lost your forking mind lol!! So airing the details, questions and concerns here is tremendously freeing to my mind! Thank you so much for the clarification of Venus vs Moon and how they relate to attraction/romantic choices, as well as the vanity question also! Truly so very helpful. And I really hope you enjoy that pricey toilet every time that you use it lol!!

@jeane,

To answer your questions...

a) He has only spoken of her one time in my presence near the end of our project. It was kind of interesting actually as he is normally very engaged and facing me while we are speaking, but in this instance he turned his back to me while casually dropping the "my girlfriend" line while answering a question that I asked him. That is the only time in the hours and hours of time we spent in one another's company that she was mentioned. Not entirely relevant, but I do SUSPECT she has been trying to lock him down for a while based on little nuggets of info that I overhear from time to time. But yes, I do believe they are together. When I reflect on his behavior toward me post the night of the fundraiser I can see that he was probably really trying to be less flirty with me (as a result of becoming exclusive with her that weekend or shortly after I presume??). He has been partially successful in his endeavors to do so lol and I do respect him for trying to be honorable in his commitment.

b) I will take your advice to heart and do my best to continue to build a friendship. From what I know about him so far, I do genuinely like him. It seems such a difficult balance to strike between being a friend, showing genuine interest in him as a person, but at the same time not crossing an invisible boundary line (yes, i know-- no more eye treetrunking ha ha). I am leaving on vacation soon which will be a great distraction for me and the spacial distance should help me reset my mind to friend mode vs any other expectation. On the last day of our project I brought him food. I swear you would have thought I put a million dollars in his bank account. Man, people are not kidding when they say how much these men like food. Massive understatement! I didn't make a big thing of it at all, but he turned his back to me before saying thank you many times. I could see as I passed by him a gigantic smile on his face though. Not sure why he struggled to face me while thanking me, but no matter. It made him happy so it made me happy. I love your idea regarding banter & the mention of a missed opportunity down the line. Brilliant!

well, it sounds like a case of bad timing.

yeah be friends. there is not much more you can do at this point.

it sucks. many good things have been scuppered by poor timing.

If I can assess this story in simplest terms....

He has a crush on you.

He's in a relationship with a woman he woud rather see friend-zoned.

Her insecurity and actions reeks of desperation...

The FB tag 'in a relationship' was proof of it.

Her saving grace?

He will never cheat on her. So the flirting with the both of you will be kept at moderation...innocent.

How how feels about her emotionally is irrelevant.

He may just feel safe with her.

Remember, Venus rules both Tauruses and Libras.

However,

Taurus....may admire a beautiful painting, and be content with just being completely alone....or enjoying it from a distance.

It's not as 'Cardinal' or forward as Libras.

Taurus needs structure and stability....

But most of all, Bulls need to feel SAFE!



He may never come out that comfort zone, which means there is very little chance for the both of you.

Posted by jeane

well, it sounds like a case of bad timing.

yeah be friends. there is not much more you can do at this point.

it sucks. many good things have been scuppered by poor timing.

I’ve been searching for the answer in a bad timing for a while...

No! I haven’t read wall of text however if 2 people like each other and one has a gf - he can break up with a gf right?

If he doesn’t - doesntnit means that OP is dilisional and he doesn’t like her as a woman?

What’s a bad timing here? Bad time to dump a gf? When was it a good one ever?

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by jeane

well, it sounds like a case of bad timing.

yeah be friends. there is not much more you can do at this point.

it sucks. many good things have been scuppered by poor timing.

I’ve been searching for the answer in a bad timing for a while...

No! I haven’t read wall of text however if 2 people like each other and one has a gf - he can break up with a gf right?

If he doesn’t - doesntnit means that OP is dilisional and he doesn’t like her as a woman?

What’s a bad timing here? Bad time to dump a gf? When was it a good one ever?

click to expand

read taurusbull's response. a bull is almost never going to dump his girlfriend in order to pursue another woman.

the bad timing is that the libra got on the scene too late. i'm not saying she is delusional. based on what she has said there probably is something between them.

Posted by jeane

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by jeane

well, it sounds like a case of bad timing.

yeah be friends. there is not much more you can do at this point.

it sucks. many good things have been scuppered by poor timing.

I’ve been searching for the answer in a bad timing for a while...

No! I haven’t read wall of text however if 2 people like each other and one has a gf - he can break up with a gf right?

If he doesn’t - doesntnit means that OP is dilisional and he doesn’t like her as a woman?

What’s a bad timing here? Bad time to dump a gf? When was it a good one ever?

read taurusbull's response. a bull is almost never going to dump his girlfriend in order to pursue another woman.

the bad timing is that the libra got on the scene too late. i'm not saying she is delusional. based on what she has said there probably is something between them.

click to expand

And he is just going to enjoy his suffering? Because bulls are never alter their lives? That’s strange...mildly put...

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by jeane

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by jeane

well, it sounds like a case of bad timing.

yeah be friends. there is not much more you can do at this point.

it sucks. many good things have been scuppered by poor timing.

I’ve been searching for the answer in a bad timing for a while...

No! I haven’t read wall of text however if 2 people like each other and one has a gf - he can break up with a gf right?

If he doesn’t - doesntnit means that OP is dilisional and he doesn’t like her as a woman?

What’s a bad timing here? Bad time to dump a gf? When was it a good one ever?

read taurusbull's response. a bull is almost never going to dump his girlfriend in order to pursue another woman.

the bad timing is that the libra got on the scene too late. i'm not saying she is delusional. based on what she has said there probably is something between them.

And he is just going to enjoy his suffering? Because bulls are never alter their lives? That’s strange...mildly put...

click to expand

welcome to the taurus forum.

Posted by jeane

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by jeane

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by jeane

well, it sounds like a case of bad timing.

yeah be friends. there is not much more you can do at this point.

it sucks. many good things have been scuppered by poor timing.

I’ve been searching for the answer in a bad timing for a while...

No! I haven’t read wall of text however if 2 people like each other and one has a gf - he can break up with a gf right?

If he doesn’t - doesntnit means that OP is dilisional and he doesn’t like her as a woman?

What’s a bad timing here? Bad time to dump a gf? When was it a good one ever?

read taurusbull's response. a bull is almost never going to dump his girlfriend in order to pursue another woman.

the bad timing is that the libra got on the scene too late. i'm not saying she is delusional. based on what she has said there probably is something between them.

And he is just going to enjoy his suffering? Because bulls are never alter their lives? That’s strange...mildly put...

welcome to the taurus forum.

click to expand

Lmao...😂😂😂

@TaurusBull1977,

So glad you weighed in on this. Your succinct summation delivers really sound perspective-- thank you!! I agree that he will not cheat on her, which is a good thing. I wouldn't want him if he did. Nobody needs that in their life!

As @jeane said I (Libra) was just late on the scene. Since a romantic relationship clearly isn't going to happen & b/c I do genuinely like him as a person, I'm going to (first) enjoy some retail therapy haha then (second) rewire my brain to focus on investing in him as a friend, rather than a romantic interest. While disappointed that we missed out on exploring the romantic side of things, I really don't feel too awful about this. I'll know soon enough if he genuinely likes ME as a person. If he flakes out then I just weeded out a dud. If he does, well then maybe we will both gain a good friend. Guess we'll see.

What I do know without a doubt is how much I appreciate you all investing your time reading through everyone's confusion & WTF moments with these Taurus folks lol! You each bring your own unique brand of wisdom, perspective, humor & blunt honesty that helps more than you know. Thank you!!!

BTW, I am just starting to get a REAL glimpse of his funny bone. I know there is a snarky, witty dude under that hard shell that he's revealing oh so slowly. In your opinion, do some Taurus men have a heightened perverted sense of humor?? Like more so than any other man (or woman for that matter) lol?? He has recommended a few TV shows to me that he's into. I have finished a couple of them. Both had tons of sexual innuendos & promiscuity, but were also really truly funny! I realize this is a massive generalization so this is just a trivial curiosity.

Hmm I'd say don't overanalyze the Bull too much. In time, he'll reveal his EXACT tastes, perverse or not. He'll let you know what he likes, what he doesn't like, what he's ambivalent about, everything...given time and if he can get away from this girl that's taking up his time. Yes, I'd say remain friends and respectful, I mean, you can't kill a fire but conflict of interests taking place, maybe he'll be available at some point.

Thanks @RollergirlOrc! I appreciate your feedback-- very helpful! I've been mulling over some questions regarding friendship (since this is our new "normal" if that's what it is?) with him/bulls that has been on my mind for a couple of weeks. I'm going to make a separate post about it. Hope you'll take a look and help me out with your thoughts!