lies, dating, and sex.

I've been seeing a Taurus man for about a year. He never wanted to make anything official, just "see where it goes", but maintained an "I like you, but??_" stance the entire time, yet we spent a lot of time together and did the same things couples would do.

It recently came to my attention that he had been lying about not sleeping with other people. He told me he would let me know if he did sleep with someone else so I could walk away if I wanted to, but instead assured me that he's never done anything. I had to find out the hard way that this wasn't true, and then he confessed to a lot.

However, he says he stopped a few months ago because he began to really think about starting something with me, and was going to tell me about the other people but didn't want to lose me. After being confronted, he agreed to anything I demanded, and even said he would agree to a commitment if I decided to stay.

What do I do?! I'm caught on a technicality of not being in a relationship, however he also lied the entire time. Can i expect his words now to be true, that he can commit and not lie/sleep around anymore, or are these just ways of keeping me around still?

You're only on the hook if you allow it. Back up, deep breath. Ask if your needs are being met. No? No.
If you agree to be mutually exclusive, that's great.
Go into it with no mystery about where things stand.
Cheating is unacceptable in a partner. He knew better, even if he felt he was a bit fancy free, the concealment says otherwise.
Eyes wide open.

He's a playah. Move on.

"However, he says he stopped a few months ago because he began to really think about starting something with me, and was going to tell me about the other people but didn't want to lose me. After being confronted, he agreed to anything I demanded, and even said he would agree to a commitment if I decided to stay."

My first gut feeling when I read this was "bullshit" He was already dishonest, and the fact that he thinks he can say the above and win back your affections, well... is a bit insulting. If I were in your shoes, distance yourself. If what he says above is in fact true, let him earn it with his actions.

Hell to the Na'll!!!! Ya know...a fuc&in relationship is just like a dayum job. After 90 days you know whether you like someone enough to be in a committed relationship with them or not, so all this bullshiggity about..Well, I'm not sure if that's what I want right now or I really don't want to committ right now is just that..A bunch of BULLSHIGGITY! That's just another way of saying I just want to FUC& you without really committing to you. If after 90 days, no one has made the connection and you are still in limbo, FUC&'em FEED'em fish and move on. Life is too damn short for bullshiggity azz games. He does not want to be in a relationship with you. Why? because he can do what he wants and get away with it because you allowed him too. A whole freakin year of your life and no one ever says, "I LIKE YOU ENOUGH" to want to date you and only you— Give me a break. He knows he can screw you and everyone else too..but..IF you're good with that, then I say do you.

Why would you think this guy is a viable partner?

Seriously, ask yourself what the benefit would be of sticking with a liar and a user? Please list the reasons here. Why is this guy worth keeping around if he's going to lie and cave only when caught?

I fail to see why you'd want a relationship with this guy after the bullshit he just pulled.

I agree with what everyone is saying, but is it possible for someone to change?

I find myself trying to defend HIS actions based on things he's told me. had i been in his shoes, would I have lied too? i don't see why anyone would stay with another person if thats not who they wanted to be with. especially for a year.

When it comes to guys? NO. Accept this is who he is and move along.

Also note that they change when THEY want to change. You cannot change them and they have to want to change. From what you've said, it sounds like he isn't in a position to change and he's just scrambling because he strung you along as the trusty back up and the trusty back up is calling his bluff. Had you not caught him, his ass would still be pulling the same shit.

He needs to change on his own accord, not because he got caught. Immature assholes never really look to change until shit gets real- i.e. she wants to leave because he's an asshole. The change should be taking place in the beginning when he wants you, not in the end when he's going to lose you.

Posted by SanchoMuyTerrible
Fuck no. He's a liar. I despise liars. Kill him.

+10000 he sounds like an unevolved taurus/marker

"change" is a word that's been floating around for a while. he has an alcohol problem, which isn't linked to the sex unfortunately or else that would explain some things, but it has lead to some nights that has changed his opinion about the person he is becoming.

except, i don't know what changes there are to look for. i only had suspicions that something was going on, never any concrete evidence. i could make demands, but i never wanted to be in a controlling relationship to begin with. however, everything i have asked for so far, he's willing to do.

can anyone comment on taurus behavior in this situation? is it normal for someone to "hang out" with a particular person for a long time, still sleeping with other people, and suddenly have feelings that would stop them from wanting other people?

what would trigger an unevolved taurus to change? or what should i be doing/not doing in this situation? I feel like he really is laying it on thick to keep me around, but i want it to be sincere, and especially i want it to stay.

i just want to find a resolution and move forward with the situation. if its with him, i don't want to forgive too early/easily, and have him think this wasn't a big deal, especially if it happened again.

Forgive and let go. Don't hold onto or stay in a relationship based on the hope or promise for change. In my opinion, if you have feelings for this person, letting him go will be your only saving grace. In letting him go, you will provide yourself with clarity and a better sense of self. In letting him go, you are allowing him to the opportunity to be the change he so call speaks of. It's a win win either way you look at it. If he isn't the change he speaks of, you are now opening up the door of possibility for those who are what you would like NOW, not will be. If he is the change, then you both will be all the better for it.

" i don't see why anyone would stay with another person if thats not who they wanted to be with. especially for a year.

Yes. These people are called placeholders... they are keeping one or the other entertained until that person finds that one person that they are willing to commit to and won't risk losing by "not being ready" or "not wanting commitment"

An untreated alcoholic, regardless of sign, will ALWAYS lie, cheat and steal. They have no moral compass to guide them otherwise. It's a soul sickness. You are doomed for pain if you stay, my dear.

Posted by mf90
I agree with what everyone is saying, but is it possible for someone to change?

I find myself trying to defend HIS actions based on things he's told me. had i been in his shoes, would I have lied too? i don't see why anyone would stay with another person if thats not who they wanted to be with. especially for a year.

Really— Is that what you get out of the relationship? First off, he's a man, and a dog of a man will stay with you forever if he can do you, everyone else and get away with it! Look, I have no doubt that apparently he likes you, and can probably change, but if he's going to cheat on you and you accept that with no will power to protect your own self worth, then do you really expect him to respect you?
Sweetie, don't be a door mat for anyone. Walk away with some dignity and self respect. If he's really changed, then make him prove it and fight for you. Don't give in so easy. If it's real, he'll come correct and acknowledge his fuc% up. If not, then you learned a valuable life lesson when it comes to relationship, and you can chalk it up as a lesson learned and what NOT TO DO in the next relationship.

WTF is wrong with some of the women coming here lately?

"He's an alcoholic."

"He's a drug dealer with a record."

"He's a cheater who's emotionally abusive."

"He's a cheater."

WHY ARE YOU LADIES ATTRACTED TO THESE LOSERS??

Good lord, you reap what you sow, here. There is no surprise in the outcome that happened. Your damned vagina lost all sight of logic and common sense. Wake the hell up and look out for yourself, not what your lady bits want you to fuck up over.

how can you even measure change?

all we do is exchange words. lots of words. he says only so much can be said, and only time will tell. what could he even do in a day to make things better?

i know i sound like a typical case of falling for the wrong guy, and maybe I did, but i feel like when people have problems, there are reasons behind them. alcohol and a fear of getting hurt were his reasonings for not committing, he questioned my own integrity the entire time, due to having scars from his past.

another problem was feelings. he says he liked me, i was special, but he wasn't going to commit to me because it wasn't as intense as his own feelings. he enjoyed my company, but didn't feel it was right to have a relationship, so he "played the field". as stated by someone above, i was a placeholder. except, all these people were just once, he says. nothing more than sex. and he remained consistent in saying "we are not together, i am not committed". this is my error in assuming we were more than we were, but lying is still something he did.

looking at this situation, could it be seen as more than just a burden, but also a blessing? he stopped on his own because he started seeing me for who i was, and continued to grow stronger until i found out.

i don't mean to drag the topic out and say "but this and that", it's just hard not to think of every excuse there is to make it right or wrong, even though nobody has the right answer. i just wonder what would it take to make a person change, and if it has happened already.

ewww what a douchebag!!! don't do it.