What to do

I know I just posted a thread recently, but this is about something I've been kind of avoiding, but I feel like it's something I can't ignore much longer.

So, my taurus and I, we're close and care about each other a bit (well I certainly care about him); but I am painfully aware that this may not last. Not too long ago, he and I were talking about his job at a fine-dining restaurant and how he nearly left because his position wasn't one he felt he deserved; well he is now moving up in ranks in his job, and that is awesome. Amidst our conversation, he said to me that he wanted to get a year in or so in fine dining. I told him that was great. He went on to say, "Well, I was speaking with a few of my friends who are chefs, and I may be moving in like a year or so... to Australia." When I heard this, it felt like my heart stopped. But I asked him more questions, and he explained that he wanted to continue fine dining, and his chef friends knew that the dining scene was beginning to grow in Australia. He said he'd probably be there for a year or so, and it'd be kind of his adventure.

Needless to say, I was crushed. But I supported him nonetheless. I told him if he did go, that I'd miss him and I'd have a reason to visit Australia if I wanted to go. He told me it wasn't definite, and that it was just a plan. I told him to hold on to his dream.

Later on today, he mentioned Australia again on his facebook. I asked him if Australia was really going to happen. He said he didn't know yet, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to do it. I told him that he had a few options: Either work towards going to Australia so that it does happen, or to keep the idea on the backburner and come up with a plan B if that didn't work out.

I am floating through feelings of sadness and anxiety; while a year isn't exactly close, it might as well be tomorrow. Of course I don't want him to leave, but what kind of person would I be to hold him back? Hence why I've been suggesting things, supporting him, ect.

There is a part of me that, if he does go through with this, feels like I should pull away. But there is a place in my heart that says to enjoy every moment with him because being around him is such a pleasure. I tell myself that I don't know what can happen in a year and to not focus on the future. One thing remains certain is that I don't think I'm necessarily ready to let him go. But I figure I could always talk to him about that.

Any reason why you don't just BOTH go to Australia?
Or is he using the 'I'm off to Australia' thing as a reason to break up? (as it were the edge of the earth and he may never return)

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
Any reason why you don't just BOTH go to Australia?
Or is he using the 'I'm off to Australia' thing as a reason to break up? (as it were the edge of the earth and he may never return)

To be honest, I don't think it's the latter. If he really wanted to, he would. I was literally with him this week, and we were as close as ever. He was happy to see me, and I had known about Australia beforehand. He never did have an attitude of, "I'm going to Australia and not coming back." I know that, in the long room, if he did go, he'll eventually come back.

I would LOVE to travel abroad for like a year after I graduated college and everything. I even told him that I was envious that he was thinking of going, considering Australia is one of the places I need to see and cross of my list before I die. I don't know; I think I'm just taking it one step at a time, and trying to not jump to anything. In a weird way, when he told me the first time, I kind of felt like he was gauging what I was going to say. And when I told him I'd miss him and stuff, he reminded me that it wasn't set in stone. So yeah, it's kind of all over the place.

If it felt like he was gauging what you were going to say, then its probably what he was doing. That's what I get when I read it. Its something to mention to someone, but if its not set in stone then there seems to be something behind how/why he's mentioning it.

Posted by lnana04
If it felt like he was gauging what you were going to say, then its probably what he was doing. That's what I get when I read it. Its something to mention to someone, but if its not set in stone then there seems to be something behind how/why he's mentioning it.

same here, sounds like he was feeling things out. so you'd both have time to consider how you'd both feel about it.

basically, it's like this. gah. i know what i'm thinking, it's just hard to pinpoint it properly. think about this: it's quite an embroyic plan, and he's already bringing you in on it. he doesn't exactly need to, it could be in the back of his mind for however long, until he's made it definite.

some guys would just start pulling away, being more distant, till they eventually just drop the bomb that they're leaving. and then go. with your guy, he's already considering how this could affect your relationship, by telling you it's a possibility. in a small way, he's almost seeking your approval...it'd be up to you to be completely honest. as much as it's important to support him, also let him know what you've told us here.

that you'd miss him. that you're not sure what would happen with the relationship. obv he should have his dreams, that's standard...but don't put your true feelings on hold, either. i think that's what he'd need from you

Posted by nimbue

Posted by lnana04
If it felt like he was gauging what you were going to say, then its probably what he was doing. That's what I get when I read it. Its something to mention to someone, but if its not set in stone then there seems to be something behind how/why he's mentioning it.

same here, sounds like he was feeling things out. so you'd both have time to consider how you'd both feel about it.

basically, it's like this. gah. i know what i'm thinking, it's just hard to pinpoint it properly. think about this: it's quite an embroyic plan, and he's already bringing you in on it. he doesn't exactly need to, it could be in the back of his mind for however long, until he's made it definite.

some guys would just start pulling away, being more distant, till they eventually just drop the bomb that they're leaving. and then go. with your guy, he's already considering how this could affect your relationship, by telling you it's a possibility. in a small way, he's almost seeking your approval...it'd be up to you to be completely honest. as much as it's important to support him, also let him know what you've told us here.

that you'd miss him. that you're not sure what would happen with the relationship. obv he should have his dreams, that's standard...but don't put your true feelings on hold, either. i think that's what he'd need from you

click to expand

lol I get what you mean. And yeah, I do have to eventually let him know how it's making me feel. I think what's holding me back is that I don't want to feel like I'm holding him back; it's his life. But at the same time, as you said, I don't think I could just lie back without saying anything. When he first told me, I was kind of shocked, and I didn't really know what to say or how to respond. So, I was kind of cheeky and just joking around, telling him Australia would be awesome.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
Or is it more your own career goals etc you are thinking about in parallel with moving or not ?

I'm not even sure. I think everything just kind of spilled out so quickly, and in a way, turned my world upside down. It's really funny to me that I could get this worked up over one person. I mean, situations like this have happened to me before, but something is different about this situation. I'm not exactly quick to adapt to change, so that's why I'm feeling really uncomfortable.