awkward conversation, inane small talk?

how often do you find yourself initiating inane small talk? it seems like a pretty anti-virgo thing to do. most i've known will just launch into some sort of deeper subject fairly quickly when talking to someone they barely know or have only just met, or they won't talk to you at all. it's one of my favorite things about virgos. low bs.

but a while back, there was this virgo i had a crush on. and i recently got to thinking about the handful of times he talked to me, and how inane and boring the things he brought up were.

at the time, i hadn't really been looking to deal with the reality of trying to flirt with or date anyone. i just thought he was hot. and i figured if he was interested, he'd talk to me. and when he finally did, it was so stilted and awkward, it didn't seem like he was interested, like he just felt obligated to talk to me because he saw me so damn much.

in hindsight, i'm wondering if he'd been so boring because he didn't want to say the wrong thing or something. i mean, he'd totally stare me down the whole time, and do that little awkward, nervous cheek flinch (where someone is trying not to let themselves smile nervously). but the whole reason i'd been feeling so disinterested in trying to get involved with anyone was because i'd had some bad experiences with guys sending mixed messages for the hell of it, and i just wasn't interested in dealing with that.

basically, he'd ask me some non-open-ended question or make some boring observation about not much, i'd respond, then he'd stare at me expectantly, and i'd say "bye" and walk away after realizing he wasn't going to say anything else. (weird quirk of mine, i can't just walk away. gotta say bye). before i knew it, i was avoiding him because of how awkward and uncomfortable i felt trying to interact with him. it was easy, since our paths had only been crossing because i'd been making them cross.

it's probably for the best that nothing came of it, but i'm still trying to figure out if he was trying to play it safe, or if he's stupid/boring, or if he wasn't motivated enough to impress me to talk about something interesting, or what.

so virgos, if this had been you, what do you think would have been the likely reason?

I've been noticing that my virgo guy friend does this a lot, and sometimes I just want to tell him that it's okay, he doesn't need to make small talk all the time. I may have done this a couple of times before myself, but generally I was nervous about either coming off as dull or being bored by the other person. I get bored easily if conversation isn't great. I mean, bored enough that I feel like laughing at the slightest hint of a slow down in mental stimulation (I have some gemini in my somewhere 😛 ). But in my case, I actually talk MORE when I'm really nervous because I'm not trying to show that I'm about to have some sort of breakdown in front of the person of interest. I guess the small talk is a way to keep the person engaged, to keep from over-analyzing anything, to keep something flowing while trying to maintain a steady composure. I feel like their can be a lot of reasons. Virgos (at least me and my virgo friends) can sometimes just sit there and randomly say whatever comes to mind, no matter how irrelevant the statement is.

He was probably looking for something to work with, conversation wise, that you never gave him.
I am pretty socially awkward, I have to be in the right mood AND mindframe to communicate well.... well enough.

I know I worry too much about saying something to offend someone or rubbing the wrong way, so I try to be general and boring as possible until they give me something to work with.

Depending on the decan, socialising can either come naturally or be a chore.
I'm a 2nd Decan and I really don't fancy small talk at all, I only utilise it to segue naturally into what I really want to talk about. I use it sparingly.

I would feel that we can mirror the tone of the encounter. How would you say your approach was when engaging him? From your post you don't sound like you were trying to liven up the conversation either. So boring plus boring equals paint drying. That was just my impression.

On the topic of small talk here's my viewpoint. I hate repeating myself. I can't understand how some people gladly repeat every part of their day over and over again to different people. I want to just make copies and hand out the damn memo. Almost as if my vocal chords have a shorter life expectancy than the rest of my body. But I do believe when I do open my mouth it should be viewed as nothing less than important.

On the other hand, I work a retail sales job and small talk is a must. But I'm good at it. I'll joke or ask questions. I've learned that customers don't just buy a product, they buy you. A good way to ensure the sale is to buddy buddy with them; ask them questions about what's going on in their lives to make them feel important. Everyone wants to talk about theirselves I've learned. But the small talk ends there.

Outside of the work environment I rarely keep a conversation going if it's not headed in a rivetting direction or I don't view the person capable of intriguing my mind. If I have a heightened respect for somebody I will try to probe to get to know them, asking deeper questions.

I don't think you gave this guy a fighting chance. He just might've amazed you if you'd opened up. I just get this picture of two people standing around with their hands in their pockets going, "Duuuuuuh, what do you wanna do today?" "I dunno. What do YOU wanna do today?"

I can be somewhat hestitant,more likely I am cautious about what course a relationship will take.Perfect example is I hired a person to do some work for me.We get to talking,she seems okay.Then she wants me to meet her brothers one is single and the other said he could do other work around my place.I hadn't even asked.I was being neutral and professional with her.I had to back things up,I have an SO and he could help with the other stuff.Arrgh.

I'll do small talk if we are in close quarters and I have to ,please don't call me for the inane.I will time the conversation.And if I'm irritated,I'll let you know that I'm timing you(I have to leave in a few minutes).

If I get a feel that you have an agenda,I will make it all about you ,then usually you start hinting about what you want or I will bore you until you leave me alone.

If I like you I will ask open ended questions ,I will find a common connection.Ask him about something that he's involved with,or ask his opinion on something.Hint around that you noticed him.Good Luck.

Posted by Cajunspirit
He was probably looking for something to work with, conversation wise, that you never gave him.
I am pretty socially awkward, I have to be in the right mood AND mindframe to communicate well.... well enough.

I know I worry too much about saying something to offend someone or rubbing the wrong way, so I try to be general and boring as possible until they give me something to work with.

Depending on the decan, socialising can either come naturally or be a chore.
I'm a 2nd Decan and I really don't fancy small talk at all, I only utilise it to segue naturally into what I really want to talk about. I use it sparingly.

to be fair, when he started talking to me, it was after he'd been blanking me for a long time, and I had basically written him off. So if he were suddenly interested, he could have started consistently smiling at me or saying hello. Had he, I wouldve done all the heavy lifting. No prob. But then, I always seem like I'm in a hurry and hadn't tried initiating conversation in that time either...so that just leaves me with nothing again.

the guesstimate chart I did shows venus and mars likely in virgo, and merc in libra, second decan, so again, I can't really blame him too much. That's why I've said it's not gonna happen. Incompatible. I'd just like to understand, if only in hindsight. Even if it's too late (it is)I want to know if I had had a shot, or if I'm just flattering myself, for future reference.

besides, my interest was mostly sexual. I was more interested in throwing him down and doing things. Talking would have been much easier afterwards, but polite society does not approve of that sort of thing. I guess I could have been blunt, but I'm a libra here. That's sag territory. Wildly inappropriate.

btw thanks to those who replied.

I'm only looking for opinions and information. The time for advice is long over. I should have tried harder, indeed. Now is the time for evaluation, so I can make better choices with the next virgo. And I'm sure there will be at least one more. I like pretty, and y'all are so good at that.

if anyone else would like to add their thoughts, I'd appreciate it. The more info, the better.

Posted by curious visitor

to be fair, when he started talking to me, it was after he'd been blanking me for a long time, and I had basically written him off. So if he were suddenly interested, he could have started consistently smiling at me or saying hello. Had he, I wouldve done all the heavy lifting. No prob. But then, I always seem like I'm in a hurry and hadn't tried initiating conversation in that time either...so that just leaves me with nothing again.

I hardly smile. Worst yet, if I had the inclination you had written me off, Libra women broadcast this very strongly, it would be incredibly difficult to approach you AT ALL.

the guesstimate chart I did shows venus and mars likely in virgo, and merc in libra, second decan, so again, I can't really blame him too much. That's why I've said it's not gonna happen. Incompatible. I'd just like to understand, if only in hindsight. Even if it's too late (it is)I want to know if I had had a shot, or if I'm just flattering myself, for future reference.

click to expand

This proves it. His approach, like mine, was calculated and socially awkward because you were being the cold uptight Libra ice queen. Even though he knew better, your facade still purveyed the message to him that you see no importance in his existence. That's the effect Venus centric signs can have, Libra, Taurus and Scorpio.

You had a shot, he was trying and you shut him down, just like most Libra women do, for fun.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
The bigger question would be is it that great a loss to him Cajun, if it's just a fuck, by the op's definition ?

I never said just a fuck. My primary interest was sexual. I didn't know him. He seemed like he was probably a sweet guy, but I'm not going to say I was interested because of similar tastes or shared hobbies, because I don't know if we have anything in common at all. And as I prefer to have my own life, rather than doing everything with a SO, I'd be fine if we had almost nothing in common.

if I'm attracted to someone and it's mutual, and he is sweet to me and an overall good person, that's reason enough to date. And no, I didn't just want a fuck. If I had, I would have just asked.

do you have some kind of problem with girls liking and wanting sex? Do you think girls who like and want sex are good for only that, and that girls worth dating or marrying only do it to please their man, while hating it? If so, you aren't the kind of person whose advice I want. So don't bother saying anything else in my thread. Thanks.

Posted by Cajunspirit

I hardly smile. Worst yet, if I had the inclination you had written me off, Libra women broadcast this very strongly, it would be incredibly difficult to approach you AT ALL.

well I guess I haven't written him off. I'm still interested to this day. I just assumed he wasn't interested and gave up.

it's just that he had blanked me for a while, and he should have started by smiling and saying hi again before launching into asking me questions and stuff. It caught me off guard, and I didn't know what to think. Because he hadn't phased into it, it made me wonder if he even was interested. Maybe the whole time he ignored me, he knew I was interested. Maybe he just started talking to me because he felt sorry for me, or had hit a dry spell and was willing to take what was available. Ok. That's what I was mostly wondering about.

then, I got scared that he was just toying with me, and that I'd end up getting hurt. I'm ok with just having a crush. But I like to keep them at a distance, because otherwise my emotions get too involved. So he scared me, and I started avoiding him.

quote (posting from phone, which is not letting me edit properly) This proves it. His approach, like mine, was calculated and socially awkward because you were being the cold uptight Libra ice queen. Even though he knew better, your facade still purveyed the message to him that you see no importance in his existence. That's the effect Venus centric signs can have, Libra, Taurus and Scorpio.

You had a shot, he was trying and you shut him down, just like most Libra women do, for fun.



reply
I probably did have that effect, but I'll never find out, and it would not have been on purpose because it just wasn't true.

I didn't shut him down. I was surprised and confused, and he happened to say things that I didn't really have much of a respnse to. Frankly, I assumed he thought I was shy. He seems like he's probably used to girls throwing themselves his way, or that it's at least what he expects. I didn't, but I probably would have if he had just been more nice, seemed more willing to let me approach, at least somewhat consistently. he blanked me for a long time, so I felt pretty shut down myself.

like I said, it's obvious we aren't compatible. but I'm still thinking about him all the time. and I want to just find some conclusion that would allow me to move o