Capricorn female and Virgo male - Help!

Hi I'm new to this board but I have read previous posts and just wanted some advice. I was with my virgo male for 6 years. He was my bestfriend as well as my boyfriend. We got on so well and have the same sort of personalities. Throughout the years he has done a few disapearing acts on me. It seems when things were getting really good between us he disapeared but he always came back. I believe we have a really good connection and always will. I always know what he is thinking and he did me too.

He left me at the beginning of this year - when things were going good again he did his disapearing act. This time, he actually got with a Sagitarius girl. I was devastated. We did not contact each other at all until 2 month ago he contacted me. I still loved him but I was beginning to heal from the break up. He said he missed me being in his life and he told me he loves me. We met up a few times and he told me how there was no love between him and his new girl, it's not the same because it's not me etc. I said to him we could try again if he ends it with this girl. My feelings were back for him and he said he felt the same. The thing is when it actually came to him ending it with this girl he couldn't. One minute he was saying there was nothing wrong with our relationship and we wouldn't need to change much but the next minute he said he could not see us being different together and changing the relationship? He has now done his disapearing act on me again and is ignoring me.

I guess I'm just so confused because we really do get on so well and the physical attraction is there. I tried to contact him a couple of weeks after him doing this but I havn't contacted him again. I've read to give virgo's space. Has anyone got any advice? Everytime he does this I am always scared it is the last time I will hear from him.

Let him go. For good. I guarantee you he called you because he was feeling down and needed to feel needed and wanted and who else (knowing u love him) would make him feel good again. To give him an ego boost. Virgo's reconnect with past people time and time again just for the hell of it. I'm sure he does care about you. But not enough to stick with you thru good and bad. And i doubt he will over time stick with the Sag either.

Yes they like space..but he is cutting u out for long periods time and tim again. Move on..U are worth more than he is able to give🙂

It's so hard to let him go. I really love him so much. I don't understand how he stays with this Sagitarius when he did cheat on her with me (sorry I know it's bad). He hasn't always gone for long periods of time but this is the longest . He said he never stops thinking of me and he never stopped thinking of me even when he is with this girl. It's just that we didn't go that next step together. We were stuck in a rut I agree but being away from him now I realise that and am willing to change . How can he be with her if he says there is no love there? 😢 im so heartbroken. He said he will always love me and I will always be his best friend.

I personally think you've deluded yourself into finding comfort in the fact that he always comes back to you. Creating the illusion of an idea that he can't live without you. Problem now is he's met someone else he can't live without and now he's playing the both of you, until he finds who he really wants to be with and you never hear from him again.

Men play women and women play themselves with that line of thinking *oh, he'll always come back* not realizing you've been trained to even accept that its okay for him to do what he wants and come back if he wants. Just being okay because he came back. Really?

You need to let go. What y'all have at this point isn't even real. Its the both of you doing a number in your head.

I could write an entire book on the Virgo guy/cap girl combo lol thats how much I know about it (from personal experience too)

I have to say, I tend to agree with what capbaby said, I do agree his endless dissapearing acts are a clear proof of his emotional immaturity and as such his lack of readiness for the kind commitment you are expecting from him. However unlike capbaby I do also see a very positive point revealed in all this dysfunction..and that is the fact he ALWAYS comes back to you, no matter what(this to me is proof of the incredibly strong attraction there is between virgo guys and cap women). This proves he cares about you like he cares about nobody else..and for a Virgo to find himself so attached to someone, trust me, that person HAS to be really dear to us. Us Virgos in general dont waste time on people we are not interested. He basically is struggling with himself, maybe cause he's too young, maybe due to other stuff, we dont know, though nobody knows how he might evolve out of this, thats why I think at this point in time the best you can do is try to be his friend as much as possible, instead of expecting a relationship with him, I know its easier said than done but as you mentioned you are really great friends already so the basis is there! Im not saying you should wait for him to mature hoping you two will get back together some day in the future (which I have a feeling, will happen at some point or another anyway..) but try to see if you can get to know that side of his that he's not showing you when he disappears (if you have the patience that is..) sometimes us Virgos feel so much pressure to be the perfect partner, the perfect friend, perfect everything...that whenever something is going bad, we hesitate in sharing it with the people closest to us because we hate disappointing people, at least..this is typical behaviour before we really evolve and mature 🙂

Im a Virgo guy btw, with plenty of experience with Capricorn women.

Nope, I stand behind every word I said.

Thanks for the replies. I would just like to say I do not think he will always come back to me. When we split up this year, I did not expect him to contact me again nor was I going to contact him. I'm not thinking he is going to come back this time either. I know I have to move on and I am not waiting for him to contact me.

I truly believe he just does not know what he wants and he is scared of commitment. I split up with him because of him disapearing on me again. He got with this girl about a week later & she moved in really quickly with him. He said he rushed into things with her too quickly. The thing with him (and he agreed when I brought this up) is that he cannot be without someone, in the sense of a relationship. I also asked him what he wanted and he said he does not know (annoying).

I guess in a way I am scared of moving on. I know it's sad but I just pictured my life with him. It's hard to see him with this other girl. I just keep wishing it was me and I had done things differently. I just feel it's all my fault what has happened. I keep thinking "if I would have done that differently.. if I would have said that" etc. Sometimes I just feel it's always made to make it feel like it was my fault. I always said to him if he had a problem though to talk to me about it so we can sort it but he always ran away instead of telling me.

I just don't understand if he is unhappy with this girl (he also told his guy best friend who is also a Capricorn) why is he with her.

Sorry to ramble on! my head is a bit of a mess because of this guy.

Capgirl, its not your fault at all, really. I know its hard to move on from him as well as removing him from your life entirely, thats why I suggested that maybe once you have peace with the fact you two are not meant to be in a relationship at this point in time, you could become good friends instead. I truly believe in the healing that comes when you turn every negative situation into something positive. First of all though, make sure to do what you feel is best for you.

I understand what you say. I just feel I've sort of ruined it now. When he was telling me he was leaving this girl to be with me, I did pester him every now again if he was going to do it. It's just that he said "give me a couple of days" so I did and then I'd ask him again. He would say "give me a couple of weeks". I then said he must give me an answer now if it was over between me and him and he said "I think so 😢". He now ignores me and even though he says I'm his best friend he wont even talk to me. Maybe he didn't want to be with me at all.. but I wish he never would have said all the stuff he did before. He used to message me at times like 1:00 AM saying he was thinking of me etc.

If he would have been straight with me from the start and said "look I want to be friends and nothing more" then at least I would have knew "ok I have to make a choice to be friends or not" but with him saying "I love you, not her. I want to be with you" - that made my feelings come back. I was healing before but now I feel like I'm at square one again.

I see..

Im afraid the way the situation is looking now its best to just leave him alone and focus on your own stuff, hobbies, friends, etc. Friendship is a two-way street and he's not acting like one, so let him be and continue working on your own healing 🙂

Posted by capgirl88
I just feel I've sort of ruined it now.

You didn't. Not every problem has a solution.

Don't focus so much on his needs - he's doing a superb job of that himself. Attend to your own (at least until someone else takes over that job for you). ^_^

I see merit in your original plan, though. Get some space. A lot. Not for him, but for you.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I was feeling ok earlier on but now I'm finding myself feeling down again and thought I would come on here just to let it all out. I'm sorry if it's annoying. It's just hard when I havn't really got anybody to talk to face to face. People who do listen just say "move on". It is so easy for them to say that - harder to do.

I think what is hurting me is the false promises. I keep thinking surely there must have been a reason for him to message me and to come back into my life again. Maybe he got what he wanted - that breaks my heart thinking I've been used. I guess that is my own stupid fault for thinking if I did not give him what he wanted he would disapear again - not that is has made a difference now.

I can't stop comparing myself to this girl either. It's because with him saying he was going to come back to me and then not, she must be better or have something I don't. Then again, why did he cheat on her with me? Like I've said before I'm not proud of myself for doing that, but surely if he was happy with this girl he wouldn't have cheated.

I just wish I could get this guy out of my mind. You would think with how he has treated me I would learn but I never do. A part of me is scared if he comes back again, maybe he does not realise what he has lost right now - I'm not perfect but I sure did love this guy alot.

I know I've got to move on in time. I just needed to post my feelings.

Good advice

'fact he ALWAYS comes back to you, no matter what(this to me is proof of the incredibly strong attraction there is between virgo guys and cap women). This proves he cares about you like he cares about nobody else..and for a Virgo to find himself so attached to someone, trust me, that person HAS to be really dear to us.'

-Agree



'sometimes us Virgos feel so much pressure to be the perfect partner, the perfect friend, perfect everything...that whenever something is going bad, we hesitate in sharing it with the people closest to us because we hate disappointing people, at least..this is typical behaviour before we really evolve and mature'

-agree. and even with maturity/age that doesn't totally change.

The right Virgo/Cap combo can be so powerful together. Nothing like I have ever experienced in my life ad i think my virgo feels the same. It can also be a very difficult experience/relationship dependent on the individuals and what they hae experienced in their lives before each other.

Mine told his son that he 'would be lost without me now' but not to ever tell me he said that. LOL My virgo man has a hardened heart due to being used, abused, etc from childhood into adulthood. For the first time in his life, he has a woman who accepts him as he is,not what they want him to be, and accepts his past. Its been a long road and still is as its hard for him to open up, but he does..one layer at a time..like an onion..and that goes for me too.

For whatever reason he has Capgirl, he is not returning to you but yes I m sure he loves you and always will. You can not change to please him..be who you are. If he's not leaving Sag girl its because there is something about her he loves too.

You can't hang around hoping and living on his words. There has to be actions to meet words. You need to move on because if he wanted to be with you, he would be.

I read most of the comments here, what I can see is that it's over for him, he's not coming back to you 100% , least not any time soon but there is a matter of immaturity on his part which includes him being quite commitmentphobic towards you and the other woman, he can't commit to staying and he can't commit to leaving so his answer to that is to string you along while he dates this woman, he's using you as a comfortable buffer, when he's having a hard time adjusting to his new relationship he falls back to you whom he know is quite thirsty for his love and affection, you give him the ABILITY to keep his relationship with this new woman, when you love him, make him feel wanted and special he then has the confidence to continue on with his current relationship. So you end up ENABLING him to continue on with this current woman and you also ENABLE him to continue to have you and have his way which is to be indecisive which is causing you pain--get in touch with your pain, it's necessary to do this so you can PREVENT him from hurting you anymore than he already has.

So here's the thing, let him go, letting him go doesn't mean you can't miss him, you can't love him--just love him from a distance, letting go is more about you deciding for YOU that you won't be a doormat, the woman he falls back on when his relationship isn't working or when he's bored or when he just wants to CHECK OUT on his current girlfriend.

This is about self preservation, you must preserve your sanity, you must preserve your confidence and self esteem to PREVENT him from taking advantage of you & that is completely impossible to do when you're feeling powerless, vulnerable, sad and upset and thrown off balance inside mentally/physically & emotionally. To get your power back you must let him go on with this woman and take the necessary steps to reconnect with yourself so you can feel EMPOWERED to deal with your future with or without him.

Capbaby gets me, as expected...and as Ive said many times before; capricorn women understand us Virgo men in levels that women from other signs probably never will AND VICE VERSA, and that includes Scorpio.

There is room for reconciliation but when a man leaves you MUST LET GO, go no contact, that's extreme but do it for at least 6 months or longer and you'll be able to put some distance between yourself and him and you'll also prevent him from using you as a means for him to escape his current relationship and string you along which means there will be no bad feelings between the 2 of you and you won't feel used and led on which actually can OPEN UP a space for reconciliation but as long as you allow him to come in and out of your life he'll do it, he'll do it because he can and you're enabling him to do it.

Don't allow him to downgrade you into fwb/booty call, you were once #1 (the main girlfriend) before the break up and that's the way it's going to be or he can't have you (you must think this way), you must think this way in order for real reconciliation to happen.

I know you want to love him so bad, give him love, make love to him even while he's with this other woman but you must find your inner confidence and use that inner strength to SAVE YOURSELF FIRST before allowing someone to make you drown in his shitty way of dealing with his own life.

If you truly love him you'll let him go and you won't allow him to come back to use you because allowing him to use you is sending a DISTINCT MESSAGE to him about YOU, you don't love yourself and if he see you don't love yourself he'll shit all over your life. You want to CREATE attraction by not allowing him to have you and have her at the same time, he must FEEL THE PAINS OF LOSS, he must feel the pains of losing you in order for him to come back to you but he CANNOT CONNECT WITH HIS PAIN if you're being the fallback girl, he can't connect with the consequences of losing you if you're there giving him sex and allowing him back in when it's convenient for him.

This will be hard but think about the MESSAGE you're sending to him and how powerful that message is and how the power of that message can actually bring you the outcome you want to have which is getting him back into your life.

The hardest thing you'll ever do is cut him off but you must if this relationship is going to be salvaged...

Letting him go for the time being? yes, but I'd put a rotating door between him and me instead of one with locks and chains.

Wow thanks for the advice again everyone - actually made me cry.

tiki33 - you made sense with EVERYTHING you have wrote. Maybe he has downgraded me now to FWB - I should have been strong but I wasn't. Now I've got that voice in my head said "stupid girl". I has the perfect opportunity as we had not messaged each other in 5 months but I think I was so excited to hear from my best friend and have him back in my life I just did it all wrong. Maybe I've lost my chance for good now. I won't contact him again though.

I think he has took a lot of my confidence away. I just don't know how to build myself back up again. I've stopped doing stuff I love and have a "why bother anymore" attitude. I do hate it but I'm struggling to snap out of it.

Does anyone think when I do eventually move on (not yet) that he will think "oh crap I've lost her"? He knows me so well so he knows I'm not the sort to go out & meet someone now. I'm just curious.

Thanks for all the advice everyone!

capgirl, I sent you a PM

Of course he'll come back, he's already shown a pattern of coming back so don't worry about that, he'll be back but what's more important is how you're going to behave when he comes back, I suggest you stop seeing this man as the person he was and look at the person he is NOW, guard yourself a little until you're sure he's in your life for good, it's not him that's hurting you, YOU'RE HURTING YOU by not looking out for yourself and instead choosing to trust a guy that clearly does not have your best interest at heart.

He lost you, he gave you up and he must feel the consequences of that loss in order for you to have a chance of salvaging the relationship, in order for him to feel he has to see he no longer has access to you and if he no longer has access to you then he has to choose between you or her, he can't have both.

I know how hard this is for you especially when you just wanna love this guy but he's not on board so before you jump into his arms you must receive affirmation that he's back in your life for good, until then HOLD BACK, don't jump in his arms, don't be excited to get your friend back if you're not sure he's back for good.

We all make errors, I've made them, many people make mistakes and make bad judgement's but don't let that keep you down on yourself.

You'll get your confidence back if you focus on YOU NOT HIM, focus on releasing yourself from the co-dependency you feel because you've lost yourself through him/through the relationship, you lost the most precious person in your whole entire life and that person is YOU and this could be one of the reasons why he's gone, he lost himself through you and you lost yourself through him and he's just trying to find himself again and you should consider doing the same thing, he's not gone for good, I don't believe that but I do believe if you don't change that he could very well move on because there is no room for growth in a relationship with you because you're too dependent on him and on the relationship for your emotional mental happiness.

Posted by Let*It*Be
"capricorn women understand us Virgo men in levels that women from other signs probably never will AND VICE VERSA, and that includes Scorpio."


^^^ROFL..Scorpio women see right through Virgo men, and know thier every move. Hence why some of the younger Virgos feel better with other signs, knowing most of these women cannot see the deep seeded insecurities within a Virgo, and the Virgo can program what he wants her to see. 🙂 It's usually the mature Virgo men that appreciate a woman who "gets" the whole package, this way they won't have to play the hide and seek game. It all comes down to age and maturity with Virgos, and the TRUE comfort of being themselves and not feeling intimidated when a Scorp strips you naked with one look.

Who the hell are you trying to kid? lol 😉

I agree wth you as well. I have scorpio in mars..enough said. LOL

Deep seeded insecuities..omg absolutely.
Program what they want us o see...Absolutely and I see thru it.

I call him out on shit all the time when I feel I need to. I draw him out on levels I know he is uncomfortable with. Too bad because he has skeletons he has to face to have any REAL relationship to develop over time.

It did take me some time to really read him. As much s he thinks he has control, which he wants, he is as controlled..its balanced whethr he evr sees it or not. 😉

He's wishy washy as mutable Virgo's can be (as can us Gemini's lol). If he can't make up his mind--leave. Doesn't matter how much YOU love him; he's showing you how much HE loves you. I left a Virgo about a month ago and yes, he kept coming back and trying to maintain some sort of contact with me. NOT. Virgo was still in love with his ex and I knew I deserved better. Done and done. Virgo and Gemini---ugh! Well I'm considered a cusp sign so maybe he was attracted to the Taurus in me lol. Oh and Cancer rising...sheesh!

Hi everyone.

Is anyone happy for me to private message them for some advice? I don't really want to post it on here 😢

Thank you

Posted by capgirl88
Hi everyone.

Is anyone happy for me to private message them for some advice? I don't really want to post it on here 😢

Thank you

You can pm me if you wanna talk of vent.