Fighting for Love

Soooo.... this Sunday was my first girlfriend's birthday (Libra).

As usual I sent her a message on Facebook stating happy birthday.
She replied this year and I took initiative to further conversation. Conversation went well, got her new contact information and called her the same night. I told her I missed her and that I want to be friend, in spite of her walking out on me twice before.

So I called and text her all of Monday and Tuesday and she met me on Wednesday. We went bar side and I bought her some water, because that's what she wanted. Everything was great, conversation was flowing. She began... touching me while talking. So I touched her back. There was some footsy, touching of knees and shoulders. When we walked out I grabbed her by the arm for a hug. It really was blissful and I felt strongly about her. I thought all was well...

There was some text-ing afterward concerning her claiming I "make temptation hard" and that she is looking forward to our conversation that night. I called earlier than anticipated and she proceeded to be very negative with me. Told me she has always defended me and can not do it any longer, that she doesn't want to be the one to care about me and does not believe the person I am, is worthy of her care.

So I accepted what she said, told her I was sad and let her decide the course of action. She told me "You really are cold", I can't believe you would accept that, you really don't care, you disgust me.

I told her that's not true, that I will not react because I believe "Either you want something or you don't".
She told me that "Everything worthwhile in life you have to fight for"

I said I don't believe that.
The conversation did not last much longer beyond that.

Funny, my ex Sag was the same way. Craving for these loud emotional displays.
I think that's just immature.

Am I the only one who believes you should'nt have to fight for love?

I think some women (and I am guilty of this too), see your lack of emotion (on the outside), as not caring enough for her. It has taken me time to realize that the best words a man has ever spoken to me was when I least expected it. Said to me out of the blue. Took me by surprise.. But I myself just realized that! And I am older than your lady friend. Tell her how you feel, maybe write her a note and say the things you cannot express face to face.

Posted by TheLadySagittarius
I think some women (and I am guilty of this too), see your lack of emotion (on the outside), as not caring enough for her. It has taken me time to realize that the best words a man has ever spoken to me was when I least expected it. Said to me out of the blue. Took me by surprise.. But I myself just realized that! And I am older than your lady friend. Tell her how you feel, maybe write her a note and say the things you cannot express face to face.

I have told her how I feel.
She simply believes that people who care, show it with bombastic reactions.

That is simply not who I am.

AAhh yes, that is not who you are, but she is telling you what she wants , and you are dismissing it. It does not mean you have to have a dramatic scene over it. She needs more reassurance than you are giving her. Believe me, I've been there..

Posted by TheLadySagittarius
AAhh yes, that is not who you are, but she is telling you what she wants , and you are dismissing it.

She needs more reassurance than you are giving her. Believe me, I've been there..

I am not dismissing it. I am staying true to myself.
I am not pretending to be someone I am not, by doing something that is out of character.

sorry to hear about your sag girl (first i thought you were cheating when meeting with the libra girl). A few days ago I was asked by a cancerian male if I would fight for my love. I didn't answer him because i find this question very difficult. First of all you have to know the answer: "Do you really love that person?" and "The person that you are fighting for does love you and wants to fight for her/him and he will fight net to you?". And the rest... I don't know the rest of the answer... are you allowed to hurt somebody while fighting for someone? If that person lies... would you fight for her? I have a lot lot of situations to keep asking.... but one thing I now for sure... if my heart says go for it! and there is something strong and intense I will fight for my loved one. But what if it is an forbidden love? still do it? ohhh... just another virgo...

Posted by AngelicVirgo
... are you allowed to hurt somebody while fighting for someone? If that person lies... would you fight for her?

My ex Sag, told me the worst things after telling me to fight for her.

She also lied about many things.

This Libra is calling me a coward.
Haha.

Posted by Cajunspirit

Posted by AngelicVirgo
... are you allowed to hurt somebody while fighting for someone? If that person lies... would you fight for her?

My ex Sag, told me the worst things after telling me to fight for her.

She also lied about many things.

This Libra is calling me a coward.
Haha.

click to expand

So you did once fight for the one you loved but the fight did not payed back. You consider it a mistake and we virgos don't like to repeat our mistakes isn't it?

Some signs might enjoy 'fighting' for love.
But I agree with Cajun. You have to be who you are
(I know, Cajun, seems strange coming from me!! hahah)

It's like someone saying --- "I know you are terrified of sky diving.
If you really loved me, you would skydive with me."

Some people would say Hey, I'll learn to sky dive - and we can do it together.

and others might say, "You know I am terrified of heights. why would you make something like that an issue.
Amd why would you need to 'test' my feelings for you?"

I think it's about who you are inside.

Question: If Cajun 'fights' ina huge bombastic emotional display now, will that be enough?
Will she be convinced? Or will it be daily 'rounds in the ring' for he and his sweetie.

I have a good male friend who absolutely LOVES to argue. I hate it.
I told him once, if I was looking for someone to fight with, I could call up my ex!

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
Cajun, its not about being something you are not. You very well mentioned you still feel attracted or have feelings for her so its more about not holding back your most inner desires and feelings for her at key moments just to protect your own feelings and pride, that comes across as selfish and Im sure if there is something you dont wanna be is THAT.

As usual, this turns into a topic about the poster...
During all our conversations, she told me she is seeing a Leo. So I am not looking to tresspass.
I just want to be a good friend.

You can not lie to us right now by telling us you dont feel attracted enough to her for you to get out of your emotional comfort zone in order to go for the girl you truly want to have at your side.

click to expand

That's a broad assumption.
Attraction isn't the issue. Racial discrimination is.

Posted by AngelicVirgo

So you did once fight for the one you loved but the fight did not payed back. You consider it a mistake and we virgos don't like to repeat our mistakes isn't it?

I did almost everything out of character for her. Broke all my rules.
And she still betrayed me.

Posted by virg_goki
you do realise your interacting with someone else, not yourself... holding your expectations over someone else is self-centered IN HER VIEWPOINT.

click to expand

Is she not doing the same?

I am not expecting anything from her. She and I just have two very different outlooks.

Gosh, the topic isn't about me.
It's about whether or not you all believe in fighting for love.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
That was an important detail you failed to mention in your original post cajun. The fact she's seeing someone else.

Yup

You know, when I was younger and with one of my boyfriends, that fact that he wanted me even though I was with someone else (before we got together) and he fought for me simply by putting the current boyfriend down (he wasn't a great boyfriend), it really said something to me, and I never had anyone fight for me before. As I got older though, guys didn't fight for me as much. As a virgo, I'm one to talk when it comes to not displaying much emotion, but seeing it from the guys I was seeing, it hurt some. But I realized after being with a certain guy that caring does not always mean fighting for the love you believe you want. I mean, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy seeing the guy get somewhat possessive and/or jealous, but that doesn't require him to go balls to the wall, running after me whenever I get upset.

Like LadySagittarius said, I think a lot of girls want to see that passion come out and your will to save what you want; apparently that equals love and caring. But I think a virgo isn't so much like that. I think, virgos are all about, "if we love you, we will come back." We'll be there and we're not fighters by nature. I also let people go if they want to walk. If they feel they aren't getting what they want and want to leave, I'm not going to chase after them unless I really feel I should. I only ever chase after certain guys, but even then, I feel somewhat out of control when I become that way. If the person truly wanted me, they wouldn't walk and they would voice what they want, at least I'd hope they would (although, I feel a little hypocritical for saying that).

Posted by Candeh15
I also let people go if they want to walk. If they feel they aren't getting what they want and want to leave, I'm not going to chase after them unless I really feel I should. If the person truly wanted me, they wouldn't walk and they would voice what they want.

I would think that is what a mature adult would do.

Posted by ellessque

There is nothing wrong with that at all cajun. Never be something you are not or compromise your identity for anyone.

You shouldn't have to prove anything to anyone, the one that is the most important will understand. They will just understand, no explaining or pretending.

Thank you 🙂

Posted by ellessque

Posted by Cajunspirit

Posted by TheLadySagittarius
AAhh yes, that is not who you are, but she is telling you what she wants , and you are dismissing it.

She needs more reassurance than you are giving her. Believe me, I've been there..

I am not dismissing it. I am staying true to myself.
I am not pretending to be someone I am not, by doing something that is out of character.

There is nothing wrong with that at all cajun. Never be something you are not or compromise your identity for anyone.

You shouldn't have to prove anything to anyone, the one that is the most important will understand. They will just understand, no explaining or pretending.

click to expand

cosign.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom

Young girls in their twenties are rarely mature adults though.

Ain't that the truth.
Did you have to deal with this in your early 20s man?

Posted by LoveBucket

p.s. I applaud you for allowing all of that in your OP to transpire within a matter of just a couple days, rather than dragging it out over a period of months on account of *Virgo analyzations*. If anything, it proves Virgos don't need an awful amount of to analyze something before reaching a decision.

I know her and to an extent how she thinks.
With new people, that's a different story until I learn their birthdate 😛

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom

Still dealing with it 😛 my cappy is in her early twenties hahah well. I dont know if theres a formula to deal with it to be honest, you just have to keep in mind that only a small portion of these girls are interested in something serious and long-lasting, so you just have to adapt to it. Before you know though you'll find the right person 🙂

There is no formula.... just an intensive filtering process...

Posted by gemtaur

B.I.N.G.O.

Caj, the goal is to be in a relationship that satisfies your mind AND her feelings, not simply YOUR mind. She has needs. You have to get to a place where you appreciate that satisfying these needs of hers is not compromising who you are as a person.

I am no where near that place. She wants to see me quarrel and fuss, complain and express sadness.
That's not me!!!

I told her what I wanted, when I was sad and that I am dissappointed she thinks so lowly of me.

Throwing emotional fit

She wants a relationship with you and telling you "you're cold" is Libra diplomacy for "you bastard, i want a relationship with you and all you want is a power play". You cannot have a relationship based on only YOUR terms, especially not with a Libra who is all about balance, equality, and FAIRNESS.

click to expand

As true as that sounds, how are you so certain?

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom

Posted by Cajunspirit

Posted by Candeh15
I also let people go if they want to walk. If they feel they aren't getting what they want and want to leave, I'm not going to chase after them unless I really feel I should. If the person truly wanted me, they wouldn't walk and they would voice what they want.

I would think that is what a mature adult would do.

Young girls in their twenties are rarely mature adults though.

click to expand

Whatchu sayin' Shaks? lol

But it's true though. I'm even at fault at times when I get upset over things like these; I have to remind myself that not everyone is going to fight for me nor do I need to fight for everyone either. I will fight for those worthy of it, and I will let go of those who aren't able to voice what they want from me. It's all a learning process that comes with different partners and more experience.

Posted by Kali

In your situation Caj, I don't think she was wanting this explosive emotional reaction from you, but she was wanting a reaction, something that would tell her to hang on. When you just accepted her words, without even giving her a reason for why you might feel that she is wrong about that, you gave her absolutely nothing to hang on to. You were willing, and are willing, to just allow her to walk out of your life again,

without even an attempt to explain the reasons you think you two could make it as a couple, to explain to her why you are worthy of her care.

You don't have to give a major emotional outburst, but just some calm discussion about why you feel she is wrong, why you feel the two of you could work, that's all she would need to know she has something to hang on to.

I never said I wanted a romantic relationship, not once.

I don't give people anything to hang on to, if you tell me you want to go, then go.

DY: And... Fuck No! I'm not going to have some pretend heroic "fight for love" just so some dopey female can get her emotional kicks for the day. Tell her to shut the fuck up, and go watch some stupid chick flick - by herself.

Ouch!

Posted by gemtaur

"She wants to see me quarrel and fuss, complain and express sadness"
Caj, she's a woman. Of course she wants to see you EXPRESS emotions. I'd be interested to know what her moon sign is. But do you see what you're doing? You're equating expressing the normal range of human emotions, which I'm reading is what she wants/needs from you, with "throwing emotional fit". If you can somehow open yourself up to appreciating that distinction, you might very well not be so opposed to the idea.

The "normal range" of human emotions are not something I express.

Based on what I know about women and Libras and based on what I know about you. You're a sweetheart but compromise does not come easily to you, and for a Libra a relationship without compromise doesn't stand a snowball's chance. That's why.
YOUR terms = equating expressing emotions with throwing an emotional fit, for one.
YOUR terms = unwillingness to compromise yourself for her needs. The very fact that you would consider accommodating her needs as a compromise in the first place reflect the YOUR terms framework.
And this whole notion about someone just "getting you" is a fantasy. Yes, there is something about those connections. I know all about them. It doesn't need to be spoken, it's just understood and at a very deep level. But a relationship based on that connection still needs compromise if it's going to work.

click to expand

So by not giving her what she wants, I am not being fair?

Her "needs" are out of character. Pretending is not something I do.

If you can't accept me for who I am, then tell me so.
If I don't meet your needs, then don't bother.

I told her how I felt and what I wanted. She chose not to accept that when we had the conversation.
The "getting you" is not a fantasy. Sagittarius and Virgo women do it very well.

Posted by DyTryin

I tried to connect emotionally to my Libra, and it fell flat - it was unnatural for both of us.

I would imagine that was a big red flag.
So... how did you last that long?

And... Fuck No! I'm not going to have some pretend heroic "fight for love" just so some dopey female can get her emotional kicks for the day. Tell her to shut the fuck up, and go watch some stupid chick flick - by herself.

Amen.

Posted by 25thDecan

If she cannot recognize what it is to be with someone who is devoted because she doesn't get the passion she sees on soap operas-which are fake- then delete her. Do NOT speak to her. Let her be the contradicting, shallow, man misunderstanding being that she is.....with someone else.

I was her first boyfriend. She told me since that, she has always fallen for guys like me. That I set her on that path.
She has had many men in her life since then... pretty disturbing stuff.

Lmao@people telling this dude he's wrong for letting her just go. Why is she trying to hurt the leo dude by having "get back"and "fight for me" drama with her ex. She probably wants and 80's montage too. Lmao

click to expand

I don't get them either. They seem to think me giving into her "needs" would be natural. When it just is not...

Bleh. Fight for love? I don't think so. It's a feeling, not a competition.



http://photobucket.com/images/say% 20anything% 20movie" target="_blank">
^^^none of this silly shit^^^

Dude she a Libra abort mission u know I know been there screw that. You can't fight for sum one who never cared for u in the first place. And she has to say things like that, she is crazy all the women who do BS like that have sum thing wrong with them so count ur blessing. God spears u and you don't even know it.

Posted by 25thDecan
Caj, she lied. Saying she always falls for dudes like you, since you. She's lying. Reason being is if she did she wouldn't even THINK about the condition she laid out...."I just can't love you like that"...the bs she said whatever it was. She would've MATURED by now.

She just expected me to react and I did'nt.

Funny thing she calmed down today and said we can be civil.

Posted by virgoking
Dude she a Libra abort mission u know I know been there screw that. You can't fight for sum one who never cared for u in the first place. And she has to say things like that, she is crazy all the women who do BS like that have sum thing wrong with them so count ur blessing. God spears u and you don't even know it.

You were always right, they are cuckoo.
But I sincerely believe she cares about me and having just cut off some fake'os. I could use more sincere people.

Posted by domino_O

Do you hear yourself dude? Seriously. I know she kinda walked out on me twice, but ya know, lets get back together again and play some footseeee and shit.

._.

I blame my Mercury in Libra, okay! lol

Posted by WiseOldOwl
I would rather date someone who is emotionally retarded then to date someone that is emotionally and passionately loose with everyone 🙂. Doesn't that make their emotions and passion worthlessly fake——?

click to expand

I totally agree!

Posted by WiseOldOwl

Posted by virgoking
Dude she a Libra abort mission u know I know been there screw that. You can't fight for sum one who never cared for u in the first place. And she has to say things like that, she is crazy all the women who do BS like that have sum thing wrong with them so count ur blessing. God spears u and you don't even know it.

Oh and you men are so innocent———?

On a serious note if someone has a significant other walk (no run) in the opposite direction. If anyone is into you they will unbind themselves from the other person before pursuing you. If not you are letting her or anyone for that matter know you are alright with that type of behavior. You are setting yourself up for a fall. When she does this to you later with someone else you only have yourself to blame. She cheated on me, yeah well she was cheating on you when she got you. What did you expect might happen later down the road—?? Sometimes we are blinded by love, but rip that blindfold off. She is a cheater and is not going to change no matter how terrific you are. I would rather date someone who is emotionally retarded then to date someone that is emotionally and passionately loose with everyone 🙂. Doesn't that make their emotions and passion worthlessly fake——?

click to expand

yes we are perfect well aleast Virgo men lol