Have jumped ship and joined up with a member of yo

Hi there. Some of you may recall I posted a few weeks back seeking advice on how I should handle the relationship between me and a virgo I was very much into. The first few weeks went fine, just plain sailing and romance. However when the logistics of establishing a routine came up we started to clash. His job involves travelling around to different fairs and exhibitions around the country where he sells jewellery and other things at stalls. My job is of a more mundane regular office hours type thing. He also drinks every night and sees no problem with this as did I until I was getting up the next day feeling hung over and having to getting a train from his place across town to make it for work that morning while he slept on to rise at his leisure. About half of the nights I spent with him he ended up conking out on the sofa with an empty can of beer or glass of wine clasped in his hand. I would call him at work (after 12pm as he requested) and he would proceed to speak mainly about himself, how his day is going, what he needs to do regarding his job. I noted all this internally and said nothing, just mulling it over in my mind where a slow resentment started to grow.

On disucssing it and having a rantabout it with my friends about it, I came to see that he has a dependence on drink and this needs to stop if a relationship can continue. We had a bust up a few weeks back arising from a party I had during which we all got pretty drunk and where he did his usual of falling asleep fully clothes on my bed and then got up for work the next morning to go to set up his stall and left me to clean up the mound of cans and bottles and dirty plates that had been left the night before. After this row he closed up and retreated into his shell where we evetually resolved it after I apologised for losing my temper with him. He said that he doesn't "do" rows and doesn't like to be shouted at. He partially acknowledged theat his drinking behaviour was not on.

So things went ok for a bit longer until last sunday I stayed over at his place after helping him at his stall on sunday and heading back to his place where I calmly said that I had a few problems that I needed to discuss with him. I told him calmly what was on my mind and we had a civilised talk about it. Things I mentioned were the drinking pattern at night and the way he falls asleep on his sofa insetad of in bed with me after I have chosen to stay at his place where it causes me some inconvenience to travel across the city by crowded train to get to work the next morning and that this is also quite a depressing site to wake up to. He said that yes he wanted to be with me and that instead of bottling up my feelings that I should be frank with him whenever I have a problem, and that he had been trying to make an effort regarding what I had said arising out of the last bust-up which is true. Also moneywise, he was excessively thrifty which would mean opting for a chicken instead of port, for example because it was that bit cheaper. My argument was if his job takes up that much of his day and his thinking then surely it should pay him accordingly so that he doesn't have to deprive himself on food to save money!

Anyway that evening we didn't cook because what I had said had caused him to lose his appetite, we made whoopy (!) and then he told me he was hungry so he was going to make a sandwich. I fell asleep sometime after this as it was 1am and I had work that morning. I woke up at 3:30am because the light and the TV were on and I went down to find him asleep again on his sofa with an empty glass of wine in his hand. I had to shout at him to wake him up and I lost it with him and said he had f***ing well done it again! I commanded him to get up to bed where he did so as if in slow motion. He got up to bed, he got in, and then proceeded to doze off while I lay there thinking this was totally sh1t. I realised I would be better off just getting a taxi back then ins

Hi MellowDee,

Well I got to tell you what an adventure you had. But, Virgo isnt the problem here, its alcoholism. You will never know the true man while he is in active addiction. Take it from me, I know. Most importantly, you are not a bit**, or cold hearted. You did what you needed to do, good for you. That relationshipe would have been a big waste of time, always waiting and hoping, and nothing. Now, I cant comment on the Pisces guy, on account of I dont like em (pisces men that is). But I wish you all the luck, hope things go much better, you deserve it.

Sunshine...

Excuse me to interrupt, but what is this BS..??

?Virgo man was non communicative, I had had a bit of whisky and a bit of wine, and was chatting casually with the Pisces guy who lives with me.?

And..

?The thing is that I really enjoyed being with my Pisces housemate. He is quite a good lover. I don't want to be needlessly explicit but he was so much more attentive in all ways?


What would you feel if he had a lady lived with him...?? or sharing living space with him..?? and you couldn?t talk with him or say anything, because it would perhaps makes him angry..?? and more distanced in your relationship..??..

Get drunk and stay, because you love him so much and can not protest..??

You have a collections of male creatures in your life and still complaining why..??

Hmmm?.

I tell you what.. leave the V-man alone for good and stay with your FISH?!. No I am not agree with his drinking habit?! but I am also not agree with your way of life?!

Disgusting and most disrespecting?.!

QBONE ive ben trying to track u. i got u some history as asked. replie at your earliest convenience
-Mdot

Sorry Qbone I don't follow what you're saying. I don't think he's closed up because I am a raving tiger that will bite at any move he makes. He hasn't made any move anyway and I was not that out of control in my outburst. If he lived with a woman I would be naturally jealous and anxious if I felt I would upset him if I said anything untoward. But the way it was is that _I_ was going over to stay with him, he was falling asleep on his sofa instead of with me, I'd get up for work and call him when he surfaced later on and he would talk about himself. He is stubborn and not to get in touch for a whole week is not on for me. To me it says he couldn't care less what I'm doing anyway.

And sex is just another aspect of being with someone as you said yourself Qbone. It's not everything in a relationship. The rest of the relationship was/is at an impasse and being with my housemate was consoling and comforting for me.

Mdotshady?.!

?QBONE ive ben trying to track u. i got u some history as asked.?

Where..?? I will try my best if it is possible..!

I wasn?t criticizing you mellow Dee? I was just asking?!

People have different level of sensitivities some react and show their feelings openly with words, actions.. or god forbid physically?.. some don?t and get lost in their own world
..!... use medications.. or get intoxicated with something?!

I am not justify your V-man?s addiction?! Don?t get me wrong..! but behind everything there is a reason?!!

"I tell you what.. leave the V-man alone for good and stay with your FISH?!. No I am not agree with his drinking habit?! but I am also not agree with your way of life?!

Disgusting and most disrespecting?.!"

Well sure that can only be interpreted as a criticism?!

Although sex isn't everything I don't like have multi partners. f for no other reason because it's tiring, draining, and it's like having too many pots boiling on the stove, you're too wound up to enjoy the experience. For me it's quite a lonely life style to be with different people all at the same time. I so would like to have a partner to gel with and love in all ways. But that's not so unusual; I think we all want that no?

I think though that I miss someone to touch when I go to sleep. That is fairly pathetic. I need to resolve this. I kinda feel like a gerbil who likes to practically sit on the rest of his littermates to keep comfy and warm and stable.

I would like ideally to be able to spend whole days by myself, alone and contented in my own company and not nervous or yearning for somebody to talk to to make me feel like I'm not mad or to keep me grounded. I should be able to supply this safety net for myself.

Ahhh

?Disgusting and most disrespecting?.!"

Disgusting was meant for him and disrespecting was meant for you..!!

Problem is.. we all are different and really its not a matter of ?star signs? if difficulties shows up! It?s matter of childhood/family/cultures/circle of friends and the societies we are belong to..!

I have said it many times and will do it again?!

As you?ve described above we all are longing for a closeness of or partners?no doubt? or else why would we wasting our time to something unfruitful..??

But partnership also require respect/understanding and patience? if not? depression shows up and later disappointment and?separations?!

This is where that, sex and lust or passion can?t save the relationship no matter how hard one tries..!

Sorry if I sounds harsh? that?s the way I am?!

Are you always true virgotme? Because if you're human - albeit a scorpio one - it's likely you're not all the time, whether to yourself or somebody else.

Yes I am unsure about what my stance is on sex based on the current world morality on this thing. Some think that to "screw around" is the most degrading, basest thing you can do with your body and it reflects a bad person to the rest of society, that your body is sacred and that sex is a gift that has not been bestowed on us just for kicks.

That's kinda why I thought that maybe I had crossed a line when this happened. I have subconsciously associated it with betrayal of the worst kind. Or maybe it was my action that was signifying that I had ackowledged that the relationship was over when I did this. Anyway I think that sex can be overrated sometimes in terms of its significance. Like when a married couple have been together for over 10 years say, then sex takes on a different meaning at that stage. So if one of the couple happens to have sex with somebody else along the way purely for the physical side and not the emotions, then I personally, don't think it's that big a deal.

And that's just my opinion. It's open for debate and I'm open to being proved wrong in my opinion. Ciao.

I think very few people have sex for strictly physical gratification, "tipsy" or not. The motive could be love and bonding, vanity, conquest and thrill of the chase or some deep insecurity that only sex can alleve.
Of course the nature of sex changes as relationships develop, I just don't understand why people don't get out or mend their problems before getting involved with someone else. (I am referring to committed relationships here, not just "dating".)
You are obviously not happy with the current situation with the drunk guy, so what are you doing with him? Why string him along? Is it that thing you mentioned about fearing being alone?
My philosophy is that noone can bear the burden of making someone else happy. Happiness, security etc have to be established within yourself, on your own, before you can have a successful relationship. And vice versa, you can't be the sole source of someone else's happiness, they will drive you mad.
I hope that I have not come across as a big meanie or unsympathetic here, but this is what I truly believe.

Excuse me Virgotme but where do you get off on your holy-joe buzz there??!! By the choice of your words and language it sounds like you'd have been spitting them out if you speaking them!

I don't reckon I've been deceiving because I still haven't heard from Mr Virgo-pants since over a week now. And I never said that I loved him. I was becoming very fond of him. Would you, with all your integrity and despising of liars, consider yourself capable of falling in love in under 3 months? A bit hasty if you were actually trying to be true to yourself and the other person.

I don't want a pat on the back. Well I wouldn't mind one actually but only if it's sincere! But thanks for your opinion. I appreciate it.

Hello MellowDee...

Just tossing in my 2 cents: if you put your initial reaction aside (which isn't easy).. and re-read the posts, perhaps you'll see that they aren't all about criticizing you- but moreso assessing the situation.

I don't think anything about your character in terms of how you spend your time, or who with- however, if it's happiness you seek- the scenario you described above is at best, counterproductive...

Of course, no one is perfect, and crap happens- but here's your hindsight coupled with 20/20 perspective from others.

Yeah I see what you mean SeizeTheDay. Actually speaking of getting across the wrong vibe from what one types, I think I might have come across like I'm screwing around left right and centre which is not the case! It could be the capricorn in Venus and Mercury with me that makes me quite conservative in my approach to sexual partners in that I naturally prefer to keep it as simple as possible and aspire to be and have a constant partner practically, emotionally and intimately.

I found that things were not as I liked with this virgo guy and so this set of criteria was not up to scratch for me. But why did I end up sleeping with this guy just like that? I'lltry to be as frank as I can. I would've been happy snuggling and feeling another person's warm body close to me as I slept. That to me is the big prize to the sexual act. I really enjoy this aspect of "lovemaking" so much. But we did end up having sex and it was good in that he moved well, our skins were touching a lot, I felt comfortable with him, and there was no awkwardness afterwards.

I think that sex fulfills a whole range of different purposes and needs for someone. But whatever they are, you are doing it with someone else, another person and so you are communicating with them in a way, like as if you are conversing with eachother via your bodies and sometimes it can be refreshing to talk to someone you don't know and possibly will not meet again.

Anyway for me on that particular night, it served as a comforter as I was feeling a bit low and lonely, and also it provided some reassurance to me that I was desirable and I guess that's simple vanity there.

On the other side of it, I found I really quite enjoyed this encounter with my pisces housemate. He is really quite gorgeous.

Well, like I said.. I don't think about it. I mean, you're an adult, right? Conservative or Liberal.. doesn't matter what you're doing in the bedroom as long as you aren't hurting anyone (or animals).

I think the issue is with your mind and your heart. You're acting on feelings alone, and moving from one situation before really assessing and closing out another. I mean, I totally understand the need to be close to someone- but I would think your goal is to build something that is in the long term and meaningful.

If this is so, then you need time to think about what it is you're looking for--? What do you want? Take time with yourself.. build within yourself before involving someone else. Then, begin with your mind, everything else falls in place after that.