I don?t wanna hurt my virgo guy? but

Hi! Virgo land

I have read what you talk (sometimes fight) about Virgo personality. I know Qbone, BranH, Glee and wonderful ladies from other lands. I think my situation is the opposite to many ?virgoism? here. Most people found it difficult to land on Virgos, to understand, to trust or even to take a revenge them. I don't want to hurt a Virgo but I think did.

I?m Taurus, 36, and my Virgo guy is 43 with one kid, 14. His ex passed away 12 years ago. I think he?s naughty and always has on and off relationships. I have been involved with a Gemini for 12 years before becoming an evolved Taurus!

With Virgo guy, it is a kind of love at first sight. We rarely meet but we share good time together each time we meet, nice conversations. He is serious, moody and harsh sometimes but when relaxed he is nice to talk to. He is not sweet but witty. He discusses a lot of things with me except his (or our) inner emotion. He has his own illogical logic and I have my personal philosophy. He is fickle but he is straightforward with me (so straight). He is demanding but not controlling. Sometimes I feel he is an ?acting? leader but I?m ?natural? leader. He is both an angel and a devil. He is both far and near me. He?s shy (imagine a guy that age blushes!!!) so I write something for him to read instead. No, I don?t think it?s a love letter. I just have many things in my head and I couldn?t speak and I need another channel of communication.

By the way, he made the first move to ask if we should move our relationship to an intimate level. This happened after six months of head over heel feelings between us, a mix between romantic and sexual feelings. The problem is?. he said 1) this relationship won?t lead to any commitment. 2) it must be kept private (because of his son). What am I supposed to say? A bit shocked and rather hurt. Ego clashed. I said no. Although I was overwhelmed with romantic feelings, I didn?t expect a proposal from him and I didn?t expect to hear something like this either. To me dating is a period of exploration. I have to find out and figure out before I make a decision because I take love seriously.

After another six months of ?seduction? on his part and ?bargaining session? on my part, I couldn?t tolerate anymore so I told him I wanted to put an end here. He is a passive aggressor really. I guess we interpret the term ?relationship? in a different way and implement different strategies. He pushes me but I?m not a pushover. It has been one month we haven?t seen each other. He said I changed the ?scenario?. (That?s the way virgos analyze!)

I didn?t mean to play mind game with him. No way. I didn?t even wait for him to call. When I says end I mean it because everything is too heavy for me. I think ?he is not mine, let him go.? He might be my soul mate but what I get will be a second best. He expects from me more than I can give. I don?t want to compromise my need. It doesn?t make any good in the long run for both of us. I know from my intuition.

I?m a bit worried about him anyway. Although he seems cold but I know he is quite sensitive. I think I have a special place in his heart but he wants to keep his life as always. Things must be the virgo way, right? Things are different now when he meets me and he doesn?t know what to do. He fears, I feel it. But I don?t know WHAT he fears inside so I don?t know how to help him. I know I hurt him and I hurt myself. I cry for him and cry for my self. I just want to put our relationship on the right track. I was deeply hurt from a Gemini. So I know getting hurt or hurt somebody is not good. What should I do?

I need advice from virgos -- the best advisor of the 12 zodiac signs!
1) Should I leave him alone or get in touch with him again? It doesn't matter who make a contact first. This is not a game for me. Heart of the matter is more important. I care for him and feelings between us but I need to kno

Hi TaurusLady. I can't offer you any more information than you already know. But I feel so compelled to reply to your post. I'm a Taurus (lady) 😉 myself and in love with a Virgo (too). Due to some uncompromising events and, I guess, sense of insecurities in both of us, I have decided to call it off because I couldn't bear the pressure each and every day while we were in the relationship. I can totally identify with all the things you wrote here. My Virgo ex is also what you would consider a "passive aggressor". Oh, enough with me already...

I can't comment on Virgos themselves as what your questions asked of. I myself is trying to learn them and even though I knew quite so much about them, I still can't quite understand them.

I hope you will have better days ahead. Best wishes. 🙂

TaurusLady,
Hi. How are you? Let me begin by letting you know that I am not a Virgo, though I do love them very much. I'm their opposite sign, the enigmatic Pisces. I saw your post and if you don't mind, I would like to share with you what I know. As you know, Virgos are really ruled by the mysterious planet of Vulcan. This explains why most Virgos would have this quality of themselves that's un-reachable. Since the planet Vulcan has never been discovered, the planet Mercury has been used as it's foster ruling planet. Virgos are highly sensitive. I mean they are so sensitive that it almost matches the sensitivity of a Piscean, it's just that it's hidden behind "a smooth, marble cool facade." In your case, I would say that your Virgo is just trying to play it safe by having no intentions for a commitment. He probably fears falling in-love hard for someone he fears isn't right for him. Trust me, Virgos aren't lucky in-love. Also, the part about keeping it secret from his son? Well, his son probably still misses his mom and doesn't want to see his father with another woman, because he might feel that his daddy betrayed his mom. As for your Virgos inner feelings? Let me ask you this? Does he do little things for you all the time and pays attention to every little thing you do? Does the expression on his face changes when you walk into the room? If you haven't noticed that, watch him from a distance to see how he is then compare it to how he is when you enter the scene. It's like their face softens and beams like candle in the midst of a dark room. It's mainly in how they look at you or how they treat you. With a Virgo, it's all about the little things. I've learned that a while back from a Virgo I knew that loved me so much. A Virgo's love is radiates towards you and it is morely felt than it is spoken. As for not calling him, well just continue doing that. Virgos dislike change nad if they really feel something for you, they will go on a search to find you. Don be surprise to see that he's looking for and found you. Goodluck Sexy Tauruslady.

TaurusLady

You want to BE with HIM or you want to make yourself FREE..??

Either of those options?you need to make up your MIND first..!! Then? I'll maybe at your service..!!

You'll need to make up your mind first..!! Heart breaker or Not.. Is an "excuse" to stay in a situation that won't serve you any purposes?!

To say it simple?

You are at cross road.. you starting to get use to the comfort of the soft and inviting BED that you are CHAINED on it?..

Stay chained or let loose and be FREE?!

Eternal question?.! But as I've said it above?! YOU NEED TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND FIRST?. And sorry to disappointing you? the man you've described above could be anyone from any star signs..!... it is not the VIRGONESS?.. it is YOU..!

Good luck with your choice.. and wish you be happy.

We have to be responsible for consequences of our actions!

Nobody grants/rewards you anything for what you've done today until the "future" shows you the results of your previous actions and "even thoughts"?. But tell me? for how long you can put your life on hold for """a would-be if they could be?""

Being sensitive and nice is not bringing you the reward anticipated so why waste more time on a leopard that is not going to change its? spots?

I am not telling you to what to do, because you are not me..! But I would ask you to think.. his existence depends on YOUR EXISTANCE? NO YOU—.... NO HIM?!

DO YOU EXIST..?? "FOR YOURSELF"..??

Think of yourself lady and be WHO YOU REALY ARE? then? and after then.. you will find the tranquilities needed to measure OUT YOUR movements forward? either way..!

Think of yourself and BE yourself first?!

Stupid love feelings change us to something that we are not.. (a bottomless pit) that we lose our integrities?.!

Don?t lose it lady?!

TaurusLady - I think you did hurt the Virgo - I;m sure he's at a loss now as to what to do. First off, I'm 55 so love for me is somewhat different I imagine. After two failed marriage - I am alone. And it's not bad. When I met the Virgo I know it was eight years ago. For one thing - you may want things too fast for Mr. Virgo. You know they plod along and are very cautious about who captures their hearts. Yes they are sensitive and what he heard was NO, not your reasons. You told him you wanted to end it and now you have. Why worry about if you hurt him? You did. But did you think about it before you said it? The ramifications of it. Now you want to continue to talk with him about it. Sounds like to me it's a done deal. Or did you do it to get a reaction out of him? Some times, we ladies like to play the so call trump card to get a rise out of a man just to see what he says or does. I am a Scorpio lady - and have been in love with this Virgo for a lot of years now. And yes it's been hard, he has hurt my feelings, said things that hurt me.... but then he has been kind also and helpful to me. I think love is a trade off at times - if you didn't want to accept the terms that he put before you - then by all means move on, but don't look back and say, "oh, well I shouldn't have hurt him that way". Did you really think about it before you said it? I have not experienced this issuse with the Virgo I know. Because I knew from the start I wanted him. So I accepted him as he is and not for what I want him to be. He's almost 59 years old and has been single for almost 20 years and I have been single for almost 16. SO it get down to this, we enjoy each other's company, there is no pressure to commit - even tho' it maybe an unspoken one -- we love to be together, we enjoy the laughter that we share, and no one is in charge. We are comfortable with it and it has progressed in stages. Virgo likes things to be their idea anyway. If he has issues then he needs to work on him and you work on you. You can't fix somebody. I think with me, if someone told me what you told him, then I would have no other choice but to move on with my life. I guess my motto is THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

I feel sorry for the guys these days. If it is what I read - it's always the woman who wants more. For me personally, I would rather the man tell me what he wants. It use to be that the man set the tone for what is going to happen. But in reading these posts - it's the women who have turned to be the aggressive ones - they don't give a man a chance to be a man anymore. Sometimes I think the guys wants things to be their idea. If you had held back, TaurusLady - and given him a chance to work thru' what he felt he needed to do, maybe it would be different. I think women (and some men) need to realize that you can't wish a person into loving you, or hope they will love you or even force them to love you. It should go at a natural pace and follow the natural order of things. I think years ago sometimes people dated for years - but to me this is a world of "I want it, and I want it now". I am sure your Virgo has had his share of pain with the death of his wife and it is commendable for him that he includes his son in his decision making. Love takes time to grow and to mature and love is patient. Nothing is all consuming I don't think. But the simple thing of acceptance is a must. The Virgo that I am with has put me through the wringer, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle because I have a strong sense of who I am and the type of woman I am. I did not and could not lose myself in this. But it was my choice to deal with it. I understood a lot of what was behind his actions and his pain, because I had been there too .....

With all your respect Glee?

"TaurusLady - and given him a chance to work thru' what he felt he needed to do, maybe it would be different.

That?s what I am against of?!! Second chance is always good.. but.. as I said it above..

"for how long you can put your life on hold for """a would-be if they could be?""

Partner/relation/friend ship is lovely.. as long as "communication" line works. If not? then there is nothing can be done but a separation of the life.

Good or bad? that?s the way it is?!

mB and 2DF -- thanks for sharing.

Qbone -- all you said are true, very true. Straight to the point! Sounds like every words of my guy are repeated in my ears. Judge by the result!
To make it clear,I have already made up my mind,
because I don't want to lose my integrity,
because I have to be responsible for consequences of my action, and
because I need my tranquility back.
See, we take different approaches to the same theory!
I know his existence DEPENDS on my existence. That's why stupid love feeling comes in and sensitive feelings hanging over me.


Glee -- I think he's a bit too fast for me. I didn't press him. He did press me. I was nearly sufflocated. And I THINK BEFORE I SPEAK. I'm not a young girl and I don't like to play game. I've just got to know from this board that virgos love mind game and I'm curious about that. I don't think he plays mind game with me. He is just sitting on the fence.

You're right about it's done deal anyway. Maybe stupid love feeling makes me become a broken-hearted hanger.

One thing: Why worry if he hurt? Because I love him.

"I think women (and some men) need to realize that you can't wish a person into loving you, or hope they will love you or even force them to love you. Love should go at a natural pace and follow the natural order of things."

I agree with you, Glee. That was I thought before I made such a decision because I'm afraid it will be lust instead of love and because I have a strong sense of who I am and I need my partner to have it too.

To make it clear again, I didn't force him to love me. He love me the wrong way. I can't accept his love this way. I just don't want him to force me because ...the above quotation, see. Do you think forcing a woman will make a man become a man? There are many ways for a man to grow up. Through pain, through re-evaluation of himself, through making a decision but NOT through forcing a woman to make a decision for him, NOT through side step changes. My answer to him is meant to heal him and I hope that he will understand more about himself.

"Love takes time to grow and to mature and love is patient " -- that's true and that's cliche if you don't beware. If this quote is an assumption, we take different approaches to prove it, Glee.

One thing you or anyone else SHOULD know about VIRGO.

TRUE Love is HARD to FIND (for Virgos are even harder) and when they find and fall for it, they do everything in their power to keep it and nurture it (in their way)?.!

Some may feel suffocated—!

? If you are a person that are not ready for it? then either "act intelligently and explain yourself with honesty/truth about how you see things" or "stay away" and RUN?!

? DO NOT ATTENPT TO PUT "VIRGO NATIVES" IN "ASSUMPTION" MODE..! Unless you are a "stupid player"?..! But then, expect negative reaction and kickbacks for sometimes to come..!

? If you are MOODY, then explain your MOODINESS.

? If you are SENSETIVE type? then tell him/her about it. Don?t expect that VIRGO natives acting like a MIND reader? share your mind and feelings with words and not actions, don?t be silent and stay aloof.. VIRGOS are communicative, which means no communications.. no feelings..! And if you stay silent and not sharing, they'll initiate "assumptions"?! Once it is started? then most likely relationship goes to hell..!

? Type/talk/write/meet? what ever you do, stay close and let him/her knows that you are around "but don?t do it as superficial task"?!

? Share your love and affections with honesty/truth and behave yourself.! One second failure!, you'll put their mind in to state "what is wrong?". And believe me? if they ask themselves "what is wrong?" there is something wrong?! Hence be honest..!

? VIRGOS ARE DAMN SERIOUS ABOUT WHO AND WHAT THEY LOVE? if you are not.. then save yourself energy/time! Stay away and live your life, but don't dare to call VIRGO as a player?!

? VIRGOS ARE NOT PLAYERS?.. but if they sense abnormalities? depends on their (own) personalities and experiences, they either chose to stay and "take the revenge" or they leave and NEVER LOOK BACK..!

Have a nice day..!

Hello Everyone,
I just would like to say "Wow" in response to that previous post by Q-bone. Alot of other post have been partially "on point" but the way he stated that was as neat as a pin. I'm a native Piscean, and in a way I'm kind of disappointed to see posts stating how Virgos are boring or the gripes and complaints of lack of feelings. It's like we would post explanations in defense of the sign, yet the same questions are asked over and over and over and over. Quite frankly, I think you need to put a sock in it on all those complaints because I THINK VIRGOS ROCK!!!!!

Hello Everyone,
I just would like to say "Wow" in response to that previous post by Q-bone. Alot of other post have been partially "on point" but the way he stated that was as neat as a pin. I'm a native Piscean, and in a way I'm kind of disappointed to see posts stating how Virgos are boring or the gripes and complaints of lack of feelings. It's like we would post explanations in defense of the sign, yet the same questions are asked over and over and over and over. Quite frankly, I think you need to put a sock in it on all those complaints because I THINK VIRGOS ROCK!!!!!

Qbone ? Appreciate your constructive advice. It?s true and practical when you deal with virgos. That?s the way I?ve dealt with a virgo for almost one year. Well, are they ?techniques? to win somebody?s heart or to build a deeper level of ?relationship??

I've already explained him how I see and foresee things before I stay away. I know I will become a stupid player if I go back. I?m in a state of ?let go? and it?s hard. So I allow myself to be a ?virtual? stupid player only on this board. I know he is healing himself and I wonder if he could make it.

My assumption has nothing to do with Virgos. It?s universal theme, it?s about love philosophy. An assumption is something you believe is true and has no definite proof. ?Love takes time to grow. Love is mature. Love is patient.? How to prove it? Either Yes or No option, He and I (or any couple) have to prove this assumption. The probing process, however, is quite different between these two options. If his existence depends on my existence, it?s me who has to make a choice. And I chose ?No? option because it is a perspective approach. It will widen his PERCEPTION. Any reaction or expansion are welcome.

He did put himself to the ?what?s wrong?? state. He thinks a lot before asking me just one question. In return he has got just one answer yet plenty of questions to follow through other than ?what?s wrong??. With ?No? answer, I think I open a wider horizon of communication line full of love, patience, honesty, truth, and freedom. With ?Yes? he chained himself and I unchained myself to be chained. Commitment has nothing to do with this stuff, freedom thinking does. I?m not afraid to be FREE, Qbone. And I'm not afraid to make either choice. But I prefer a more profound option.

To me, if you pay attention to the person, it will become a superficial task. Pay attention to get attention back? Two people with ?self? attitudes! I think we have to pay attention to LOVE itself. LOVE is a TASK. It needs quality. It needs a soft landing. It needs a lot of things. It?s more attentive than we thought. It needs perception, too. My answer to him doesn?t mean to change his mind but giving him a chance to search into his soul without me getting involved. He wants love or attention? Attention is part of love but love comes in a package.

I don?t expect him to be a mind reader. I know from the start that he isn?t. He needs information and fact and I give him all the time. His question shows that he lacks perception. I have nothing for him to read yet to PERCEIVE. Until perception comes in, the unknown is still mysterious. I use love to understand his mixed signals and he has to use perception to understand the unknown.

I?ve never thought he?s a player. ?A Virgo is damn serious about love.? Too serious isn?t good. It makes us fear we couldn?t make a good score. Love is a hard subject and it deserves a more attentive thought rather than ?self? attitudes. We have to view it from every angle. Fear is a negative force. It limits his freedom thinking.

I didn?t meant to fix anybody. When will we start to fix ourselves? How can we fix something in ourselves that we don?t know it exists? We met and we parted. What left is PERCEPTION and LOVE, I hope. That?s what I thought before I spoke to him. With perception, our love relationship could thrive. Maybe I?m too complex for him and he is too complicated for me.

Finale : I?m not moody type. I?m a soft, sweet and gentle lady.:-) It is an excuse for my argumentative personality!

Thanks for all comments ? T.L.

TaurusLady - For almost a year? I still think that is not enough time. Being with a Virgo for me progressed slower. After a year we were still friends. And good friends at that. There was never any pressure on neither one of us. They make terrific friends. Did you not go that route with him? Virgos take their time with love, as lot of people should. To me it was like in stages. We were attracted to each other for sure. But, there was also a time to get to know this person as a friend - first and foremost. The romance, if you could call it that didn't occur until 2002. I met him in '97. We went out, but as friends. It was nice for a change not to have that pressure - It was like OK, we like each other. But let's take this slow.
I wonder if the Virgo you were seeing thought that maybe you were pressuring him in some way. I mean a man that has been alone for what? 12 years? Well, he's not apt to jump quickly into anything. It sounds to me that at 36 you want more and well I can understand that.... but you have to also see the other person't point of view. The upheaval of his life with all of this. Why not take it in stages. But as you said, you told him - and if you did, then you shouldn't be having in heartburn about if you hurt him or not. Why worry about what he's thinking? The deed is done now. Leave it alone. As someone told me, if it is meant to be, then it will be.

Let me go back a few posts - did I understand you to say that he was the one that brought this all up? Well, maybe the guy got cold feet - had time to analyze it and well maybe it's not the right time. I sometimes think timing is everything sometimes

Taurus lady, please accept my apology for being enigmatic...

My version of "free" is not the general knowledge as "liberty".

Free means... Free of feelings like anxiety, belonging, nostalgic, fear of rejections, and worst? feeling of "what is going to happen next". Those are responsible to destroy any relationship causing jealousy and doubts?.!

I meant being free of those feelings "described above", of course if you prefer to live a life "without" that particular person?it will be a personal choice and must be respected..!

Lesson to be learn here is, now you know "at least what you want" and "how you want", I am sure your Virgo man is mature enough to understand this "if you calmly describe this" to him as an "ultimate decision of yours"..

And please DO NOT ask him for his opinion, he'll accept and respect your decision, if you don?t make a drama out of it.

I knew from the tone of your voice in the first post that you had enough and are ready to let it go.. so let it go?(peacefully)..! Don?t feel sorry for what happened between you two? things happen..! Do you remember the first romance with him that caused the love and passion between you two..?? Was it planned..? ??NO? ..now face the separation? its not planned neither..!

As I've said? things happen? "Only the brave/unselfish and selected people" can stay PUT and ignore the disturbances? ! the rest of us are mortal beings and do things after our taste and individualities?! And of course, get fooled by those (disturbances)..!

What ever you do lady? I wish you good luck and a happy life..!

hippyhomey

People are strange?

One thing to be sure? love/romance/passion life has only one rule? CLOSENESS?..! Not to be broken nor to be bent..!

If someone make rules of that.. then show him/her a middle FINGER and live your life after your personality and desire? remember? there is only ONE rule, stay confident to your feelings and love about your partner and do not let the doubt scratch your love feelings about your partner..!

If someone makes me rules to "how to behave and how to show or how to express my feelings, then he/she deserve a "kick on the butt"?!

If he really said that?then? live your life and make him suffer for his arrogant mind.. he sure not deserve you.. (Virgo or not)..

Stupid arrogant are all over the human societies?!

Yeah lady....

One more thing is needed here... its not a VIRGO thing..! its HUMAN and it is NATURAL (for everyone in every star sign)..

You take care and enjoy your life and remember.. life is full of challenge "as take it or leave it"? those challenges are like (come and go) and we humans are here to give those moments a MEANING?!

BAD OR GOOD? depends on our expetations..!
🙂

if you really like him contact him before its too late cuz once it is he wont forgive.