socalgal
@socalgal
17 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 60 · Topics: 8
My ex-Virgo and I are finally friends again but...
Told him I didn't want to wake him up and he said it was ok if I did. I also asked if he wanted to get together on Friday and he said "yes". So I went by his house this morning and no answer..called, no answer and left a message. I do not understand what the deal is. He knows I'm not trying to get back together with him, but rather be friends as we have always been. Oh and when I was at his house last weekend he gave me some workout tapes..told me he came across them and was thinking about me and I noticed the birthday card I had given him was standing up on the refrigerator 🙂 Advice—?
I agree with 69
Suggestion...Why don't you allow him to try and be your friend instead and allow him to go at his own pace. Some of your behavior doesn't say friendship for example you are showing up at his house on his birthday giving him a gift (if your broken up there is no need to acknowledge his birthday) but you sort of come off like you still have exclusive rights to him as a boyfriend, you're hanging out at his place for hours on end and INITIATING phone calls and asking him to hang out, ASKING him to help you find a bike for your son then allowing him to fix up a bike for your son, feels like chasing to me, you definitely appear to be chasing this guy and that doesn't feel like friendship to a man and it's most likely why he's distancing himself from you...Chill out, stop going to him about anything unless you absolutely have to unless of course you want to try again then be honest with yourself about that and stop all the friendly pretend crap because it can appear manipulative and that is a total turn off which ultimately ends with the person feeling pressured or chased to back off.
Suggestion...Why don't you allow him to try and be your friend instead and allow him to go at his own pace. Some of your behavior doesn't say friendship for example you are showing up at his house on his birthday giving him a gift (if your broken up there is no need to acknowledge his birthday) but you sort of come off like you still have exclusive rights to him as a boyfriend, you're hanging out at his place for hours on end and INITIATING phone calls and asking him to hang out, ASKING him to help you find a bike for your son then allowing him to fix up a bike for your son, feels like chasing to me, you definitely appear to be chasing this guy and that doesn't feel like friendship to a man and it's most likely why he's distancing himself from you...Chill out, stop going to him about anything unless you absolutely have to unless of course you want to try again then be honest with yourself about that and stop all the friendly pretend crap because it can appear manipulative and that is a total turn off which ultimately ends with the person feeling pressured or chased to back off.
He had previously offered to get a bike for my son while we were dating and I had told him he didn't need one at the time...now he has outgrown what he has. While we were talking one time after the breakup, I had said something to him to the effect of "friends again?" And he said we will always be friends. Before we dated we had always hung out together: gone to concerts, went out to eat, went to each others houses, etc and we had never had sex or anything. I am just trying to get back to where we were before we dated.
You've been coming on this board with inquiries about this Virguy "friend" for a while now socalgal, and everytime you come, I wonder what's up with you.
I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but it appears as though you are playing some type of game.
Either you want this guy or you don't.
Seems like you give him the impression that you want more and when he starts to come your way, you back off of him or treat him like he's unimportant and like you don't have time for him, and then when he kicks you to the curb for your bad behavior or tries to move on with his life and date other women, you come here asking for advice, and dig your claws in again, and manage to wrap him around your finger only to wash, rinse, repeat.
How many times are you gonna keep doing this?
What do you want with this guy?
I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but it appears as though you are playing some type of game.
Either you want this guy or you don't.
Seems like you give him the impression that you want more and when he starts to come your way, you back off of him or treat him like he's unimportant and like you don't have time for him, and then when he kicks you to the curb for your bad behavior or tries to move on with his life and date other women, you come here asking for advice, and dig your claws in again, and manage to wrap him around your finger only to wash, rinse, repeat.
How many times are you gonna keep doing this?
What do you want with this guy?
"He had previously offered to get a bike for my son while we were dating and I had told him he didn't need one at the time...now he has outgrown what he has. "
But isn't it convenient that you insert yourself into this man's life through your son...Try this...You go get the bike if it's that important, if you're honest with yourself about this issue you'd know that you didn't need your ex involved in getting a bike for YOUR SON, it's your responsibility not his. I'm not judging you but your motives just appear fishy.
"While we were talking one time after the breakup, I had said something to him to the effect of "friends again?" And he said we will always be friends. Before we dated we had always hung out together: gone to concerts, went out to eat, went to each others houses, etc and we had never had sex or anything. I am just trying to get back to where we were before we dated."
But here's the thing you won't or refuse or can't accept...IT WILL NEVER BE THE WAY IT USED TO BE...No amount of you trying to get it there will be successful. The issue is sex and attraction. When you first became friends there was no sex so you both could go out and have fun and do things together etc but the dynamics of the relationship changed once sex was consummated, heavy feelings involved etc...You may be able to go back there after a few years apart but right now it's not going to happen no matter how much you try and pretend you can get it back to the way it was. You are in denial if you think you can just go back to the way it was before the romantic relationship transpired.
Figure out what you want...If you want friendship then give the guy a break, disappear for a little while, give it a break b/c it seems you are being manipulative, trying to have your cake and eat it too. You want to be around him, you seek out his attention, you sit their allowing him to stare at you and massage you down, that's too much for a man that is attracted to a woman to handle...He's right in distancing himself from you, I notice you have been chasing this guy down but when he show forms of attraction towards you you reject his advances, that's maddening.
Stop playing games, stop the friendship crap and figure out what you want.
But isn't it convenient that you insert yourself into this man's life through your son...Try this...You go get the bike if it's that important, if you're honest with yourself about this issue you'd know that you didn't need your ex involved in getting a bike for YOUR SON, it's your responsibility not his. I'm not judging you but your motives just appear fishy.
"While we were talking one time after the breakup, I had said something to him to the effect of "friends again?" And he said we will always be friends. Before we dated we had always hung out together: gone to concerts, went out to eat, went to each others houses, etc and we had never had sex or anything. I am just trying to get back to where we were before we dated."
But here's the thing you won't or refuse or can't accept...IT WILL NEVER BE THE WAY IT USED TO BE...No amount of you trying to get it there will be successful. The issue is sex and attraction. When you first became friends there was no sex so you both could go out and have fun and do things together etc but the dynamics of the relationship changed once sex was consummated, heavy feelings involved etc...You may be able to go back there after a few years apart but right now it's not going to happen no matter how much you try and pretend you can get it back to the way it was. You are in denial if you think you can just go back to the way it was before the romantic relationship transpired.
Figure out what you want...If you want friendship then give the guy a break, disappear for a little while, give it a break b/c it seems you are being manipulative, trying to have your cake and eat it too. You want to be around him, you seek out his attention, you sit their allowing him to stare at you and massage you down, that's too much for a man that is attracted to a woman to handle...He's right in distancing himself from you, I notice you have been chasing this guy down but when he show forms of attraction towards you you reject his advances, that's maddening.
Stop playing games, stop the friendship crap and figure out what you want.
Actually you don't have to stop doing what you're doing (whatever that is) but don't be surprised by his reaction to you when he's ignoring you and distancing himself away from you. If it's just friendship for you then it shouldn't bother you that much when he's off doing his own thing and ignoring you and what you considered friendship before you 2 got heavily involved romantically was really him courting you, men don't waste time on women they aren't attracted to, so while you thought he was just a friend, he thought this is someone I can see myself being involved with or you 2 would have never went beyond friendship into something romantic. It will never be the way it was when you first met him.
It is difficult since we have been friends for 17 years, broke up and he was soooo angry at me from the breakup and honestly I didn't think we would EVER be friends again. When I was at his house and he again offered to find a bike for my son,I said that would be cool and I thought, cool we are friends again and he is acting as he always has towards me. When we got together on Saturday night, I thought it was friends as usual so it was no big deal to me when he offered to rub my sore muscles in my legs. I still don't think he is romantically interested in me as he was. I know he has seen other girls as he has told me about it and I told him I had been seeing someone.The only thing which he did similiar to when we were dating was making the comment that there was room for me to sit in the chair with him (he never said that to me before we dated). When we got me the workout tapes..that is something he would have done when we were friends 🙂 Sat nite I kept telling him I should be going home and he didn't want me to and said he enjoyed my company. He didn't try to make a pass at me and was a perfect gentleman.
I still love him but I don't want to date him right now. It has only been 2.5 months since we broke up and I want to build the friendship back up and hang out with him a little before going further with him. Funny thing, when he was telling me about other girls, I didn't feel the least bit jealous.
I still love him but I don't want to date him right now. It has only been 2.5 months since we broke up and I want to build the friendship back up and hang out with him a little before going further with him. Funny thing, when he was telling me about other girls, I didn't feel the least bit jealous.
If you don't want to date him then why are you still behaving like you do? As long as he's romantically attracted to you then there can be no going back to the way it was. You are not dumb, you know this man has romantic feelings for you, cut the bullshit already, he massaged your legs, invited you to lounge in the chair with him (friends don't do that), stared at you romantically (friends don't do that), didn't want you to leave his home....The pretending is annoying. If you don't want anything romantically with him then stay gone for a few months to give him time to settle into the idea of never being with you romantically, you leading him on and pulling the friendship card when it's convenient is one of the many reasons why he's ignoring you.
Tiki: We were apart from each other for 2.5 months. Before that when we were just good friends all those years we always did favors for each other and things on each other's birthdays. He had always had a romantic interest in me but didn't think I was interested. Fast forward 17 years and we dated for 3 months. After our fight when we finally got to talking he said we would always be friends. When I went over there last Saturday I assumed it was to be as friends as he said we'd always be friends. I had no intentions for anything else because I don't want to risk losing him as a friend again. Spoke on the phone yesterday and told him I needed to pick up the leg weights I forgot at his house. I asked if he would be home this morning and he said he would. I told him I didn't want to wake him and he said it was ok if I did. When I knocked, no answer door or phone. Just wondering why he was cool on the phone last night and even told me to drop by then acts like this? We even talked about hanging out this Friday night.
Posted by socalgal
Funny thing, when he was telling me about other girls, I didn't feel the least bit jealous.click to expand
socalgal,
You know exactly what you are doing, and it's cruel. You are playing with this man??s feelings and then you post questions on here as if to make it appear as though there is something wrong with him when in fact the problem lies with you.
I never do this but I??ll make an exception for you. Take a look below at one of your statements from your last thread posted here.
Posted by socalgal
One thing that bothered me when we spoke on the phone last Wednesday is when he said his neighbor put him on her Facebook page. He said she was trying to get him a date. Said she took his picture and gave a shoutout that his birthday was coming up...Do you think he was trying to make me jealous or testing me to see how I would react—?
The quote above is from your thread nearly less than two weeks ago. If you only want to be his friend (which is absolutely fine), then why do you care?
The truth is you care because you are jealous. You are always jealous, and your jealousy and temper is what drove you here seeking advice a few months ago as to how to win him back when he dumped you and told you to never come around again.
You know good and damn well that because he cares for you and wants a relationship with you that he will do anything he can for you (and your son), so why do you continue to take advantage of his emotions like this?
Why are you mistreating him and then coming back here over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again trying to peg him as the problem?
When will you finally do some introspection and take responsibility for the fact that him not wanting to have anything to do with you is because he fully understands that you are nothing but a tease?
The truth is you care because you are jealous. You are always jealous, and your jealousy and temper is what drove you here seeking advice a few months ago as to how to win him back when he dumped you and told you to never come around again.
You know good and damn well that because he cares for you and wants a relationship with you that he will do anything he can for you (and your son), so why do you continue to take advantage of his emotions like this?
Why are you mistreating him and then coming back here over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again trying to peg him as the problem?
When will you finally do some introspection and take responsibility for the fact that him not wanting to have anything to do with you is because he fully understands that you are nothing but a tease?
Try to place yourself in his shoes for a minute;
How would it make you feel if someone you cared for and wanted a romantic relationship with was pursuing you heavily, and when you finally opened yourself up to the possibility that something could come of it, they pull back, and every time you decide to rid yourself of the emotional abuse, they keep squirming their way back in with constant phone calls, unauthorized visits to your home, magazine subscriptions, and cupcakes, only for the cycle to repeat itself all over again?
Seriously, what's wrong with you socalgal? This is nonsense now.
You feign ignorance but I don't believe for one second that you are some innocent damsel - you are a gotdayum Aries for crying out loud.
You better stop —cause mark my words he's gonna get rid of your game playing tail for good one day and there will be no room for you to come back here crying wolf.
How would it make you feel if someone you cared for and wanted a romantic relationship with was pursuing you heavily, and when you finally opened yourself up to the possibility that something could come of it, they pull back, and every time you decide to rid yourself of the emotional abuse, they keep squirming their way back in with constant phone calls, unauthorized visits to your home, magazine subscriptions, and cupcakes, only for the cycle to repeat itself all over again?
Seriously, what's wrong with you socalgal? This is nonsense now.
You feign ignorance but I don't believe for one second that you are some innocent damsel - you are a gotdayum Aries for crying out loud.
You better stop —cause mark my words he's gonna get rid of your game playing tail for good one day and there will be no room for you to come back here crying wolf.
"constant phone calls, unauthorized visits to your home, magazine subscriptions",
I do not call him constantly, in fact I only call him before I come by or when I needed to pick up the leg weights.Most of the time he receives a phone call once a week and then he ends up calling me every day. Unauthorized visits...no..he told me to come by yesterday morning and wake him up to pick up the leg weights....magazine subscription: that was for his birthday and there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving a friend a gift for their birthday. We have always done it for each other! As a matter of fact he comes by my place without calling and it's cool since we have been friends for 17 years...no big deal!!
As far as the jealousy goes...I didn't care one bit if his friend put him on FB (which she didn't) and if you read my post correctly I stated if he was TRYING to make me jealous. I don't care who he has at his place or who he hangs out with. When I have been there girls come over and it is no big deal to me, because we both have friends of the opposite sex. He knows I have friends of the opposite sex, but he deals with it. We had one fight due to jealousy on one fuckin occasion and that is over and done with.
I do not call him constantly, in fact I only call him before I come by or when I needed to pick up the leg weights.Most of the time he receives a phone call once a week and then he ends up calling me every day. Unauthorized visits...no..he told me to come by yesterday morning and wake him up to pick up the leg weights....magazine subscription: that was for his birthday and there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving a friend a gift for their birthday. We have always done it for each other! As a matter of fact he comes by my place without calling and it's cool since we have been friends for 17 years...no big deal!!
As far as the jealousy goes...I didn't care one bit if his friend put him on FB (which she didn't) and if you read my post correctly I stated if he was TRYING to make me jealous. I don't care who he has at his place or who he hangs out with. When I have been there girls come over and it is no big deal to me, because we both have friends of the opposite sex. He knows I have friends of the opposite sex, but he deals with it. We had one fight due to jealousy on one fuckin occasion and that is over and done with.
I am going to take Tiki's advice, get my son's tire back from him and stay away from him for awhile. I do not want a relationship right now...just friendship. Next time we see each other I'm going to explain to him that is what I desire...just friendship! I love him... but I don't think now is a good time for either of us to be in a relationship together.
Posted by socalgal
I am going to take Tiki's advice, get my son's tire back from him and stay away from him for awhile. I do not want a relationship right now...just friendship. Next time we see each other I'm going to explain to him that is what I desire...just friendship! I love him... but I don't think now is a good time for either of us to be in a relationship together.
Now we're talking.
Hopefully your "explanation" will spare the poor chap any further heartache in the future.
Good luck, and we'll be looking forward to your update. *throws eyes to the sky*
ROTFL!!@Why are you mistreating him and then coming back here over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again trying to peg him as the problem?
this is hilarious!!
this is hilarious!!
Posted by tiki33
ROTFL!!@Why are you mistreating him and then coming back here over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again trying to peg him as the problem?
this is hilarious!!
😄
Update: We have been seeing each other the last three weekends and everything is fine. We both initiate calls to each other to plan what we are going to do and things have been great. We are communicated better than we had before the argument 🙂
Correction...last TWO weekends..
My Virgo and I are back together and it's better than ever 🙂 Spent last Friday night with him and then on Saturday just spent time together running errands and stuff. I didn't call him at all Sunday but he called and wanted to go bike riding....
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