My internal issues!

Okay. I just need to vent. I am 24. I have 3 childern. I am just starting to work on my degree. I am separated. I often do a reflection on myself I am my worst critic. Most people look at me and say I am strong . But folk I am really not. Everything is a battle. I make being a single mom of 3 look very easy but its not. I find myslef often ready to throw in the towel. But I love my kids and it would kill me not to have them for they are the one's who push me to do my best. I sometimes feel I dont give them enough.. I am always thinking of ways to make our life better.But deep in side I really dont know. Some days I got it all together but then somedays I am soooooo bummed.

I do the whole back and fourth thing . I can make a decision. but afterwards i find myself questioning my decision. Matter of a fact it could take me 4ever to make a decision. when it comes to my friends (the little bit of friends I do have). One minute I am with them the other min I just wanna be alone. I know I am not perfect . I am tryna get it together. I have goals and plans. and the problem is not accomplishment. the problem is the internal battle I have with myself.

Failure is not an option with me. blah, blah,blah

I just started going back to church to make some life changes but even thats a battle. I mean I believe in christ. everytime I learn something new about what is in the bible. I feel like I am a failure to God. My biggest struggle has been sex. I love sex depending on who it is with. I love to be held. so I have decided to cut some people of. and since then I have found that i just sit inmy house with my kids alone. normally when I would get bored or needed attention I would just start some conflict with my ex. I dont wanna do that anymore. so what do I do now. I cant have sex. I cant argue with my ex. so what now?

I see my growth . I am getting better. I just feel things could be alot better. but just dont know what other moves I need to make to make them better.I reflect over and over again. maybe its something hidden and maybe its something I am ignoring but I dont know ..I am trying to figure this thing out. If I am ignoring it Iam not trying to.

THANKS! I KNOW i SAID ALOT OF STUFF THAT SEEMS NOT TO MAKE SENSE BUT THATS WHAY MY POST SAYS INTERNAL ISSUES..


i AM DOING MY BEST TO WORK ON Y DEGREE. I WILL GET IT

nursing . My goal is to be a nurse anesthesiologist

yeah but its not just about relationships. I am talking about me. its like everything is a battle.