My Virgo Male

I recently moved away from my bestest friend in the world who happens to be a Virgo male. I've lived all over but I stayed in my past locay for 5 years and I knew him for 4 of those 5 years.

My friend is an atypical virgo. When others refer to virgos as being "laid-back," he is the epitome of this type. He's genuinely a nice guy that people gravitate toward. He's the type of person that you could go somewhere new with and walk away from the event with 5 new friends. He's also a slut/pimp.

Anyhoo during that 4-yr period, we sorta dated but we didn't. It's complicated. I was in a relationship that was on again/off again. He was busy being a pimp. Again, he is a master at screwing, manipulating and using women. Given how much time we spent together (3+ days/week - with him staying over most nights), I learned a lot about his "relationships." He's a great person but a blight when it comes to women. So we never progressed into official "couple" b/c I didn't want to. We did have sex, no more than 5 times...if that and each time I was impaired. Not to the point of black out but definitely had my guard down.

So last night I text him and said that I missed hanging with him. We would literally sit up at all hours laughing and joking. He is definitely my soulmate in many ways. Well, he replies back and says that he misses me too but he laid it on thick...which is what he tends to do with all women. I in turn did the same and then told him that he was full of it and I'm just a dime in the bucket. He then says, "Why would I spend countless hours with you? U couldn't see that I cared for you no matter what." He last text was, "And I miss you too."

Here's the thing, he'd say this a lot. I always doubted our friendship b/c I felt he obviously can't be friends with a woman given how he uses them. How could I be different? After 4-yrs, I still questioned y he spent so much time with me and where I gradually got to the point of accepting that we're just really great friends and that's why, I still feel like he's just waiting to pounce so I've never really trusted him/his intentions.

My question is: Do you think he felt more for me than friendship and how would you be able to tell if a VM is in like/love with you?

And no, I am not interested in dating him...he'd have to revirginate himself. Right now, he feels like a big bro to me but I'm not sure I feel like a lil sis to him. Does he have feelings for me?

i didn't fall after 4 years, i'm not falling now. in fact, i'm dating someone who's not as unstable as the leo that i was dating when the the virgo and i were hangin out 😉

and yeah, i think if he were normal, i could take him at his word but i have seen this man use and abuse women. i've witnessed it. at times i felt like he was trying to make me jealous. at others, he was just being himself. i learned more about him as a person than i think most people had a clue of and as he says, before he met me, he was about to jump off a bridge. and yes, he's being dramatic but he was in a bad place.

i guess the sad thing is, i can't believe him even if i wanted to. and i don't know if that's smart given his history or my simply not seeing the obvious? it's hard to trust a playa. i still question our friendship and that's just because it doesn't seem possible that he would be friends with a woman. i am a unique woman though 😄

sortilege85,

not sure what you mean as i have not fallen for him and my question was, has he fallen for me? personally, i can be pretty clueless when it comes to guys liking me. other than my leo who i fell head over vagina for, i'm not the type to lose my mind for any man. so again, i haven't fallen for him but has he fallen for me?

and i don't use people, he does. so your theory of why it can't/doesn't work doesn't pertain to this case.

Posted by sortilege85

You pretty stated that he was your soulmate constantly over and over again, and now you say that you don't know when a guy likes you?

if you could focus less on trying to one-up me and focus on the matter at hand, that'd be great. i like that you're trying to get at me though. it won't happen but you can try.

research what a soul mate is. one need not have sex to feel spiritually and emotionally connected to someone. it's like arguing the different types of love. is it agape, eros, philos? two men who feel the same way i do about my male friend would refer to themselves as soul brothers. does that make them gay?

our having sex had nothing to do with him being my soul mate. in fact, if it were about having a sexual kinship, we would've done it more than 5 times...if that.

Got a pretty loose loop to be falling over that guy, or can i say loose lips? Okay, but you said that you had sex with your virgo 5 times and you wonder if you are good friends or not?

wow you're a vulgar lil twit.

the flesh is weak sometimes. you know what's also weak? your replies.

Admit it, he played you and now your with a leo... and still treat the virgo like he's an icon when he's really just a douchebag.

click to expand

heaven help ya! this would be fun if you knew what you were talking about. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! for future reference, if you're going to try to insult me, at the very least, know what you're talking about.

i'm not currently dating a leo. my current beau is an aries.

he played me how? because we had sex? again, grown ass woman here!

treat him like he's an icon? douche bag? the only thing that needs some douching round here is you. personally, i don't always blame men who are players. yes, in some instances, they're jerks. in others, you have women who lack self-respect who will knowingly and willingly sleep with married/involved men, who will find out their dude is cheating and stay, who will shell out money/gifts all in hopes of making him stay.

the reason why i never developed gf-bf types feelings for this dude becuz i KNEW what he was up to and the women he dated should've as well. with that said, we spent time together as friends that had nothing to do with sex or money. just because he's a dog doesn't mean he's incapable of caring deeply about someone and my ques

Posted by satori
I don't know how he feels about you, cubby, but players and manipulators just turn me off, so I personally wouldn't care how someone like that felt about me.

i agree. in terms of dating, he did turn me off which is why we never dated. and in a weird way, i'm not sure i was ever attracted to him. i don't know if it's because i was immediately turned off by his slutitude or if i just wasn't drawn to him in that way. the other virgo i dated i sorta felt the same way. both very attractive and gentlemanly but i didn't feel any sparks.

my point is that on a friendship level, i always had my guard up...especially early on. as time went by, i let it down on at least 5 occasions sexually but more importantly, i questioned less and less why he was hanging out with me. it's difficult to explain but i was always worried that he was setting me up. like if we went out to eat and i treated, is he using me? well, that's a dumb question considering he bought me dinner the day before. ultimately, that was his point.

so i've noticed he gets genuinely upset when i make dismissive statements about our friendship. i say genuinely because i know when he's lying. he will literally stop talking to me and he never gets upset...or i should say, very rarely shows it. so i guess just wondered if there was more to his feelings than i'm aware of but maybe he's just pouting.

@kscope/let it be - i honestly had a hard time believing that we were...in the beginning. i've gradually come to believe it but still not 100% .

the only thing i can liken it to is if you had a fam member who steals/used to. when they visit, you're more conscious of where your wallet is but that doesn't mean you don't let them come over.

after years, you might come to the conclusion that they know better than to take from your family...especially you given how good of friends you are. you can hate the fact that he/she is a thief but that doesn't stop them from being an amazing friend. i'm not quite sure if that's enabling.

now just because they haven't stolen from you doesn't mean they won't help themselves to what's in the candy dish on your coffee table 😉 nor does it mean that you completely trust them. sure you might not rush to hide your valuables but you definitely have one eye open.

so that's sorta what it feels like for me. it's not a conscious thing but i guess i can't figure out how to test what's real and what isn't shy of leaving my wallet on the table ya know? i hope that makes sense. and you know, even if he weren't a slut, it wouldn't matter. it's important in the scenario but ultimately i guess i wanted to know "can men and women be friends?"

as far as the sex, yes, i was impaired but not to the point of being slizzered. i'm able to drink, have a good time and still say no. i ultimately CHOSE not to. i always watch myself around men and on those occasions i could've done a lil better watching. in addition, he was drinking too. so i don't feel take advantage of per se...just wanted to give an honest representation of what has happened.

since i've been away, he keeps offering for me to come back and visit him. which isn't a surprise. in all seriousness, we spent TON of hours together. when he asks, he says things like, come, stay for a couple months (i work from home) "free of charge." he offers for women to come and visit all the time and NEVER is it for months...a few days, yes. and free of charge? what that? 😉

the point is, he acts different around me and the person i have come to know is amazing. but it's not the person the rest of the world sees. they get glimpses of diff parts but never never the total package. i guess i just miss hanging with my bff 😢

and to answer my own question, can women and men be friends?

given what i feel for him, a resounding YES! but i think women can say that far easier than men?

i've had male friends in the past who i was really cool with only to find out later, they agonized over our relationship or lack thereof. i had a leo friend since 95 who broke down one day and told me that he had finally come to accept that we could never be...that he loved me but he had to move on. he decided that the only way he could do that was to remove me from his life.

me: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

i mean i know he liked me but when he talked about crying and having to talk to his mom about it and getting rid of our correspondences over the years, i was shocked because yeah, we had a puppy love thing going on for a while but what is he talking about?

i didn't and still don't understand where he's getting these feelings from. he departed dramatically but i still occasionally get the how are you emails. he sent me a note or whatever on FB a couple weeks ago out of the blue.

i guess i was supposed to chase him when he left or something? oh well, i am a peculiar woman when it comes to this sorta thing.

Posted by sortilege85
...hmmm.

Okay, so you post a question when you yourself already knew the answer, but you know that he played you at first (which your not going to admit since you have too much "pride" and if you do you'll make it sound as if you knew he was going to play you which is total bullshit), and you only keep close to him because he's cool to hang around. Something that never surprises me.

Do you think he felt more for me than friendship and how would you be able to tell if a VM is in like/love with you?

No, he doesn't, but you already knew that so it's not like it's going to make a difference, but you knew your answer.

sortilege,

since you're obsessed with my vagina, we first had sex like after two years into our friendship. thus, i don't understand why you're harping on this point? this info didn't need to be provided but i did so to avoid the assumption that there's sexual tension between us. as i previously stated, i can't be played when i choose an activity. if i choose to sleep with a man protected, he's not getting over on me. i'm a grown ass woman who is capable of making grown ass decision...including when i want to lay and when i don't.

you know what's painful? watching you try to engage in verbal acrobatics. it's like you're center stage, the spotlight is on you, the crowd is waiting with bated breath and you come out in your flashy pink leotard, take your bows, the drum role begins and you do a cartwheel.

dude/chick, seriously, if you're going to try to insult me, you definitely have to come better than this. i feel sorry for you actually because i can just imagine the veins popping out of your forehead as you try to think of a good "zinger."

for me, being a smart ass comes easy. for you...you're just an ass.

all jokes aside, i've noticed that some of you have trouble keeping it on topic and enjoy making an issue about a person. thus you come in to threads with no relevant information in an attempt to mouth-off with the person you view to be the big-dawg while proclaiming you're there to protect the weaker-willed individuals. which actually is insulting to those you view as "weak." we're all grown here right?

follow my posts and you'll see i'm always on topic. don't like my tone? well, i don't like the color of your pants. get over it. now the topic stays on topic until some idiot soldiers in with a pea shooter wanting to do battle. in the end, you're huffy and i'm still focused on the topic. you can NOT get under my skin so it's best not to try. argue the point...not the person.

one of my professors used to say, someone insults you, don't use four-letter words and emotion. use your wit and your intelligence. most of you have yet to learn this lesson and i accept you will come back time and time again with even more spitballs only to realize you're out-gunned.

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anyhoo, thanks to all who genuinely responded and cared enough to offer your opinions about my situation. i appreciate the different takes and i do have a better understanding now 🙂

sortilege...awwh, you're such a cute lil equus africanus asinus. i semi-enjoyed the ride dude but...not really.

sortilege, yeah, i view you as an ass and not simply because you disagree with me. go back to the virgo male thread. twice in that i admitted where i was wrong in terms of the topic...because it's about the topic right? oh no, for you, it's about being small, petty and pointless.

see, you could've come here and offered a response like Let It Be or Kscope. on topic, in disagreement, both with valid points and insights. you could've even been spunky while doing so. but that wasn't your aim. you know it, i know it...anyone reading your responses knows it.

you might want to try to remember it's about the topic, not about the person and then you and others would have a thicker skin and would avoid putting hoofed foot in mouth.

tubbyscubby.....

This is the EXACT way that lead me to my Virgo.... we were best friends for so long, is a player, would spend countless times together, etc.... but we had never hooked up. Then out of the blue, he starts sending me sexy text messages, and I was very confused......
When we would hang out, he would be touchy-feely, but not how he usually would... more sensual, signs that I picked up. I freaked out. Then we went fishing all day together... it was an amazing experience, we had a heart to heart, we shared silence, and we fooled around. It was awesome, but I was still freaking out, and I told him that I'm not one of the simple bitches he thinks he can bag....

.... that's when he laid it out on the line to me. He told me that he has thought about me more than a friend for a long time, and that now he is serious about pursuing a relationship. I was flabbergasted, and angry at the same time, but eventually, we both decided to give it a shot.

I can tell you this.... it is hard. The transistion from being close friends to moving into a sexual relationship. I know him like the back of my hand, and vice versa. He recently pulled some shady shit, and we haven't talked all week. I mean, he has made an effort to talk, made a nice gesture by setting up my living room while I was at work, but I had to lay down the law....

I don't know where we stand right now. We are both starting to communicate with each other, but I don't know if it's going to stay romantic, or if it's even possible to go back to being friends. And this was a concern of mine.... why ruin a beautiful friendship—

My concerns of him are that he avoids situations, and instead of nipping them in the butt, he allows them to grow so that it starts controlling him. Another concern is his increasing pill intake, that makes him non-functional. But I know that his life and his med intake is a direct correlation. I asked him yesterday what it would take for him to stop taking the pills. He said a new life. When I asked what he wanted in that new life, he said stability, which I bring him.

My advice to you tubby, take it really slow. Don't rush into anything too soon. Regardless of being a Virgo, you know that he's a player. Be aware of his player ways, because a player is what a player does.... and that's another issue that I'm facing with my Virgo. He's traveling at the end of this month, and he's staying with a lady friend, and in the back of my mind, I'm thinking probably what he's thinking.... out of sight, out of mind.

There are no guarentees.... I haven't approached him of my concerns of his lady friend in another state, but I know he knows that I have seen some of the messages that she posts on facebook and texts him. I'm letting it be. When that bridge needs to be crossed, I'll cross it. And I'll know if he messed around with her. And if he has, that is the end of him, all together. But I'm not giving him the ultimatime. I'm not even letting him know what my true concern is, because it's something that he has to prove to himself. The other concerns I can help him with, because I care about him and his well being.

I really hope that he doesn't hook up with this girl for many reasons..... but ultimately because he needs to stop playing around and start getting serious about his life. And the only way to start doing that is him stopping his behaviors. And I think I'm the one who allows him to see what his behaviors do.....

Time will tell, though. I'm not putting any pressure on anything, because I still have my life to worry about.

...and if he was/is in love with you?

marsinaries, thank god i don't want to be in a relationship with him. i do NOT envy you. the pill addiction is...wow. i hope he's able to kick that before it becomes a habit...if it hasn't already. nothing worse than witnessing someone you care about spiral.

and what you're dealing with is exactly what i took stock of when we first met. i judged him quickly as i already knew a lot about his sexual history so i've never been able to see him as a potential mate. granted, the amount of time we spent together we might as well have been dating. but that's the odd part...the part i struggle with.

imagine if he were a girl and i spent all this time with my best gf. i would never even fathom having sex with her or questioning her feelings for me. so why then simply because he's a man should it be any different? all i know is that at times, it was/is. my fixed nature enables me to hold steadfast to the belief that just because we're great friends doesn't mean we'd be great lovers. i honestly can't feel any type of eros for him. i never have. oddest thing because you'd think i would've at some point. maybe his being a slut results in a mental/emotional block in that arena.

either way, i wish you too luck. prescription pills can very addictive so maybe you want to convince him it's worthwhile to seek help and let him know that you'll go with him if need be.

Many of the Virgos I know are prone to multiple medical issues and have addictive personalities.

Posted by ScorpSuperior
...and if he was/is in love with you?

i need to set boundaries. i mean, if i liked a guy but was afraid to tell him, it would kill me to have him innocently do things that make me like/love him even more. so thinking about the dynamics of our friendship, there are some things that i would do differently when we're together so that i don't encourage his feelings. plus, i'm dating someone so things would have to change anyway out of respect for my aries.

but i think the others were right. he just loves me as a friend...at least that's what i like and choose to believe after hashing it out in my head and on this thread 🙂

cool. sounds like a good plan, tubbywubby.

let's hope so and thanks

can we plaes stay on topic now and talk about the different decans?