Need Some Guidance

Other thread kind of died out, things have changed a bit, and I am kind of lost here.

Finally told my virgo ex that I wanted to see her again, although maybe didn't do it in the best way. Things had been going well, had a bunch of great conversations last week, flirty, and even some compliments from her. Sunday night, I made a smartass comment and she said "you don't know me" - her go-to line. I took the opportunity to say something like "I'd like to change that" and she seemed to be partly embarrassed and partly shocked. I told her I'm not good at this, but I mean it and I have some things I wanted to say. She then said she was going to a movie by herself and couldn't talk. So I said ok, but I want to continue this soon. She then asked why this particular conversation, and I said again because I couldn't hold this inside anymore, and I meant what I said earlier. She said basically "ok, movie's starting now" and that's the last I've heard.

I don't want to ambush her with emotions, but I want to be straightforward about what I feel and what I want out of this. I don't want to push her away though. Also, she's getting towards finals for law school, so she's extremely busy. Add the distance and this gets interesting. I feel like I should tell her I want to talk on the phone, but I've heard you guys don't like that? Doesn't give time for thinking/responding. Failing that, I feel like I just have to send one message that lays it out in a clear and logical manner. Not sure what my other options are. I'd like to see her soon but I feel like this has to be resolved before I make any plans to ask about that. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't extremely stressed about this. Should I wait for her to follow up? I feel like she won't. I feel like I have to make it so painfully obvious that it's impossible to miss.

Yikes! She is a virgo and she is your ex. Bad start for you. There's a 50/50 chance that she is no longer interested in you. I am a Virgo and I won't go back with an ex no matter what. Period. But my moon is in scorpio so maybe I'm not a whole-hearted virgo. So that's that.

So move on please. My advise to you (if you meet another virgals) is to have patience. Virgals like a LOT of SPACE and like to see that you do have and independent life. Virgals are allergic to clingy guys or anything clingy.

Posted by AnyaRosa
Yikes! She is a virgo and she is your ex. Bad start for you. There's a 50/50 chance that she is no longer interested in you. I am a Virgo and I won't go back with an ex no matter what. Period. But my moon is in scorpio so maybe I'm not a whole-hearted virgo. So that's that.

So move on please. My advise to you (if you meet another virgals) is to have patience. Virgals like a LOT of SPACE and like to see that you do have and independent life. Virgals are allergic to clingy guys or anything clingy.

Just to clarify, this isn't out of the blue. We've been talking for the last month and half, many of the conversations have been not purely of the friendly type. Also, she's hinted that she thinks about us together more than a few times during that time. Otherwise no way I'd ever go back of course. We were last together 3 years ago. Backstory is here if you really want to see it: https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/do-you-ever-come-back-4681100/
I know she needs space, but I also would like to at least make my intentions clear without dragging any unnecessary emotion or drama into it.

I guess my biggest question is....do I just cut off all communication until she gets back to me? Almost been a week now since we had any interaction, and I know she's been busy as hell...so I don't really mind. I just want to not mess this up. I thought about just sending something short saying I was thinking of her and that I hope her week went well...but even that seems too much. Idk. I've read so many Virgo threads that my mind is mostly shot for now.

I guess I don't want her to feel like I don't care...

My humble opinion...

You've had the talk and she emotionally drained. Your option...write her a good old fashioned letter. Lay it all out there so you've said ALL you want to say. Leave it for her with some flowers where she will find it at the end of the day - or text her where you left her something. In the letter end it with "I know this is emotional and you may not want to wear your emotions on your sleeve in front of me; if it is easier write it all down like I have. I will come retrieve it from where ever you messages me it is because I know you are busy." Go from there. If she doesn't respond then you got your answer and at least you gave it a while hearted effort. If she does respond tread carefully because you are in make it break it part of your relationship with her. Have patience too. Remember that we need to process our emotions internally so we can decide how we feel. Hope this helps...

^ Thanks so much, that is a huge help. I wish I lived closer, I would do something nice like that. Being that I'm about 3.5 hours away and we're both busy as hell right now, text messages are about all I have available right now. However, the idea is similar...I was thinking of just saying something like that, telling her how I feel, in a very no-nonsense way, and letting her know I want to give her time to think about it.

She reached out to me last night actually, right before both of us were about to go to bed. I felt like she wanted to talk...but not sure. She's fed up with where she's at for school right now, and said "you're lucky you got out already" and I tried to make light of it, but she seemed like she didn't want to say anymore after that. I wanted to say something right there, but she said she had to go to sleep. I think maybe tonight I might say something. Can't really hold this in anymore.

Sounds like a weekend road trip...

^ I'm trying to plan one...my idea is actually to ask her if I can come see her, and take her out. I have a few things in mind, I guess one benefit of her being my ex is I know what she likes to do. I feel like, mostly likely, a discussion about where this is going will grow out of that. Just trying to figure out when to do it. I guess any time is as good as any. I feel awkward jumping right into it, I've always been sort of a smooth talker (given that I'm a Sag) but that's a no-go with her. Time to just jump in, it seems.

Be careful of being to emotional clingy. That's a turn off. As a Virgal I can say that someone who makes me laugh and can be my bestest pal will go farther than someone who wants me to speak of my feelings every time I talk to see them. We show our feelings with actions much better than we talk about them. When I'm forced to discuss my emotions, without being really ready to discuss, I'll shut down. Maybe you should build the friendship back up before jumping in. Build the intimacy back up as well. Touch goes a long way....

That's kind of what I'm confused about...I don't want to force her to talk about her feelings for sure...that would definitely be counterproductive. But at the same time, I'm not sure she knows mine fully because I've done a bad job of communicating what it is I feel. Is it possible for me to just say what I feel without putting her in a bad place? Or is that impossible. I'd love to build the friendship up, but its hard from a distance. The physical aspect of our relationship was amazing, and she's made a couple references to that in the last few weeks...I'd love to move at a slow pace perhaps in that direction, but she will be leaving for the summer in a few weeks to go home and work as a summer associate which will take all her time and put her 2 more hours away from me. So, I don't want to push things..but I don't want to be passive. And I know that Virgos rarely make the first move...so I feel I have to be assertive.

So, basically, I'd like to plan a trip, go see her, and try to show her how I feel...however I want her to know how I feel so if she has feelings she's holding back, she can see that I'm serious and I'm not going to hurt her emotionally. I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place...but I feel like the best course of action would be for me to just ask her if I can come see her and see where things go from there. Like you say, seeing is believing with Virgos, words aren't the way to go. Do you think this is a good strategy? I have to say, I'm not used to having to chase, not even her...the first time we were together, she came after me and was the one to push discussion of all the feelings. Which I realize now was probably a bad thing looking back.

Decided to go for it last night...although just like every interaction I ever have with her, it never goes one of the 3.5 million ways I imagine it could go. She's busier than hell pretty much from now till the day after mother's day...but has a few days between then and the beginning of her summer associate stint where she's free. So, she said she'd try to make time then...didn't get anything more concrete than that, although she sounded like she wanted to. So, we'll see I guess.

One thing that bugs the hell out of me is the way we interact sometimes. Like all Virgos, she's very sarcastic and can be kind of a cold-hearted b*tch sometimes (I mean that in the best possible way) and I'd be lying if I didn't say that's part of what attracts me to her. So, we play-fight sometimes and it usually leads to flirting. But sometimes I feel like she takes what I say seriously, when of course I don't mean it at all. I can also be a very sarcastic person, but I feel like it's hard to be that way with her despite the fact that she is that way with me. I've noticed this with other Virgos, and it confuses the hell out of me. Are any of you like that? Do you take things to heart that you shouldn't at all? My biggest reason for asking is that she says she likes having that in a relationship...but I feel like half the time I just feel like an a**hole...I'm not nearly as tactless as most Sags so I know it can't be that....

Hahaha, sarcasm...yes we do that probably more than we should. Mainly it's our way of joking and teasing with you just in good fun. If were mad it's a whole other ball game.

I think you should see her when she can. I think you should try calling her a couple times a week while she is away. I think you'll find she'll start reciprocating and calling you after a while. You've already put your feelings out there regardless of the delivery. We sence and feel your energy so regardless of the delivery we know what your saying...so don't think she doesn't know.

I think she's still invested but she just not able to give you her full attention due to that hectic schedule you speak of.

You're right, she can't not know. I feel like a typical Virgo tendency is to play dumb while actually seeing right through you. I feel like that's the case here sometimes, and its a bit hard to figure out because I don't want to force her to talk about things she doesn't want to. On the other hand, I can't sit idly, I know Virgos don't make the first move. Trouble is, neither do Sags...I feel like we'd both just sit here and wonder what the other person thought till the end of time if neither of us said anything haha.

Reason I asked about the sarcasm is that this scenario happened today...we went back and forth and the last thing I said (jokingly of course) was harsh...and that was that. Tried to start a conversation after but nothing. So...I feel like sometimes she takes things seriously even when I'm kidding. Although I know if I apologize she'll say it was nothing. Wondering if I should...

Glad you think things are positive though...its hard for me to look at this situation objectively and being a Sag, I'm always probably over-thinking everything all the time.

There is truth in joking...

Yes, you have to make the first move. Old fashioned that way we are. I always tell my guy friends...man up, whatcha waiting for. With Virgals you have too. After a few of your leads she'll be leading...._??

Good points, for sure.

Sometimes I feel like telling her exactly how I feel...but then I think better of it. Can't tell if it's a rational caution or if I should just do it. Sometimes I also feel like saying something more...aggressive, not necessarily emotional. I am incredibly attracted to her, and I feel like she must know. I just don't want her to close off if I say something. I'm not scared of saying anything...I'm scared of losing any chance I had by being too forward. Is that a possibility with a Virgo? Can't tell.

Well...not sure where to go from here.

I saw the opportunity to tell her how I felt tonight, and it was kind of a strange conversation, almost like she was interrogating me. Basically made me spell out how I felt and what I wanted. However, at the end of it, she told me she's not necessarily looking to start anything right now, and I can understand that. She seemed a little surprised that I felt this way, although maybe she just wanted me to think she was, I don't know.

Not sure if I misinterpreted some things on her part or not...I feel like I must have, didn't get a chance to ask her. She said we could keep talking and things could definitely keep going the way they have. I guess that's good. I understand that Virgos like to have people transition from friends to romantic relationships, although in my own experience with several Virgo women it's never been like that, including with this woman.

Ultimately I told her that at some point I wanted a chance to make things work, when it's more feasible. She said "we'll see"...and I guess that's as good as I'm going to get. I still am going to try to see her before she leaves for the summer, maybe if I'm lucky that will push her in the right direction but I have no idea.

Right now I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little crushed...I can't even describe in words how I feel about this girl, and it's killing me that she's just out of reach seemingly. I'd probably marry her in a second if she agreed to it. One thing that she said is that she can't see how I could feel this way since we were not talking for so long...although really only about a year and a half. I guess for me, the feelings never left. For her maybe they did, although I'm not sure why she decided to come back into my life, or did some of the things she's done since we started communicating again.

I guess my biggest worry is that after this summer, she'll be "close" again for just 9 more months, and then truly I might not get a chance to see her again. Just hoping I can try to make something work before that happens. Sleeping will be hard tonight.

Hey just wanted to let everyone know what happened with this.

After we had the conversation I wrote about above, things were still ok, although I tried to give her space. Things seemed normal mostly.

I tried asking her out about a week after, she seemed like she wanted to but was busy as hell and didn't want to commit to anything too far out. So I let it go, and we had a few short conversations after but all ended abruptly.

I asked her out I guess 2 weeks ago now, told her exactly what I wanted to do and told her I'd come pick her up. Very cut & dry, no BS. Never got a response, and so I went on the trip anyway to see friends. The night I wanted to see her I ended up going out with my friends because she still had not responded. I was at the bar and sent her a message saying "I guess not haha" and she acted like she didn't get it, and then said she never got the previous message. Then I told her I was in town, and her mood changed. She asked me what I was doing, and who I was with, and then told me what she was doing, and we had a conversation. So I asked her out for breakfast the following morning, and she said yes.

We had breakfast, it went very well. It was almost painful, spending even 90 minutes with her and just making her laugh and catching up was probably the best thing I've done in years. Seemed to go very well. Right before we stood up to leave she said "Is there anything else you want to say to me before you never see me again" but she was kind of kidding. I played it off like it wasn't the last time we were going to see each other, and she seemed happy about that. We parted and I told her if she wanted to hang out that night to let me know, she said ok but never said anything.

After that, communication has been poor. She started her job this week, asked her how it was going yesterday but never got a response. Also is ignoring me on social media mostly. Only time she responded was on Sunday night, I wished her luck the night before she started and told her she would kick ass. She said something to the effect of "thanks, I really needed that" but then stopped responding. So, I don't know. The breakfast went well, but I feel like she disappeared. Not sure what to think. Just trying to live my life and hope that when she comes back for her final year things maybe have a chance to work out.

This woman is just so far above every other I've ever met, it just blows my mind.

As a virgo woman I can only tell you what I am like but maybe you will see some of her in this and it will help you decide the best course of action. We're communicators yes but we are not so good with sharing our feelings if we aren't happy about something, we hold it in. We do this because we genuinely care about you and don't want to hurt your feelings by saying...you did/said this and it hurt me. We are scared of making you feel as bad as we are feeling so we'd rather gloss over it and pretend nothing is wrong. We do this so you can't hold it against us later on. We find a way to cope instead of being upfront. It's because we love/care about you so much. We basically take it on the chin and find ways to move on instead of dragging up the past. If you continue to disappoint us these feelings build up and we go over and over them in our heads but are unlikely to verbalize them to you. Stupid I know but it's the way we're made. We love consistent people with consistent personalities so we know where we stand with you all the time and avoid conflict..we'd rather be nice about even bad situations. We love happiness, laughter, flirting, loving words, kindness and considerate people. We love spontaneous acts of love, little cards, poems, gifts..
If you put us in a,situation and force us to tell you what we think or feel we clam up to start with...keep pushing and prove we can speak without it being held against us and we do eventually spill the beans...in fact you won't shut us up. This is like a weight off our shoulders in the end, it's liberating. Once that convo is over we don't like to 're-visit it we want to draw a line under it and move on and get back on an even keel straight away.
This is only my opinion....if I were you I'd send her a card that tells her that you love and care about her and then make a date to meet her and make it understood you want to talk and clear the air. Promise you will tell her how you feel and that you want her to do the same back. Arrive with a smile on your face, hold her hands while you talk, keep eye contact at all times and cuddle her if she gets upset. At the end thank her for being honest, tell her that you still love her and ask her to think overnight what she wants to do going forward. Meet her the next day and be clear on what you want but also what you can promise her and get her to do the same. Giver a hug and kiss and then act normally. Don't bring up that convo again just keep walking forward and talking a

Bout tomorrow. In the end she will realise it's been worthwhile and will shock herself more than you about how much stuff she has been holding onto. While it will be hard for her to tell you what's been going in inside her head and heart she will realise it was worth the effort putting it out there.
I promise she does love/care about you she's just scared of how you might react so she clams up. You've got to get her to be comfortable enough to open up to you.
I hope this helps and good luck. Let us know how it goes 🙂

Wish I had that advice sooner hah.

I did a poor job of telling her how I felt a few weeks back, I pretty much botched it all up. I was very indirect and I kind of made her pry it out of me, and I felt like she knew what I wanted to say but wanted me to say something specific that I didn't say. I felt bad about the whole thing....but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to push her away by saying those three words.

Your description seems totally spot-on, although I don't know if she still feels the same way - you think there is enough evidence to show that she does? I feel like there was quite a few things that I thought were signs, but now I'm wondering if they were misinterpreted. I would love nothing more than to do what you suggested, however we're now about 5 hours away, plus a timezone. She also works about 80 hours a week and is busier than hell. I'm in a transition period in my career as well so I'm busy during weird times and find myself fairly financially spent most of the time.

One thing that always throws me is that I had a previous Virgo ex who was so emotionally protective that she once tried to break up with me instead of telling me she loved me. I felt like I literally had to chisel it out of her. If I had let her I would have never known she felt that way, and that would have been that. I'm glad that relationship ended, but ever since then, I've pretty much learned that Virgos cannot be trusted when it comes to talking about their feelings. Are you apt to lie straight up when asked how you feel? Especially in matters like this? I feel like that's a common thing, but of course its hard to tell.

I would love to do something to show her that I care, but she's now already told me once that we should just be friends for now. Given our situation for the next 3 months (until she gets back to school and is 2 hours closer, as well as my potential for moving closer by an hour) I guess that's the rational thing to do. But I don't want to lose anything over this period of time. I want to keep in contact with her, it's just hard when she ignores me most of the time and only seems to want to talk at random times.

Sorry this is a bit rambling, just trying to think out loud. I just feel like I've already played my hand for the time being, and have no moves left.

does your virgo have any sag influence? a sag moon perhaps?? what makes you drawn to her? reason why i'm curious is that i find myself attracting a lot of fire sign men, especially sag men probably because i have a sag moon. i never realized this until recently.. but anyway...

you're right. you can't pry out our emotions verbally. there's a time and place for it, and that is entirely up to her. if you try, we could go around the answer and quite possibly straight-up lie... and then resent you internally for cornering us. in some cases, just because we are reluctant to verbalize how we feel, doesn't mean we DON'T love/care for you... in the absence of the verbalization of my emotions, i show it instead ; and this is something you read time and time again about virgals.... the practical things they do for you. and i really think virgals (at least for me) likewise respond to actions rather than words.

so in this case, your action could be respecting her wishes to be just friends... not constantly hammering the fact that you love her down her throat; and for that she will appreciate it. i know that you're afraid she might slip away but personally if i told someone that i would like to be friends for now while i handle some things in my life and they heeded my wishes and gave me space, i would think how that would be an action of respect on their part, and thus respect the other person.

but basically you should trust the connection you have with her or what you think you have with her. if during this time of space and being just friends, she slips away and perhaps into the arms of another, then you know that the connection was more one-sided. just be confident with whatever goes. i hope all that made sense. i've a splitting headache hehe!

Posted by JustaSag
She then said she was going to a movie by herself and couldn't talk. So I said ok, but I want to continue this soon. She then asked why this particular conversation, and I said again because I couldn't hold this inside anymore, and I meant what I said earlier. She said basically "ok, movie's starting now" and that's the last I've heard.

I don't want to ambush her with emotions, but I want to be straightforward about what I feel and what I want out of this. I don't want to push her away though.

Why do people (men and women) want the people who treat them like discarded trash? What is that?

@bloodflood,

She's got planets all over - although no fire. She is just barely a Virgo, but I see some Leo tendencies every once in a while with her personality.

Her moon is Gemini, Mercury is also Virgo, Venus is Libra, Mars is also Virgo, Jupiter is Cancer, Saturn-Uranus-Neptune are all Cap, Pluto is Scorpio, but her ascendent is Leo, and her fifth house is Sag. Others are all over the place as well.

I can't really explain the attraction, especially to her. It's almost automatic, magnetic. Can't totally explain it...but she is gorgeous, and has perhaps the sharpest mind of any person I've ever met. And, she's extremely outgoing and extroverted most of the time. These are all things that attract me to a person highly. She's got great situational awareness, and a razor sharp wit. She's also extremely outspoken (to a fault) and not afraid to tell you what she thinks. Also the physical part of our relationship was just out of this world. I've never felt that kind of connection with someone before in my life, and she's hinted as much herself. We couldn't literally be together alone without being all over each other. Very intense. I can honestly say it was love at first sight, and I never thought that was a thing until I met her...and never felt anything like it since. If you're attracting a lot of Sags...all I can say is I think we have more in common with Virgos than many think. We both pride ourselves on mental capability over anything else, and I think that's a huge part of it. Some of us are perfectionists, and when we see that trait in a Virgo, it's game over I think. At least it is for me.

I pretty much agree with what you say, and that was pretty much my plan. I really don't want to push things, because that's how I wrecked it in the first place. I know Virgos hate to feel uncomfortable, so I want to avoid that. There's not really much that can be done at the moment from my perspective, and there's really no way anything could work given the situation currently even if we wanted it. I am hoping to move to within about an hour of where she goes to school for work soon, and once she gets back, I'm hoping that's when I get a chance maybe to include her in my life more often.

I just wish I could read her mind, I guess. Of all the signs Virgo is probably the least susceptible to that :p

@LetItB I don't see it like that. I don't think she treated me that poorly...obviously there's a lot of emotions at play here and sh

must be the libra venus... i have it too! it's terrible 😢

That must be it...watch yourself haha. You might find yourself beating them off with a stick...literally.