New Thread Old topic Where did Virgo man go?

I've read through many of the posts on here about Virgo men. I think it has left me more confused in some ways. I know people are their own person regardless of their sign. He does fit the traits very well. DOB 9/7/68
heres my tale..We've been dating for 3 months, not seeing other people but not fully commited yet.Such as, I haven't met his friends yet, etc We were seeing each other 2-3 times a week, talk/text almost everyday. he went on vacation for a week at the end of Aug. and kept in touch a few times while he was gone. When he got back, His job got busy and it had been almost 3 wks before I saw him. We did talk regularly.We've had some talks about our relationship but not much. he has stated that ' he thought things were going well. I agreed. I know he wants to take things slow. I respect this, and have told him this.After our last talk (about 3 weeks ago now) where I was frustrated with my own feelings & how to express them ( I told him I was trying to understand. it wasn't about him it was about me). he dropped what he was doing and came to see me. I explained that when was busy like this I wanted to be there for him and share my love but wasn't sure what worked best for him. did he want more space or should I keep sending him occasional messages. What made him happy in this situation? He listened and offered his opinion. He seemed really open with the conversation. He surprised me by saying again he takes things slow & he thought things were going well . He liked the messages. The rest of his time here was very warm and comforting. After thinking about the conversation I was puzzled why he would remind me that he like to take it slow. I wasn't trying to push things ( in my point of view ). I wanted to be respectful and supportive. I haven't brought these thoughts up with him.To bring us to the present,since that last big talk our conversations have been back to being sweet & playful again. Last Friday he told me he was working hard, he loved me, missed me ... all the sweet things we love to hear. And I haven't heard from since ?? Tuesday I send him a message how are you, miss you.. No reply. Needless to say I am confused. Some posts here say when he disappears like this its over or he needs some space/down time, don't take it personally.I am doing my best not to. Sometimes I see his name come online with IM.I can't help but think if he has time to check his mail or whatever hes doing but not reply to me well it triggers those feelings of is it me

Crying?? Who me?? lol I'm kidding.
Thank you for your thoughts & taking the time to read my mini novel 69Virgo 🙂. I've always enjoyed your perspective.
Some days I do great other days I fall into this moodiness (Deep sigh). Nope no Cancer traits in this lady lol.
Deep down I know if its meant to be he will come back. its hard at times when things were so good and then 'poof'
On the bright side.. Virgo men have something wonderful that touches me ..

That makes sense to me 🙂 I guess I should read more about how to do that, cause I thought I had been.. oops
I was married for 14 yrs. to a Cancer man that betrayed my trust on a level beyond the normal hurts. Been single for 2 now. I vowed & have spend a lot of time improving myself & healing. I'm far from a child but I do feel pretty foolish sometimes when I get in these moods.I am still an emotional driven woman. I do like like to nurture. I think that gets me in trouble sometimes.I thought I was doing so well this time. I let him contact me majority of the time, let him take the lead since he wanted to take things slow. Looking back on it,unknowingly, I might have made him feel pressured with some of my questions. even though it wasn't my intentions. After the last message I had sent him I did tell myself the balls in his court. let it be. Your advice just confirms that. 🙂

Being single again is a whole new experience!! *gulp*

he doesn't know astrology.. other than the little I shared with him.
part of me wants to pinch him with my claw and say "Hello! do you know what your risking??" of course I wouldn't.
We Cancers can be lovely caring people. I can pretend I scared him off with all my love & affection. true or not its a nice for the ego 😉


I think about some of things he's told me..
I need to be needed. love affection.. like getting sweet messages,etc

I shake my head. If that is true. Then I didn't do anything wrong.. that I an think of. but..but.. but... LOL


As I sit here typing this.. (looks at self) I need to stop beating myself up!

" where I was frustrated with my own feelings & how to express them ( I told him I was trying to understand. it wasn't about him it was about me). he dropped what he was doing and came to see me. I explained that when was busy like this I wanted to be there for him and share my love but wasn't sure what worked best for him. did he want more space or should I keep sending him occasional messages. What made him happy in this situation?"

Yep you got a little needy on him when you had him flee to your side and listen to your fears (I mean concerns). You have to find a better way to deal with your feelings, reign them in so they won't control you and push you to express feelings that may scare him away, that's the little girl syndrome were women want to express every emotion she feels as if her man is going to fix her feelings, she feels out of control and is looking for some kind of emotional support from her man, he's not responsible for making you FEEL better and if you make him feel responsible he'll most likely bail at some point.

Now he's wondering if you'll be too emotionally demanding, clingy and dependent on him for your happiness, men usually disappear when that happens but it doesn't mean he'll stay gone, if you stop initiating contact he'll most likely feel safe enough to return.

stop chasing him, chasing will only create more of the bad stuff you don't want to experience, no more dramatic displays instead go out and have fun or go do something that is high energy which can take your mind off of all your fear like feelings, be cool and calm, he'll be back.

LOL! I try but I haven't caught up with you yet.

Thank you Tiki. Your advice is very much appreciated and I agree. At that moment I didn't see it that it was.
I do hope your right and he comes back. I am trying not to get my hopes up.
I'm going to go ponder your advice for a bit while I lay down. Being sick is never fun 🙂

Oh AnonymousCancer you and me same kinda boat. Mines just a little younger and much further away. Which makes it easier and harder. But i still feel tour pain and it can be frusterating!! Why do we chase haha it seems as though we really like us some Virgo guys! Anyways I hope your situation turns out well and if he knows what's good for him he'll be back😉 But tiki33 and virgo69 gave me some things to think about as well that made so much sense. So in your case I hope that he comes around, in mine I may have really done myself in lol but we can always hope right. Best of luck😉

Hi Irok 🙂 Thank you for your thoughtfulness. It is very frustrating.UGh! it can be hard not to want to get angry and say " Tell me whats going on so I'm not left hanging" LOL. Of course that's not how I work. I must look at everything from as many points of view as I can think of. Hmm maybe I should have a chart done — :p This is the first man I have dated that behaves this way. My Ex was very passive. At least on the surface. So this situation has really thrown me for a loop. overall I am very proud of the personal growth I have made in the past 2 yrs. Tikis comment was one of those "Ahhh " moments. For all my research & such I do think there are somethings that can't truly be learned until we are in the situation, IMO. ( goodness I think way to much 😉 ) That makes very grateful for the positive honest insight that some people on this board share.

If I may ask, Do you find yourself going back over everything that happened & kind of check listing it for good or bad?

More then you will ever know haha! But I always come up wit the fact that I didn't do anything wrong cause this may sound a little funny but on my death bed I want to know that with ever decision I make I used my heart not my gut ya know. I think that if you did it with good intentions and it's what you felt at the time then so be it. So sue us for having "too many" feelings haha. It's just who we are and we could change but I really like me ya know. So don't think of them as "bad" you did what was right for you and you should make no apologies. I mean were they a little rash maybe, but sometimes overthinking can be bad too. I made a bad decision last week in my situation and I've had the silent treatment for oh it'll be a week today actually. But I dunno what's gonna happen all I know is that I did what I did for me and I'm starting to be ok with that. In the end it's to nanbe what it's gonna be just the waiting and all the thinking can kill you. So thankfully we have people to talk to and discuss with to help keep us grounded😉

Your post made me smile.
That doesn't sound funny to me at all. I am the same way. Its important to me to know I did my best 😛
I do wish I shared your feeling of 'being ok with that'. Even though I made a mistake I am starting to have some thoughts.. maybe I got played a bit. reading these post,situations,I just don't know yet.. hmmmmm
Wouldn't a crystal ball be nice? LOL

A crystal ball would be fantastic. Actually I'm going to see a psychic on Oct 31st. I'm hoping she can give mensome insight on my situation. I know what you mean by not being ok with what happened but honestly it's easier to smile and remember the good stuff, more so then be upset about what went wrong. You'll drive yourself crazy doing that. I just wish he had come with a timeline, or a point sheet. So I could go back and reference haha. It's been a full week for me today wife we have spoken and I can honestly say with each passing day I become a little more optimistic. I could let it drag me down, and there are moments. But I know that if he was went to know me then he will and if I was meant to know him then I will. It's just a matter or time which slowly marches on. Just stay positive until there is a negative. These boys sure don't know what their missing! They should see us now😉

Haha ignore my spelling mistakes I don't have a wife haha, it's the iPhone😉

I would really enjoy hearing how that goes. I've often wanted to but I just don't trust how honest they are. feel free to PM me 🙂
I have that issue with my phone too.. well to be completely honest I typo lots all on my own. But the phone makes some pretty funny ones. .. hahaha

as they say Proof is in the pudding...
I think this has turned out to be more than the Virgo disappearing act.
I believe I got my first lesson in being played..
Thank you everyone for the support and advice.
Time to heal and move on I guess

AC yes move on but remember when you least expect it he'll show up again, don't count virgo man out just yet, if he was attracted to you then that attraction just doesn't leave all of a sudden, he'll be back to give it another go but when he comes back practice being more secure and not let your insecure feelings about the future seep in and destroy your connection. Try your best to remain grounded.

I do love your insight Tiki. I want to continue to grow in positive ways.I will take it to heart.
🙂

Keep us updated...

It'll be interesting to see what he has to say when he returns...he will return

I wish I shared your confidence in his return. I am curious.
When I look back at some of the words vs actions I just don't know.
I haven't been back in the dating scene to long. I'm still learning to identify 'players'.
I certainly am not saying Virgos are players but men are men. He fits the Virgo traits so well I didn't expect it.
In the meantime.. Learn, Live and have fun 😛

how did you get so wise Tiki? there are a few people on here I enjoy reading their comments. yours are always interesting.

🙂

Posted by tiki33

... yes move on but remember when you least expect it he'll show up again, don't count virgo man out just yet, if he was attracted to you then that attraction just doesn't leave all of a sudden, he'll be back to give it another go but when he comes back practice being more secure and not let your insecure feelings about the future seep in and destroy your connection.

Moving on will actually lose you The Virgo. His attraction to you has nothing to do with leaving him or coming back .... Virgo's love is arranged, not natured.

Feelings about the future is what will secure the Virgo.


Seriously .. all this "wisdom" as you've called it about Virgo's is complete backwards, and puts you on a guaranteed road to losing him.

I believe there is always some "wisdom" to be learned in anothers point of view. Male or Female.
We all have different experiences in our lives that others can learn from.
How we chose to share it & receive it is an individual choice.
Being on a forum there are lot of different personalities.
Some I feel connected with and others I chose to disregard.

Posted by AnonymousCancer
Virgo men have something wonderful that touches me ..

Like, um, their hands . . . I hear they're wonderful. LOL 😉

Posted by AnonymousCancer
how did you get so wise Tiki?

I taught her everything I know. 😛 (Hi, Tiki! 🙂)

Hi Scorporella 🙂 thank you for sharing with me.

I said I would give an update here's where things are at presently.
I emailed him last week. I didn't expect a reply. It was my own way of seeking closure. he replied with what I call the nice let down. "your a wonderful lady, I don't deserve you. I got to feeling bad I never get to see you so I thought it would be easier if I just disappeared. I'm sorry"
Of course I had a mixture of emotions. Mostly "ok, he's not interested anymore so I need to move on."
Which I have been focusing more on my own life. Which is always busy anyways. I'm sure I'll get some negative feedback for this but I messaged him a day or so later asking if he wanted to keep in touch after I had some time to heal. For all those that will scold me for being friends with ex's. I have maintained friendships with many of them. I am smart enough to take time for myself to heal first. His reply was puzzling to me. he said we would always be friends and for what it was worth he loved me. I did reply, and explained that I loved him but I feel I'm not what he wants right now or things would be different,wouldn't they? All I had ever wanted was for him to be happy, with or without me.
I haven't heard or seen him online since. Life goes on. that's ok.
I had so many thoughts run through my head. " he feels bad and is trying to make him or me feel better. He is trying to sting me along. or.. or..or..."
I guess I still have a lot to learn about Virgos & men in general. LOL not that we will ever figure the other gender out completely.
I figure at this point the best thing I can do is live my life. what happens happens.

That was a lot longer than I had meant it to be. oops

And you see were showing him that you need him by giving him constant reassurance got you...dumped

I don't say the things I say b/c I don't want a woman to experience love, I just know that chasing a man down, initiating contact and displaying attraction that isn't being reciprocated won't work.

You lacked patience and you didn't have to move on all you had to do was BE PATIENT, allow time to repel him back your way, stop emailing the man and let it breathe, a man will repel naturally from being chased no matter his sign. Now he's dangling the I love you carrot, now he's playing with your head and that's all chasing a man leads to, more mixed messages and being played with.

You initiating is causing this carrot dangling...But as you said, you have a lot to learn and maybe this is just your process, learning what works and doesn't work for you.

🙂 thank you