Playing telephone games?

Virgo calls me. I don't hear it ring because my dog is literally right next to me howling so loudly that it vibrates the windows. He stops. I look over at the phone, see the missed call notification on the screen, and immediately call back. Not even a minute has passed.

Phone rings. Nothing.

Call again. Phone rings. Nothing.

Text him. Basically a "Hellooooo?"

And he goes, "Whatever. I call. No answer. You call. No answer," so I text him back explaining the dog thing, and he continues to text me like nothing, "laughing" and joking with me.

What is this? It's not like I purposely didn't pick up. Keep in mind that we are 2 days post-1st date, which *I* thought went incredibly great (lots of talking, flirting, prolonged eye contact, playful touching), but I'm not particularly convinced that he felt the same. I thought we were on the same page by the end of the date, and then I spent all day yesterday feeling chilly. Obviously, he's not bowling me over with enthusiasm here, though he told me earlier that he went to the store and saw something that made him think of me, so he bought it, but he'd forgotten to bring it with him today because he was in a rush. I didn't see him or talk to him beyond only a quick text the day after the date, but today he made the effort to come down and spend a little time with me before his ride showed up, and then he texted me 5 minutes after he walked away.

Is this some sort of game, or am I supposed to take this as a sign of disinterest? A sign of indecisiveness?

Virgo continues to confound me.

Thanks for the reply, PB. I really don't know what to make of it. He's texted me throughout the day, and then he called me tonight, but I missed it because, surprise, I don't live with my phone attached to me 24/7, but caught it within 10 minutes and called twice with no answer. I texted him again, "Seriously? Hello," and then another 15 minutes later, he texted back apologizing, saying he just wanted to say goodnight, that he's been trying to sleep earlier these last few nights, that he's had a lot on his mind, that he was on the line when I called back, and that we'd talk manana, followed by a heart.

At this point, I was already relatively pissed, so instead of sitting on it before responding like I should have, I shot back a text laughing at him making his rounds of saying goodnight (passive aggressive, jealous...not of the other woman - because I know it was a woman - but of the attention being paid to them and basically did the bad, hot headed, irritated, feeling messed with scorpio thing >😢 ), then said something like "Yeah, k...night. Sweet dreams and crap. TTY." I should have been more sensitive to his mention of having a lot on his mind, supportive of him sleeping earlier because it's better for him, understanding that sometimes when you can't reach someone, you immediately dial someone else just to hear a voice on the end of the line, and sent him a heart back to reciprocate. But I'm an asshole, and I didn't do any of that. Hindsight. What a bitch.

I am just beyond frustrated right now. I don't know if it's hormones or what! I know I need to chill the fuck out, but to me, great date + tons of chemistry = let's talk, and then work on having another one, not... start bringing up God and religion to feel me out on where I stand on it (as it turns out, he's extremely religious, whereas I'm agnostic, spiritual but not religious, and was never baptized anything). I know he's concerned about my soul. Literally, he's told me this. I know he's a little gun shy. I know he's an over-analyzer. And I know that lately, he's been extra interested in making sure I'm taking good care of myself, and trying to steer me towards the light. I also know that I don't like feeling like I'm the unwitting partner in some insane courting game. I hate games, and at the same time, I have a difficult time being as direct as I'd usually be with somebody because I'm so unsure about his feelings for me that I don't want to come off like a fool.

I truly like him more than anyone I've met in years, and that's a scary proposition for me, so I guess maybe I'm putting too much thought and energy into trying to figure all of this out instead of focusing that energy inward to get my feelings back in check. I feel like this guy is worth all of my effort and attempts at shaking some of my bad traits/habits, and at the same time, I want to reach through my phone, throttle him, and be done with it. Lol.

@Spaggie: I had to chuckle at your story with the phone. My Virgo guy does the same thing. He told me once when I didn't pick up the phone that he was "annoyed". His message was "Here we go again" in a disgusted tone...lol. Only once did he not answer when I tried to call him back though.

I would not let that bother me if I were you. Maybe just send him a sweet text like: Sorry I missed your call, was pulled over by a state trooper and couldn't talk. Or seriously, I've just sent a nice text like: Sorry sweetie, missed your call, was in the shower...hope to talk soon!

He always calls me back. He also gets hurt if I refuse any invitation from him. Its almost like it takes him a lot of time to get up the nerve to ask and doesnt want to be shot down. So I am careful to listen to him before I speak. Its such a Sag(Scorp cusp) thing to assume I know what he is going to say but I'm usually pleasantly surprised!

If you listen, your Virgo will say the most surprising, sweet things and you will want to squeeze him!! Lol

Having the desire to squeeze rather than throttle would be welcome. Lol.

He actually sent me a good morning text, so I assume that what I said didn't come off as too harsh for his sensitive sensibilities, but I still can't read this guy for shit. I know there are things that I assume or inexplicably feel are true sometimes, but then something will happen to grab me by the shoulders and send me back in the other direction.

My Virgo always comments when I don't hear/can't get to the phone when he calls... "you never answer your phone" (an exaggeration, but yeah, when I don't pick up it annoys the hell out of him). I think sometimes, they expect us to be at their beck and 'call'!

Posted by spaggiescorp
Having the desire to squeeze rather than throttle would be welcome. Lol.

He actually sent me a good morning text, so I assume that what I said didn't come off as too harsh for his sensitive sensibilities, but I still can't read this guy for shit. I know there are things that I assume or inexplicably feel are true sometimes, but then something will happen to grab me by the shoulders and send me back in the other direction.

Girl my Virgo got me going crazy, I can't read him either!

How does a person go from scorching hot to North Pole cold? Lol

Virgos and telephones. What the eff, right?!? He gets irritated when I wait for the phone to ring twice before picking up. It's just a force of habit, but it drives him crazy. Most of the time, it's not even that I'm consciously doing it - it just takes me a minute to get to the phone because it's not sewn to my skin, but he's constantly asking me why it takes me so long to pick up, because he "knows" the phone is right there in front of me. Oh REALLLY, now?

And yeah, the hot and cold drives me nuts. He called me all day long yesterday, and asked me several times why I hadn't asked him to come over this weekend ("Um, because after we went on our first date, I couldn't figure out whether you ever wanted to see me again or not?? So why would I assume you did, and ask you over?"), and then today, I didn't hear a peep from him until past 7pm, which is admittedly more than I would have expected because I think I've actually started getting used to the hot and cold, so after a day of talking, I expect to hear nothing for the next one. And how messed up is that? To expect that?

I'm really not sure this guy is going to be for me. The hot and cold kind of sends me into mini-depressions because I start going over every detail in my head and analyzing them to death, and I'm still having a hard time with the fact that EVERY single person in his life, that he hangs out with, shops with, goes to movies with, talks on the phone to, texts, "crashes" at their houses after late nights of watching movies in the house are FEMALES. EVERY DAMN LAST ONE. He swears they're not dates, but if my experiences with men and how they've ended up being my friends are even remotely true with any of them, I'm really not cool with that.

It's still a wait and see game, but I think I may be getting a little tired of playing.

Ugh! Girl...

It's to the point that I decided that I wasn't gonna tech or call him today...

So he texts me and says "hello my darling" so I text back "he what's up"

No reply...

I'm at the point where it's like he has my #...use it, lol but i'ma just fall back for a little while...give him his space

Sorry for the typos :-s

Posted by OneSexyGem
Ugh! Girl...

It's to the point that I decided that I wasn't gonna tech or call him today...

So he texts me and says "hello my darling" so I text back "he what's up"

No reply...

I'm at the point where it's like he has my #...use it, lol but i'ma just fall back for a little while...give him his space

Oh chica, I'm just about there too. He texts, and I don't find myself jumping to reply and keep the conversation going, and it hasn't even been that long that we've been talking. Tonight, instead of trying to prolong the conversation when he called, I gave him 5 minutes to sit around and sing "Chocolate Rain" to me, lol, and then asked if I could call him back in a little bit. I had things to take care of, I was just about to put a bite of dinner in my mouth, and to be honest, I've felt like I've definitely been his "beck and call girl" lately. Whenever he calls or texts, there I am - too available, mostly because I spend a majority of my time either studying or doing some sort of homework for my crazy course load while turning down invitations from friends, and I haven't felt the need to pretend that I'm not available. But I'm afraid that can be interpreted as having no friends and having no life. The second part is true, but it's more or less by choice! Lol.

I absolutely hate game playing, which is why I haven't tried to play it cool and get into all that cat and mouse b.s., and I'm also not a very patient person when it comes to matters of the heart, so he's going to need to shit or get off the pot. If I'm going to be feeling emotional turmoil, it's going to be because of someone whose feelings for me I'm sure of or because I'm in a relationship with that person. This wishy-washy, are we, aren't we, do you want me, do you want to just be friends crap is for the birds!

I'm not going to contact him whatsoever at this point...

We'll see what happens *shrugs*

Well, I think maybe I should officially be over this too. I didn't see him but for a second today, but he gave me the gift he was going to give me last week (a sheep that poops out jelly beans...because I love sheep, and I love...poop? Lol) and said a quick, "Gimme a kiss", we exchanged cheek kisses (how chaste), and then he ran off to catch his ride and said he'd call me later.

BUT his "call" consisted of texts, during which he kept asking me for a photo. I took one, sent it, and he asked for another, so I told him he wasn't getting another one unless he sent one, at which point he sent one from some other day. I told him that wasn't going to cut it because I had to take one on the spot, and he sent me some crap he'd taken at random, and then after some chit chat, he said he'd send me one before he went to bed.

Well, a real call never came, and while he did send me a picture before he went to sleep, he told me it was from the other night. And um, so the problem with the picture? It was of him laying in bed, looking all puppy dog cute. And if some guy is taking pictures of himself in bed, looking cutesy at the camera, and it wasn't just for you at that moment, I would venture to think that it was probably for someone else because, honestly, what guy is going to take cute pictures of himself in bed...for himself??

Maybe I'm overreacting, or over analyzing, or being overly suspicious, but come on... Despite the fact that he genuinely seems like a good, upstanding guy, the picture, coupled with the fact that every interaction in his life is with women and he doesn't seem to make a terrible effort to conceal that, I may have to call a time of death on this one. Crap. I really, really liked him. 😭

UGH!!!

Haven't heard from this ninja since Sunday night!

I'm about to say f*** it!

Sadly, as of Friday, I've called off my feelings for this Virgo. He had a bad breakup about a year ago (solely due to the distance of his ex moving away for med school), and he's not ready to do anything more than date around. At the same time, he swears up and down that all these women are just friends, but then being around them makes him consider dating, and confuses his sensibilities because he wants to have a car and an apartment before he really gets into dating seriously. He was asked out on 2 dates by these "friends", and he said he had to blow it off.

I'm sorry, but I don't want to have feelings for a man who doesn't seem to be able to differentiate between women who want to be his friends and women who are using their friendship with him to usher him into something more. Or worse, a man who knows exactly what they're going and continues stringing them along until he's sure of what he wants, or which one he wants.

After he told me about his confusion with being asked out twice, and his stance on not wanting to get into anything serious, and that he's really not even thinking about women in terms of dating, I made it known that he could count me out of that pussy competition, and that I'd remove any romantic feelings for him from my emotional arsenal. Part of me was feeling seriously wounded - I thought we'd been out on a date. Oh well. *shrug* It's not as though I wanted him to marry me or was putting any relationship pressure on him, but there are too many factors contributing to my growing distaste for this entire situation. Maybe "distaste" is the wrong word - "disappointment" is probably more accurate. I really liked him a lot, and while I guess I could have just gone with the flow to see if I ended up being "chosen", that's not how things work for me. If you want me, you want me, and if you don't want me or you're not sure, you won't have me.

To my surprise, he protested a little bit. He said didn't mean it that way, I wasn't getting it quite right, he never said he wasn't interested in me that way, he was going to bite me so hard the next time he saw me because of what I was saying, etc. but whether that had to do with ego or real feelings, I may never know.

He texted me this morning, then called me and we talked for an hour or so. He said he was surprised how cold I was able to be, and I told him that, yes, I could be, but that it wasn't my intention.

Continued

Apparently, I remind him of his first real girlfriend who he really loved, and then who ripped his heart out at 18, and so when he sees me, he sees flashing caution lights..."CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION!" as he puts it.

During our conversation today, he said I was being "mean" by stating the facts as he told them to me, and when I reminded him that I was only saying exactly what he had told me, he said I was still being mean about it, and wanted to know where the nice, sweet girl he met was. I really wasn't trying to be awful, but I can't escape the fact that my defense mechanisms turn me into a bit of a bitch when my feelings are hurt. I guess my delivery could have been better, but my messed up point was to try and have HIM restate those facts to me so that I had them absolutely clear. I guess my delivery could have ALSO been more to the point.

Anyway, we'll probably stay friends. When I met him, the first thing I thought about him was 1. he was great looking, and 2. we'd make amazing friends. There's no reason to throw that out the window just because he doesn't want to date me, although it's going to be a real pain in the ass for me to stay friendly while trying to extricate my heartstrings.

/sigh

Back to committing to celibate non-dating for another year.

I don't know whats the issue with the phone. The virguy in my life goes missing for at least a week-two weeks. My mom told me that he has to stop doing that and that I shouldn't reply to any of his txt when he comes back around. So thats what I did and lets say that homie was pissed off.

We almost stopped talking because I felt like he sent me a total of six words and that I was right for not responding. The time before that I admit I was dodging his txt and he was so pissed. He even asked me why I what I was doing that I couldn't respond.

I am like dude! I don't ask you any questions when you disappear on me so why all the hassle when I do the same.

See, here's the thing. A big part of me truly believes that HE truly believes that he's not a player. In his mind, he's not dating these women because his head's not in that space. In their minds, they're probably halfway to marriage since he keeps hanging out, lol. I've had a difficult time reading his feelings for me, but on the whole, I believe him to be a good, upstanding, if somewhat naive and innocent human being. I've known some real assholes in my time who all sent up red flags in the personality department early on, and while the women were a flag for me, I feel an inherent goodness in him. Maybe that's cheesy...

I do, however, also agree that he probably thought that I'd stick around as part of the harem, and that I'd continue to be an option for him, if he ever decided to pull his head out of the sand and face the reality of the dating world, as opposed to keeping everyone at arm's length in the friend zone. He actually asked me to be his roommate today, telling me that we'd get bunkbeds, and have tons of fun together. Um, no. I told him that rooming with someone I'd wanted to date probably wouldn't be a very good idea, and he made a stink about how *I* was rejecting him now, after his perceived rejection of me. I took it as a ploy to suss out my feelings for him, but I was honest in basically telling him that I'd liked him, he didn't want me, we'd be friends, but that I wasn't going to put myself into situations that made me feel worse.

It's tough for me to let this all go though, most likely because I've been alone for so long that this experience has reminded me how nice it is to share a connection with another person. I gave up on looking, got really good at not giving a shit about anyone else, perfected the art of solitude, and committed myself to doing nothing but excelling academically, and Virgo caught me a little by surprise. My feelings for him really threw me for a loop, but as with all the other times life has decided to take a crap in my Cornflakes, I'll get over it.