silly break up with virgo woman.... advice?

Hey to the forum,

I was wondering if you could read my situation and advise?

Around 8 months ago I met up with an old girlfriend from my school days (I'm sag, she's virgo). Throughout our early teenage years, we were be very good friends (we always totally 'connected') and were an 'item' for several short periods. We were very young so things didn't ever progress and we didn't hang in the same crowds, so didn't spend a lot of time together. Whenever we did get together though, even at such an early age, there was always 'something' there and we were always extremely attracted to each other. There was always an immense respect and admiration for one and other.

Even at such an early age, she was very popular and liked, despite being kind of aloof and a little to 'cool for school'. She didn't have many close friends, but had lots of friends. She appeared confident and mouthy, but deep down I knew she was insecure and wore a mask of pretence.

After school, we lost contact and many years and a few relationships passed and I often thought about her, wondering how she was and how she was doing. Always my memories of her were lovely ones. I 'missed' her if that is possible.

Out of the blue, we ended up hooking up again as a mutual friend arranged it. Immediately, the old spark was there, we were madly attracted to each other, we talked for hours and everything felt so 'right'.

We dated for a while and got to know each other again. This period was absolute heaven. I felt such an incredible love for her. After a few weeks she told me she loved me + wanted to marry me. She had never loved any other man before and she admitted it was very unlike her to become emotional over anyone. I pretty much ended up moving into her place and we began the process of 'living together' (along with her child).

As this progressed, I began to see a lot of insecurity in her and noticed that quite often she would be 'scared' of her feelings towards me. She would find ridiculous things to nit pick about (in both herself and me)and cause unecessary arguments. She would then become extremely angry and tell me to get out of her life. A few days of silence would pass and then she'd text me as though nothing had happened!!

95% of the time, everything was amazing. We had such wonderful conversations (staying up all night sometimes!), we liked the same things, we had the same values and desires, we had amazing sex, we were incredibly affectionate and respectful to each o

other. She told me I was the best man she'd ever met and wanted to be with me for life. I felt the same for her.

The other 5% of the time, we had silly arguments, that to my mind, we always about really trivial + insignificant things. She would blow up with anger and then shun me for days at a time. She asked me to leave on 3 occasions. She would then, as before, recontact me as though nothing had happened and I'd go back (cos I loved her so much). This side of her was the only side I disliked and didn't understand.

About a month ago, we talked one night, at length, about getting married. She told me to hurry up and propose as she was bursting with love for me. She told a lot of her family + friends that she wanted to marry me.

The next night, we had a really trivial argument and again she threw me out. She went cold for about 1 week (no contact) and then told me to come + get my things from her sister's (she had bundled them into a bag and took them to her sisters). She said things had moved to fast + we should cool off a lot and go back to 'dating'.

I shunned this idea (how the hell do you go from living with someone + planning a wedding to 'dating'?). This seemed to make her extremely angry and she began to become very nasty and snide in her texts and 'blaming' me for the whole thing. I told her it was all or nothing and she texted me saying she wanted me to 'go away'.

I left it a week or so and texted. The texts I sent were very 'neutral' and just the sort you'd send friends, asking how things were etc. She either ignored me or sent back one word answers. She then sent one saying she didn't want to be friends at all + I should just leave her alone. I was devastated by that, cos I still wanted to be friends.

Another week or so went by and she sent a text saying she didn't want to fight + would I still be her friend. I replied that I'd like that.

Another week went by and no contact, so again I texted a neutral text. She replied by asking if I had met anyone special yet. I replied I hadnt (I'm not looking). She replied back by simply saying one word - "ok".

I am really struggling with this. Why has she gone from wanting to marry me to this current situation? Why do I have to make the effort to contact her? why is she so aloof? what should I do to make things right?

Thanks all
Pauly

Please Google Borderline Personality Disorder. You will have your answer. I warn you though, you aren't going to like it. The rest of your life will be like this Pauly if you don't wake up today and smell the coffee. With BPD the partner is either good or evil in their eyes and it will never change no matter how you much you wish for it or try to fix it. She needs mental help and you are not her savior.

I am not saying this to hurt you, but I have an aunt like this and she spent 30 years destroying her husband, beating her kids and I cannot even begin to tell you the mood swings after she married my uncle. She drove them into $ 100k of debt (to this day she still hides the receipts), twice she almost lost the house, she gambles and is totally irresponsible as a person, wife and parent.

You're black or white, it's good or bad, it's never her fault only yours or the kids, blame... divert responsibility and accountability...scapegoating, mood swings beyond comprehension...

Good luck and get out while you can...

I agree. She sound way outta whack. Do you love this girl when she acts like this? Is this what you want to put up with for the rest of your life? I'm sure you want to hold on to the "good" version of her but the bad side would be just too much for me. Is it ok with you to walk on eggshells so not to piss her off at any given moment?
Plus it seems like you are doing ALL the chasing and she is acting like it's not even bothering her to be away from you.
Do yourself a favor and cut ties and move on.

Thanks for the replies guys + girls 🙂

I agree with the summary of 'walking on egg shells' - that is certainly how it felt during the times we argued. The saddest thing is that the rest of it was so wonderful + totally blew me away. We were unbelievably close at times.

There has been a bit of change in dynamics over the last few days. She has texted me a few times, basically to tell me how well she's doing + how many changes she's made to her life (changed job, home improvements, joined a gym etc). My response has been to say that's great, I'm pleased for you (I am).

I still love the girl, but also really dislike her when she's being like this. I wouldn't go back with her, but I just want us to be friends, you know to be cool, without all this sillyness. I miss her friendship + want it back, but she just seems so aloof and 'superior' all the time.

Is there any hope of this? or should I put it down to her extreme virgo-ness + write it off?

thanks again for your time + advice everyone
pauly