abritta3
@abritta3
16 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 77 · Topics: 15
Stopped calling
Yeah, the problem is YOU .... in thinking that a relationship is about control.
You actually said that you cut him off short because you want to make sure that he doens't have control, and when you siad this, you did so to insinutate that if you hadn't of cut him off short then maybe his would keep messaging you, since you said you did this in response to a message he sent to you on MSN ..... so he sends message to you, and you think he wants complete control of you, so you send a message that is nice and cutting in the same response for the sole purpose of trying to take control because you erroneously think relationships and him are about control.
When in reality ............
"I told him I was going to sign off and go watch a movie...that was over six hours ago."
"I have been signed onto msn again this evening for about an hour and a half and so has he and he has not initiated any sort of communication with me"
"I am going to continue to just leave him alone but my question is how should I act when he does make contact? (because I feel pretty sure that he will...) should I be nice and act like it never happened? should I ignore him? should I confront him?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
He isn't even thinking about you, while you are so obssessed with this control issue you have that you are watching the time of being signed on and waiting like a vulture for him to make a peep .... why you are even trying to plan your angle of attack.
Sounds to me like you are the only person in this coupling trying to control situations, and you are trying to control him ...... becuase the reality of it is ... he is probably on msn talking to his buds, not even concerned that you're sitting there with marking the minutes off, conniving a method of handling him, which ==== attempting to gain control.
You actually said that you cut him off short because you want to make sure that he doens't have control, and when you siad this, you did so to insinutate that if you hadn't of cut him off short then maybe his would keep messaging you, since you said you did this in response to a message he sent to you on MSN ..... so he sends message to you, and you think he wants complete control of you, so you send a message that is nice and cutting in the same response for the sole purpose of trying to take control because you erroneously think relationships and him are about control.
When in reality ............
"I told him I was going to sign off and go watch a movie...that was over six hours ago."
"I have been signed onto msn again this evening for about an hour and a half and so has he and he has not initiated any sort of communication with me"
"I am going to continue to just leave him alone but my question is how should I act when he does make contact? (because I feel pretty sure that he will...) should I be nice and act like it never happened? should I ignore him? should I confront him?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
He isn't even thinking about you, while you are so obssessed with this control issue you have that you are watching the time of being signed on and waiting like a vulture for him to make a peep .... why you are even trying to plan your angle of attack.
Sounds to me like you are the only person in this coupling trying to control situations, and you are trying to control him ...... becuase the reality of it is ... he is probably on msn talking to his buds, not even concerned that you're sitting there with marking the minutes off, conniving a method of handling him, which ==== attempting to gain control.
LOL @ PA. Oh LOrdie.
Abritta, if you have been dating the man for nearly a year, I would not really concern myself with the games or strategies. I would simply ask him what is up. Just mention that you have noticed a change in how often you spend time and talk and ask him if there is a reason for this change. It is not as though this is some super new relationship. You have every right to bring it up. Not interrogate or nag. Just bring it up and see what is on his mind. Thats my 2 cents.
Abritta, if you have been dating the man for nearly a year, I would not really concern myself with the games or strategies. I would simply ask him what is up. Just mention that you have noticed a change in how often you spend time and talk and ask him if there is a reason for this change. It is not as though this is some super new relationship. You have every right to bring it up. Not interrogate or nag. Just bring it up and see what is on his mind. Thats my 2 cents.
Hmmm...((twiddles fingers)) control. Being married to an Aries, I'm going to use her words and "give it to you straight"! I used to wait for her texts, or wait online for her to respond to me, counting the minutes until I would eventually get tired, vocalize my departure and head off to bed. Figured she didn't care. Fact was that she was tired of waiting for my responses and simply forgot that we were having a conversation. Although these games are called for, they do get lame. Do not misuse
I wouldn't say damn thing, I would get on with my life, it's his problem, he's the one moving away from you, if you pursue him by having the "talk" and he's not open to it then you create more distance which is NOT what you want and NO he doesn't want to talk to you until he initiates that talk...going to him will only make you look more needy and make him pull away.
just become completely unavailable, stay offline as well, you can respond to him when he comes to you but don't CHASE him by asking all these what's wrong what's up kind of questions, that is what most women do when they feel needy of a man, they need him to be the way he used to be so they panic and soon after he's decided to leave because that kind of needy behavior can kill a mans attraction for a woman.
If you understand men, then you understand this is NORMAL behavior, at some point the relationship hits a snag, a cooling off period, it's normal for a man to get to a point in the relationship were he has to make a decision about a woman, does he stay, does he go?? He's going to think it through and if your all up in his grill then you will have answered the question for him, that your too needy and he should end things with you.
I suggest you go have some fun, go out with friends, take up a new hobby, do something that is ALL about you because the more you focus on him the more you magnify him as being the problem....it's how you ARE during this critical time that will help him decide if he's more into you than you are into him, how you react and behave will let him know if he should continue to move forward with you or end things. This is not about power struggles and control issues, this about you NOT understanding were he is right now, if you did understand you would just be patient and stop focusing all your thoughts on him and his behavior. Be cool, be confident and lean back...the one leaning back forces the other person to lean forward, you want him to lean forward, talk to you, come to you, be open to you so stop obsessing and thinking the worse, lean back and let him come to you
just become completely unavailable, stay offline as well, you can respond to him when he comes to you but don't CHASE him by asking all these what's wrong what's up kind of questions, that is what most women do when they feel needy of a man, they need him to be the way he used to be so they panic and soon after he's decided to leave because that kind of needy behavior can kill a mans attraction for a woman.
If you understand men, then you understand this is NORMAL behavior, at some point the relationship hits a snag, a cooling off period, it's normal for a man to get to a point in the relationship were he has to make a decision about a woman, does he stay, does he go?? He's going to think it through and if your all up in his grill then you will have answered the question for him, that your too needy and he should end things with you.
I suggest you go have some fun, go out with friends, take up a new hobby, do something that is ALL about you because the more you focus on him the more you magnify him as being the problem....it's how you ARE during this critical time that will help him decide if he's more into you than you are into him, how you react and behave will let him know if he should continue to move forward with you or end things. This is not about power struggles and control issues, this about you NOT understanding were he is right now, if you did understand you would just be patient and stop focusing all your thoughts on him and his behavior. Be cool, be confident and lean back...the one leaning back forces the other person to lean forward, you want him to lean forward, talk to you, come to you, be open to you so stop obsessing and thinking the worse, lean back and let him come to you
This is what happens when a man understands he has given all his power away by chasing a woman, the woman becomes accustomed to having all the power and control in the relationship and any sign of a slight shift in his approval seeking, begging, supplicating behavior then she's full on with trying to REGAIN that power and control...This isn't about him, this about you, you are not all that into him, you just like this dude kissing your ass every 5 seconds and now that he's not your feel out of control....
This relationship is doomed for failure because it wasn't all that balanced in the first place...He's most likely tired of GIVING you his ALL, begging to have you by chasing you, giving you so much attention that he doesn't feel like he's in a REAL relationship based off of mutual attraction and love, the attraction factor was ONE SIDE from the get go. Now that he's decided he doesn't want to kiss your ass and chase you like he used to your on panic mode trying to recapture what you once had which was CONTROL over him, as long as he was lusting and chasing you felt secure, now he's done with that you feeling insecure and afraid.
If you lean back he will get back on chase mode, yet If I were him I would find a more suitable mate which it sounds like he's doing and using you solely for sex until he's sealed the deal with someone else, I'm sure he's seeking a new relationship with someone whom he doesn't have to be this ass kissing approval seeking chump 99% of the time.
This relationship is doomed for failure because it wasn't all that balanced in the first place...He's most likely tired of GIVING you his ALL, begging to have you by chasing you, giving you so much attention that he doesn't feel like he's in a REAL relationship based off of mutual attraction and love, the attraction factor was ONE SIDE from the get go. Now that he's decided he doesn't want to kiss your ass and chase you like he used to your on panic mode trying to recapture what you once had which was CONTROL over him, as long as he was lusting and chasing you felt secure, now he's done with that you feeling insecure and afraid.
If you lean back he will get back on chase mode, yet If I were him I would find a more suitable mate which it sounds like he's doing and using you solely for sex until he's sealed the deal with someone else, I'm sure he's seeking a new relationship with someone whom he doesn't have to be this ass kissing approval seeking chump 99% of the time.
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My guy is almost 26 (Sep8 is his birthday)
We have been involved for nearly a year. At first he always tried to pursue me. He sent me texts all the time and called me twice a day to just check in. He even came up to my work which was a half hour drive for him.
In the past six months things have taken a turn for the worse.
We barely get along. I feel like he only wants me around for sex...he hardly ever calls me. It had been three days today since I talked to him and he sent me a message on msn messenger so I was nice to him but I cut it short as not to give him complete "control"
I told him I was going to sign off and go watch a movie...that was over six hours ago. I have been signed onto msn again this evening for about an hour and a half and so has he and he has not initiated any sort of communication with me
I am going to continue to just leave him alone but my question is how should I act when he does make contact? (because I feel pretty sure that he will...)
should I be nice and act like it never happened? should I ignore him? should I confront him?
thanks for the advice!!