Virgo guys, please answer this question for me....

I posted a few days ago, but for whatever reason, i didn't get any responses. it's no biggie, maybe it's because I'm new to this board.

I would greatly appreciate if a Virguy can explain the actions of my tennis coach (a virgo) when I was in HS.

I get that Virgo's criticize those they care about to help them improve. I've read Virgo's admire honesty, confidence and hard work. It's so important to them because they value their careers and self improvement so much.

During my HS tennis career, my coach and I developed a great rapport, based on mutual trust and respect. He pushed me very hard; harder than others.
He "guided" my food choices after matches, when I was starving, despite not doing this with other team mates. It drove me crazy and often made me angry. After 3 years of this, it seemed like an obsession. I never understood why he did this. At times, I felt like his "project" and was insulted by it. However, I never verbalized that to him being concerned of his feelings.

He wasn't a "rah, rah" type coach, but gave compliments in a subtle manner. Often giving my double's partner compliments after a win, and seldom giving me the same.
It made me feel lousy thinking he didn't appreciate the effort I gave, which honestly was more than my partner's as I was extremely competitive and relentless. I HATED to lose, period. But when we did, I didn't make excuses even though it was gut wrenching emotionally. I never allowed my coach to see that side of me. I stayed strong; not for my benefit but for his out of respect I guess.

Here's the scenario that always took place. After losing a tough match, he would ask us for our feelings etc. about the match. My partner would start crying. Being confident in myself, I would look directly in his eyes and simply say in a calm manner, "I could have done this better and been more consistent etc. This loss is on my shoulders etc."......I always took responsibility for the loss, despite that I was the better, more experienced player. My thought process was at the time, I will be honest and direct without blaming anyone. If I do this, I'm sure my coach will respond by giving us some positive feedback. Yet, each time, he responded with harsh comments that berated my character, and made zero sense at the time. He would walk away from us and stew about it, ignoring me the trip home.

Why would a virgo man ask for a young lady's feelings then berate her? I've never understood this.

This is the 2nd time you've posted this. As a Gem you may simply be trying to read into this more than there was, not to mention your age at the time!!! And if he was "interested" in you... there's was a real issue!!!

Truth be told, I'm wondering why you're even asking about the attraction someone in that role had for a teenage girl?? There's a problem there too IMO!!

lildol:

yea, i know it's the second time i posted it. because i stated that in this post. but hey, thanks for reminding me of something I already was aware of. And my question was about comments that were berating, not about attraction. Maybe you lost that premise as you posted your judgmental comments so quickly?

sorry if my second posting offended you in some manner. i just really wanted to hear from some virgo guys as to their insight etc. there are so many regurgitated topics on this board, do you note all of them?

btw, last time i checked, most guys don't berate a woman after asking for their opinions etc. at least not in my world.

and who are you to question why i'm asking this in the first place? seriously, you don't even know me. I have legit reasons for asking. apparently i have to clear my posts and intentions with you first. I work with a few people like you. Thank God I can go home at the end of the day.

i thought this board was pretty cool. Up until your posts, everyone was cool and respectful.

good luck surviving your abyss of confusion. that must be a living hell.

When I was living with my mom and stepdad in Texas, growing up, I hated my stepdad (we were all virgos) because he was cold, mean and he rarely issued compliments, so when I did receive praise, I was shure as sh!t that I was doing something right. Looking back I realize that even though he had a tough exterior, he knew that a little roughness goes a long way in shaping someone into a good, hard working, virtuous individual. I could easily choose to be bitter about it, but then I look at how those early experiences shaped me in a positive way, despite my hatred for him at the time being.

It was through putting forth the effort to understand him as a human being that I realized there was method to his dickhead manner. Underneath the gritty attitude there was always a sea of truth, wisdom and love. Almost as if he allowed himself to be a magnet of hatred as an act of martyrdom to cultivate strength and honesty.

Rather than victimize yourself by putting your ego in a position where you need his gratification, look at the obvious lessons he was actually trying to bestow upon you that you're obviously not applying if you allow yourself to feel weak in the presence of someone like your coach. Bottom line, don't be such a fem fatal next time you meet a hard ass. Some people don't care if you don't like them, they just want you to grow the fuck up. That's love.

Posted by gemini64
lildol:
And my question was about comments that were berating, not about attraction. Maybe you lost that premise as you posted your judgmental comments so quickly?

Is that so??

Let's all take a moment to revisit that first post about this coach...

http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=2055252</a><BR>
You were clearly wondering if this man secretly desired you and stated you started feeling a chemistry toward him and "often wondered if he felt the same chemistry". You eluded that given the fact it was only you whom he treated that way, you wondered if he had something more for you.

And to quote from your final paragraph:
"The last day of tennis, I thanked him personally, gave him a hug, and he had glistening eyes/huge smile the entire time. I often wondered if he had feelings for me deeper than I realized at the time."

*smh*

You presented a strong image, did not show your feelings and took responsibility.

You give us the impression this was a facade. To him, he believed you were strong enough to take the criticism and become refined from it. If you showed your true feelings, he would have sympathised.

Either that or he knew you were soft and was trying to get you to stop pretending and show it.

Posted by lildol

Posted by gemini64
lildol:
And my question was about comments that were berating, not about attraction. Maybe you lost that premise as you posted your judgmental comments so quickly?

Is that so??

Let's all take a moment to revisit that first post about this coach...

http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=2055252</a><BR>
You were clearly wondering if this man secretly desired you and stated you started feeling a chemistry toward him and "often wondered if he felt the same chemistry". You eluded that given the fact it was only you whom he treated that way, you wondered if he had something more for you.

And to quote from your final paragraph:
"The last day of tennis, I thanked him personally, gave him a hug, and he had glistening eyes/huge smile the entire time. I often wondered if he had feelings for me deeper than I realized at the time."

click to expand

Hmmm, I just noticed my link for some reason loops back here even though it's pointing to the correct post... I guess it will have to be copied and pasted...

http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=2055252<BR>
Anyway, can anyone figure out why it's referring back to this one and not what it should be linking to? What did I do wrong in creating the hyperlink??