virgo men

I have been seeing a virgo male for a few months, i am a taurus. it started off awesome, we spent all of our time together and then all of a sudden he backed off completely saying that when he feels like a relationship is going somewhere he freaks out an backs off. is this true? When we hang out we have fun...but i a the one who basically has to push him to see me, and it has only worked a couple of times. when i brought it up to him he said that he still likes me but needs to take it slow, is e saying he wants me to back off and wait for him....or should i just move on because he feels bad to tell me the truth. please help he is driving me nuts, but i am afraid if i keep trying to contact him he will back off even further. is this typical of a vrigo, do they push away peple that they might grown to love? should i just move on now?

Sounds like something I'd exactly do. He's probably calculating a bunch of algorithms in his head to make sure he is willing to take the leap of faith and trust you fully. Virgos don't give themselves easily because they know how vulnerable they become and they hate being in that position. They don't get with someone to see if it will "work" they make sure before hand.

right on everyone, but seriously dont they realize that totally ignoring someone is rude and hurtfull

and i forgot to add, the virgo invites me to Ohio with him for New Years last month and then dissapears....i see him after 3 weeks for an hour and he says : im not going to Ohio, whats fun to do in Denver? so what te hell does that mean, i have obviously made other plans but how do you invite someone, then disappear, and then act like you never had plans together. i am really annoyed at this guy, is this a struggle within his head or is he toying with me?

If you didn't talk to him for 3 weeks then something else may be up in my opinion. I might back off a little but if I like a girl a lot I'm still chasing like a 'mofo. Might want to see what the other Virgo guys say.

If you haven't seen him in three weeks... it's not a good sign.

I basically did the same thing to "Scorp gal" last spring. We started off good, not perfect. We both felt good tho neutral about each other. We spent a lot of time together, but eventually our differences made it impossible for me.

So I quit calling her, quit emailing her. When she'd call I'd be pleasant, but always say I was too busy at work or something to get together. I suppose I didn't tell her I was breaking up because maybe I wasn't sure... maybe I was depressed about it, I don't know, but I couldn't face it at the time and just let the relationship fade away.

Eventually she wrote me and said she was dating someone new, and I was supportive and wished her well... never heard from her again.

She was a very nice lady... we just were too different.

So I suspect it's the same in his case. Must be something he finds disagreeable enough to withdraw from the relationship.

I sometimes outthink myself. Maybe he is doing the same. I remember when I was thinking about divorcing my exwife. It was over lack of passion in our relationship. I thought she might get better if we went to counsuling, but felt that any change by her would not be "real" but only to keep me. I didn't want fake passion... I needed natural passion. I often wonder if I outthought myself... maybe counsuling WOULD have truely helped... I don't know.

I don't always withdraw... usually I have a talk about it, tell a gal it isn't working out. Sometimes it's been them telling me. But every now and then, withdrawl seems the only option.

So very likely, he has found something that bothers him about the relationship, has analyzed the data, and withdrawn. And tho he likes you as a friend, no longer feels attracted to you sexually.

"he likes you alot and is still sexually attracted to you, he is just doing what most Virgo men do that push and pull mess"


:: sighs ::


There's nothing you can do except wait, if you feel he's worth it. In most cases, women can't though, because we need emotional validation.

Sorry that you're feeling like this .. we've all been there and know it's not fun or happy times .. this being left to feel unspecial, after being made to feel so damn important.

((( hugs )))

Have to agree with Ferg here. I think you did something to turn him off so he dropped the pursuit. Peculiar how the guys agree with this point, but the girls don't. If a Virgo guy likes you he's not going to go missing for 3 weeks.

Kateout-I don't want be a downer here-but it sounds like he's done. The Virgo men I have known, and I am currently in a relationship with one...are pretty straight forward and they say what they mean. "I need space" is a nice way to say "back off"....and people don't usually say that to people they want to be with or are 'into'. If you really believe that giving him space will bring you closer...try it...but I would see other people in the meanwhile as well. The fact that he is making no effort at all is a pretty strong indicator of his level of interest, Virgo man or not. : (

"If a Virgo guy likes you he's not going to go missing for 3 weeks."


lol

"If you really believe that giving him space will bring you closer...try it...but I would see other people in the meanwhile as well."

Everybody is different, and I can understand how somebody would believe this is the right course .. however, knowing Virgo's, I doubt one would take this in a good way.

When Virgo's pull away, it's because they have strong feelings for somebody and while they are on thier retreat, what they are pondering is whether you are worthy to trust, worthy to give all their love to, worthy that you will stand by them, no matter what .. the way they would stand by you.

And from my experience .. if the person goes out and dates other people while the Virgo is trying to figure out whether your love is true or not, then they will see it as not true.

What he is wieghing, katout, is whether you are faithful, trusting and honorable enough to be his mate ... if you date others, then he will likely pull away for good.

However, everybody has different opinions about the right course of action .. so, you just have to take what is offered you, weigh it out and then see how it fits with this man of yours.

One thing I can tell you .. this is perfectly normal for a Virgo to do this, so don't feel like you've done something wrong .. it's not YOU, it's the Virgo way to pull back when they start feeling really close to somebody. Rest assured that if he's gone MIA, then he does indeed like you very much .. if he didn't go missing, then you aren't that special to him.

Just go do some stuff to keep you occupied and happy .. he'll come forth with what's running through his mind after he has it figured out. 🙂

I know, me too, SF .. I was just explaining how it's processed inside the Virgo head.

With me and mine, it's not an issue, really, because he gets tons of space all the time .. so, he doesn't have to leave and go anywhere. If he's just sitting in his chair in front of the TV with a look of zoning out .. I know he's not watching the tele .. his figuring something out, so I just leave him alone.

Sitting around waiting, isn't fun and it's not fair .. but, it is what it is, and this is the Virgo. So, it's really a personal choice one has to make because we can't change them, we can't change anybody.

This IS the Virgo way .. so, we either adapt, or leave 🙂

I chose to stay and wait it out and I'm glad I did (today) 🙂 .. tomorrow, I may not be so glad 🙂

right on thanks for all the advice guys...i will wait to a point thought, if someone else comes along and i feel a connection i wont let it pass me by for a guy who has to retreat and ignore me to figure out his feelings. i am annoyed but fortunatly dont care enough to get hurt by it. i wont make anymore contact and the ball is in his court now. virgos just seem to be way to high maintance for this hippy taurus chick!

"virgos just seem to be way to high maintance"


lol, yeah ... :: sighs ::


A person would HAVE to be crazy to deal with it .. hence:

< P-Angel

** Written today during my 1 hour civil service lunch period. **

katout,

I'm a Virgo man, and my first adult love was a Taurus woman - I fell for her like a ton of bricks. There was no doubt in her mind that I was smitten!

Your Virgo sounds young and/or immature. If he's not, then odds are he's not interested in you as a girlfriend. If he is young, try and be patient with him - we're not easy guys to date when we're young! I'm much more persistent when I'm really after a girl, but lots of Virgs I know are more of the typical start / stop / start again variety. It'll drive you crazy! The best advice I can give is just be your groovy Taurus self, and let him make the next move. If he doesn't after another week or two, try to move on... he may just not be ready for the real thing!

Ferghus, welcome back!

You missed some zany stuff: I married my Scorp back in OCT '06, and we just had Twin Scorps - a girl & a boy - back in NOV. Add my original Scorp daughter to the mix, and I now have four Scorps to contend with... holy moly!

I hope your year or so away from DXP has been saner!

virgo_nation: "If a Virgo guy likes you he's not going to go missing for 3 weeks."

I tend to agree with you, because I'm that way -- but I work with 4 VirGuys, and 3 of them are not as decisive as I am about women. My Virgo Dad was also more push-pull -- drove my Leo Mom nutz! So what'd she do? Married him! (That'll teach him a lesson!)

I've said it before: Virgos make lousy boyfriends / dates, but very good husbands / fathers.

katout, I agree with Confused Cancer: "If you really believe that giving him space will bring you closer...try it...but I would see other people in the meanwhile as well."

Oh, and about this you can't change a Virgo bullsh1t: Yes, we are resistant to change, but we are also a mutable sign - Virgo is considered mutable because of their flexibility in filling for other people, their reliability, and ability to work and think in the spur of moment. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutable_sign]

Here's the Real Deal: If we like/love you, we'll change some for you. But, you have to be in our Circle Of Trust to have the influence, and lots of people give up before they get there. Just started dating? Forget it! Unless I'm really hooked on you, I'm not gonna move much in the beginning (Earth Sign here!). Once I commit, it's a totally different story - I let my ScorpWife talk me into starting a family again, and I'm bucking 50! (Uh, and I had to get my vasectomy reversed, too!)

My VirDad remarried back during the summer after 11+ years as a widower -- his new wife is a Taurus (Aries cusp); and even at 83, he's made some changes for her in some of his sacred routines.

cool, but i thougt that virgos are good communicators...wouldnt he have the balls to say he lost interest? he is 27...but often acts very immature, i am used to dating guys in the late late 20's early 30's. in addition the last time we slept together was awsome and so was our connection, why would he disappear after like nothing happend.

He IS immature - emotionally. That's what fools women about us. We can APPEAR to have our lives together, and under control -- and we do. But in matters of the heart, we're infantile, sometimes.

I've said before, that I would never have pursued my Scorp back in my 20's -- I wasn't nearly ready for a woman like her until my 30's, and it would've been rough then. Sh1t! Even in my 40's she threw me for a loop!

As for my Taurus: We were both 19, and it was sooooooooooooo easy to fall for her - even though we were interracial - so that's why I say your Virgo is immature -- no matter what his chronological age.

SF, sounds like you've been through the Virgo School Of Hard Knocks!

I'm often surprised that ANY women put up with what it takes to catch a VirGuy -- you really have to see the Potential while you're molding the Reality!

But again: Some of us VG's are way more decisive, and won't leave you hanging. There's more to a man than his sun sign, after all. But it's been my experience that general Virgo traits are more common than not...

Gotta take the nerve-racking with the loyal & dependable, I guess...

ok ok ok....so how long do you virgo's usually retreat...are we talking days weeks or months?

and honestly how do you ever know that he is retreating or ditching you....how many of you have waited for them to pull you back and it never happend. i want to beleive that what he said was true and that this is how he deals with realationships, but still wants this to continue later on. But he has also told me that he has never had a relationship last for more then 3 months and that he does not know how to express his emotions. i have been in 2 long term 4 year relationships and have never been with someone who sends mixed signals. are virgos honest and mean what they say or should i consider the fact that he may be sugar coating the truth to let me down easy

katout: "But he has also told me that he has never had a relationship last for more then 3 months and that he does not know how to express his emotions."

He's immature, but at least he's being honest about it!

Given his confession, I would take him at his word, and move on -- I doubt you'll be able to change him enough for either of you to be happy in the long run. It's your decision, but from across the Internet, it doesn't sound promising...

"he has also told me that he has never had a relationship last for more then 3 months and that he does not know how to express his emotions."


That sounds pretty normal ...

"That sounds pretty normal ..."

No, it doesn't.

A 27 year-old man, regardless of Sign, should be capable of maintaining a relationship for longer than 3 months.

katout,

All the Virgo men I know are married. Only 1 is a cheater, the other 5 are faithful husbands. We're not perfect, but we can certainly do better than 3 months!

If I were you, I'd ditch this guy, and look for someone more mature -- shouldn't be too hard to find considering this one!

As for Virgo Male relationship longevity:

1. My Leo Mom & Virgo Dad were married for 40+ years, only her untimely death parted them.
2. I was married to my Libra for 20+ years. I've been married to my Scorp since OCT 2006.
3. The Virgo Man + Cancer Woman couple I know have been married for 35+ years.
4. With the exception of the Young Pup, all the Virgo Men at my office have been married for 10+ years.

Getting a Virgo Man to the altar is the hard part; after the vows, getting rid of one is even harder!

so you are saying the freak out thing is not a typicall virgo trait and i am/ was dating a deuche bag?

"freak out thing is not a typicall virgo trait and i am/ was dating a deuche bag?"



Yes, it's a typical trait and if that makes him a douch bag, then they all must be because every woman experiences the male Virgo pulling away when feelings are involved.

well P Angel i think i will take your advice and give this deuche bag some more time and see what happens, just hope it wont be too big of a waste of my time

one more question, why is it that they dont return calls......has anyone ever figured this out?

Alright, I'll tell you how I got mine ...

He tried to do his Virgo thing and pull away .. for just a very short while, he'd come and go, come and go .. I could tell that the feelings were there because I could see it in his eyes, the way he was always interested in me when he was with me .. and there always seemed to be "something" that he couldn't say, and would pull away.

So, one day, I just went to his house and told him, "You're mine, you're coming with me." Pack up his shit and took him home with me.

That was on July 1, 1982 ... he's still here. 🙂


They are unsure if they are good enough for their partners. They always believe that certainly you could get somebody better than them. And that's what their thinking about when they go missing .. their sitting back thinking, "why me? Look how hot she is. I'll never be good enough to keep her"

Take him .. tell him, "You're the one" .. and just take him.

how long would he stay away for,

This is one of those things that's easier said than done, especially for me, but it's had remarkable results whenever I've managed to put it into practice. This has also been hinted at earlier, but bears repeating.

Go out and live a glorious, full life.

If you want to date someone else, date him. If you want to sleep with someone else, go right ahead. If you want to go to Ohio alone, go, or otherwise don't. If you want to spend 72 hours in bed with ice cream and books, rock on.

What I'm getting at is that you should find as many ways as possible to inject as much joy and life into your world that you can. Stop for a moment and look deep inside your heart to figure out what **you** (as opposed to anyone else) can do to make yourself happy.

I'm saying this not to judge you katout, but because I see a lot of myself in you. I'd be a total hypocrite if I didn't add that I struggle with this every day. I wear my heart on my sleeve, am ridiculously prone to romantic fantasizing, and have a perhaps too healthy sexual appetite. Sue me. I'm learning. It takes a lot of practice to put myself first, but I'm getting better at it (slowly and in very small increments, but hey).

I'd say your virgo is probably no better or no worse than anyone else in the world. He's doing his thing and, if you not liking it makes him a douche, so be it. My personal label of choice is fuckwad, but let's not get into semantics. Just remember that he, like you, is probably doing the best he can to make it through the day. Let him concentrate on himself while you do the same for yourself.

Good luck with everything!

P-Angel: "That was on July 1, 1982 ... he's still here."

Yeah, but if your Virgo husband of 25+ years really is having anal sex with a man, what kind of marriage are you in? Talk about a bizarre new twist on marital bliss!!

v-lady: "Go out and live a glorious, full life." & "Let him concentrate on himself while you do the same for yourself."

Great Virgo logic!

He may grow up one day, but why should you wait for him??

You sure do talk about that as though you have first-hand knowledge .. I was wondering who he was fucking up the ass.

Ah... Angelina! How predictable - and trite!

You're the one who shared that story with us... is fact, or fiction?

I say you go and date a couple of other Virgos at the same time so that every time one chooses to pull away another one will be stepping forward . . . and when this one decides to get back in the mix they'll all play calculative mind games with each other to win you over.

* is fact, or fiction? = is it fact, or fiction?

For those of you who don't know P-Angel, separating fact from fiction is not her forte.

Luckily, this Virgo is here to help her sort it all out...

Unfortunately, I can't be on DXP nearly as often or for as long as our dear Angelina, which is why I posted a copy of her famous confession on my profile...

Night, y'all!

"I say you go and date a couple of other Virgos at the same time so that every time one chooses to pull away another one will be stepping forward . . . and when this one decides to get back in the mix they'll all play calculative mind games with each other to win you over."


Hahaha .. never thought of that one before. Good idea !!!! If a person is looking to hook a Virgo, just get a harem of them.

Yup. If you want to beat a Virgo guy at his own game then you need to enlist in the help of other Virgo guys. This board is a good place to recruit.

sweetie, it's not as deep as you all are making it seem.


bottomline, fcuk him. a real man knows how to keep the woman he wants in his life. if he doesn't, then that's too bad. you can't help that. when it comes to guys, their actions ARE their words. skip the bullshyt.


here, i have a song to encourage you. "words of love" - (i believe) those are the awesome vocals of Mama Cass...

::humbly takes a bow::


😉

""My take is if a man cannot overcome his own demons and go for what he wants without ambiguity, he either does not want her enough, is lack of self confident, does not know what he wants, is unsure about self or indecisive/easily influenced by outside forces. Any one of these shortcomings can bring you heartache today or years down the road.""


you and i are on the same page, sagi. i swear, i wrote almost the EXACT same thing on this very board months ago. i am tired of repeating it. i had to learn the hard way. some of us never learn. i guess it's one of those things that's easier said than done, especially when your emotions are torn. you have to train yourself to allow your head to balance out your heart.

Women would say they want a man who would adapt, bend and mold himself to her if he loves her .. then once he's done this, she would say, he was too easy .. I want a challenge.

Leave and go find a man who is hard to get, one that has to be chased, conquered .. but, that is too much effort.

>Oh, and about this you can't change a Virgo bullsh1t: Yes, we are resistant to change, but we are also a mutable sign. Here's the Real Deal: If we like/love you, we'll change some for you. But, you have to be in our Circle Of Trust to have the influence,

Exactly. We'll change a little. For me, change has been in the way of becoming less selfish as a kid, and thinking more of other folks feelings. Putting myself in other peoples minds and making sure I don't take advantage of them, use or mooch off of them. But it took being put on the spot, and being embarrassed a few times to get me to change the way I thought.

Other changes.... I do know I've compromised many times in order to get thru a disagreement. Don't know if I'm wording that correctly... I mean I'm not able to do exactly what she wants, and she won't allow me to do what I want, so we reach some middle ground that is workable, tho not perfect for either of us.

But that's life... doesn't everyone do the same?

About how much time might he be away...

I didn't catch how old he was... but I'll tell you from my perspective.

I don't know if my sexual drive is in my genes, or sign. But at my ripe old age of 47, I desire sex at least three times a week. When I was in my twenty's, it was more like three times a day. So if he's in his twentys or thirtys, and hasn't needed sex in three weeks.... he must have another lover.

DAMMIT VIRGOS .. STOP EQUATING LOVE BY MEASURING SEX ..