Virgo withdraws when feeling ashamed/imperfect

Hi everyone,

what is the best way to deal with a virgo who feels depressed, ashamed and therefore withdraws?
My husband and I have currently a LDR due to a visa process and all the delays with docs happen on his side.
I can usually cheer him up well; I know it is only a matter of time. But he cannot handle the whole situation easily and after a call 6 weeks ago he withdrew; he even did not send any wishes to my birthday. Well, thats fine.. there are many more to come.
Can anyone tell me how to support him best now? He told his brother that he will send me a message and when I reply we will talk (once he is ready for it of course). But is there anything I can do now to show that I care?
I send little e-mails from time to time, just funny ones without any pressure.

Posted by Carrie18
Hi everyone,

what is the best way to deal with a virgo who feels depressed, ashamed and therefore withdraws?
My husband and I have currently a LDR due to a visa process and all the delays with docs happen on his side.
I can usually cheer him up well; I know it is only a matter of time. But he cannot handle the whole situation easily and after a call 6 weeks ago he withdrew; he even did not send any wishes to my birthday. Well, thats fine.. there are many more to come.
Can anyone tell me how to support him best now? He told his brother that he will send me a message and when I reply we will talk (once he is ready for it of course). But is there anything I can do now to show that I care?
I send little e-mails from time to time, just funny ones without any pressure.

husband not talking to wife for 6 weeks—? and not wishing his wife a happy birthday!!! WIFE's birthday. For me its a bit selfish... well i hope everything works out.

Your his wife not a girlfriend not a fling not even an ONS so you should tell him you need to talk to me because " IM your WIFE" and cmon its 6 weeks how can you even sleep without talking to the one youre spending the rest of your life with? 1 week is enough not talking to a spouse. ..but more than a month?? this is just me.

don't give him jokes in emails . . its useless.. try emailing him how you really feel...stop walking on eggshells besides all the virgos her in dxpnet always say they want straight emotions no drama and shit so give it to him straight. . don't treat him like a baby he's a grown man.

you are entitled to share his burden or whatever. . . actually its your duty. you're a wife.

Thanks libra. Yeah, I also have no clue how someone can do it for so long; I just know that virgos tend to withdraw when they deal with something. He did before for a few days. Beginning of our last call he told me how much he feels ashamed and sad because all document issues are on his side. During that call I told him how I feel and was quite straight forward. So well, I think he withdraws until he has all papers. Just thought some virgos can tell me how they behave when they feel very bad and deal with probs.

Posted by Carrie18
Thanks libra. Yeah, I also have no clue how someone can do it for so long; I just know that virgos tend to withdraw when they deal with something. He did before for a few days. Beginning of our last call he told me how much he feels ashamed and sad because all document issues are on his side. During that call I told him how I feel and was quite straight forward. So well, I think he withdraws until he has all papers. Just thought some virgos can tell me how they behave when they feel very bad and deal with probs.

I'm sorry you are in that situation right now...My Virgo and I are separated because of personal reasons but all that will end next week. But I will tell you this when I know he is stressing about stuff I ask him and he will not tell me, he says he will not add more to my plate and he just tries to change the conversation so I wont get down also, I tell him that his problems are my problems also but his motto is his problems are his and my problems are his also...Really? hmm

Anyway's he is stubborn and wont let me worry about his stuff and he is very selfless...I'm not saying Virgos don't withdraw but he is going a little over board and selfish. But you need to talk to him and tell him that you married for better and for worse and that he needs to get out of that funk and together you guys will find a way to get him back home..And that alone should make you guys stronger.

He needs to understand that a marriage is a partnership and he is forgetting about his part as the husband. Maybe if you try and not seem to strong for him and tell him that you need him, Virgos need to know that his women need them, tell him how hard it is for you and that you don't know what you will do without him. And that you need him to be the strong man that he has always been. I hope things get better for you. Good luck🙂

Posted by YourSunshine
The best thing to help them is to let them vent to you and talk them through it.

this. be an ear. sympathize, discuss (intellectually). whenever virgo is upset, he falls quiet, moody. I let him be this way usually until he comes around, (or else he'll snap like a king cobra!) and when he does I am simply there for him. being overly emotional about it is a no-no. he's already got a momma, that just adds more stress for virgo. they need to be the emotional ones at this particular moment, so don't steal their thunder when their thunder strikes. you have should learn to distinguish though, because sometimes (meaning a lot of times) virgos tend to stress themselves out over, honestly, really silly things! so I think it's good for them every now and then to get that whip in the butt, whatsa-matter-wichya! attitude to let them know that it's OK! and be less negative about things.

be friendly, supportive and have an eagerness to LISTEN.

I think he needs to be more open with you, which might take a long time, considering you are not face to face. let us know how it goes on...

how long have you been married?

Thank you all for your input. We are married only since last September, 8 months.
I know he is also not very open about problems towards his family, means mother and brother or his friends.
He is a great listener though and tries to help others but hardly talks about his own stuff.
He told me already more than others, about few hard times he had in the past.
I meanwhile found out that there is a document missing of which he told me he already has it. Now it is difficult for him to get it (from another country) and he feels too embarrased to tell me as he is afraid that I might be angry.

As far as I know virgos try not to show their imperfect side... so maybe that`s why he is withdrawing.
Just wondering if I can do anything by mail to make him feel better.. or simply wait.
It is really hard to be patient to be honest.

Posted by Carrie18

My husband and I have currently a LDR due to a visa process .....

But is there anything I can do now to show that I care? I send little e-mails from time to time, just funny ones without any pressure.

Let me get this straight ... you married a man to whom you don't know how to show care? You ask US how to show your own husband that you care about him?

It's not a far reach to say you married a person you didn't know.

So, it all boils down to .. you married him so he can get out of his country and into yours. That's illegal, if you had any brains about you, you'd stfu about it.

Hello!!! I do know this person! And no.. I did not marry him so that he can get into my country.
I am not here to discuss this visa issue... I know him for three years now and have lived there before.
Anyways.. showing care is not easy when there are miles apart and the other person withdraws cz he cannot handle this long process.
I do not mind true words.. but just assuming stuff and then giving your 2 cents.. just leave it!

You are here asking how to make your own husband know that you care about him ... which means you married a man you don't know.

Whether he was an aquaintance of yours for 1 year, 3 years or 30 thirty years is irrelevant .... you don't know him well enough to know how to let him know you care about him .. hence: the existence of this thread.


It's obvious that married him so he could get out of his country and into yours. If you don't want to discuss it, then don't .. but, I am.


If you have brains about you at all, you'd stfu about it because it's illegal

Well, he lived in Canada before and returned back although he could have stayed there also.
He had/has a very good job in both countries. Just that I want to live in mine and its ok for him.
It is not illegal that he comes here. We are married and now just move into one country.

And we were a couple already for 1,5 years before. Virgos are quite specific... no matter where they live.
He knows that I care and I showed him in many ways. I simply want to know from some virgos how they deal with probs.
Thanks.