We sit on them until you show us you can accept us for who we are. Show us you care and we'll show you we care....and you'll know it.
Virgos.. Do You Give Mixed Signals? Insight Please
You can change nothing. You just have to decide whether you're in it for the long haul or not. Listen with your heart...
"He then tells me he loves me but not in love w/ me! SHOCKED"
That says it all. he's saying is that he doesn't want to get serious with you but he that doesn't mean he doesn't want to keep having his cake and eating it too, mainly you specified terms to be his FWB and he'd like to continue on with that, you sort of contributed to your pain and confusion by lowering the status of your relationship from real relationship to FWB, you let him off the hook by redefining the terms of your relationship and absolving him from feeling accountable for the break up b/c you broke up with him so he's OFF THE HOOK and he's getting YOU without the terms of a commitment, he gets the BETTER END of the deal.
This is what I call an imaginary relationship, when a man is in and out, using his problems as a reason to absolve himself from the terms of the relationship agreement then he was never truly IN IT with you and allowed you to imagine that he was until he couldn't even do that anymore. He's instinctively treating you in a way that keeps you hoping all the while he still gets those benefits with no strings attached. He's not doing this to hurt you on purpose, he's figuring if he tell you he love you but not in love with you that you'll fall in love with his terms thus absolving him from feeling guilty because he know no matter what issues he has you deserve more and if you CHOOSE to take less well it's your decision and your okay with the new terms and okay with him not being in love with you.
If you're still there after his —he loves me but not in love w/ me?? speech, then you??re agreeing with him that the —relationship?? is now on his terms. And then later on, if you continue to expect that the relationship is moving forward, he feels almost offended because you are renegotiating the terms and most likely he'll get even more ambivalent or even disappear for awhile.
That says it all. he's saying is that he doesn't want to get serious with you but he that doesn't mean he doesn't want to keep having his cake and eating it too, mainly you specified terms to be his FWB and he'd like to continue on with that, you sort of contributed to your pain and confusion by lowering the status of your relationship from real relationship to FWB, you let him off the hook by redefining the terms of your relationship and absolving him from feeling accountable for the break up b/c you broke up with him so he's OFF THE HOOK and he's getting YOU without the terms of a commitment, he gets the BETTER END of the deal.
This is what I call an imaginary relationship, when a man is in and out, using his problems as a reason to absolve himself from the terms of the relationship agreement then he was never truly IN IT with you and allowed you to imagine that he was until he couldn't even do that anymore. He's instinctively treating you in a way that keeps you hoping all the while he still gets those benefits with no strings attached. He's not doing this to hurt you on purpose, he's figuring if he tell you he love you but not in love with you that you'll fall in love with his terms thus absolving him from feeling guilty because he know no matter what issues he has you deserve more and if you CHOOSE to take less well it's your decision and your okay with the new terms and okay with him not being in love with you.
If you're still there after his —he loves me but not in love w/ me?? speech, then you??re agreeing with him that the —relationship?? is now on his terms. And then later on, if you continue to expect that the relationship is moving forward, he feels almost offended because you are renegotiating the terms and most likely he'll get even more ambivalent or even disappear for awhile.
You know what you have to do even if you don't want to do it. Take good care of yourself, PUT YOU FIRST, don't step off of your pedestal and give him an easy out by using his issues as an excuse, we all have issues, health issues, financial issues, family issues but never step off of your pedestal and accept LESS b/c of another persons issues, always set the bar for good treatment, that's how you take care of yourself around a man, you don't make yourself 2nd or he'll treat you like your nothing to him.
He can easily love you and be in love with you but you'll have to RAISE your standards!
He can easily love you and be in love with you but you'll have to RAISE your standards!
sorry for all the typo's...on my BB
meant to say
That says it all. he's saying he doesn't want to get serious with you but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to keep having his cake and eating it too as in he wants to continue to have access to you sexually,
he's figuring if he tell you he love you but not in love with you that you'll FALL IN LINE with his terms thus absolving him from feeling guilty because he know no matter what issues he has you deserve more and if you CHOOSE to take less well it's your decision and your okay with the new terms and okay with him not being in love with you.
meant to say
That says it all. he's saying he doesn't want to get serious with you but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to keep having his cake and eating it too as in he wants to continue to have access to you sexually,
he's figuring if he tell you he love you but not in love with you that you'll FALL IN LINE with his terms thus absolving him from feeling guilty because he know no matter what issues he has you deserve more and if you CHOOSE to take less well it's your decision and your okay with the new terms and okay with him not being in love with you.
Tiki.... I hear tell your one of the top advice dxp givers.
why do that—?
Sorry... I'm new to this community and forum. Still trying to learn it.
Sorry... I'm new to this community and forum. Still trying to learn it.
In my experience: no. then yes.
why do that—?
He does it cause he can. Get on with your life, go to school, hell go out on dates with other men, go live your life and have fun while your doing it, try not to focus on men that aren't stepping up because when you do that you just end up pulling yourself down inside and you end up kicking yourself off your own pedestal and settling for less so to prevent that just stop worrying about it and don't accept his excuses why he can't be the man you deserve to have, let him figure it all out and if he truly want you in his life he'll do something about it. Try not to focus on what's not working, stay positive and allow him to DEMONSTRATE to you beyond words that he's serious about you, don't try to fix it, don't even try to understand a man's process or you'll go crazy, just go live your great life, it's close to the holidays, forget about it and go have fun! Focus on the positive in your life, go spend quality time with the people who love you and want you around and show you they love you and want you around.
He does it cause he can. Get on with your life, go to school, hell go out on dates with other men, go live your life and have fun while your doing it, try not to focus on men that aren't stepping up because when you do that you just end up pulling yourself down inside and you end up kicking yourself off your own pedestal and settling for less so to prevent that just stop worrying about it and don't accept his excuses why he can't be the man you deserve to have, let him figure it all out and if he truly want you in his life he'll do something about it. Try not to focus on what's not working, stay positive and allow him to DEMONSTRATE to you beyond words that he's serious about you, don't try to fix it, don't even try to understand a man's process or you'll go crazy, just go live your great life, it's close to the holidays, forget about it and go have fun! Focus on the positive in your life, go spend quality time with the people who love you and want you around and show you they love you and want you around.
Rock on, moonman. Even as a woman, that often over-analyzes things, one thing I have learned about men is that they are typically far less complicated than we make them out to be. Except the men I get with of course...
Posted by tiki33
try not to focus on men that aren't stepping up because when you do that you just end up pulling yourself down inside and you end up kicking yourself off your own pedestal and settling for less. Try not to focus on what's not working, stay positive and allow him to DEMONSTRATE to you beyond words that he's serious about you.
Your Right Tiki33. I have been there for him & I feel that he is having his cake & eating it too. We act just the way we did back in our relationship except that we don't have sex b/c I refuse to. However, he has my emotional support and always consults with me on every major decision in his life. It's time he learns how its like not having me to always be there for him. Even if he's always there for me, it doesn't matter. As much as I love him & I love him w/ all my heart, I shouldn't allow this to continue. If he's serious, he will demonstrate it to me just like you said.
Thats a perfect plan ay.
I was dealing with a virgo man who was notoriously sending mixed messages. So I moved on, and when he approached me about it telling me boldy "you cut me off when everything was going great!" I informed him that I could never have known his intentions because he was sending mixed messages and I needed some constancy, which I was trying to find. And continued on about my business. I ran into him randomly and we talked, I think we both realized we missed on another. We talked and I let him know how much I did sincerely like him and spending time with him, but that once again I needed something consistent. Problem solved. It seems wildly simple, but for some reason its worked. He's been very direct, friendly, supportive, and comfortable. If he wants to give you what you want he'll find a way to make it happen.
I was dealing with a virgo man who was notoriously sending mixed messages. So I moved on, and when he approached me about it telling me boldy "you cut me off when everything was going great!" I informed him that I could never have known his intentions because he was sending mixed messages and I needed some constancy, which I was trying to find. And continued on about my business. I ran into him randomly and we talked, I think we both realized we missed on another. We talked and I let him know how much I did sincerely like him and spending time with him, but that once again I needed something consistent. Problem solved. It seems wildly simple, but for some reason its worked. He's been very direct, friendly, supportive, and comfortable. If he wants to give you what you want he'll find a way to make it happen.
Posted by SweetestFatale
Thats a perfect plan ay.
I was dealing with a virgo man who was notoriously sending mixed messages. So I moved on, and when he approached me about it telling me boldy "you cut me off when everything was going great!" I informed him that I could never have known his intentions because he was sending mixed messages and I needed some constancy, which I was trying to find. And continued on about my business. I ran into him randomly and we talked, I think we both realized we missed on another. We talked and I let him know how much I did sincerely like him and spending time with him, but that once again I needed something consistent. Problem solved. It seems wildly simple, but for some reason its worked. He's been very direct, friendly, supportive, and comfortable. If he wants to give you what you want he'll find a way to make it happen.
Agree! Did the same thing to mine and he hasnt left my side since.
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:) Wouldnt want it any other way!
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